


Old Money

by twentyonetwentyone



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, BabyProstitute!Isak, Class Divisions, Dark Humor, Drug Use, Existential Angst, Fluff, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Mental Illness, Opulence, Past Child Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Pretty Woman AU, Romance, Sexy Times, Smut, So what?, Social Commentary, SugarDaddy!Even, Trigger Warnings, dark themes, obviously, so are you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:13:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 100,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentyonetwentyone/pseuds/twentyonetwentyone
Summary: After a series of hardships and childhood trauma, Isak Valtersen is forced into the gruelling world of street prostitution, a nightmare in which he feels completely alone.Even Bech Næsheim is the bored adolescent heir to a billion dollar empire, living in a penthouse and listlessly spending his parents money in attempts to ease the existential despair.When Even pulls up to Isak's corner in the early hours of a dreary Thursday morning, neither of them can expect how similar their respective desires are, despite their vastly different social rankings.*Or the Pretty Woman au that no one asked for.





	1. Street Spirit

Isak stood languidly against the lamppost outside of the casino. His eyes were heavy with sleeplessness and his fingertips ice-cold, the thin hoodie he was wearing insufficient in protecting him from the resounding chill of the early morning. It was about 2am now and the boy had been standing in his usual place for the larger part of two hours, watching numbly as the fluorescent lights from the inside of the club cast hazy spasms of red and blue on the glistening wet road. The teenager shivered in on himself, his tired gaze following the gamblers and the drunkards as they scuttled past him. He observed each person wearily, almost bored. Some were young and intoxicated, laughing and howling and tripping over each other, their faces red with the flush of alcohol. Others frightened Isak, their salacious leers and aggressive hollers enough to make the boy tighten his grip on the small utility knife that he kept in the pocket of his jeans. 

Despite the seemingly euphoric buzz of the city, there was always an eroding sense of futility that fell over the streets at such an ungodly hour; the pumping music and the neon-lit atmosphere harboring an underlying presence of terror. There was a horrifying nothingness to it all; an emptiness that chilled Isak to the bone. 

The boy wasn't even consoled by the nearby presence of his 'protection,' Christoffer. The handsome, slightly older male stood only a few meters away, lazily sharing a joint with some of the younger female prostitutes; basking in the drug-addled attentions of the small herd of teenage girls. 

_Typical._

Chris turned to shoot him what was probably meant to be a reassuring wink. Isak just rolled his eyes, swallowing down the trepidation and anxiety that swelled within his rib cage; the asphyxiating sensations that threatened to escape through his throat. 

He was only seventeen, after all, and his youth and inexperience made him undeniably fretful. This observable timidity often worked in his favor, however, the air of innocence and fragility all being a part of his allure. His soft blonde curls and wide, vaguely despondent green eyes worked to entice a plethora of men; all sleazy and older and looking for something pure to corrupt and ravage. 

Isak sighed and shuffled restlessly in his place, imagining that he was anywhere else. He pictured himself at home, not his real home of course, but what the teenager had always imagined a home - a proper one - would look like. He thought of himself curled up in a warm bed, void of his relentless anxieties and the worry of his mother, tucked safely under blankets and sound asleep like any normal seventeen year old should be in the early hours of a Friday morning. He imagined a wide-brimmed window laced with soft yellow curtains, parted to allow the quiet morning sun to sift into his bedroom. He imagined waking up to the benign tinkering of an alarm, his muscles well-rested, his eyes no longer bloodshot and raw and his throat no longer scratched and dry; the inescapable notion of filth no longer embedded in every inch of his skin. 

He let himself get lost in the fantasy for a short while, his frosted limbs relatively eased by the phantom heat produced by the delusion. He leaned back further against the lamppost, wanting nothing but to disappear. But just as Isak felt his eyelids begin to drop, just as he felt himself slip away from the harshness of his current situation, a shrill gust of wind whipped against his cheeks. The boy was pulled from his waking dream, effectively slapped back into to his cold, undesirable reality. 

As the fantasy evaded him, Isak got the inexplicable sense that he might never experience warmth again. 

He tried not to think about this as he spotted Eva, only twenty or so feet away, stumbling drunkenly out of a light blue car. 

She was dressed vastly more extravagantly than Isak, her curvaceous dancer's body sheathed in a tight, strapless red tube dress. She wore slightly torn fishnets and her vein-popped eyes were ringed with heavy, smudgy black shadow that smeared down the tops of her glitter-dusted cheekbones. On her feet were a pair of ridiculously tall patent leather stilettos that caused her to trip haphazardly, hindering her every step. She turned to blow a sloppy kiss to her departing client, almost tumbling to her knees. 

'Isak!' Eva exclaimed in a joyous slur as she began to stumble over to the boy. 

He left his station and rushed to his friend's side, taking a steady hold of her waist before she fell onto the road. Expelling a huff, he guided her back to the relative safety of the sidewalk. 

Eva smelt strongly of bubblegum, cigarettes and vodka. Isak sighed.

'You're drunk,' he muttered, overcome with irritation. 

Eva smothered him in a hug and planted a big, wet kiss on his chin, chuckling. He jerked back and scrunched his nose. 

'You're so fucking drunk,' he said again, his voice lit with slight disgust. 

Isak loved Eva immensely, but she was always far too affectionate when under the influence and he was far too homosexual to accommodate it. He couldn't help but smile, however, when she squeezed one of his cheeks and made a soft cooing noise. Although it was somewhat annoying, Isak found himself relaxing under her attention, his earlier trepidation subsiding significantly. 

Eva had always had that affect on him. She was the closest thing to a sister that he had ever known. The girl was the one who had helped him in the first place, the one who had shown him the ins and outs of their chosen "profession." 

'I'll have you know, Issy, that I am _not_ drunk,' She mumbled abstractedly, taking Isak's face in both of her sweaty hands, 'I'm drunk on life, maybe, b-but I'm not drunk-' 

Isak rolled his eyes once more and looked over to Christoffer, whose attention had been noticeably sparked since Eva's arrival. The brown-haired young man was responsible for both Isak _and_ Eva and was currently overwrought with a vaguely distressed expression. Even though he would never admit it, it was obvious that Chris cared about Eva more profoundly than just as her 'guardian.' The two hooked-up regularly, resting on the assertion that emotions would never get involved. 

Emotions, however, as with almost everything, _did_ get involved. 

They tried to trick Isak, mistakenly thinking of him as stupid and naive - blissfully unaware that _nothing_ passed him. 

He could see it in Chris's hazel green eyes; he could see how he yearned to save Eva, how he wanted to take her away from it all and keep her for himself. Of course, with his illegal line of work, fuckboy status and addiction to a cocktail of serious narcotics, Chris wasn't saving anyone anytime soon. 

Still, Isak often found himself wishing that someone would look at _him_ that way. He wished that someone, just once, would want to rescue _him._

Isak wished a lot of things, of course, all desires equally unreachable and fruitless. 

'Eva, you can't get drunk on the job,' Isak chastised the girl while she nuzzled contentedly into his chest, shuddering into him. Sighing, he wrapped his arms around her pale, bare shoulders, the skin prickled with goosebumps in the unforgiving cold, 'You can get taken advantage of - or short-changed,' He went on, letting out an exasperated exhalation as he tried to draw away to give her his hoodie. 

'I didn't get short changed, dumb dumb,' She drawled, unrelenting in her smothering bear hug, holding tight and shifting back just enough to poke the boy sharply in the jaw, 'I got paid 500 kroner just to kick this guy in the balls while he jacked off and called me mommy,' She broke out into a breathless cackle, 'Sick fucker.' 

'How do you even find these people?' Isak exclaimed in a half-whine, 'I have been standing here for two fucking hours.' 

Cold panic started to intersperse within him. The night was wearing on and he needed at least one shift's worth of money by daylight or he was going to be _fucked._

He gulped. _He was already behind on so many bills._

'Don't worry your pretty little face about anything,' Eva murmured softly, noticing Isak's distress and playfully kneading at one of his cheeks, making him grimace, 'Someone will pull over for you. You always get the men,' She grinned at him, stars in her sleep-deprived eyes, 'You're the beautiful-est.' 

She kissed his chin once more, producing an obnoxious smacking sound when she pulled away. 

'Thanks,' Isak muttered flatly, wiping off the residue of Eva's saliva. 

She moved to pet his hair, seeming to be trying to neaten it. 

'Eva. Stop bothering Goldilocks,' Came a soft but masculine voice from behind them. Isak and Eva turned at once to see the familiar and striking visage of Christoffer, his complexion faultless and sun-kissed, healthy in appearance despite his precarious lifestyle, 'You're going to scare off his potential clients.' 

He flashed Eva a teasing smirk. 

'Alright, alright,' Eva hummed softly, standing on the tips of her toes to plant a final sloppy kiss to Isak's forehead before pulling away, 'I'll annoy you instead,' She warbled, before flinging herself at Chris and swinging him into a passionate side-hug. 

Isak didn't miss the slight flush of Christoffer's face. The entire spectacle made him cringe. 

'You know, if you actually did your job I wouldn't have to be waiting on the side of the road,' Isak spat accusingly at the older male. 

'I told you already, I'm not _really_ a pimp,' Chris murmured back in a disorientated drawl, lighting a cigarette and furrowing his perfectly arched brows, 'I don't organize clients. I'm just here to keep your sweet ass safe,' He ran an unsteady hand through his own hair, 'You're a baby, Iss, you'd be fucked without me.' 

Eva hummed in agreement, rocking drearily against the brunette. 

It was true. Isak _would_ be fucked without Chris. He couldn't even count the amount of times the older male had beaten and terrorized clients that tried rip him off or take advantage. Chris was simply always there, always waiting on call to swoop in and defend the adolescent whenever he so much as felt threatened. Even if that protection meant handing over a cut of his earnings, Isak knew it was worth it. 

He sighed. 

'Yeah, I know,' He murmured in defeat, looking at his shoes. 

'Chin up, sweetheart, the night isn't over just yet,' Chris directed in consolation, reaching an arm out to muss the boy's curls. 

Isak shed a small smile. 

Despite it all, he really liked Chris. The brunette was plentiful in both charm and good humor and it was obvious that if it wasn't for his fucked up life circumstances, he would've been an entirely decent person. Sure, he was a little exploitative and brazen, but to the heart of him he was a friendly, smiling presence in a world of coldness. 

The adolescent kicked a foot out against the concrete of the sidewalk in frustration, shuffling in his place. He tried to straighten out his spine and dropped his hip a little in an attempt to look sexy, blaming his limp, exhausted posture for his complete lack of buyers. 

Despite his best efforts, however, Isak soon returned to his pitiful slouch. He focused on the white plumes of smoke that drifted in swirls from Chris' cigarette, melting to nothing in the glacial air. It wasn't long before Eva and Chris had started making out. Isak grit his teeth when Eva let out a breathy moan, the brunette responding by rough hold of her ass. 

Isak resisted the urge to gag. 

'Get a fucking room,' He mumbled under his breath, but neither of them seemed to hear him or care, going on with their increasingly obscene touches despite his close presence. 

The boy, more than anything, felt painfully alone. He turned his attention back to the passing cars, rushing by and never stopping, their hoods catching ribbons of light as they drove away, disappearing into oblivion. 

Another half hour passed and the teenager was moments from falling asleep on his feet like a horse, when he heard Eva make a loud exclamation. He let his eyes flutter open, lashes wet with sleep, tuning back into the world around him. He squinted for a moment in brief confusion before he noticed a sleek, glossy Rolls Royce beginning to pull over into his curb. The car was black and imposing and probably worth more than his entire apartment block, the headlights flashing softly as it came to a smooth stop. 

Chris whistled, long and low, turning to grin at Isak. 

'Damn son,' Eva muttered, her eyes shining with intrigue. 

Her expression suggested that she was considering approaching the vehicle herself. Christoffer noticed this and frowned, stepping back and dragging her with him. 

'Let the Isak try first,' He chided her sharply, 'It's probably for him anyway. Nobody with a car like that is going to want you.' 

The comment was a joke of course, but it still made Eva slap him. Chris squawked out in mock pain, rubbing his reddened cheek dramatically. 

Eva backed away, though, giving Isak an encouraging nod. 

'Now's your chance, Iss,' She said. 

Isak perked up at this, rubbing his eyes and smoothing his hair back in a self-conscious effort as he prepared for strike. He turned to Chris with one last wearisome expression, a thing he always did despite his relative familiarity with the work. 

All things aside, Isak was still merely a boy, and approaching random cars with the proposition of sex in exchange for money never stopped being daunting, no matter how many times he did it. 

Chris threw him a sympathetic glance, stepping forward once again to give Isak a reassuring pat on the shoulder. 

'Remember; you say when, you say where, and you say how much,' Isak nodded, relaxing slightly under the advice he had heard countless times, 'If anything happens, call me, if that's not an option, you have the knife,' He gave the boy a friendly shove, 'You got this, Iss. Take care of you.' 

And with that, Eva and Chris scrambled off to the far end of the block and the boy was alone. 

Isak took a deep breath, stifling a panic attack. He took small steps towards the car, his feet moving at their own accord. When the window of the vehicle rolled down, he felt his stomach clench. 

_Play it cool,_ he told himself, barely looking at the driver. Isak rested his elbows over the rim of the window, pretending he was an entirely different person as he forced out his usual winning line. 

'Hey sexy,' He offered halfheartedly, hating himself more than he could ever put into words, 'Want to have some fun?' 

There was a short stretch of silence before Isak heard a response he had never once received, not in all his nights of working. 

An onslaught of deep and musical laughter. 

_Laughter._

Vaguely bewildered, the boy shifted his gaze to the driver of the car, looking the culprit up and down. He felt a distinct sting of humiliation wash over him when he was met with the unexpected sight of the hysterical stranger. 

Isak scowled and his cheeks burned red. 

_Fuck._

This individual was nothing like his regular clientele, who were all respectively overweight or balding or both. For starters, he was remarkably thin, perhaps lanky, even, although it was hard to tell in the gloom. He was indisputably youthful, probably only a few years older than Isak. His striking features were partially concealed by a pair of black sunglasses, _fucking sunglasses_ , at almost three in the _goddamn morning._

His full lips were pulled into a jovial smile and his pale skin was flushed at the cheeks; the softness of it contrasting with the sculpted dimensions of his face. His dark blonde hair was ridiculously immaculate, appearing feather soft and swept up into a delicate quiff.

He was one of the most attractive people Isak had ever laid eyes on, let alone serviced. 

The boy immediately hated him. 

'Ah... Excuse me?' Isak snapped, grimacing in vast irritation. 

The young man just kept on laughing and Isak was indisputably overcome with the urge to hit him. 

'I'm sorry-' He let out in between stifled chuckles, leaning into the steering wheel in his fit of amusement, 'I just didn't realize you guys actually said stuff like that. I thought that was only in films.' 

For the longest moment, all Isak could do was stare, blinking in befuddlement. His initial embarrassment morphed quickly to anger as he silently took in the stranger's careless, mocking grin. 

_How dare he._

'I'm sorry-' Isak began, his voice harsh and full of acid, 'But are you fucking with me?' 

The stranger turned to him at once, something in Isak's face causing him to flinch. His pompous, self-entitled air immediately shifted, softening at the edges. A look of sincerity fell over his features.

'What?' He said suddenly with a frown, voice smooth and deep. 'No, no-' He moved forward to place a large, pale hand on Isak's wrist, causing the boy to stiffen, 'I'm interested.' 

An inexplicable heat rushed through Isak's system at the words and physical contact, his chest becoming tight. He choked down the infernal sensation and drew away, straightening out and standing tall. 

'Good,' He said with a sharp, resolute nod, keeping his register clear and refusing to look at the other as he laid down the rules, 'I charge 800 kroner a session, which can extend up to one hour. If you want more time, it's going to cost you another 800. I don't do penetration, video or any hardcore BDSM stuff,' He paused for a moment before remembering the rest of his nightly speech, 'I am open to soft-core fetish play but that needs to be negotiated,' The boy looked downwardly for a moment, cringing heavily before adding; 'If all of that is fine with you, I'm all yours, baby.' 

The smile he earned from the client was startlingly gorgeous, wide and bright. The younger boy became immediately disarmed, feeling the faintest flutter within his stomach at the sight of it. 

'Perfect,' The stranger said in a gentle, hazy register and Isak, despite his already established disdain for the over-privileged male, found himself wanting to follow his velvet soft voice into the far corners of the night, 'You're perfect.' 

The boy blushed, instantly warmed, his face burning with crimson in spite of the icy air. 

Isak stood there for a quarter of a minute, stupefied and weary, before he moved to open the door of the car, his hand grasping at the cold handle and pulling. He frowned in puzzlement when he realized it was still locked. 

He looked to the older male who just smirked, tilting his head. 

'Just one more thing...' He said. 

'What?' Isak replied impatiently, holding back a groan of annoyance. 

'What's your name?' 

Isak blinked again, his forehead creasing in astonishment. 

_No one has ever asked me that before._

'Adrian,' He lied smoothly, not even considering telling the other the truth, 'Adrian Eskett.' 

The stranger nodded and Isak heard the car unlock. 

'Well, Adrian, I'm Even,' He murmured breezily, offering the boy another inviting smile, 'It would be a pleasure to do business with you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Street Spirit - Radiohead


	2. 400 Lux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Since I didn't note this in the first chapter I think it would be best for me to explain that although this is indeed a Pretty Woman AU, it will only very loosely capture the conventions of the original 1990 film. For one, Even is obviously not a grey-haired corporate business man and Isak is obviously not Julia Roberts. Regardless, I fully intend to make this story my own, fusing elements from both the movie and sesong 3 of SKAM, as well as a a few personal additions. Things are going to get pretty wild, guys, so continue forth at your own discretion.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the update, leave me a comment or a kudo if you like it because I crave social validation. ❤️

Isak sunk into the soft leather of the passenger seat, fiddling nervously with the frayed drawstring of his hoodie as he took in his surroundings. 

The interior of the vehicle had been upholstered in a striking burnt-orange leather, with glossy wood paneling and gleaming silver hardware. It was almost suffocatingly warm inside the car, and Isak got whiplash from the sudden shift in temperature, his hands still frosted with the cold of night. 

A resounding silence hung between them, the younger boy barely looking at the other as he dragged his wrist over the steering wheel - the perfect picture of contentment and ease. Isak sat rigid and fidgeting, trying to grapple with the way his heartbeat speed up ever so slightly whenever he caught Even turning to sneak glances at him. 

Isak had never been attracted to a client before and the feeling was profoundly disturbing. He usually worked like a machine, cold-blooded and switched off, knowing exactly what to say and exactly how to moan, letting the other person live out their fantasies while he moved like a robot. It was almost as if he stepped outside of his physical body, his mind drifting to a faraway place. 

The pang in his chest that Even elicited made it all feel too personal, terrifying, even. 

Isak kept his eyes down as he listened to the soft roll of tires on the rain-slicked road, the other tinkering with the sound system of the car and driving with one hand. He began to flick through songs at a fast and indecisive rate, before settling on some dumb pop song that made Isak cringe. 

_Gabrielle._

Even must have noticed his apparent abhorrence because he turned to Isak at once, flashing him another million dollar smile. 

'What?' Even murmured softly, 'You don't like the song?' 

Isak gave a small shrug. 

'Uh... It's fine,' He muttered flatly, playing with his own fingers in his lap, 'I'm fine with whatever you want to listen to.' 

Even just sighed, frowning. 

'That's just not good enough,' He stated simply, looking out at the road with a huff, 'Don't you like listening to music?' 

'I mean... I don't know,' Isak muttered in reply, not quite sure what to say. 

The teenager could've been wrong, but it almost looked as if Even was offended. He shut off the music, switching to a different track. 

Isak kept a straight face as yet another Gabrielle song started to play, internally hoping that the car ride would be short and he wouldn't have to endure it all for much longer. 

Something within him told Isak that it wasn't just the music that made him uncomfortable, but he ignored that idea in favor of looking out the window. He watched absently as the world moved past him in a gloomy blur of smeared light and street signs. 

'Is this better?' Even asked suddenly, referring to the tizzy, almost unbearable dance track that filled the car. 

'It's still Gabrielle,' Isak muttered under his breath, forgetting himself for a moment as he let out a scoff. 

Even laughed again, light and quizzical. 

'What do you mean; it's still Gabrielle?' He asked in a high, defensive tone. 

'Nothing,' Isak answered quickly, 'It's just like... it's pop music.' 

Even made a noise of exasperation. 

'And what's wrong with pop music?' He demanded, voice tinged with mirth. 

'Uh... N-nothing,' Isak muttered again. 

Isak didn’t want to get into an argument with Even, by any means. It was his job to suck-up, to flatter a client’s ego, to liaise. 

'Well,' Even started after a drawn out second, 'Since you seem to have some kind of elitist stance over pop music as a genre, what sort of thing _do_ you listen to?' 

'I-I don't know,' Isak said, not used to having any kind of conventional conversation with a client, 'I'm a pretty big fan of N.W.A.' 

He hoped that would suffice. 

'So like, old school hip hop?' Even asked with an inquisitive grin. 

'Yeah.' 

The other seemed to contemplate this for a moment, humming in thought. 

'I mean, N.W.A. are pretty good but they're quite mediocre in comparison to other artists of that era,' Even said finally, 'Nas, for example.' 

Isak had not heard of Nas, however, was far too proud to ever admit that. 

'Oh yeah, I've listened to them,' He lied, hating the small part of himself that wanted to impress Even. 

'It doesn't sound like it,' Even said obnoxiously, and the younger boy found himself remembering his initial hatred for the other. 

'I have,' Isak said stubbornly. 

Even raised an eyebrow. 

'Well for starters-' he said matter-of-factly, 'Nas is only one guy. Singular.' 

'Oh,' Isak murmured sheepishly, wanting to slap Even’s smug grin right off of his face, 'I must have been thinking of something different then.' 

'Sure, sure,' Even muttered, still grinning. 

As they came to a red light, Even began flicking through songs again. 

'Anyway, here, this song is from his critically acclaimed album: Illmatic, the best hip hop record of all time.' 

Isak listened as the car became filled with the sound of Nas, the languid 90's hip hop slow and heavy in tempo, overriding his senses and syncopating with the rhythm of his heart. He couldn't help but smile, despite it all, as Even hummed along to the music, rapping a few parts in low murmur and bopping his head. 

'This is really good,' Isak admitted after a few songs played out. 

Even beamed at him, all teeth and looking like the _sun._

'You like it?' He asked, turning to Isak with an expression of inexplicable joy. 

‘Yes,' Isak affirmed. 

'Thank god,' Even exclaimed with another chuckle, this one high and jovial, 'I'm willing to look past your misguided dismissal of Gabrielle, but if you tried denying the sheer genius of Nas, I would have had no choice but to kick you out of my car.' 

'You take it that seriously, huh?' Isak chimed back with a grin. 

It was a genuine grin, and Isak was disgusted with how easily charmed he was by the other young man. 

_Don't be stupid,_ he told himself, _he cannot be trusted._

'Nas is the Jesus that I pray to, Adrian,' Even said, and for a moment there Isak has forgotten he was under a fake name. 

They had been driving for a while now and Isak was only vaguely aware of the passing streets outside of the warm interior of the Rolls Royce. His mouth fell open as Even drove to a stop. 

'Here we are,' Even said softly, pulling over into a curb on one of the nicest streets in the entire country. 

Isak peered up at the white, imposing building in front of them. It stood like a castle against the midnight blue of the night sky, it's large, wide-brimmed windows spaced between glowing sconces, it's roof high and broad, boasting a myriad of Norwegian flags and glossy patterned brickwork. 

'This is The Grand Hotel,' Isak stated in an involuntarily awe-struck voice. 

'Yes it is,' said Even, 'You have very sharp observational skills.' 

Even threw Isak one last grin before stepping out of the car. Isak followed suit, stumbling out of his side of the vehicle and losing his footing on the slippery concrete of the sidewalk. Once again assaulted with the harsh whip of cold air, Isak watched in astonishment as a man dressed in a white shirt, black slacks and a red vest approached them. He looked like he was straight out of _Grand Theft fucking Auto._

Even simply nodded at the valet, dropping the car keys in the man's white-gloved hand without so much as saying a word. 

'Who the fuck _are_ you?' Isak muttered under his breath as Even came to stand beside him. 

Isak noted with heavy irritation that the other was at least a good half a foot taller than him. His long, elegant figure was clad in a white, formal shirt that sat unbuttoned at the neck, tucked immaculately into slim-legged, pinstriped trousers. The look was pulled together with a well-fitted, seemingly expensive black coat that hugged his torso perfectly and was popped upwards at the collar in a way that didn't look as stupid as it should have. 

Isak narrowed his eyes. 

_How the fuck did he manage to pull that off?_

Even just laughed as he had been the entire time and reached out a hand as if about to take Isak's, suddenly stalling as his gaze raked over the other through his designer sunglasses. 

'Hmmm,' Even said with a slight frown before moving to take off his own coat, 'Don't take this the wrong way, Adrian, but I think you should put this on.' 

When he extended the jacket to Isak, the boy just glared back, looking at Even's outstretched arm with a defiant expression. 

'Why?' He challenged, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. 

Even sighed. 

'Well, as cute as you look in what you are wearing, that kind of street attire is going to earn us a few knowing looks,' He explained carefully as Isak flushed. 

The comment made him feel oddly inferior. Isak looked down at his own worn-out converse and faded skinny jeans with a small, insecure grimace. 

He let out a sharp exhalation, relenting, allowing Even to hang the jacket around his shoulders. It felt strangely pleasant, getting tucked inside the other boy's coat, the fabric of it still warm with Even's body heat and smelling of sandalwood and aftershave and something else. 

Still, he wasn't about to admit that he at all enjoyed the gesture. 

'There, that's better,' Even said gently, stepping back a little to access his work. 

'Well I'm sorry,’ Isak snapped, 'I'm used to working in toilet stalls or shitty motels that rent rooms by the hour. I'm a hooker not an escort.' 

Even just smirked at him curiously as he took the boy's hand, his fingers smooth and warm. The touch was unusual, sending foreign thrills up Isak's arm. It wasn't a thing that anyone ever did; touch him in such an intimate way. 

It was odd but Isak found himself threading his fingers with the other's, not wanting to pull away as he was led to the entrance of the hotel. 

'Is there a difference between the two?' Even questioned softly, eyebrows lifting. 

'Yes.' Isak replied evenly, 'Escorts dress much better for one. Maybe you should consider that next time.' 

'There isn't going to be a next time.' Said Even, coming to a stop at the threshold of the building. 

He faced Isak entirely now, and although his eyes were still obscured by his stupid black sunglasses, Isak could tell that he wore a look of sincerity. 

'I hope we aren't under a misunderstanding,' He said, his hand still very much around Isak's, 'I'm not the kind of person who usually hires sex workers.' 

'You aren't?' 

'No,' Even replied definitively, and Isak felt the other's thumb brush smoothly over his knuckle, 'But I knew as soon as I saw you that I had to have you.' 

And with that, he turned, walking a bewildered Isak through the front doors of the hotel. 

If the outside of the hotel was intimidating, the interior of it was downright unsettling. The large hall they entered was a stark, faultless white, marble pillars extending from the polished floor, stone walls lined with large, golden vases overflowing with canopies of fresh white Lillies and Baby's Breath. Isak trot cautiously after Even down the steps that graced the lobby's entrance, his sneakers leaving scuffs of dirt on the immaculate tiling. 

In the centre of the foyer hung a huge, gaudy, triple-tiered chandelier, it's crystals sparkling soft with yellow light that glinted off every surface in the room, dancing hazily on the large number of solid gold sculptures that scattered the space, some depicting naked, renaissance-era women while others were of lions and cherubs. 

'Holy shit,’ Isak breathed, recoiling slightly at the brunette receptionist that stood rigidly behind a paper-white desk. 

'It's fine,' Even murmured in reassurance, giving Isak's hand a grounding squeeze, 'Just stay close to me and try not to fidget.' 

'The receptionist bitch is looking at me funny,' Isak whispered in Even's ear as they crossed the hall. 

'Don't worry about Birgit,' The other teenager muttered, leading him into an elevator that was the same size as Isak's bedroom, 'That's just her face.' 

Isak tried not to act overwhelmed as Even pressed the button leading to the highest level, avoiding the reflection of his own dazzled expression in the gleaming mirrored walls of the elevator. 

'The penthouse,' Isak commented flatly, 'That's pretty swanky.' 

Even just nodded, chuckling dryly before replying with a simple: 

'It is.' 

Isak was not prepared for the opulence that his below working-class retinas were assaulted with when the golden metal doors slid to an open. The apartment that outstretched before him was as vast as it was luxurious, the sight of it, despite the boy's hardened and disillusioned mind, causing Isak's jaw to drop in a strange fusion of awe along with something akin to anger. 

The reason for the teenager's awe was simple; the suite possessed a distinct ring of lavishness that the boy had never seen before in his life. The spacious layout was scattered artfully with an array tufted, cushion-laden sofas of deep green, royal blue and purple velvet upholstery. The shining, marble floor boasted a number of large bearskin rugs, all fluffy and white. Heavy, brocade-patterned curtains hung from the room's high windows, popping starkly against the clean white walls that were fitted with golden candelabras. The only other light source came from the glimmering chandelier that hung in the center of the vast living area, almost identical to the one that had been in the foyer, except bearing an additional tier. 

It was all too much for the boy to register at once, the adolescent taking a few steps into the space, wide-eyed and slow on his feet as he reached a low, mahogany coffee table. 

'Fuck,' Was the only thing that left his lips. 

He stood there for a moment, soaking it all in. What Isak saw more than anything else was the waste. Everything in the room was _dripping_ with excess, with waste. 

'Home sweet home,' Even hummed casually before taking off sunglasses and placing them on the table. 

Isak didn't even look at him. He didn’t want to. Instead, he began to wander into the grandiose living room. His fingers skimmed along the red curtains that framed a large set of glass doors, leading to a spacious balcony. The city lights twinkled back at him through the misted windows; the view almost as breathtaking as the rest of the suite. 

'You live here?' Isak asked in wry curiosity. 

He let out a scoff when his hand brushed over a massive vase of peacock feathers. It was one of the most pointless pieces of finery that Isak had ever encountered. 

'Yeah,' Even replied plainly, watching Isak explore some of the decorative shelving. 

He picked up a small, glassware statuette of a horse and let out another derisive laugh. 

'Nice,' Was all Isak said, the word bitter and flat. 

He trod towards one of the velvet couches, taking a seat. Isak decided it was best to make himself seem comfortable within the intimidating environment, if only for the purpose of asserting dominance. 

'Can I get you anything?' Even asked as Isak kicked off his sneakers messily, paying him no mind, 'A snack? A drink?' 

'No thanks. It's chill,' Said Isak, 'I mean, you _could_ pay me. That's usually a nice way to break the ice.' 

When Isak looked up expectantly at Even, he was startled by the look of sincerity in his large, trustful eyes. It was the first time he had seen Even’s eyes without his sunglasses, and the sight of them nearly made his breath hitch. 

_Blue,_ that's all he could see for the longest moment, gentle, bottomless blue. 

'Oh, of course,' Even said with an apologetic nod. 

He walked over to a redwood desk and opened a draw, his back to Isak as he searched it's contents. 

'My apologies. 800 kroner an hour, is it?' 

'Yeah,' Isak muttered, watching the soft muscles of Even's shoulder blades roll through the fabric of his thin white shirt. 

He scorned himself. _Pull it together._

'Is cash fine?' 

'Mmm hmm.' 

'Here,' Even said, turning back to Isak and handing him a wad of money. 

Isak avoided looking at Even’s eyes as he took it, keeping his gaze on the cash. He flicked through the money, giving the bills a quick count. 

He frowned. 

'Even... this is like 4000 kroner.' He said. 

Even just laughed, his smile bright enough to give Isak sunstroke. 

'I'd like you to stay for the rest of the morning,' He said simply, in an air that suggested that he was used to getting exactly what he wanted, 'Is that okay?' 

Isak felt a chill crawl up his spine at the thought of spending such a long time with the other. 

'Of course.' 

Even smiled even wider at this, his eyes turning into little crescent moons. 

'Good.' 

There was an elongated minute of silence as the reality of the situation began to set in around them. 

Isak gulped dryly. _It was his time to shine._

A deep, intangible anxiety bubbled in the younger boy's gut. He leaned back against the sofa, letting his legs drape open, peering up at Even with coy eyes. Isak noticed smugly how his change in posture made the taller male stiffen. 

'So...' Isak started softly, propping himself up on his hands in an effort to be seductive, 'Now that we've covered all the boring shit, what _are_ you going to do with me?' 

'Well,' Even began, his countenance effortlessly cool, 'There _is_ a specific reason I brought you up here.' 

Isak's stomach gave another twist. He nodded. 

'Yeah?' He murmured, voice breathy and low, his palms sweaty. 

He got up from the couch, making his way towards Even in intentionally slow, drawn-out strides. 

Isak stepped directly in front of the taller boy, extending a hand to the crotch of Even's trousers and giving the older male's clothed, slackened cock a gentle squeeze. It was a bold move but one that Isak often used to warm a client up. 

Even's eyebrows raised ever so slightly, but apart from that, he didn't even flinch. 

'And what's that?' Isak whispered, his face close to the other's but his gaze averted. 

He felt the usual humiliation run through his veins. 

'Well, I don't blame you for your assumption considering your particular line of work,' Even murmured suddenly, smirking down at where Isak was touching him with a measured expression, '-however, _that_ isn't the only thing I want.' 

Isak blinked several times before stepping back, dropping his hand from Even as if he'd touched fire. 

‘W-what?' He said, flushing. 

'Hold on for one second,' Was the only reply he got. 

Isak stood there, embarrassed, watching in a daze as Even turned on his heels, disappearing suddenly into another room. 

When he came back he was holding a standard plastic zip-lock bag containing what appeared to be about an ounce of marijuana. 

'You know what this is?' Even asked with a wide grin, coming to a stop in front of Isak. 

'Weed,' Isak said flatly, his eyes narrowing in bewilderment. 

Even laughed loud at that, opening up the bag and handing it to Isak. 

'But not just any weed, Adrian,' He announced as Isak peered down at the dehydrated buds, 'This is The Oracle. One of the rarest and most potent strains of marijuana in the world.’ 

Isak continued to stare wordlessly back at him with a questioning glare. 

'My dealer just imported this shit from Russia,' Even continued informatively, 'It's like 45% THC. The standard level is usually about 15%, so we're talking about some pretty powerful bud here.' 

Isak ducked to smell the weed, nothing that it was a little more potent than what he was used to. 

'I'd like you to smoke it with me.' 

Isak stared at him dumbly for a few seconds, frowning in bemusement. 

'Are you serious?' He asked. 

He looked down at the weed and then up at Even again, dumbfounded. 

'Yes,' Even said resolutely, chuckling, 'I don't joke about marijuana, Adrian. I'm a cannabis connoisseur, among other things.' 

Isak let out an unnerved little laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. 

'No, like, are you seriously paying me, what, 4000 krone to smoke fancy weed with you in your penthouse hotel suite?' 

The boy was skeptical. Isak had learned in his lifetime that if things seemed too good to be true, it was usually because they were. 

'Yes.’ Even said with a nod, ‘That is exactly what I am doing.’ 

'Seriously. Who are you?' 

'Well, Adrian, I sometimes think if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be so fucked-up.’ 

Isak nodded slowly at the disconcerting statement. 

'This isn't going to turn into some kind of American Psycho type situation where things are going well and then all of a sudden you chainsaw me in half, paint the walls with my blood and successfully hide all of the evidence... Is it?' Isak asked in a half-joke, his eyes scanning the enormous room for exits. 

Even just chuckled, high and musical. 

'Would I be Christian Bale in this scenario?' He asked with a grin, pointing to his own chest and playing along. 

'Naturally,' Isak muttered, 'And I would be Christina Applegate. Things did not end well for her in the movie.' 

Even frowned in thought for a moment before saying: 'I don't even remember her being in that film.' 

'She was,' Isak amended, 'She played a prostitute who died a horrible, gruesome death.' 

Even shook his head with an exasperated smile. 

'Don't stress, Adrian, no one is going to cut you in half or anything. I just want someone to smoke weed with. That's all.' 

'Do you understand how fucking weird that sounds-' Isak began, only to be cut off. 

'Nothing bad's going to happen,' Even said. 

What he did next was strange, unexpected. He shuffled closer to Isak, putting his hands on either side of the smaller boy’s face. It was warm and familiar, _too warm._ It burnt Isak, the gentleness, yet still, he found himself unable to draw away. 

'I just want to spend time with you,’ Even said, ‘That's it. I promise.' 

Isak cleared his throat. 

'But you still want like, sex stuff?' He asked in a gruff whisper, keeping his eyes affixed to the ground. 

'We'll see how it goes,' Even said resolutely, letting his hands fall. 

Isak, for some revolting and unfathomable reason, found himself missing the touch. 

'Alright,' He replied, dazed and overwhelmed, deciding to just take things as they came. 

When Even spoke again his voice was casual and bright, baby blue eyes sparkling at the other boy in inquisition. 

'So, do you want to be classy about it and smoke this shit in joints or do you want to get out the glassware?' 

Isak grinned at the question. 

'Easy,' Isak said, 'Fuck class. Get out your bong.' 

*** 

'Fuck, man,' Isak coughed out after sinking his seventh cone, blowing out smoke in a smooth, billowy stream, his lungs harbored with the familiar burn of marijuana, 'That is some _good shit_.' 

Even smiled as he was passed the stain-glass bong, packing it with skilled, learned fingers, Isak watching intently as the older boy's plush, shell-pink lips closed around the opening of the instrument, the visual causing Isak to become even dizzier than he already was. 

'Apparently it's meant to taste like blueberries,' Even muttered after taking a hit, crossing his legs where they sat on the soft, white fur rug in the center of the penthouse. 

'I can taste that,' Isak said with a nod, the movement causing his head to whirl, points of light and color seeming to swoosh and gyrate around him, 'Fuck.' 

The two young men had made themselves somewhat of a picnic on the floor of the living room, the carpet littered with various high-end snacks from the mini fridge as well as a number of plates ordered from the room service menu. Isak had emptied several packets of beer nut mix into a bowl, euphoric chills rippling through the extremely high teenager as he shovelled the contents into his mouth. 

Even just watched him with dazed, strangely adoring blue eyes, reaching out every so often to tuck stray curls of Isak's increasingly unruly blonde hair behind his ears, causing the teenager to blush. 

'Do you wanna watch a movie?' The older boy asked suddenly, snapping Isak out of his contented snacking. 

'Hmm?' Isak hummed absently, licking salt off his hands, 'Yeah. That'd be chill.' 

The taller male chuckled, tilting his head at the other in a way that made Isak feel unfathomably shy. 

'Any suggestions?' Even asked, standing up to retrieve the remote of the unnecessarily humongous television that they sat in front of, the screen taking up most of the wall. 

'Whatever you want,' Isak muttered, becoming distracted by the fringed hem of a decorative throw that draped over the side of a nearby sofa, 'You're the one paying.' 

Even hesitated for a moment, looking as if in deep thought. 

'What about Romeo + Juliet?' He said finally, switching on the television. 

Isak scoffed obnoxiously, moving to plop himself down on his stomach, stretching his muscles like a cat before sinking happily into the cloud-white carpet, reveling in it's soft, fluffy texture. 

He was _so fucked._

'What are you, a woman?' He mumbled with a giggle, rolling to his side to look Even in the eyes, who stood by the TV, seemingly enamored by the boy but simultaneously unimpressed. 

'Don't you think that's a little bit of a superficial generalization?' Even shot back with a teasing smile, 'You don't have to be a woman to enjoy Romeo + Juliet. It's a great movie.' 

'It's fucking boring,' Isak muttered haughtily, his brain feeling as it were vibrating, 'It's set in the dark ages.' 

'But the thing is, you're probably talking about the Zeffirelli film,' Even countered defensively, 'Fuck that Italian prick. What you need to see is the 1996 Baz Luhrmann version. It’s a modern masterpiece.' 

Isak took a moment to process what the other boy was saying, the younger largely preoccupied with how enticing Even looked, standing like that before him, all long legs and broad shoulders and pretty blue eyes. 

Isak wanted to touch him. 

'Ah...' He started, racking his mind for a reply, 'Is that the one with Leonardo DiCaprio in it?' 

'Yeah,' The other replied with nod of his head, 'Have you seen it?' 

'No,' Isak murmured simply as Even's grin broadened excitedly, 'But I have the feeling I'm about to.' 

Even was practically buzzing as he moved to sit shoulder to shoulder with Isak, finding the film easily on the television's Netflix menu. 

'You're going to love it.' 

*** 

Isak was not loving it. About an hour passed and the boy could barely discern his real-life surroundings let alone the events of the film, painfully distracted by both the inebriated clutter of his thoughts as well at the steady presence of Even beside him. The older boy watched the movie with wide, infatuated eyes, making small comments on filmmaker's directorial choices, speaking silkily in Isak's ear as the younger teenager swayed into him. 

It was easy like this, listening to the peaceful ebb and flow of the strange but beautiful young man's voice. Isak almost forgot all about the perpetual weight within his chest, almost forgot about his fucked-up life. 

The truth was, he was enjoying himself. And if wasn't just because of the luxurious setting or the nice food or even the top-shelf marijuana. No, it was the mere company of the older teenager that sparked a rare twinkle of joy within Isak's figurative heart. It was _Even_ and his honeyed words and wide smiles and encapsulating warmth. It was the inscrutable boy with his large hands and pill blue eyes; like two pools of crystal-clear water that sparkled and shimmered and promised adventure. 

It all just felt so good, his kindness and attentions and melodic laughter, and it had been such a long time since Isak had felt _good._

Still, the boy had to be prudent, Isak reminding himself of this even in the midst of his delirious stupor. 

Like all nice things in his life, Even would be transient. He wasn't a knight in shining armor and he wasn't going to save him. He was here now but he would be gone by the morning and then Isak would be alone again. 

He was infinitely alone and no one was going to change that. Even was just some nice enough rich kid looking for some entertainment, after all. 

_And Isak was a prostitute._

_And they barely knew each other._

The boy let this bitter truth erode his innards as he watched the tear-strewn face of Leonardo DiCaprio on the screen in front of him, his chest aching as he began to come down. 

He scrambled for the bong, filling the cone-piece and taking another hit, sitting slightly and letting the intoxicating fumes fill him up and evaporate his grievances. When he puffed out the smoke, it felt almost like an exorcism, the boy letting go of all his worries in an exhalation. 

Tomorrow he would deal with the heartache and his mother and his endless list of troubles. 

Today, he would enjoy himself. 

'What do you think?' Even murmured suddenly, cutting through Isak's mental processes. 

'Dude. I don't even know what's going on anymore,' Isak replied in a slur, making himself smile as they bumped shoulders. 

It was true. He had no idea what he was even watching, the pixels of the screen seeming to jump and throb at him in technicolor flashes. 

'What do you mean?' The other asked with a playful frown. 

Isak sighed dejectedly, glowering at the television in vast frustration. 

'It's just... I thought that Titanic was meant to be set on a boat,' Even just stared back at him, his face riddled with incomprehension. 

'That movie _is_ set on a boat.' 

The younger boy's brow furrowed as he continued to stare into the television with glazed-over eyes. 

'Then where's the fucking boat?' He asked stressfully, shoving the last of his beer nuts past his lips with a dissatisfied huff. 

Even dragged his eyes from the screen in what appeared to be pure astonishment, another pleasant laugh expelling from his lovely mouth. 

'This isn't Titanic, dude,' Even said in between chuckles, 'This is Romeo + Juliet.' 

'Oh yeah,' Isak murmured back, nodding as everything clicked. 

_That made more sense._

'Shit, yeah. You did say that,' The younger boy continued, 'That Oracle stuff is really pazzing me out.' 

Just as he said this the sound of gunfire emanated from the televisions speakers, the sharp sound causing Isak to jostle. Even chuckled again, extending a hand to ruffle the smaller teenager’s curls. Isak began to lean into the touch, soft and slow, before pulling away, reminding himself not to get too comfortable as he looked down at the empty bowl in front of him. 

'Fuck,' Isak muttered miserably, 'I've run out of salted cashews.' 

Even looked afflicted for a second before pausing the movie and rising to his feet. 

'I'll call room service again.' Even announced briskly, leaving Isak by himself on the rug, 'Do you want a meal or something? Breakfast? 

'Pancakes would be nice,' Isak muttered in reply. 

He might have felt bad about asking Even for something, but he was beyond stoned and the other teenager seemed to have money to burn, so he didn't really care. 

'Alright, love,' Even replied sweetly, the pet name causing Isak's shoulders to quake, 'I'll order you some pancakes.' 

As Even called room service, Isak turned his attentions back to the television, watching a scene play out in immense disorientation. 

'Like... Why are they speaking in Shakespearean English yet simultaneously wearing Hawaiian shirts,' He said, mostly to himself, 'It makes no sense. That guy has pink hair.' 

Even laughed and returned to sit down beside him, leaning against the front of the couch while Isak remained laying on the floor, the younger resting his chin on his folded arms. 

'Well-' Even began self-assuredly, 'I think the director left the original dialogue as it was, despite the huge contextual shift, not only to avoid cheapening Shakespeare's revolutionary prose, but also to indicate to the audience that our societal attitudes towards love and conflict really haven't evolved much since the Elizabethan Era.' 

Isak shrugged at this, the words going right over his head as they were spoken, the teenager only catching their calming, mellifluous rhythm. Still, Even went on, his tone analytical and clear despite the fact that he'd smoked twice as much as Isak. 

'Luhrmann is basically highlighting how many of the issues prevalent in the world hundreds of years ago are still very much a part of society today. It's kind of a political piece, if anything.' 

The younger boy contemplated the other male's speech for a short while, considering taking the sycophantic route and complimenting Even on his resounding intelligence like the teenager was sure he wanted, however quickly decided against it. 

'Pfft,' Isak said honestly, 'That sounds like a whole lot of wanky film analysis crap.' 

Even let out a bemused laugh at the dismissal, gasping slightly as if he had never been told he was wrong in his life. 

'Excuse me?' Isak crawled to his knees and moved to sit next to the other, looking at him with serious intent as he said his point. 

'It's just a dumb movie that doesn't make any sense. That guy just referred to his gun as a dagger,' He scoffed, 'That's not political, that's just silly.' 

Even stalled, raising his eyebrows as he was assumedly lost for words. 

'I have to admit,' He said finally, smiling when Isak expected him to be offended, 'This is all quite stinging. My film analysis skills are usually a massive hit with the ladies.' 

Isak just rolled his eyes. 

'Well, I'm not a lady,' He said plainly, 'Although I can pretend to be if you're into that kind of thing,' He added drearily, his voice thick with irony, 'I can be anything you want, baby.' 

Even shook his head, looking down thoughtfully at the rug for a moment before dragging his striking eyes back to Isak, speaking in a voice that almost seemed heartfelt. 

'I think you're perfect just the way you are.' 

Isak didn't know what to say, gawking at Even in silence before he came to a realization. 

'Jesus fucking Christ,' Isak exclaimed, beginning to laugh, 'Did you seriously just quote _Bruno Mars_ to me?' 

Even frowned in consideration, smiling in spite of the remaining intensity of his eyes. 

'Shit,' The other said with a grin, 'I didn't mean to but yeah... I guess I did.' 

'First you play Gabrielle and now you're referencing _Bruno Mars_ lyrics,' Isak snapped back, 'You're like the whitest of the white people, man.' 

Even rewarded Isak with another musical chuckle. 

'You're very funny.' 

Isak looked down at his own hands in genuine bashfulness, the weed starting to kick in again. He let himself fall back onto the carpet, flopping down on his spine and staring up at the intricately sculpted ceiling, running his hands over his own face as his head spun, getting motion sickness despite laying completely still. 

It wasn't long before Even came to lay down next to him, patting the boy's hair gently as he hid beneath his fingers. 

'Are you okay, Adrian?' Even pulled the teenager's hands away, forcing Isak to look back at him. 

'I think so,' Isak hummed softly, 'Wait, who's Adrian?' 

Even frowned. 

'You.' 

Isak's thoughts were ablaze with confusion. He stared back at Even's disarming features, his gleaming eyes, full lips and delicate nose all seeming to be floating independently from his face. 

_Fuck._

__

Isak ignored this terrified prospect and offered Even a grimace. 

__

'That's not my name,' He muttered, pointing to himself, 'I'm Isak.' 

__

Even's eyes widened in surprise. 

__

'You said your name was Adrian Eskett-' Isak scoffed, nodding brusquely as he remembered the lie. 

__

'Of course I did, I'm not going to tell a stranger my actual name. For fuck's sake,' Even just shook his head in shock, mouth agape in mock horror. 

__

'I feel oddly betrayed,' He stated morosely, before saying Isak's name, slow and precise, as if he was trying it out for size, 'Isak.' 

__

'Yep,' Isak affirmed with a sharp nod, 'That's me,' He extended a finger to tap Even on his tiny nose, 'And you're Even.' 

__

Even laughed, siding up closer to Isak and looking down at him like there was nothing in any other universe worth looking at. 

__

'I am,' Isak felt like he was floating as he stared back into Even’s cobalt eyes, the older boy's face a mere foot away. 

__

_Blue blue blue._

__

'You have really blue eyes, Even,' He crooned quietly, lifting a hand to touch the smooth skin under the other teenager's eyeballs, the corners of Even's lips twitching as he stared into Isak's very soul. 

__

'Thank you,' Even said back, his eye's glimmering, keeping Isak in place, tethering him to the ground. 

__

'It helps to look at them,' Isak admitted in a low voice, watching the soft light of the overhead chandelier dance in the rivulets of Even's irises. 

__

'What do you mean?' Even asked quizzically, taking one of Isak's golden locks and twirling it between his fingers. 

__

'I kinda feel like I'm a balloon,' Isak admitted quietly, 'Like I'm going to float away and your eyes are what's keeping me here, safe on the earth.' 

__

Even beamed, his expression indescribably tender as he shifted even closer to Isak, his hand completely embedded in the boy's curls. 

__

Isak thought he might have stopped breathing, but he wasn't sure. 

__

'I think that you've had enough weed now,' Even said softly, his lips only breaths away from Isak's. 

__

'Can I ask you something?' The younger boy whispered quietly, overcome with a desperation he had never known as he inhaled the other's intoxicating scent. 

__

'Anything,' Even cooed back, 'Anything, Isak.' 

__

'Why me?' The smaller boy asked, insecurity and sadness welling in his voice, 'Like, you're just really hot and rich and smart and stuff. You could get anyone you want.' 

__

Even just frowned as if the statement was the most preposterous thing he had ever heard. 

__

'But I want you,' He said simply and Isak felt like he might just die then and there. 

__

The boy never kissed clients. It had been his rule from the start; it was too intimate, too personal and something he had only done a couple of drunkard times at past school parties. 

__

But as Even leaned over him, his face heartbreakingly beautiful and beckoning Isak forward, the younger boy couldn't stop himself from closing the small remaining space between them and pressing his lips against the other's in a shy kiss. Even hummed in surprise as their lips met, pecking softly at Isak's mouth, his fingers clasping tighter in the boy's hair and dragging him in. Isak's limbs turned to liquid as his lips were parted by a sweet, skillful tongue, soft and tentative at first; simply tasting him, brushing his own tongue in gentle, soul-shattering licks. Isak drew back, gasping and looking up into the dilated pupils of Even's eyes, the older boy smiling wide before reuniting their mouths. Saccharine kisses turned urgent, broiling with hunger. The taller male moved a hand to his waist to pull Isak flush against him, dominating the embrace with a bone-chilling ferocity. 

__

'You're perfect,' Even murmured tenderly when they separated for air, gripping the boy close to him as he moved to lay on his back, shifting Isak over himself so the smaller male straddled his hips, 'Like a dream,' He whispered faintly, stroking Isak's cheeks and smoothing back his hair, the gestures fond and feather-soft, 'A fucking dream.' 

__

Even's arms tautened around the younger male's torso in order to keep the boy in place as he ducked to press a scattering of scathing, tender kisses to the pale flesh of the adolescent's throat and jaw, Isak's skin tingling with mind-numbing static. He became blissfully compliant in Even's grasp, the gentle warmth the older teenager had elicited in him earlier turning to a scorching heat. It overwhelmed his senses and made him lose all concept of time and space and equilibrium, the excitement combined with the drugs causing Isak to feel as if he was floating in Wonderland; a bizarre and decadent universe ruled by Even and his poison-laden lips alone. 

__

It was the strangest thing, the way Even touched Isak, giving him everything and taking only very little, rewarding his kisses with broad strokes along his back and light pulls of his hair. The younger boy was so caught up in the affection that it was all he could inhale, warm and heady as it filled his lungs. 

__

No one had kissed him like that before, or touched him in a way that suggested he was of precious value; no one had ever made him feel _adored_ in the way that Even was currently, covering him in teasing nips and delicate caresses. 

__

Whenever Isak tried to go further, whenever he let out an exaggerated moan or ground against Even's distinctly hardened length, the older male pulled away, pecking his blood-flushed cheeks and resting their foreheads together. Isak was too far gone to care about the startling intimacy, whining sulkily at the loss of contact. 

__

'It's okay,' Even crooned as he ran his long fingers up and down Isak's spinal column, his eyes full of stars, 'I only want to kiss you.' 

__

And so Isak kissed him. He kissed the mysterious young man until he was breathless, letting the omnipresent loneliness drip momentarily from his pacified form, letting his fears, like gulls taking flight, flit from his fogged-up mind. 

__

They kissed until their lips were numb, until their separate bodies felt as if they were fusing together, until they forgot they had only met several hours earlier. 

__

They kissed until they couldn't anymore, until the exhaustion Isak had been feeling since 2am began to set in over him, stealing life from his tired body. The boy slumped into Even, eyes heavy, his breaths coming out faint and slow as he began to drift away. 

Right there, sprawled out atop the bearskin rug on the floor of the penthouse, Isak fell asleep in the comforting arms of an absolute stranger.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: 400 Lux - Lorde


	3. Pure Morning

Isak woke to beaming light, the boy's well-rested eyes assaulted with a stream of honey-coloured sunshine as it poured through the closed curtains of the vast, nearby window. The teenager groaned, blinking blearily as he realized that he was in a large, downy bed that was not his own. 

He was profoundly warm, comfortable despite the fact that he was still wearing his skinny jeans, the boy noticing this vaguely as he stretched under the large number of blankets he had found himself cocooned within. 

_Strange,_ he thought absently as the memories of the night before flooded his brain. _Isak could've sworn he had fallen asleep on the floor._ He shivered and bit his lip, remembering the burning touches and the sweet kisses and the mind-numbing affection, the phantom of the other's mouth still hot on his. The boy rubbed his eyes and sighed raggedly, letting the hooks of reality drag him from his dreaming. 

The experience had melted his frosted-over insides, the older male's hands soothing and annihilating; breaking him to pieces despite their whisper-soft touches. 

Isak knew then and was reminded now, that he would never quite be the same once the night was through, that allowing himself to feel the emotions he had kept stifled down for so long would only work to leave him damaged. 

More so, even, than he already was. Even had pried him open and grappled at a part of Isak that the boy had long neglected. Even had made him feel _special._

Now, the adolescent was left feeling more violated than he would have if the young man had simply fucked him, his chest aching bluntly as he heard Even's words in his head, the velvet-deep voice speaking over and over. 

_Perfect._ He had called Isak _perfect._

Sure, the boy might have been 4000 kroner richer, but Isak found himself thinking that the price wasn't nearly enough, not for a piece of his soul. 

_Oh well,_ he thought numbly as he wrenched himself from the plush mattress, lifting his head from the multitude of cushions upon which he was rested and dragging his hand over his own face in an effort to wake himself completely, _he'd get over it._

He rested on his elbows for a moment, numbing himself and looking around the spacious bedroom he currently occupied. 

The decor was grand, albeit simpler than it had been in the central area of the penthouse. The monochrome furniture seemed to originate from the Art Deco era, the space accented only by gold ornamented lamps and glaring pops of red and blue finery, the monumental bed partitioned by a gossamer canopy, sheer white curtains hanging softly from the high ceiling, held open at the bedposts by thick black ribbons. The floor was made up of whimsical, black and white chequered tiling, a polished, elegant grand piano sitting in the middle of open area of the bedroom, above which sat a sparkling spherical light fixture; an embellishment of pure excess. 

Isak let out a small huff, heaving himself up and shuffling off the bed. Socked feet fell on slippery tile, the boy flexing his tired muscles as he made for the door. 

Stumbling out of the vast bedroom, Isak became acutely aware of his lack of phone, or even his shoes for that matter. His unfocused gaze raked over the opulent living space as he tried to orient himself, the sumptuous lounge still overwhelming to his senses despite the hours he had spent within it's confines. 

He hoped desperately that he wouldn't have to encounter Even again, that he could just leave quietly without notice or goodbye, allowing the older male to remain eternally as nothing but a distant, intangible memory. 

Like a pleasant dream Isak had woken from, unreachable and gone forever. 

Seeing the other now would only stand to hurt the boy more, reminding him of the tenderness he would never again be given and making it all that much harder to return to his robotic state of emotional indifference. He wanted a clean cut, an easy exit; he wanted to be able to forget and forsake it all. 

All hope of this outcome, however, came crumbling down in ruins when Isak heard a deep, silken voice sound from behind him. The boy turned with wide, startled eyes to see Even sitting casually on a chair at the nearby dining nook, dressed in a fluffy white robe and smiling brighter than the morning sunlight. 

His golden hair was slightly damp and his skin was flushed pink, his glittering eyes causing Isak's heart to tremble, a corroding pain piercing through his rib cage. 

_Fuck._

'Good morning, Isak,' Even said amiably as the boy looked at him in abject terror, 'Did you sleep well?' 

Isak just stared back at him, shell-shocked for the longest second, his fingers shaky and toying haplessly with the hem of his hoodie. He stood there like a deer caught in the headlights, blinking and struggling for speech. 

Even was so _soft_ , so breathtakingly beautiful that it actually caused the younger boy physical pain. 

Isak knew that if he didn't leave as soon as possible, he might never recover from the sharp, ripping sensation that threatened to tear completely through his chest. 

_What the fuck was wrong with him?_

'Y-yeah...' Isak stammered out finally, avoiding the other's gentle stare. 

He began to pace about the living room, lifting cushions and checking table tops in an almost frantic manner, desperate to retrieve his belongings and get _the fuck out of there_. 

'Have you seen my shoes?' 

From the corner of his eyes, Isak saw the smile fall ever so slightly from Even's handsome face. 

'No.' 

Isak didn't look at the other as he let out a frustrated huff, crouching in order to search the fluffy white rug that he and Even had laid on, flinching. He felt something akin to saltwater sting at the wounds of the too-fresh memories. 

He dropped to his knees to reach rather desperately under the nearby couches, sighing in relief as he found one of his sneakers, the scuffed, threadbare shoe so out of place in such a lavish setting. A frown embedded in the boy's brow as he looked around for the other one, sighing miserably when he came up empty. 

_Oh for fuck's sake._

'What time is it?' Isak asked suddenly, realizing in a panic that his friends would be wondering why he hadn't come home and were probably worried sick about him. 

Then again, possibly not. Both Chris and Eva were often far too messed up and intoxicated to really pay him much attention, even on a good day. 

They loved him, that was for certain, but with Eva's alcoholism and Chris' increasingly severe penchant for uppers and downers, their respective capabilities to care for other people only went so deep. Isak was the same, he supposed, so he didn't really blame them for it. It was hard, after all, to look out for another person when you could barely even look out for yourself. Still, over time, the three of them had formed a strange little family, Chris and Eva being the only support system Isak had ever known. They might have been criminals and liars and thieves, but they were _home._

When Isak was left with nothing, they took him in. When he thought he had no options, they gave him one. 

He nodded subconsciously to himself as he went over this in his head, lost in thought as he knelt on the carpet. 

'It's just after three,' Even replied after a long moment, snapping Isak out of his momentary daze. 

'Shit!' Isak exclaimed suddenly, jumping to his feet as if struck by lightning. 

The boy had largely overstayed his welcome, the teenager becoming fretful as he began to scour the room in pursuit of his phone. 

'I need to call Chris...' He muttered to himself as he lifted a small, leather-tufted stool that was too tiny to sit on or serve any other purpose than that of a needless decoration. 

When Even spoke again, his voice had an edge to it that Isak didn't understand. 

'Why don't you sit down and have something to eat?' The older boy offered measuredly, Isak looking up into those fluid cerulean eyes and becoming weak in the knees. 

'I don't know...' He murmured, standing there with one shoe in his hand and a weary, frazzled countenance, 'I really should get going.' 

Even sighed, as if infernally afflicted, standing up from his seat in order to pull out a chair that was presumably for Isak, however, the younger boy could barely process the action. 

'Come on, love. I insist,' Even said almost impatiently, not at all pleading, just waiting for Isak's inevitable compliance, 'I ordered pancakes for you, since you fell asleep without eating the ones from last night,' He smiled warmly before adding, 'They're chocolate chip.' 

Isak just squinted rather stupidly at the other, flushed and dumbfounded, before he found his legs moving as if by their own accord, the boy stumbling over to the dining table as Even's smile widened at the obedience. 

'Alright,' Isak muttered, entirely reluctant. 'I guess...' 

He pulled the chair out further, sitting awkwardly beside Even who lounged back in his seat with unrivaled nonchalance, after pushing a pancake-heaped plate in front of the younger boy. Isak looked down at the food with tired, hungry eyes. 

As desperate as Isak was to leave, the pancakes looked good and smelled even better, their sweet, buttery fragrance flooding Isak's nostrils in ribbons of billowing steam. They were delicious too, the boy soon found as he cut off a large piece and shovelled it into his mouth, the batter cooked to light and fluffy perfection, interspersed with rich, melted morsels of milk chocolate. 

The teenager, who had never been one for table manners, began to scarf the food down at a ravenous rate, blushing suddenly when he noticed Even watching him and smiling at the younger with that same soft, adoring look in his eyes. 

Isak stopped himself from scowling and aggressively asking the other _what the fuck his problem was_ , opting to return a small, polite little smile instead, keeping his gaze to the pancakes. 

'I want to thank you for spending the night with me,' Even said as Isak continued to eat in vast discomfort, 'I had a wonderful time.' 

'The pleasure was mine,' Isak muttered back mechanically, 'That was the easiest 4000 kroner I've ever made.' 

Even smirked at that, running a fork through his own untouched food with a chuckle. 

'How the fuck do you have so much money, anyway?' Isak asked casually, overcome with a sudden curiosity. 

Even only laughed louder, his blue eyes going crinkly again in the same _adorable_ way they had the night before. 

'That's a very blunt question,' He said with a raise of his eyebrows, pretending to be scandalized. 

'I'm a prostitute, Even,' Isak retorted with a scoff, 'I'm excused from any kind of social etiquette,' He paused for a moment in thought, 'But seriously, how do you afford all this?' He gestured emphatically to the superfluous lavishness around him, 'You can't be older than twenty...' 

'Nineteen, actually,' Even murmured in affirmation, 'And it's not _my_ money, so to speak. Have you heard of the Svart Corporate Group?' 

Isak shook his head. 

'No.' 

'Well,' Even began to explain, his tone becoming expository, 'It's basically the most lucrative hotel chain in all of Scandinavia. They own a large number of companies rooted in investment, property development and real estate.' 

Isak just nodded, taking another large bite of pancake. 

'Okay...' 

'The corporation's CEO is Anders Bech Næsheim and he has an estimated enterprise worth of around 9.5 billion Krone,' Even told him, in a way that suggested he'd repeated this dialogue far too many times in his life. He sighed. 'I'm his son.' 

Isak blinked but was less fazed than he probably should have been. He had assumed the older boy to be of some ridiculously wealthy heritage, what with all the excessive indications of immense affluence Isak had been goaded with since Even had pulled up to his curb in a Rolls _fucking_ Royce, of all cars. 

Even went on, his expression tired and autonomous as he did so. 

'This is just one of the many hotels he has under his brand,' He muttered, 'That's how I'm able to live here for free, in the hotel's most expensive room.' 

Isak nodded again, taking a sip of the freshly squeezed orange juice that he noticed sitting before him on the table. 

'Shit, man,' He murmured almost disinterestedly, 'So, you're like an heir?' 

Even nodded. 'Yeah. Sort of.' 

'Like Paris Hilton or some shit?' Isak asked comically, this eliciting an enamored smirk from the older boy. 

'Yeah...' He said with a light chuckle, 'Kind of like Paris Hilton,' He paused, running his hand through his drying blonde hair in a gesture of mock vanity. 'Except, you know, I'm much hotter.' 

Isak just laughed. It was absolutely true, although the smaller boy was not about to give him that. 

'Sure,' Isak said with a dismissive nod, face deadpan as he swallowed down another forkful. 

Even pouted dramatically. 

'Hey, don't be mean!' He exclaimed with a wounded expression. 'You said I was hot yesterday, don't think I forgot that,' He grinned widely, blinding Isak with his beauty, 'And you went on for like five minutes about my eyes.' 

Isak just scoffed meanly, having every intention of negating it all. 

'Firstly,' He said sharply, his voice joking yet firm, 'I believe I made one solitary comment about your eyes, and it was only to state that they were blue,' He smirked maliciously before continuing, 'Secondly, I didn't mean any of it, it's simply my job to stroke your ego.' 

Even's mouth opened slightly, his eyes narrowing as he seemed to fight a smile. 

'That's just cruel.' 

Isak shrugged indifferently. 

'It's a cruel world, Even.' 

Even let one of his soft, melodious laughs as Isak took another sassy little sip of his drink, the older boy's eyes settling into that same infuriating look of tenderness. 

Isak wanted to slap it off his _stupid face._

'So...' The younger adolescent started uncomfortably, shuffling insecurely under Even's wistful gaze, 'If you're a teenage billionaire then why haven't I ever seen you in the media? People like you usually get a lot of attention.' 

Even titled his head, considering this for a second before replying. 

'Well.' he said, 'For one, this _is_ Norway. The public just aren't as obsessed with the lives of the elite upper class like they are in places like England or America. Also,' He paused, the cheery look in his blue eyes changing into something else that Isak couldn't quite discern, 'You could say my parents have more or less gone out of their way to keep my existence relatively unknown,' He shrugged vacantly. 'I'm sort of the family disappointment.' 

'How so?' Isak found himself asking. 

He knew he was prying, but the older boy simply made him curious. Even just had an air of mystery about him that left Isak inexplicably intrigued, the adolescent wanting to get lost within enigma of the older male, wanting to explore his mind and find his edges. 

Isak, despite it all, wanted to _know_ him. 

It was a desire he'd have to get over, though, Isak knowing that in only a matter of an hour, the younger boy would be standing alone in the elevator, leaving Even and his gentle hands forever. 

He really shouldn't have been upset about it but he was. 

_He was so stupid._

'I've just never had a mind for business, I guess.' Even murmured after a moment pause, 'I tried. I did the whole fucking thing - even went to university last year for commerce.' 

'And you left?' Isak assumed, watching as the older male's face fell. 

'I just couldn't do it,' Even replied with a stiff nod, 'Everyone in business is such a fucking robot. I've always been interested in film and... Art,' He laughed lightly but there was a residual sadness in his sparkling blue eyes, 'The lectures made me want to commit, you know?' 

Isak just shrugged, a profound resentment beginning to once again flicker within him. 

_Oh boo-fucking-hoo._

'I mean, at least you got into university in the first place,' Isak said, not entirely intending the words to come out as bitterly as they did, 'I didn't even make it past first year.' 

The teenager didn't mean this in a self-pitying way, he didn't even mean to compare his grievances with the other male. It wasn't necessary, they were obviously worlds apart and Isak really didn't need to point it out. 

Still, something amidst Even's tragic, pulchritudinous features made Isak feel a twang of sympathy for the affluent male, and that, all things considered, just wasn't right. 

Even was insanely privileged, self-entitled and oblivious to the hardships that Isak had been forced to withstand from the moment he was born, and he did _not_ deserve to elicit sympathy with his sad laughter and down-turned lips and pretty, powder-blue eyes. 

Yet Isak found himself feeling sorry for him. 

For _him._

It made the boy _angry._

'How old are you, Isak?' Even asked after a short-lived but tense moment of silence, his expression careful. 

I'm seventeen,' Isak said honestly. 

There was no need to lie, all forms of prostitution were illegal in Norway, regardless of age. 

Even frowned, his shimmering irises becoming deeper in their melancholy. 

'And you aren't in high-school anymore?' He asked softly, flinching as if the idea hurt him. 

'No,' Isak snapped, finding the genuine concern in Even's register both inappropriate and condescending, 'I just said that.' 

The older boy looked at the surface of the table, his countenance mournful, plagued. 

'That's a shame,' He said gently, his voice feathered and intense, 'You're very smart-' Isak cut him off. 

_How dare he._

'Oh don't give me that fucking speech,' He spat with a sudden harshness, something within him - something hurt and defensive and damaged - taking a rampant hold of the reins, 'It's fine. I'm fine.' 

Even recoiled as if he'd been punched. 

'I'm sorry.' He said immediately. 

And he was. It was obvious. Still, Isak didn't let up. 

'It's just... It's really not your place,' He said coldly, crossing his knife and fork over his now empty plate and pushing back in his chair a little. 

'You're right,' Even said with a weary nod, 'I'm sorry.' 

'Sometimes shit happens and you're left with no alternatives,' Isak went on needlessly, his voice broken and passively venomous, 'You'll never have to understand that.' 

What Isak hated most of all was the look of utter regret on Even's face, his visage so remorseful and soft that a small part of the younger boy's heart couldn't help but flutter. 

'I know, Isak,' He said earnestly, all mirth wiped clean from his face, 'Forget I ever said anything.' 

Isak sighed. 

_He was being ridiculous._ It wasn't Even's fault that he was born into wealth, and the young man had been nothing but boundlessly kind to Isak from the moment they met. He'd paid him 4000 kroner just to make-out and smoke marijuana, _for the love of god._

'It's alright,' Isak said suddenly, his posture dropping in resignation, 'It's just a bit of a sore subject,' He dragged himself from his seat, thinking it best he left now before he said anything he'd regret, 'Anyway, thanks for everything but... I've really got to go. I just need to call my ride and find my fucking shoes.' 

Even's expression seemed to sadden even further at this, the older rising with the other and coming to a determined stand. 

'You're welcome to stay for a bit. Honestly,' He said, his voice soft and coercing, 'You can use the bathroom, have a shower or something,' He gestured to a set of white double doors at the far end of the living space and then at Isak's sleep-crumpled attire, 'I can also give you a spare change of clothes, since you slept in that-' 

Isak shook his head, resisting the temptation to draw this out, wanting to be rid of the sinking feeling in his chest as efficiently and quickly as possible. 

'That's a very nice offer, but-' he began, only to be cut off by more of Even's sugar-dusted rhetoric. 

'Come on, Isak,' He almost cooed, his smile enticing, 'I want you to indulge in my hospitality,' He shrugged a little before awkwardly adding, 'I have a spa bath.' 

Isak just grimaced. 

'...And?' 

'It's like...' The older boy started almost goofily, the softness in Even's gaze working to melt Isak down, 'It's just a really cool spa bath. It has twenty different settings.' 

He looked at the other with hopeful eyes. 

'Don't you want to try it out?' 

'Not necessarily,' Isak replied curtly, however he could feel his resolve slipping. 

_Fuck him._

'Please, Isak. You look really tense. It'd be a good opportunity for you to unwind, you know,' He offered with another charming grin. 

_This guy should write commercials._

'And I'll look for your other shoe,' He added sweetly, 'Hmm?' 

Isak sighed, running his palm over his face. 

_Why was he making it so difficult?_

'You're really going to push this,' Isak snapped, although all harshness was gone from his tone, 'Aren't you? 

Even's smile widened and he nodded, knowing he had won. 

'Yes,' He said proudly, 'It's in my nature to push things.' 

_Fuck it._

'Fine,' Isak muttered, trying to suppress the flickers of a smile, 'I'll try out the stupid spa bath.' 

*** 

The bathroom was larger than Isak's entire apartment, everything within it a stark, bleach white. The polished tile was so spotless that it was almost blinding to the eyes and Isak felt inexplicably dirty as he sat within the monumental spa bath below yet another extravagant chandelier. Misted glass doors sectioned off a spacious shower, the vast cubicle sitting adjacent to a white marble vanity which boasted a large, golden framed mirror, the glossy counter-top complete with an elegant, gold-plated twin basin. Even the faucets were of opulent design, the tap handles fitted with faceted crystal, Isak noticing this wryly whilst playing absently with the small metal board of controls that sat at the side of the tub, experimental and arbitrary in his ministrations. 

He let out a small, involuntary sigh of pleasure as he hit a setting that caused the water to heat and bubble, the warmth permeating his tense muscles and strained limbs; his body, despite his hesitations, going lax against the edge of the bathtub. 

_It really was nice_ , the bathwater, tepid and foamy on his tired flesh. Isak found his eyes slitting shut in relaxation. 

That relaxation only lasted so long before he heard a soft knock at the door followed by a muffled, velvet-smooth drawl. 

'Can I come in?' Isak heard Even ask from outside of the doors, the voice causing Isak to sit up in the water, his heartbeat quickening inexplicably. 

'Uh...' He muttered, not quite sure what to say before calling out, 'Yeah?' 

The boy was startlingly aware of just how entirely naked he was as the bathroom doors swung opened, Even entering the space in languid strides, his gait effortlessly casual as he leaned into the doorframe. 

When he saw Isak amidst the billowing, fluffy white bubbles, blonde hair wet and green eyes startled, the older boy smiled, face lit with an expression that could be only described as smug. 

Isak didn't miss the way Even's eyes darted over the younger boy's bare pectorals and smooth clavicle, his lower half obscured by the foamy water. 

The boy's own nudity was never a thing that ever bothered him - Isak usually feeling distinctly separate from his physical form and all of the shame and ramifications that came with having it. He wasn't particularly self-critical nor proud of his body, the teenager seeing it as simply a means to an end, something for others to use, something he himself could use to gain advantage. 

However, under the blue-lit, almost ravenous stare of the older boy, Isak felt unfathomably vulnerable, like Even was not only able to see his unclothed skin, but something beyond the flesh; his heart and his innards or Isak's very soul. 

His gut tightened. 

'How's the spa bath?' Even asked with a grin as Isak waded awkwardly to the front of the tub, resting his elbows on the edge. 

Isak's eyes fluttered, the boy disguising his scattered nerves with a noncommittal shrug. 

'I had my doubts, but it's actually quite relaxing.' 

Even grinned. 

Isak could have been imagining it but he was certain he saw the older boy lick his lips, his pupils engorged as Isak shifted uncomfortably in the water. 

'Good,' He said with a pleased nod, 'I'm glad you've come to your senses.' 

Even's gaze dropped to the tiled ground almost shyly as if he was thinking carefully, his visage smoothing suddenly, the older male looking up at the other with a seductive smirk. 

'Anyway,' He began, 'I actually have a business proposition for you, Isak.' 

Isak's brows knitted in confusion. 

'What?' 

Even stepped out from the doorway, fiddling coolly with a few of the heart-shaped soaps that sat decoratively in a glass tray at the vanity, his voice clear and assertive as he explained. 

'It's just that I really enjoy your company,' He looked Isak dead in the eyes, causing the boy's insides to twist, 'And I know it's a big ask but, if you're willing...' He paused, a soft smile quirking at his full lips, 'I'd like you to spend the week with me.' 

For possibly the hundredth time in Even's presence, Isak's jaw dropped. 

'W-what?' He stammered out, bewildered, a fluttery warmth beginning to fill his chest, the sensation not unlike the feeling of childhood infatuation. 

'I'd pay you of course,' Even interjected quickly, features set with determination, 'As much as it takes.' 

It was all beyond Isak's comprehension, the boy beginning to shake his head in bewilderment. 

'Y-you want to pay me to stay with you?' He stuttered, eyes narrowed in puzzlement, 'Here? For a week?' 

Even nodded, smoothly, authoritatively. 

'That is exactly what I want.' 

Isak just blinked, unable to think everything through in any kind of refined fashion, unable to offer anything more than a feeble exclamation of: 'I don't know...' 

Even hummed impatiently, moving to sit at the sink, painfully closer to Isak who flinched in apprehension. He wasn't scared of Even or the prospect of being touched by him, not at all. Isak was scared to death of the bittersweet twang in the pit of his stomach whenever the older boy was near, of how much closer he wanted the other to be. 

'You charge 800 an hour, yes?' Even asked suddenly, tone firm and practical. 

'That's been established, yeah,' Isak shot back dryly, making a point of keeping the sarcasm heavy. 

'So...' Even asked, frowning infectiously as he tried to figure something out, counting on his fingers as he scowled in confusion, 'Wait... How many hours in a week?' 

Isak smiled. 

_Even couldn't do maths. How cute._

'168,' The younger boy answered with a self-satisfied grin, after only a moments contemplation. 

Even nodded at this as if he had known the answer the entire time. 

'Okay, so 800 times 168 equates to around...' He began, his perfect brows yet again becoming knotted with frustration. 

Isak thought for a moment, humming in repose. 

'134,400,' The boy said simply, shrugging his shoulders in a fluid, cocky manner. 

The adolescent had always been almost prodigal in terms of science and mathematics. His teachers in primary school called him a “human calculator.” 

Nowadays, that skill hadn't come in handy for anything at all other than when shopping for groceries or figuring out his cut of the internet bill. It upset Isak a little, but then again everything about his life circumstances upset him. The boy just simply chose not to think about it. 

'Those are some fucking impressive Maths skills,' Even said in a daze, eyes enamored and impressed, his plush lips slightly agape. 

'I have many impressive talents,' Isak said with another nonchalant shrug, icing the double entendre with a mischievous wink. 

Even stalled for a moment before lifting his brows and grinning with twice as much mischief, causing Isak to melt into the soapy water of the bathtub. 

'I'm sure,' Even murmured, with a slightly failed wink, 'But yes. I am offering you 135,000 krone to spend the next seven days with me. It's up to you whether or not you accept my offer, but I'd be very happy if you said yes.' 

Isak contemplated his words for a moment, his mouth opening and then closing as he tried to register both Even's incomprehensible desire for him as well as the sum of money he was being offered. 

It was _a lot._

Sure, what Even wanted was a completely self-entitled thing to ask of another person and sure, by the time the week was through, Isak knew he would be utterly and completely broken in under Even's niceties and charm - but that money would solve _a lot_ of his problems. 

_Was it worth it? Was worth selling not only his body, but his heart, his soul?_

'I don't know,' He said again, anxious and stunned, 'I mean-' 

'I can give you some time to decide,' The older boy said decisively before turning back for the door, 'I'll come back in a moment-' 

'No, wait-' Isak interrupted, voice riddled with panic. 

_Of course it was worth it. His heart and soul were intangible, irrelevant. He'd get over it._

The boy was being _stupid._

'I-I'll do it,' He said, trying to sound finite as his voice wavered. 

And he wanted to stay, he wanted to be spoiled and touched by Even. The boy, like a twitching moth drawn to fluorescent light, wanted to be near the older male, wanted his attentions, his comforts. That's exactly what _petrified_ him about the whole affair. 

'Really!?' Even exclaimed, a child-like delight coming over the nineteen-year-old's features as he leapt off the counter, kneeling on the lush fur bath mat in front of Isak and beaming at the other before taking the younger's face in an unintentionally rough hold, grasping his damp, flushed cheeks and giving Isak a harsh, breath-stealing kiss. 

Isak felt his bones quake, his hands tremor and his veins spark with energy as he once again tasted the sweet fullness of Even's mouth, his lips smooth and consuming and his tongue hot and urgent. When the other pulled back, Isak was embarrassed to note that he was panting, instinctively tilting his head to Even for more, his trembling fingers moving to grasp at the back of the older male's neck. 

_What was he doing?_

'Y-yes,' Isak heard himself breathe out, throaty and dry, looking into Even's bottomless eyes and feeling as if he might faint. 

'I knew you'd say yes,' Even murmured, his voice dropping to a whisper as he trailed hot, soft-lipped kisses along Isak's jaw, venturing to the tender skin right below the boy's ear before pecking at his throat, 'You and I are going to have so much fun together.' 

Isak shivered. 

'Just as long as the whole thing about me not getting chainsawed in half still stands, r-right?' The boy muttered with a faint laugh, his voice breaking as the kisses became hotter, open-mouthed, Even sucking tenderly on the flesh of Isak's neck. 

'Of course,' Even crooned softly, his lips assaulting Isak's once again, drinking in the boy's air supply before his fingers knotted in the teenager's golden curls, kissing sweetly at his soft, ruddy cheeks and making his heart stammer. 

The innocent, intimate pecks only lasted so long before Even's mouth was back at his throat, hungry and insistent and making liquid heat pool in the boy's stomach. 

'Even...' He gasped as he felt the slight graze of teeth at the crook of his neck, a single, resounding word thrumming through his intoxicated mind. 

_More._

When Even's hands pushed past the edge of the bathtub to grasp Isak firmly by the waist, clawing hands sinking into wet, warmed skin, Isak let out a sharp breath, leaning over the rim of the spa to pull Even closer. His own shaky fingers gripped onto the older boy's shoulders as their mouth's reunited, moving and tonguing each other in what soon became sheer desperation. 

'Isak...' Even lilted in a whisper as he pulled away, lifting one of his hands to cup at Isak's jaw, thumb stroking across the wet seam of the boy's lips. Isak got lost in Even's gentle, smouldering irises, blazing with want, yearning for the taller male's mouth to return to his own, 'Do you mind if I join you?' 

Isak couldn't think of anything he wanted more in that moment, and he cursed himself as he nodded subserviently, tugging Even forward somewhat childishly, pulling on his shoulders. 

_Stupid._

'N-not at all,' He stammered in reply, and Even let out a deep, husky chuckle as he pulled back only momentarily from Isak in order to stand and drop his robe. 

The younger boy's breath hitched as his upturned gaze was met with Even's perfect body; the young man's muscles light and taut, elegant and slim, his pale skin flushed red at the collarbones, pinkish imprints of Isak's fingers dusted along his broad shoulders. Even's cock was already half hard, and it was as imposing and intimidating as the rest of him. 

Isak gulped, but let himself relax, knowing it wasn't in his job description to take it. 

Still. A part of him _wanted to._

He forced this thought into the far recesses of his brain as he shifted back in the large bathtub to allow room for the other as he climbed in, watching the older boy's tendons tauten and roll, muscle tightening under pallid skin. 

Even didn't wait even a second before his hands were back on Isak, drawing him close, foamy warm water splashing softly between them as their legs entwined. The older boy ran gentle fingers up Isak's sculpted front, massaging softly at the firm muscles of his back and sprinkling wet, scalding kisses onto the younger teenager's upper chest. Isak let out a soft whine as Even's thumb grazed his nipple, the caress turning into a playful tweak as Even ducked to kiss at the patch of skin directly above Isak's heart. The gesture was so tender and so inappropriately loving that the boy found his resentment for Even Bech Næsheim deepen even further. 

_Fuck him_ , Isak thought, becoming breathless as Even's fingertips teased at his knee. The young man was trying to _kill him._

'Fuck...' Even murmured softly, shifting to grasp Isak at the nape of his neck, his other hand working carefully up and down the younger boy's upper leg. The faint swish of water filled Isak's thought-scattered mind and he shivered when Even's thumb dug into the small crook where the boy's length met his thigh. 

'You're so beautiful...' he said in a tentative whisper, playing on Isak's heart strings with the skill set of a learned musician, 'So soft.' 

Isak felt his eyes roll back in his head as the tips of Even's fingers ghosted over the smaller boy's hardened shaft, gentle and barely there under the warm, sudsy water, only just grazing the hypersensitive flesh. 

'Is it okay if I touch you here, Isak?' He whispered in a voice as smooth as silk. 

The side of Even's face pressed soft against the other's, his warm breath tickling at the Isak's ear. The muscles in his abdomen became flexed and clenched in arousal. 

_Fuck._

'You... Uh...' Isak tried to stammer out as Even nipped at his earlobe, thrills creeping up the teenager's spinal column, 'Y-you don't need to ask me,' He stuttered, clearer this time as the older male let up a little, drawing back to look into his eyes, 'I-I'm a sure thing.' 

Even frowned, kiss-reddened lips going pouty as he moved closer to Isak, so close that their chests were touching. Isak quivered at the intimacy, at the feeling of Even's water-slicked front on his own, their hearts hammering, nipples grazing. 

'I just want you to be comfortable,' Even murmured as he kissed him once more, soft and slow as his hand moved to capture Isak's straining erection. 

The boy let out a low wail, hips bucking in lust-adorned hysteria as Even began to palm him under the tepid, steaming water. 

Sometimes clients touched him - if only to watch him squirm - but not like this, not purposeful and slow, sending electrical currents rolling through his shaft and up his body. The older male resumed his gentle sucking of Isak's exposed, flushed throat, licking and kissing and bruising. 

'Shit...' Isak simpered, letting out a pleasured, embarrassing whine as Even's thumb rubbed along the swollen head of his length. The younger became reinvigorated with purpose as he pulled back slightly in Even's hold, trying to reach for the other's cock, knowing that it was his professional responsibility to also get the older boy off. 

That and the fact that he _wanted to._

But as the boy's trembling fingers reached out to take Even's straining, furious erection in his palm, the taller male took a sudden hold of his hand. He continued to stroke Isak's shaft as he pinned his wrist to the cold, porcelain edge of the tub, pushing the teenager up against it. 

Isak's eyes widened. Even gave the boy a firm, governing expression, tutting his tongue in mock disapproval. 

'No, baby,' He cooed, releasing Isak's wrist in favor of cupping the boy's blushing cheek, stroking at the damp curls that clung to his temple. 

'Hands to yourself.' 

Isak was surprised by the deep, primitive ache the order caused deep within him, blinking in bewilderment, eyelashes wet and flitting. Even's hand turned to a fist, beginning to pump him almost aggressively. 

'But...' Isak cried out, whimpering, _actually whimpering,_ as Even suddenly let go of him. His body, once smouldering with heatstroke, became ice-cold despite being immersed in hot, bubbling water, the boy shivering in the absence of Even's sinful touch. 

'N-no...' The boy whined. 

_No, no, no, no, no, no._

What the adolescent wasn't expecting was for Even to take a hold of his own engorged cock, looking deep into the other boy's soul as he slid it against Isak's, just the tip at first and then the entire shaft, taking both lengths in his one, large hand and beginning to pump them together, letting out a groan as he did so. 

_Oh._

'Oh-ohh,' Isak moaned in revelation. Even's other hand threaded in his hair, pulling his head back to allow himself easy access to Isak's jugular, continuing to fuck them both in his hand as he marked and nipped the other's tender throat. 

It should have bothered Isak, the older boy marking him up, lips rough and hot and claiming, but somehow, it didn't. 

_The bruises would fade,_ he thought absently, letting himself get taken completely by the burning heat in his loins, _along with everything else._

The boy shuddered in pleasure as Even's hard, wet cock glided against the sensitive, tender skin of his own in tortuously languid thrusts. The friction was heavenly; the older boy letting out guttural, breathless moans as he ground against Isak with building urgency. 

'Fuck... Baby...' He grunted softly, holding their respectively aching lengths tightly together as he tugged between them, sliding his large hands up and down and making the younger boy shake and moan and quiver as tickles of euphoria built in the base of his gut. 

_It was all too much._

No one had ever cared about his pleasure at all, let alone prioritized it over their own. He had always been the instrument of someone else' pleasure, used up for his mouth or his hands and then discarded. 

He had never been touched so generously, so lovingly; the boy crying out in pleasure, shattering to pieces under Even's strokes. He felt like he could just dissolve right there in the older male's large, skillful hands, with his back pressed into the porcelain of the bathtub and his cock slipping and grazing against the unforgiving hardness of the other's shaft, with Even's sensuous groans filling the room, with Even's hot breath dusting his throat and his lips. 

Isak tried to look away, tried to avert his gaze as he caught a glimpse of the older male's starved, almost unhinged expression; his blue eyes, once so soft and jovial now dark and burning with concentrated lust. The younger boy became overwhelmed, his gaze casting downwardly, letting out shy, strangled little mewls of ecstasy. 

'Look at me,' Even all but growled, shifting to take a soft hold of Isak's chin and forcing the other to face him, making Isak stare into his piercing, fire-blue eyes, 'Look at me.' 

Isak let out a sharp cry as the rapidity of Even's hand increased once again, the strokes almost punishing as Even crushed his mouth into the younger boy's, kissing and tasting and licking into him. 

'Even...' He moaned against the other's lips. 

Isak's back arched as hot, rapturous chills began to roll up his abdomen, his limbs spasmed, his eyes welling with water and his mouth falling open in awe as the older boy pumped them even faster. Their breaths were loud and labored, both men teetering; painfully close. 

'Come for me, Isak,' Even ordered in a groan, pushing the boy off the edge, the adolescent rutting against Even and letting out choked, tear-filled wails, his mind soaked in pleasure. An overwhelming heat exploded throughout his entire form, boiling his blood and shooting through his rib-cage, the boy thrashing in the water as he spilled his load, hips stuttering before he collapsed against the ridge of the bathtub in a heap of exhausted, sated limbs. 

Even came seconds later, grinding against Isak's spent, over-stimulated cock. The younger adolescent writhed, only vaguely aware of the moan on the other's lips, the expression sounding like something between a grunt and Isak's name. Even's eyes shut in a soft, evangelical sought of way before dropping down next to Isak, the water giving a fluid, resounding splash. 

A long moment passed as the two caught their breath. Isak was immediately filled with pugnacious regret, hating himself for how much he allowed himself to let go, despising himself for enjoying it. With an array of self-deprecating and self-disciplinary thoughts overlapping and buzzing in his brain, Isak forced himself from the porcelain ridge on which he was rested, shuffling to stand. He was about to step out of the spa bath when he felt a strong hand grip at his wrist. 

Isak sighed and looked back at Even, who lay relaxedly in the bubbly, steaming water, cheeks flushed and lips raw, his blonde hair dishevelled in a way that still looked _perfect_. 

_Fuck him._

'What do you think you're doing?' Even asked with a smirk, the boy feeling cold as water rolled down his body, the only warmth he felt burning from Even's hand on his wrist. 

Isak rolled his eyes derisively, trying to play it cool. 

'I'm getting out to like... Dry off...' He muttered defiantly, scowling as he found himself being dragged back into the water. 

He let out a small squeak of surprise as he was forced to sit between Even's warm legs, the older boy shifting him so that his back was pressed to the young man's firm, dampened chest, strong, pale arms wrapping around Isak's middle and squeezing him in. 

The way the boy's heart reacted to the embrace made him hate both himself and Even, possibly more than he already did. 

'No you aren't,' The other said with a laugh, kissing at Isak's water-slicked shoulder, fingers shifting to play with the smaller boy's curls, 'Relax, love, I want to soak for a bit.' 

What Even didn't understand was that it was affection like this that Isak was so entirely starved of, the warmth of the embrace only standing to cement Isak's eventual downfall. His heart broke, even now, at the thought of leaving the older boy's protective arms. 

'But my fingers are all gross and waterlogged,' Isak complained feebly as he felt himself go involuntarily lax under Even's soft touches, the older boy massaging his scalp, fingers knotting tentatively in the tangles of Isak's messy, golden locks. 

Even just laughed again, squeezing him tighter and shifting to kiss sweetly at Isak's reddened cheek, the touch feeling like a burn. 

'Shh, baby.' 

Isak grumbled incomprehensibly to himself, but couldn't help blush a little deeper at the pet name and contact. 

_Jesus Christ._

He was so _fucked._

'I have to... Uh... find my phone,' He said, attempting to persuade the other to let him go, even as he ached to stay wrapped in the comfort of Even's hold for as long as possible, 'I have to make a few calls.' 

Even chuckled again, shrugging simply as he ruffled Isak's curls, offering a plain and dismissive reply. 

'Later.' 

*** 

It was half an hour later when Even finally let Isak leave the bath, allowing him to dry off and dress before the boy began a rampant search for his phone. He eventually found it wedged between the velvet cushions of one of the penthouse' many sofas, thusly excusing himself to the bedroom as Even set up for a game of FIFA. The older male insisted on plastering Isak with a sweet, soft "goodbye kiss" before he went. 

It was _insufferable._

Isak shut the bedroom door behind him and took in a grounding breath. He opened his phone, scrolling through the contacts which mostly consisted of his few, regular clients, stalling slightly before pressing the contact of the only person he was ever truly happy to speak to. 

Not today, today he flinched inwardly, listening to the dial tone as he prepared himself for wrath. He didn't even get a word as he was assaulted with the shrill, antagonistic voice of Eva Kviig Mohn. 

'Well where the fuck have you been!?' She exclaimed, Isak recoiling instinctively in trepidation despite the fact that they were over the phone and there was no feasible possibility of her whacking him in the temple. 

'Uh...' He murmured guiltily, trying not to add fuel to the fire, 'Hi Eva...' 

'Don't you _hi Eva_ me,' She snapped back with acid, 'What the fuck's going on? I wasted half my credit trying to fucking call you last night and Chris has been so worried he's been injecting morphine all day. He's been having visions, Isak, it's fucking stressful...' 

Isak frowned, racking his mind for a thing to say, hoping to divert the situation. 

'I thought Chris said he was going to lay off the narcotics?' He muttered sheepishly. 

Eva scowled audibly. 

'Don't make this about Chris, Chris says a lot of things,' She paused, her voice coming out high and volatile, 'Seriously, what the fuck is up? You're gone all night and you can't even call? Where the fuck are you? Are you okay?' 

Isak just rolled his eyes at the procession of questions. 

'Yeah, yeah, I'm okay Eva,' He said in an attempt to pacify her, 'Jesus Christ.' 

'Stop being a little asshole, Isak,' Eva exclaimed in a piercing yell, 'I thought you were dead. I thought I was going to see your face on the fucking news- 

'You don't even watch the news-' Isak shot back indifferently. 

'Well I might have!' 

Isak sighed, he owed her an explanation. 

'Look I'm still with that guy that picked me up last night and... You're not going to believe this but, he's paying me to stay the week.' 

There was a moment of silence on the other line. 

'W-What guy?' Eva asked in a daze, 'And what do you mean, he's paying you to stay the week?' 

'The one in the fancy car,' The boy explained in frustration, 'You know, the Rolls Royce-' 

'There was a guy in a Rolls Royce!?' Eva exclaimed in astonishment, 'Where the fuck was I!?' 

Isak face-palmed. 

'You were literally right there Eva, and drunk... Like really fucking drunk...' He spat, before adding a quiet: 'As usual.' 

'Go suck a fucking dick Isak, honestly...' Was all Eva said in reply, her tone, although relatively light-hearted, possessing an edge, 'And what do you mean, you're not coming home?' 

The boy sighed. 

'The guy’s paying me like, 135,000 krone to stay with him for the next seven days... He lives at the Grand Hotel, man. He's like an heir or something.' 

There was a long moment of silence before Isak heard an ear-splitting scream. 

'What the fuck!?' Eva yelled in abject disbelief, 'Holy _shit_ I think I'm having heart palpitations...' 

'I know...' Isak murmured, 'And he's like really nice-' 

Eva snorted. 

'What's wrong with him?' She questioned suddenly, 'Is he fat? Ugly? Mentally insufficient?' 

'No,' Isak said with a shake of his head, 'He's really good looking actually... And he's a little eccentric but he seems pretty stable-' 

'Like good looking for a client or good looking in general?' Eva questioned further, her tone inquisitive. 

'He's really hot,' Was all Isak said, not wanting to elaborate for the sake of his heart. 

'Fuck...' Eva murmured, trying to find the catch, 'Is he into anything weird like bloodplay, does he want to lock you in a small cage and rub his dick along the bars?' 

The boy grimaced, 'What the fuck are you talking about?’ 

'Oh... Just this thing that happened once,' Eva explained, much to Isak's horror, 'I got paid a lot for it and he let me out... eventually...' 

Isak tried not to let the dark-tinge to the admission sink in completely, shaking his head in disgust. 

'No...' He said simply, disturbed, 'Nothing like that, what the fuck...' He stalled for a moment before bashfully admitting, 'We just got each other off in his spa bath...' He paused, his gut fluttering at the fresh memory, 'It had twenty settings... It was nice...' 

At this, Eva started to chuckle meanly. 

'You sound like you liked it...' She said, her voice laced with suspicion. 

'I didn't like it!' Isak shot back defensively. 

'You did!' She shouted back, her register becoming chastising, 'You can't like it... It's against policy! 

'It's just that-' Isak began to say before being interrupted. 

'What? Does he have a big dick or something?' Eva asked with a smirk in her voice, 'Because there is plenty of bomb ass dick on the street, you don't need to be getting messed up with fuckboy heirs.' 

Isak blushed aggressively, his thoughts drifting to Even's cock. 

'His... His...' He stammered out shyly, 'I mean it's nice...' The boy gulped, 'Seems substantial.' 

Eva roared with laughter. 

'You little fucking slut!' She jokingly accused him, 'You liked it! You like him!' 

'No I don't!' Isak flat out denied. 

'How much is he paying you again?' She asked suddenly, tone serious, pragmatic. 

'135,000 krone.' 

Eva hummed at the large sum of money. 

'And has he given it to yet?' She inquired demandingly. 

'Not yet but he paid me 4000 for last night...' 

The girl let out a shocked gasp. 

'You lucky little bitch,' She said in mock bitterness, drawing out each word and making Isak laugh. 

'Look, I'll transfer some money into the shared account alright? Give Chris his cut but I want you to have the rest.' 

Eva let out an inhuman squeal. 

'Shit Isak... Do I ever tell you that I love you?' 

'Yes,' Isak replied with a smile, 'All the time.' 

'You'll call us if he tries any fucked-up shit, alright?' Eva said firmly, although excitement was still heavy on her voice, 'Chris just got some new brass knuckles that he can't wait to try out.' 

'Yeah,' Isak said with a soft laugh, 'Yeah of course.' 

'Alright fine. Just be smart about this, okay?' Eva said sternly, her voice becoming steady with an uncharacteristic sincerity, 'Make sure _you_ call the shots, take _everything_ you can get and let him know that he will never truly own you,' She paused, sighing deeply as if for emphasis, 'And although you might like him, don't, under any circumstances, Isak, be stupid enough to fall in love with him, okay?' 

'Of course not,' Isak replied tersely, nodding slowly as if trying to convince himself, 'Never.' 

What scared Isak most of all was that despite his resolute, decisive words, there was a small part of the boy that was already slipping under, a small part of Isak that had already broken that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Pure Morning - Placebo


	4. Desire Lines

'Wake up, baby,' Was the first thing Isak heard as his eyes flitted open, his face pressed into the soft skin of an already familiar chest. 

A warm arm was draped around his waist, fingertips drawing small circles on the teenager's unclothed shoulder; calm, steady breathing emanating from the form beneath him. 

Isak let out an exhausted little groan, nuzzling even further into Even's bare pectoral, too sleep-ailed to realize the trap he was falling directly and willingly into. 

It felt _so nice_ , waking up in an embrace, _so warm_ that Isak almost forgot the nature of their arrangement. He thought for a wild moment that he had awoken in a parallel universe; a universe were everything was fine, a universe in which the adolescent was simply waking up in the loving hold of his perfect boyfriend. 

The boy yearned for it; a universe in which he deserved to be loved, a world in which Even was his, actually _his_ , a world in which he didn't need to sell himself for money. 

But that wasn't his reality, not in this universe. An Isak like that probably existed in some inter-dimensional cosmos, worlds and galaxies out of reach - but not here, not in this one. 

Isak's time with Even in this universe would merely be a pocket of heaven in the midst of cold reality; a fleeting instance of warmth and comfort. A dream that would soon be over. 

And Isak could _never_ allow himself to get too comfortable, could never let himself get used to it. 

With this in mind, he stretched his tired limbs as much as he could within the confines of the older boy's hold, reluctantly dragging himself from the protective warmth of Even's body. He tried not to look back at the other as he sat up, rubbing his eyes with balled fists and letting out a feeble, quiet little yawn. 

He heard Even chuckle, the sound adoring and mellifluous. 

'You're so cute in the morning,' Even said huskily, warm hands grasping Isak by the waist and pulling him back down to the older boy's chest, much to the other's vexation, 'I'm cold without you.' 

The boy sighed as he was once again ensnared within the heavenly warmth of Even's embrace; his face pressed into the other's neck, chest aching as he felt a soft kiss at the crown of his head. 

'Well I'm overheated,' He snapped indifferently as Even snuggled into him, ignoring Isak's halfhearted protest completely. 

Even shifted their positions to place a gentle kiss to Isak's nose, forcing the blushing smaller teenager to look up at him. He blinked soft; all fluffy-haired and sleepy-eyed, a warm, hazy smile on the young heir's face as he peered down at Isak. 

_Fuck._

Even had just woken up and he looked absolutely breathtaking. Soft and vulnerable in a way that was still traditionally masculine, all rosy-lipped and heavy lidded and perfect. Isak, on the other hand, was sure he looked as if he'd just been hit by the meth train. He frowned. _It wasn't fair._

'What is it, love? You look grumpy,' Even asked with a faint chuckle, pecking Isak's lips and nuzzling the other's nose with his own. 

Isak's heart giving a graceless sputter. 

_Fuck him._

_He didn't even have morning breath._

'I'm fine,' Isak muttered indignantly, gazing to the side as Even pressed their sleep-warmed foreheads together, smiling soft, a tepid hand cupping Isak's cheek. 

'I just want to get up.' 

The older boy tutted. 

'But why get up when it's so comfortable and warm?' Even sulked with a frown, pouting infectiously and brushing a bit of Isak's fringe off of his forehead in a quick, tender sweep. 

'It's not. It's sweaty,' The boy said flatly, feigning disgust. 

It was a little sweaty, that was true. Isak and Even had gotten each other off again after Eva's phone call, the boys and the sheets still a little sticky with the repercussions of the act. 

Even so, the slight filth was more than bearable, considering the soft heat and the downy comfort of the large, blanket-laden bed. 

Isak let out a huff of faux annoyance. 

'Well you'll be rid of me today, for a few hours at least,' Even said sullenly, his voice joking but possessing an underlying sobriety, expression grave, 'I'm going to an appointment thing at around 11, just some bullshit my parents make me do.' 

'An appointment for what?' Isak asked disinterestedly, enraptured by the murmuring blue of Even's sunlit eyes. 

'Just a general medical checkup, that sort of thing,' The older boy said quickly, dismissively, shrugging and tucking a stray curl behind Isak's ear, 'Anyway, I'm going to be gone for a while because the, uh, facility is outside of Oslo,' He sighed in grievance,' I didn't even realize that it was today.' 

Isak nodded numbly, the words arbitrary and inconsequential, barely registering within his conflicted mind. 

'So I'm just going to hang out here while you're gone...?' He asked, the thought of being alone in the large, opulent penthouse uprooting a strange feeling of immense dread. 

'No,' Even said with a shake of his head, stroking gently at the boy's cheek, observing his weary expression, 'You, Isak, are going to take this-' the older male shifted, his grip on Isak loosening ever so slightly to allow the young man access to the glossy black side table, reaching around blindly for a moment before retrieving what appeared to be a platinum bank card. He handed it to Isak, who frowned in bewilderment, 'And you are going to go shopping.' 

'Shopping?' Isak asked confusedly, brow scrunching. 

'Yes,' Even said with a nod, his irises twinkling as he extended a forefinger to smooth out the lines of Isak's frown, 'You are in need of some new clothes.' 

'Why?' Isak asked, having thought that he wouldn't need clothes at all for he and Even's activities. 

'Because I have plans for us,' Even explained evasively, 'Plans that require you to be dressed. And nicely dressed, at that.' 

'Whatever,' Isak said with a bitter scoff, insulted in the same way he had been when the affluent male had wrapped him in his coat, 'I'm sorry I didn't bring a tuxedo for the fucking occasion. I didn't realize there would be any other plans outside of me sucking you off.' 

Even just chuckled. 

'While that would be lovely and I'd gladly take you up on the offer, I have organized a few outings that I hope you'll enjoy,' His lips quirked, 'Plus. I'd quite like to see your _perfect_ body in some expensive clothes. You could always wear mine but-' 

Isak shook his head, overcome with defiance. 

'I am _not_ wearing your clothes,' He snapped assertively. 

The prospect of wearing anything of Even's was just far too intimate, too relationship-like for the boy to willfully take part in. It was little things like that, like wearing his clothes or indulging in his affection or reciprocating compliments, that Isak was trying _desperately_ to avoid. 

This was a business exchange, and he wanted it to feel like one. 

_It didn't._

'Why are you so abhorred by the idea?' Even asked, frowning, his voice lit with offense. 

Isak just shrugged belligerently. 

'It implies things I don't like.' 

Even released a sigh. 

'My clothes wouldn't fit you right anyway. I'm much taller. And manlier.' 

Isak let out a derisive scoff. 

'I'm the perfect height,' The younger said cockily, 'You're just freakishly tall, like a fucking giraffe.' 

Even made a noise of offense, followed by a laugh. 

'I thought it was your job to stroke my ego!' Even exclaimed, although his smile was wide and bright, 'That doesn't sound like ego-stroking.' 

Isak just shrugged again, stiff and indifferent within the young man's hold. 

'Bite me,' He muttered dryly. 

The nineteen-year-old let out another soft chuckle before a wicked look took a hold of his pretty features, his blue eyes blazing with a sudden predatory fire before the older boy almost slammed Isak into the fluffy white bed, pinning him by his shoulders and crawling to straddle him. He pounced down, giving Isak's earlobe an abrupt, playful little nibble, tugging it gently between his teeth. Isak squeaked, slapping at the other as Even's hot breath dusted his tender, exposed neck. 

He shivered. 

'Hey!' Isak shrieked, swatting him away with an involuntary giggle and scowling at Even's jovial, laughing face. 

'That’s what you get!' The older boy said triumphantly, not shifting position at all, eyes squinting adorably as he chuckled, 'And I happen to think myself long-bodied and elegant, thank you very much.' 

Isak just rolled his eyes. 

'Sure.' 

'I'm going to ignore your hurtful comments on the premise that I find your sardonic disposition quite charming,' Said Even, beaming down at the other and giving his reddened ear a soothing peck before his voice became resolute, 'But really, you need a few things; some fitted pants, some shirts, nice shoes.' 

The younger adolescent groaned. 

'It's really not necessary.' 

Even gave an irritated sigh. 

'It is,' He said, ducking to nip softly at the boy's jaw, making him shudder, 'You're mine for the week, Isak and you'll wear what I want you to,' 

The tone was lighthearted but the dominance was there, the kind of self-entitled assertiveness that could only be acquired through a lifetime of knowing nothing but privilege and niceties. 

There was a part of Isak that felt offended and demeaned by Even's statement and another, smaller part that liked it, that wanted to be Even's. 

'Fuck off,' Isak spat, swallowing down the small point of weakness and trying to shove Even off, not really wanting to but needing to make a point, 'You don't own me.' 

Even didn't relent, kissing the teenager once again on his nose, tender and soft but not budging from his dominant stance over the younger boy. 

'Maybe not,' He hummed, his face wrought with an underlying sadness as he smoothed back a few of Isak's unruly locks to press his mouth to the boy's hairline, inhaling, 'But I do for the next seven days, at least.' 

The younger teenager moved unconsciously into the soft touch, in the same way a flower leans towards the sun. 

Isak soon remembered himself, however, and jerked back abruptly. 

'No you don't,' He said firmly, giving Even's strong chest another pathetic shove, 'I can walk out of the arrangement any time I want.' 

Even simply laughed, breathy and light as air. He took Isak's face in both of his hands, cradling his ruddy cheeks in a way that promised things that Even was in no place to promise. 

'I don't think you want to, though, do you, Isak?' He breathed out silkily, pressing his hot lips to the patch of skin right below the boy's left eye, trailing down to his jaw and pecking at his neck, gentle and amorous and sweet. 

His lips, so careful and plush, might as well have been coated in acid for all the good that they were doing Isak, riddling him with holes and scarring him irreparably. The boy quailed. 

'Piss off,' Isak whispered helplessly as Even's mouth ghosted over his own, his heart rate beginning to hammer within him, 'You're such a fucking ass.' 

Even let up a little and laughed. 

'You always say such sweet things to me, baby.' 

Isak was about to come up with some scathing remark when Even's full lips met his, broiling and insistent, prying him open and devouring him in prickling soft licks. _Fuck._ When the older boy pulled back, Isak was breathless. 

'Anyway,' Even lilted, smiling smugly at Isak's wide-eyed, star struck expression, 'We're going out tomorrow night so you're going to need a really nice suit. Something designer. You can pick one up today, while I'm gone.' 

Isak took a moment to find his words, his voice strained with lust. 

'I-I guess...' He murmured hesitantly, 'But like, what are we possibly going to do that necessitates a fucking suit... It's just- it's stupid.' 

Even just sighed again, doubly impatient as he tapped Isak's cheek. 

'Don't fight me on this Isak, I'm a stubborn man. You aren't going to win.' 

The younger teenager let out a groan. He knew it was true. 

'Where would I even go?' He asked with a groan, complying but making sure he still didn't sound happy about it. 

He wasn't. He didn't want to go out and play boyfriends with Even. 

_What the fuck was this?_

'There are plenty of places along Bogstadevien. I'll get a driver to drop you off,' Even muttered simply, 'Just get something expensive...' He hummed, pressing his lips to the corner of Isak's mouth, soft and seductive, 'And tight.' 

'Fine,' Isak said flatly, giving in completely but making sure to roll his eyes. 

The boy still needed to play nice, _he was being paid, after all._

Even smiled complacently, rewarding Isak with another saccharin peck to the lips. 

'I'll be back at around 3 so you'll have most of the day. Feel free to buy other things too; whatever you like,' Even said, affixing Isak with a firm expression, 'Don't look at the prices, if you like it and it looks good on you, buy it,' Isak just frowned in vast bewilderment as Even went on, 'But your focus should be mainly on finding the right suit, and also some dress shoes. It needs to be done so we're all set for tomorrow night, okay?' 

He titled his head to Isak expectantly, waiting for him to reply. 

'Okay,' Isak mumbled reluctantly, suddenly overridden with stress. 

_How the fuck was he supposed to find a nice suit? His idea of fashion was Nike sweatpants._

The mere idea of walking into a designer store gave him heart palpitations. 

Even seemed to notice Isak's trepidation and gave his hair a grounding muss, his eyes melting down, tentative and warm. 

'Don't worry baby,' He said soothingly, 'The designer stores always have sales assistants just waiting to help you out and take your money. And you will have _money_ to spend.' 

The sugar-laden, carefree words weren't reassuring in the slightest. 

'I know- it's just-' Isak stammered out before Even cut him off with a shattering kiss. 

_Again with the kissing,_ Isak thought in halfhearted despair, _Even was insatiable._

'You'd look beautiful in anything, Isak,' Even said sweetly as he drew back, constellations playing in the pale blue of his irises, 'Not as lovely as you look right now with nothing on at all,' He ran a gentle hand down Isak's chest, grazing his nipple and making his breath hitch, 'But you know stark nudity isn't really an option where we're going.' 

Isak just glowered at him, unable and unwilling to take the compliment. 

'Whatever.' 

*** 

Isak walked sheepishly along the sidewalk of the Bogstadevien shopping district, shivering stubbornly under the cold winds, icy despite the beaming sun of day. The boy had insisted on wearing the very same clothes he had been originally picked up in, the chilling air whipping through the holes of his ripped jeans as he scuffled along the pavement. He kept his eyes on his sneakers as he tried to muster the courage to enter one of the many glossy-windowed clothing stores that sat amidst high, archaic buildings, each more intimidating than the next and minimalist in a way that denoted wealth and prestige. They all looked the same; distinguished from each other only by the gold-lit lettering that marked their respective brand names. 

The boy didn't belong on a street like this, not in his grey, worn-out hoodie and beaten up converse, one of which Isak had eventually found wedged between the liquors in the penthouses' mini fridge, of all places. 

The chauffeur that Even had hired for him was parked only a block away, slumped boredly in the car seat and listening to the radio. Isak felt guilty for making the driver wait, overridden with a sense of urgency. All he had to do was _man the fuck up_ and complete his simple task. 

_Just find a suit,_ he told himself, dragging a hand through his hair in frustration, _any fucking suit._

Reinvigorated with purpose, Isak began to walk swiftly along the sidewalk, eyes raking over the store names and trying to discern from what little knowledge of the fashion industry which one qualified as "expensive" in Even's upper-class, bourgeois perspective. 

_How expensive was he even talking?_

Knowing Even, which the boy already did to a moderate degree, probably _very expensive._

Isak shuffled awkwardly on his feet, huffing in agitation as his eyes fell on an imposing menswear store named something in Italian that Isak didn't understand. It had no mannequins behind it's high, gleaming windows, embellished only by large, stylized monochrome imagery of handsome white men in fancy black suits, all of which looked like safe and simple options. 

Isak gulped, hyper-aware of just how trashy he looked as he approached the store, cursing himself for being too proud and not just borrowing something of Even's. 

_Surely it'd be okay,_ he silently reassured himself, _it wasn't like he didn't have money._

Isak got the heavy sense that he wasn't wanted as soon as he walked into the store, his scraggy appearance contrasting vastly with the white, gloss-finished limestone that covered every floor and wall, lit up even further by unnatural, violet-toned light. For a clothing store, the range of actual available clothing seemed ridiculously minimal, the interior wide and mostly consisting of open, empty space. A small array of modernistic, tufted white leather settees sat below an abstract golden light fixture that looked oddly phallic, the walls lined with only a few racks of dark-toned blazers and sleek dress shirts. 

A large, white crystalline counter stood in the very center of the space, manned domineeringly by a thin, sour-faced blonde woman. She wore a black turtleneck and a black A-line skirt, her hair slicked back and tied up into an immaculate bun that seemed like it was causing her physical pain. 

Her dull eyes centered in on Isak, wearing a look not dissimilar to that of a robot with the hardwired intent of eliminating all of human kind. 

Unfortunately for Isak, he seemed to be her target. 

He quailed. 

The woman raised a perfectly tweezed eyebrow as he stepped warily towards a rack, gesturing almost microscopically to the lone bodyguard that stood with a soldier's rigidity at the stores entrance. The boy glanced back at him in trepidation. There was a look in the man's eyes that suggested he was more than ready to tackle Isak to the ground at any given moment. 

'Can I help you?' She said from across the room, her cold pronunciation permeating the entire, terrifyingly silent space. 

She did not smile at him, only glared as she made her way over to the boy in slow, measured steps, her patent leather heels clicking almost menacingly on the marble ground. 

'I...' Isak began, stinging with humiliation, 'I-I just need a suit-' 

The woman shifted to step in front of the clothing rack in somewhat of a protective stance, looking Isak up and down with a superior, disgusted expression, like he was profoundly and intrinsically below her. 

'I suggest you look elsewhere,' Was all she said, side-eyeing the guard once again, her lipstick-sheathed lips in a thin, harsh line. 

Isak just blinked for a moment, completely bewildered. He was prepared for her to be dismissive or condescending towards him but not so downright rude. It was confusing, the complete disregard and disrespect in her tone. 

The boy frowned, shocked into silence for a short while. 

'Um...' He murmured in puzzlement, forehead creasing, 'What?' 

The lady glowered at him, exhaling through her nose as if she was being forced to communicate with an animal. 

'We don't have anything here for _your_ kind.' She said bluntly, with another disgusted glance to his scuffed-up shoes. 

Isak recoiled, grimacing as he felt the beginnings of anger prick at his cheeks, reddening his face. 

'What the fuck is this, eighteenth century Britain?' He spat out bitterly, speaking before he could stop himself, 'I have money to spend here.' 

She smiled then, her countenance possessing an underlying bloodlust, as if she was simply baring her terrifying, individually veneered teeth at the teenage boy. 

Isak flinched back. 

He _hated_ her. 

'I highly doubt you'd have nearly enough,' She said coldly, her smile unwavering as she gestured to the door, 'Please leave.' 

The boy jerked his head back in disbelief. 

_What the fuck?_

'But-' He muttered out, mouth agape in both offense and shock before he let his shoulders drop, figuring it wasn't worth it. 

'Whatever.' 

He considered giving the woman the middle finger as he walked out - it's what Chris would have done - but he soon thought better of it. 

For some reason, he felt as if he might cry as he stepped out into the pavement, completely empty handed and red-faced with an amalgamation of rage, embarrassment and failure. 

_There wasn't any point,_ he thought haplessly as he clambered back to the awaiting car, hands in his pockets in defeat, _other sales assistants would probably just kick him out too._

He blazed with resentment. 

_Fuck the suit, fuck the sales bitch and fuck Even for making him do this shit._

As Isak climbed into the open, awaiting car in a heap of anger and humiliation, the driver turned to him, wearing the same bored, vaguely suicidal expression from before. 

'Where to now?' He asked Isak mechanically. 

The boy just sighed, biting his fingernails and affixing his seat-belt. 

'Please- just take me back to the hotel.' 

*** 

As promised, Even returned to the penthouse at around three in the afternoon, smiling brightly as he walked into the living room to find Isak lying miserably on the suite's largest couch, a Narcos episode playing in the background as he poured a packet of potato crisps from the mini fridge directly into his mouth. Isak had given up entirely at that point and was in a state of passive and wry acceptance. 

He knew Even would probably be mad at him; Even _hated_ not getting what he wanted. 

Still, it wasn't like Isak _cared_ about disappointing the other. It wasn't like he felt as if he craved Even's approval and actively wanted to please him. 

_Not really._

'Hey, baby,' The heir said warmly as he walked past the elevator doors, striding joyously over to Isak who barely nodded back at him, only just acknowledging his presence as he continued to snack. 

'You're covered in crumbs,' Even said with a laugh as he knelt on the rug beside the younger, taking his chip packet off of him with a endeared grin. 

Isak let out a whine of protest as Even dusted some crisp dust from the boy's bottom lip before bending down to claim his mouth, the kiss whisper-soft yet faintly ravenous. 

'How was your appointment?' Isak mumbled numbly as Even pulled back with a smirk, ignoring the quickening of his own pulse and trying simply to divert the topic. 

'Good,' Even murmured, ruffling Isak's curls with a sun-warmed smile, 'How'd the shopping go?' 

_Fuck. He was screwed._

_Might as well tell the truth._

'It didn't,' The teenager replied curtly, avoiding the other's stare, 'It didn't go.' 

Even frowned. 

'What do you mean?' He asked confusedly, 'Didn't you find anything?' 

Isak just let out an angered groan, sitting up in his place as he felt frustration broil beneath his skin. 

'No. I didn't, Even,' He muttered harshly, 'I'm sorry I _failed_ you.' 

There was no apologetic ring to the sentence, just heavy sarcasm and malice. 

'Failed me? What the f-' Even began with a furrowed brow, only to be cut off as Isak rose to a stand. 

'It’s not my fault, okay!?' He spat irately, his cheeks ruddy and his posture defensive as Even stood to face him, 'No one would even help me out in the first place. Some fucking bitch-ass sales woman made me leave the store, Even, it was humiliating-' His breathing was heavy now, the pitch of his voice heightening to a steady yell as the older male just continued to stare at him in perplexity. 

Something in Even's expression shifted. 

'A sales assistant did what?' The heir asked suddenly, his voice hard, his beautiful lip curling. 

'She asked me to leave!' Isak exclaimed, throwing his arms up for emphasis, 'She was speaking to me like I was fucking dirt and said that the store had nothing for _my kind_ , like this is... I don't know, fucking Pride and Prejudice or some shit...' 

Even cocked his head to the side in what appeared to be wonder, his aggravated expression easing into a look of curiosity. 

'You've read Jane Austen?' He asked the younger suddenly, a bemused smile on his mouth. 

Isak stalled for a long second, momentarily pulled from his rage. 

'No, what the fuck?' Isak asked confusedly, huffing breathlessly as his momentary explosion of anger began to settle, 'Eva just really loves the Keira Knightly movie,' He frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, 'But Jesus, Even, Jane Austen is beside the point.' 

Even hummed softly, walking over to Isak to wrap his arms around the boy's waist, kissing at the adolescent's cheek in gentle, pacifying pecks. 

'That sales woman was a fucking bitch and she'll get what's coming to her, okay?' He said carefully as Isak allowed himself to look up at the other, letting the soft glimmer of his oceanic eyes calm his fired-up nerves, 'We can go find you a suit right now,' Even cooed, 'You and me.' 

'I don't want to go anymore,' Isak sulked as the older male kissed at his temple, 'I don't want to have to put up with people being mean to me just because-' 

'No one's going to be mean to you. You'll be with me,' Even amended, squeezing Isak a little tighter, 'It was stupid of me to send you out on your own in the first place and for that, I'm sorry.' 

He kissed Isak's lips again, dotingly, soothing. 

'S'okay,' Isak mumbled softly, intoxicated by Even's irresistible charm and pretty mouth and sweet, genteel nature. 

'Will you let me spend obscene amounts of money on you, baby?' Even asked quizzically after a drawn out moment, bumping his forehead to Isak's with a grin. 

Isak didn't want to go shopping at all, but if it pleased Even - which it seemed to - he would. 

'Yeah okay,' He muttered unenthusiastically. 

The older male beamed bright at his compliance and Isak was left wondering why he wanted to please the _spoilt_ and _over-privileged_ young man at all. 

*** 

Isak stood in the black, sleek dressing room of Olso's exclusive Gucci store, the cubicle alone larger than the kitchen he shared with Eva, Chris and the few other prostitutes that hung like flies around their dingy Toyen apartment. He stood, curtained off from Even, beside a large array of hung-up clothing; all strange, lavishly-designed pieces with swirling embroidery and Swarovski crystals and gleaming gold buttons. 

He was currently wearing what had seemed at first to be an innocent enough fitted white shirt. Isak, however, soon found that that was not at all the case; the button-up shrouded in floral-pink embellishments; coral-toned stitching interspersed with intricate bead-work and subtle pops of light blue thread. 

He looked like an _idiot._

'Can't I just have a normal shirt?' Isak complained, calling out to Even who sat languidly on a black leather settee in the lavish changing room foyer, a perpetual grin plastered on his face as he forced Isak to try on outfit after outfit. 

The boy felt like a human doll. 

Isak walked sulkily from behind the crushed velvet-black curtains wearing the _stupid_ floral top and a pair of red corduroy pants, grumbling irritably. Even beamed at him. 

'That looks wonderful,' The heir said with a grin, turning to a red-headed sales assistant who nodded back at him, dollar signs in her eyes, her arms heaped with pants and sweaters and so many more obnoxiously colored clothing Isak would have to try on. 

The boy huffed. 

'Maybe we could try something plain?' He muttered petulantly, looking down at his flamboyant, feminine attire, 'Why are they all covered in birds and flowers and shit?' 

Even just let out an exasperated sigh. 

'It's haute couture,' He said flatly, as if that was explanation enough, walking over to Isak and smoothing down his collar, 'I like this one,' He murmured, giving Isak a gentle kiss and making the boy's stomach curl, 'It has a boho influence.' 

Isak remained outwardly indignant, letting out a dry scoff. 

'What do you mean, a boho influence?' 

Even ran his fingertips over the detailed embellishments that covered much of Isak's upper chest, gentle and sensually slow. 

The teenage boy's heart couldn't help but quake. 

'The floral embroidery,' Even murmured, that distinct know-it-all tone once again gracing his voice, 'It's a clear nod towards the aesthetic qualities of the 1970s bohemian era.' 

Isak let out a sardonic laugh. 

'The shirt is 6000 krone,' He muttered. The boy wouldn't have believed it himself if he hadn't made the mistake of reading the price tag, 'I think that kind of capitalism goes directly against what it means to be bohemian.' 

Even just rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips; clearly enamored by Isak's strong sense of wit. 

'Fine,' He murmured with a chuckle, turning to the sales assistant, 'Can we get some plain shirts please, Isak is _boring_.' 

The younger teenager moved to give the other a playful shove, but Even captured his wrist before he could, depositing a quick, fleeting kiss to the back of Isak's hand. He was _too much._ All of it was _too fucking much._

'I still think that should go into the _yes_ pile,' Even said, gesturing to the shirt and then at the mountainous heap of clothing he had set out on the settee beside himself, 'You look lovely in it.' 

'You've said that about everything I've put on,' Isak snapped, 'Even the dress.' 

'That was not a dress, that was a tunic,' Even said defensively, 'And even if it was a dress, don't adhere to the rigid gender stereotypes of our society, Isak, seriously.' 

Isak just let out an annoyed sigh. 

'Whatever.' 

The assistant was back in a moment, bringing with her a good half a dozen shirts, all simple and sleek and probably worth more than Isak's yearly rent. 

'Here are the shirts you wanted, sir,' She said fawningly, smiling wide and polite. 

Even barely looked at her, gesturing for her to put the clothing down on the adjacent settee. 

'Thank you,' He muttered, seemingly lost in thought. 'Can we also get one in the aquamarine, I think that'd really compliment the tonal quality of his eyes.' 

Isak could only respond bitterly. 

'Tonal quality?' He mocked, a small, scathing laugh on his voice, 'Aquamarine?' 

'It's a shade of green, Isak,' Even said with a sharp exhalation, handing the boy a white shirt, 'Try this with the same pants.' 

'Why don't you just call it green then?' Isak said in a snarky register as he obediently stumbled back into the changing room, shirt in hand. 

'Because it isn't quite green. It has bluish undertones,' Even called back like it should have been common knowledge. 

'Whatever you say.' 

Once the white shirt was on, Isak walked sluggishly back into the foyer. He hated this particular look profoundly less, despite the fact that he was still very much wearing the bright red pants. 

'See, that looks wonderful. But maybe with different pants...' Even hummed with an appreciative nod as Isak stood there cursing his own existence, 'Do you have anything in a suede?' Even asked the sales woman, 'Slim-fitting, cropped?' 

As much as Isak _hated_ the red pants, he wanted this to be over with. The thought of trying on what would likely extend to another seven pairs of trousers instilled a deep fear within him. 

'These pants are fine,' He said pleadingly, balling his fists at his side like a small child, almost whiny. 

Even looked at the ensemble with a concentrated expression, crossing his arms and tapping his own chin. 

'I think it's missing something,' He murmured, shaking his head slightly in thought. 

'What about a broach?' The assistant offered in a voice that only thinly masked desperation, 'Or a statement sock to break up the colour blocking?' 

Isak narrowed his eyes. 

'A statement sock?' He asked in a daze. 

_How ridiculous._

'Yes that's exactly what I was thinking!' Even exclaimed, his posture relaxing as he rewarded the woman with one of his dazzling, sunny smiles. Isak didn't miss the sales assistant's reaction, the woman blushing fiercely as she tucked a strand of red hair behind her own ear, 'Maybe a pattern...' Even went on, 'Do you have anything in houndstooth-' 

Isak let out a long, infuriated groan. 

'Can we just find a suit already? All this other shit is unnecessary,' He complained sulkily, 'I just want to go back to the hotel.' 

'Why!?' Even asked in astonishment, 'We're having so much fun!' 

'Maybe you are,' Isak said glumly as they waited for the sales lady to come back with their autumn/winter sock collection, 'I just... don't understand. How can you care so much about clothing?' 

Even contemplated this for a moment before leaning back in his seat, adjusting his perfect hair as he began to explain. 

'It's not just about the clothing, Isak,' He started, tone becoming lit with sincerity, well-versed, 'Fashion is so much more than that. It's about artistic expression, curating a self-image that communicates to the world how you not only see yourself...' He paused, as if trying to find the right words, 'But also how you wish to be seen by others.' 

Isak just nodded slowly at this, wryly allowing the ridiculous speech to wash over him. He let out a small, belittling snigger. 

'Is the self-image you're going for: Pretentious Douchebag?' He snapped back dryly, watching slow-building astonishment settle in over Even's lovely face, 'Because if so, it's working out for you.' 

Even let his mouth fall open at the thorough burn. 

'I have invited you into my home, Isak,' He lilted with mock tragedy thick in his voice, 'And still, you take every chance you can get to hurt me.' 

Isak raised a brow, flicking his own unruly fringe in a movement of self-assuredness and vast sass. 

'Don't act like you aren't getting anything out of my company.' 

Even's smile darkened as he rose to a stand, his arms suddenly around Isak's waist, pulling him in. His fingers dug into the small of Isak's back in an intoxicating, possessive kind of way that made the younger boy's insides tremor. 

'I certainly am,' He murmured softly, kissing along the hollow of the smaller teenager's cheekbone before trailing hot-lipped pecks to the collar of his dress shirt. 

The boy whined, looping his arms around Even's neck and dragging him in, pouting. 

'I wanna go back to the penthouse, Even,' He pleaded childishly, fluttering his eyelashes and hoping to win Even over with seduction, wanting nothing more than for the infernal shopping to be put to an end, 'We can have another bath togeth-' 

Even just laughed, kissing him on the lips once more and shaking his head. Their noses grazed as he gave Isak a fixed look. 

'Soon,' He hummed low, smiling wide and giving Isak's blushed cheek a gentle tap before turning back to the sales assistant who had just returned, carrying about fourteen pairs of patterned socks. 

'Thank-you,' Even said with another winning grin, causing the girl to visibly fluster, 'Can we please see your men's formal-wear?' 

*** 

'How does it look?' Isak heard Even call out from outside of the heavy curtains as he adjusted the blazer of tuxedo number twelve, fumbling tiredly with the intricate buttons. 

Isak was exhausted and he wasn't afraid to let everyone know it. He had goaded Even with complaint after complaint for the entirety of the shopping experience; the older boy responding solely in cheer, seeming to take immense joy in Isak's annoyance. He just kept grinning and prattling on, talking endlessly about fabrics and patterns and _the properties of color._

Although Isak hated the excess of the designer fashion industry and detested the prospect of shopping in general, the younger adolescent found that he was beginning to quite enjoy himself, even if he was a little fatigued. 

There was just something about the playful banter that came as easily as breathing between him and the heir, something about the gleam of happiness in Even's crystal blue eyes. The older male's passionate demeanor was rather infectious, although he'd never admit it. 

Even was just so _cool_ , effortlessly so, in a way that seemed unique to him as an individual, not simply a ramification of his power and wealth. Isak thought abstractedly that the nineteen-year-old would be just as cool had he been born normal, void of his affluence and the accompanying frills. 

'I don't know,' Isak answered boredly, looking at his reflection with a critical frown, 'It looks fine, I guess.' 

And it was fine, _more than fine, actually._ The tuxedo was a deep, wine red suede, muted and denoting an air of Old Hollywood sophistication. The pants were tight and clung to Isak's long legs in a way that even the boy himself could admit was flattering, the matching jacket slim-fitting and tailored, the lapels of the blazer lined with black velvet piping. Underneath sat a crisp white shirt and a simple black tie which grounded the ensemble in modernism, while still preserving its classic aesthetic. 

Isak took one last look in the mirror before skulking out of the cubicle in the same sluggish, exaggeratedly mournful manner as he had with the eleven other tuxedos. 

'I mean... It looks better than the last one,' Isak muttered with a shrug, reflecting miserably on the last suit he'd been forced into, which had been entirely covered in a bright, dizzying dragon print that the sales assistant had called "orientally inspired." 

When Isak looked up at Even he was surprised to see that the boy's blue eyes had widened, pupils blown, his jaw dropped in what looked to be awe. For once, Even seemed entirely speechless. 

'What?' Isak asked, shuffling self-consciously. 

'N-nothing,' Even breathed out, taking a few steps towards Isak, 'It's just... Shit, Isak... do have any idea how fucking _breathtaking_ you look...?' 

Isak just blushed even deeper than he already had been. 

In Even's presence, it almost felt like the boy was _perpetually blushing._ He needed to _hold it together._

'That's the one. Without a doubt,' Even murmured, backing up a little as if wanting to really soak in the sight, like Isak was a magnificent oil painting hanging in an art gallery, 'Do a spin.' 

Isak rolled his eyes in frustration but tiredly obeyed, twirling mechanically to allow Even a 360 degree view. 

'It's perfect,' Even said in a stunned voice, his sparkling irises full of awe and lust and a strange _devotion_ , 'You're perfect.' 

'The color's nice, I guess,' Isak commented awkwardly, becoming bashful under the praise, 'I like the fabric and shit.' 

Even grinned again before waltzing to his side and grabbing the younger roughly by the lapels, kissing him abruptly, long and wet and slow, knocking the oxygen clean out of Isak's lungs. 

'Beautiful,' Even crooned against the other's mouth in the same heady voice he had used in the spa bath. 

He turned yet again to the sales woman who had returned to perform her routine offering of assistance, the lady standing by the lounge's entrance with the vacant expression and the false eagerness of a learned retail worker. 

'Isn't this man beautiful?' Even asked her rhetorically, pulling Isak to his side and giving the younger boy's hip a tight squeeze. 

'Yes,' She said immediately, clinically, nodding as Even leaned in to press his lips to Isak's cheek. 

'My beautiful,' The heir trilled gently, and Isak knew right then that the older boy was going to _kill him_. 

'So...' Isak muttered, ignoring the stabbing sensation in his chest, 'Are we done here, can we leave now?' 

The nineteen-year old just chuckled in glee. 

'Of course not!' He exclaimed with what Isak thought was an intentionally cruel grin, 'You still need footwear. And accessories.' 

Isak felt like _screaming._

' _Fuck my life_.' 

*** 

'I can't believe you've never seen _Kill Bill_!' Even exclaimed almost offendedly as he and Isak walked hand in hand down the Bogstadevien sidewalk in the pale haze of twilight. 

The older boy had sent a chauffeur to drop off the almost endless amount of boxes and bags they had acquired upon leaving Gucci, insisting that he and Isak go for a late-afternoon walk. The breeze was soft and cool, the two young men engaging in a somewhat aggressive discussion about their favorite action films and beaming at each other like lovesick idiots. 

'Like, Quentin Tarantino is a film noir genius. The franchise is just _so lit,_ ' Even said exasperatedly as they wandered aimlessly past yellow-lit storefronts, shaking his head in immense dismay. 

Isak was dressed similarly to Even now, the younger boy clad in fitted black slacks, a dark blue dress shirt and a warm charcoal-toned coat. He also wore an array of simplistic silver rings that the older boy had gotten him at some disgustingly overpriced jewelry store called _Cartier_ , Even having insisted that the embellishments were the perfect the _finishing touch_ to the ensemble, along with a soft, artfully draped, black and white threaded scarf. 

At first glance, the two young men appeared simply as a proud, extremely well-to-do couple; holding hands and exchanging romantic pleasantries in the midst of dusk. A few strangers probably mistook the spectacle for _love_. 

_It wasn't love,_ Isak reminded himself as he felt his mind ease into the illusion, _it could never be love._

'Quentin Tarantino?' The boy muttered abstractedly, lost within his heart-shattering thoughts, 'Isn't he the dude that did _Inglorious Basterds_?' 

'Yeah,' Even affirmed enthusiastically, smiling, _always smiling_ at the other, 'You've seen that?' 

'Mmm,' Isak nodded slow, perking up a little, 'I loved that shit. The way Hitler's brains get blown out at the end - now that's what I call cinematic art.' 

Even chuckled. 

'Violent,' He noted softly, titling his head in with an adoring, amused expression, 'But yes, it's definitely one of the best contemporary Holocaust films that's ever been made, even if it's a complete historical re-imagining.' 

Isak just shrugged. 

'I also kind of enjoyed it because, you know. Brad Pitt,' The boy admitted, unashamed. 

'You like Brad Pitt?' Even asked, turning to the other with a grimace, 'In that film? With that facial hair?' 

'I don't care what facial hair he has,' Isak snapped back, relishing in the way irrational jealously seemed to it flicker across Even's features, 'He's hot in that movie.' 

Even frowned. _But why?_

'So that does it for you?' The taller man asked with an incredulous laugh, 'The whole murderous, psychopathic lieutenant thing?' 

Isak smirked, considering the question with a wry shrug. 

'I guess.' 

'That's pretty fucked up, Isak.' 

'Well, I'm a pretty fucked-up guy,' The younger adolescent muttered before looking away, voice tired and flat. 

Even seemed to sense the underlying severity to Isak's tone and flinched, quickly directing the conversation to a lighter subject. 

'Diane Kruger also looked pretty good in that film, though,' He stated suddenly, giving Isak's hand a gentle squeeze, 'Don't you think?' 

Isak's face scrunched, the boy instinctively shaking his head. 

'I don't know,' He said indifferently, 'I'm not really into women.' 

'I'm into everything, really,' Even murmured back informatively, turning to Isak with an indescribable look of tenderness as his voice rang low, 'But I'm predominantly just into _you._.' 

Isak blinked. 

'Do you say that to all of your street hookers?' He fired back teasingly after a few seconds pause, swallowing back his heartbeat. Isak hated the flirting; the sweet words that teased at his insides, that toyed with the pained, troubled child within - the child who just wanted to be held. 

'No,' Even said with a sudden sternness, turning to Isak with a look of profound sincerity glinting in his piercing irises, 'I told you, I've never done this before.' 

He paused for a moment, letting his words hang in midair, defying gravity as they extended between them. 

'Isak?' He said suddenly, as if he was remembering something he'd almost forgotten. 

'Yes?' 

'Will you tell me which store it was? The one you were asked to leave?' Even inquired in a smooth, casual tone, looking at the other expectantly. 

'Oh...' Isak murmured, realizing vaguely that they were coincidentally quite close to the godless boutique, 'Uh...' He squinted, pointing limply the store that was only a block or so away from where they currently stood on the pavement, 'It's that one. Why?' 

'I think I need to have a little chat with the sales assistant,' Even said simply, as cavalier as ever, tightening his hand around Isak's and beginning to lead him towards the store. 

'W-what!?' Isak exclaimed suddenly, overcome with a strange anxiety as the other power-walked them over to the boutique, 'No, that's really not necessary-' 

There was no way Isak was going back in _there_. 

'Seriously, Even!' 

Even just hushed him, dragging the fretful boy down the block, yanking him harder when Isak tried to dig in his heels. 

'Even!' Isak protested in a weak, shallow whisper as he was forced through a set of automatic doors. The very same guard he had seen midday offered the well-dressed young men a respectful nod. Even ignored it, gesturing openly towards the offending sales lady. 

'Her?' He asked Isak, loud enough for the woman to hear, loud enough to indicate that the older male _didn't give a shit_. 

Isak nodded, left with no other choice but to comply as Even led them to the counter. 

'Good evening, gentlemen,' The same, insipid young saleswoman said with a smile once again plastered over her harsh features. This smile was different, however; sniveling, 'How can I help you?' 

She looked at Even and then at Isak with sycophantic reverence. 

_The bitch didn't even recognize him._

'Good evening,' Even replied in a hard, cold voice. The woman recoiled, a vague confusion crossing her face as the nineteen-year-old let go of Isak's hand, only to pull him in at the waist, 'This beautiful young man is my boyfriend, Isak.' He emphasized the announcement with a gentle, stinging kiss to the side of the younger boy's face. 

Isak's figurative heart gave a sputter. 

_Boyfriend._

Even though he knew it was only a cover-up, the word made the teenager feel oddly faint. 

'Oh how wonderful,' The woman said with wider, faker smile, 'I'm sure we have plenty of things for you both.' 

Even grinned back at that, hard-lined and condescending, possessing the kind of harshness that Isak didn't think was possible on the older boy's angelic face. Isak had only ever received Even's softest gazes and sweetest smiles. 

Even hummed, the irreverent and intimidating. 

'It's funny that you say that,' The heir murmured coolly, the woman's smile faltering ever so slightly, 'See... Isak here tells me that earlier today, you more or less refused to serve him.' 

The smaller boy couldn't help but smirk a little as the sale assistant flinched, her cold eyes flitting to Isak in realization. All color drained from her face. 

'W-what?' She stammered, all of her stony superiority gone as her Botox-smooth forehead became pleated in distress, 'Wh-' 

Even tutted. 

'You offended him immensely,' He went on, the almost bored nature of his voice obtaining a terrifying quality, tenderizing as he turned to Isak, 'Isn't that right, love?' 

Isak blinked. 

'Uh... Yeah,' The teenager muttered uncomfortably, despite the fact that he was beginning to quite enjoy the look of abject horror on the sales woman's face. 

_That's what you get._

'What's your name?' Even asked suddenly, demanding and blunt. 

Her horrified expression only deepened as she was forced to reply. 

'A-Ana,' She stammered out, in a way that betrayed how utterly _fucked_ she _knew_ she was. 

'Big mistake, Ana,' Even said simply, raising his eyebrows with a nonchalant shrug, 'Huge.' 

And with that, the heir reclaimed Isak's hand once again in his own, giving the woman a menacing, parting smile before sauntering out of the store. The younger boy stumbled a few steps behind, his cheeks flushed and his knees weak, his heart thrumming at the older teenager's actions. 

Even had _defended him._

'Ha!' Even exclaimed jovially, bellowing with laughter, 'Did you see the _look on her face_?' 

'You didn't have to do that,' Isak muttered quietly, overwhelmed, 'Really you didn't-' 

'Of course I did!' Even shot back, turning to Isak with a solemn frown, 'I'm going to defend your honor Isak, always.' 

Isak simply blinked again, confused by the satin-finished words. 

'Y-you didn't have to.' 

Even sighed in frustration as he let go of Isak's hand, taking a sudden hold of the boy's face. 

_Chill the fuck out,_ Isak cursed himself silently, knowing very well that he could _never trust the heir._ _He barely even knew him._

Still, the older male had proven to be almost faultlessly kind, and there was something in his tepid blue eyes that was so careful, so honest. _Trustworthy_. 

'No one has a right to make you feel less because of how much money they think you have, Isak,' Even said softly, stroking along the boy's reddened cheeks with cool, soothing fingers, 'Human worth runs so much deeper than that. She deserves to be fired and I'm going to ensure that it happens,' He shook his head with an angry laugh. 'You can't just kick people out of stores.' 

'Well... Thank you. I guess,' Isak mumbled hesitantly, voice low. 

Even pressed lips to the other's forehead, feathery and warm and broiling with tenderness. 

'Anytime,' He murmured in an earnest, heart-wrenching reply, 'Now come on,' Even's eyes became lit with mischief as he tugged on Isak's hand, 'Let's go home and have that bath you were talking about.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Desire Lines - Deerhunter


	5. Crowded Places

'Fuck, baby...' Even groaned softly as he sat Isak on the cold mahogany surface of the grand piano. 

He grasped the smaller boy firmly by the hips, pulling him close and pushing Isak's legs apart, sliding between them. They kissed each other hungrily, the older teenager biting and sucking and tonguing at Isak's trembling lips, eliciting faint, faltering sighs. 

Both boys were stripped down to their underwear, Even having instigated a hot, salacious make-out session after the young men had finished their breakfast. The affluent male had ushered Isak back to the bedroom, his intentions seeming to revolve solely around getting Isak flustered and red-faced and panting in his hands. 

And he had _achieved_ that, the boy moaning soft as Even ground his clothed, bulging erection against the other's. The lecherous, inebriating movements made Isak want to forsake his carefully constructed rules and just let the nineteen-year-old _fuck him._

The desire was completely alien to the younger boy, his bodily urges having been dulled for years. The teenager had come to view sexual conduct as nothing but power abuse; either something to be sold or stolen, not something he himself could actually take pleasure in, something he could actually _want_. 

Even had showed him that it didn't always have to be like that. He had kissed Isak and caressed him and made him cry with orgasm, multiple times now, even though the boy had only been with the heir for three mornings. 

Still, Even, like most other men, could never be trusted. Isak kept this cemented in his mind as the older boy stroked down his chest; the younger teenager soothed by the tenderness of the feather-soft touch, soothed by the softness of Even and everything he did. 

Both were so thoroughly caught up in the tangle of their bodies that neither even flinched as the shrill ring of the penthouses' phone began to sound throughout the suite. Isak keened quietly as Even hooked his thumbs under the band of the younger boy's boxers, chests touching and heartbeats stammering. The boys kissed each other breathless as the phone rung out, only to begin ringing once again a few seconds later, high-pitched and piercing and beginning to ruin the mood. 

'Fuck,' Even grunted in irritation, his fingers pausing as they began to drag Isak's underwear down his hips. 

The nineteen-year-old shook his head at the younger with a frustrated laugh. 

'Maybe you should get that,' Isak said breathily, smiling involuntarily back at Even's raw-lipped, exasperated expression, 'Could be important.' 

Even's eyes were soft as he rejoined their mouths, licking into him before murmuring low against Isak's parted lips. 

'Nothing is as important as you.' 

_Fuck._

Isak kissed him back, winding arms around the other's neck and letting himself moan. Even's fingers brushed the tender skin of his inner-thigh. 

The ringing didn't stop. 

'Seriously...' Isak mumbled into Even's mouth, becoming relatively distracted by the high, grating noise, 'Just see what they want.' 

Even groaned, this time out of something akin to acrimony. He gave Isak one last wet peck before leaving him to answer the phone. The heir leaned against the wall, his blonde hair mussed sexily and his boner raging, starkly visible in his immaculately white underwear. 

Isak just stared at the beautiful young man, momentarily stunned that he was getting _paid_ to touch someone so undeniably exquisite. 

Even clicked the loudspeaker button and sighed impatiently. 

'What is it?' He asked rather snappily, looking apologetically at Isak who still sat on the piano, legs parted, cheeks flushed, his underwear halfway down his thighs. 

The calamity on the other end of the line caused both young men to start. 

'Uh- Mr Bech Næsheim-' Began the anxiety-drenched voice of what Isak assumed was the hotel's receptionist, her words getting cut off by incomprehensible but emphatic shouting in the background, 'There is a, uh, gentlemen here, quite aggressively asking to see an _Isak_...' 

Even looked at Isak for a moment with an expression of befuddlement. The younger teenager's eyes widened. 

'The individual he's asking to speak to fits the same physical description as the... Eh... _visitor_ you brought into the hotel the other night,' The receptionist went on, her voice frazzled and high. 

'Where the fuck is he!?' Another voice sounded on the other side of the line, male and unmistakably familiar, 'You can't just hide people in your fucking hotel, lady! It's against the Norwegian fucking constitution!' 

_Chris_. 

'Oh no...' Isak let out with a gasp, sliding off the piano and yanking up his underwear. 

Even just stared at him in stark confusion. 

'Sir, calm down, yelling is not permitted in this foyer-' The receptionist cried out hysterically. 

Isak pulled on a robe and hurried towards the phone's speaker. 

Even moved out of his way reluctantly, his face plagued, scowling. 

'Uh, hi, It's Isak,' The boy said in a dazed rush, 'Tell Chris I'll be down in a minute.' 

Isak hung up and turned briskly towards the elevator doors, so intercepted with panic that he barely acknowledged the other in the room. 

_He had to get to Chris before he did something stupid._

_What if he hit someone or threatened the receptionist with a knife?_

'Shit,' Isak cursed to himself as the multitudinous possibilities of his friend's drug-addled misconduct flicked through his mind. 

_The boy couldn't let the brunette end up in jail._

_Not again._

'Who the fuck is _Chris_?' Even asked as he stumbled after Isak, the young man's face laced with an unfathomable anger. 

Isak could barely register the unmistakably jealous expression, fumbling with the buttons outside of the elevator and waving the older teenager off. 

'Don't worry about it,' He said exasperatedly, his thoughts spiraling in terror, 'I'll deal with it.' 

That was the last thing Isak said to Even before he stepped into the elevator, leaving the older male standing there, half naked and wearing a look of infuriated bewilderment. 

*** 

Isak rushed out of the elevator, bare footed and wearing only a fluffy white robe. His cheeks were pink and his hair was disheveled from kissing. The receptionist gave him a horrified glare, flinching away from Chris as he leaned the front desk. The older boy was wearing his finest fuckboy Adidas attire and yelling out an antagonistic stream of threats and ridicule. 

'No, I won't fucking calm down!' He shouted at the woman, pointing at her sharply for emphasis, 'You think you're top shit because you can sit behind a fucking desk and call people on your fancy fucking phone!? I can use a phone, anyone can use a phone-' 

Although Isak knew that Chris would never hit a woman, the receptionist sure didn't. The expression she wore was one of pure terror as she tried to stammer out a response, her eyes darting to the younger boy almost pleadingly, holding up her hands. 

_If Isak was a better person, he might have felt sorry for her._

'Chris!' He shouted as he staggered over to the other, huffing in aggravation, 'What the fuck!?' 

Chris spun around immediately at the exclamation, relief falling over his handsome features. He looked Isak up and down, immediately abandoning his terrorizing stance over the heavily distressed receptionist in favor of bounding over to Isak. The brunette grasped the unimpressed boy by the shoulders. 

'Isak!' He exclaimed, giving the teenager a rough shake, as if trying to prove to himself that Isak was actually there. 

'What the fuck are you doing here!?' The boy spat, smacking Chris' hands away, his voice lit with rage, trying desperately to keep the volume of their altercation as low as possible. 

Although there were only a handful of people in the lobby, all eyes were on the two young men, gasps and murmurs humming from all around them. The younger teenager was acutely aware of this as Chris barked on, either oblivious or void of care. 

_Isak was going with the latter._

'What do you mean, _what am I doing here!?_ ' The brunette shouted, stepping back a little and throwing up his hands, 'You little fucking shit! I come out of a fucking twenty-four-hour k-hole this morning with a goddamn migraine, only to find out, second hand from _Eva_ , that you aren't coming home for a _week!'_

Isak stalled, his brow becoming embedded with a frown. He stood like a defiant child in front of the older, crossing his arms over his chest and diverting the subject. 

'I thought you said you weren't going to do Ketamine anymore!' He chastised with a grimace, trying to maintain a quiet register while remaining sharp and accusatory. 

'Oh fuck off, Isak, don't make this about me, I say a lot of things!' Chris shouted dismissively, knowing Isak's tactics all too well, 'What's going on!?' He questioned exasperatedly, running a hand through his cropped brown hair in a frustrated panic, 'Are you being kept against your will? Why the fuck did you call Eva and not me?' His hazel eyes began to rake across the lobby in an aggressive, hawk-like fashion, 'Who and where is the guy that I'm gonna have to castrate?' 

'Jesus, Chris!' Isak half-whispered, half-shouted, raising his palms up to the other in a pathetic attempt to pacify him, 'Everything's fine! Calm the fuck down! Can we please speak about this quietly?' 

Chris gave a long, shaky sigh, bouncing a little on his feet in the revved-up kind of way that was characteristic of someone coming back up from chemical depressants. His eyes softened slightly at the pleading tone of Isak's request. He let his posture drop a little, his voice lowering as he turned his attention to the younger teenager. 

'Fine,' He said raggedly, 'What the fuck is up?' 

Isak sighed, taking a sudden hold of the nylon sleeve of Chris' windbreaker and tugging him away from the hotel's front desk. The boys came to stand beside a tall golden vase, filled superfluously with white carnations and violet-hued roses. 

'Well, firstly...' Isak said carefully, speaking soft and slow like he was trying to teach mathematics to a six-year-old, 'I'm not getting kept against my will. I've been hired to stay here for a week by a perfectly respectful client,' He looked intently at the brunette, voice going shallow, 'He's paying me a lot of money, Chris, like, _good fucking money_.' 

The hustler within Christoffer seemed to take interest at that; a glimmer in his hazel-green irises as he fought visibly to clutch onto whatever scattered strands of morality he had left within him. 

'How much money?' He asked quickly, almost shamefully. 

Isak knew how much Chris hated it, the part of him that would sell anything, turn his back on even his closest of friends for an easy dollar. 

Isak hated that too, because he often saw it in himself. 

'135,000 krone,' The blonde stated, trying to chase away the unpleasant thought. 

Chris' jaw dropped. 

'What!?' He shouted, seeming to be battling with both immense excitement and rampant distress, the commotion reigniting interest in the surrounding onlookers, '135,000 for no penetration!?' 

Isak dragged a hand over his own face, only vaguely humiliated as he heard someone gasp. 

_Talk about discretion._

'What's the catch?' Chris interrogated, completely indifferent. The brunette shared Isak's distinct mistrust for all human beings, especially those with money, 'Fuck, Isak...' He paused, his eyes widening in a disturbed realization. 'Has he pissed on you?' 

The blonde baulked, grimacing in confusion. 

'What!? No!' 

'The only ones that pay that kind of money are the real fucking head cases...' Chris asserted in continuation, stepping forward to grab Isak once again by the shoulders, 'Look, Iss, it doesn't matter what he's paying, you can make it in other ways, you don't need to degrade yourself like that-' 

Isak groaned in frustration, cutting the other off. 

'No one has pissed on me, Chris, honestly!' He almost shouted, before regulating his voice and shrugging off Chris' hands, 'He's just... He's really n-nice...' Isak stammered, fumbling for words, 'He even took me shopping...' 

Chris' face paled. 

'Oh fuck, that's the number one tactic,' He muttered, almost to himself, 'They take you out and buy you things first and then manipulate you into letting them do whatever they want-' 

'He's not manipulating me at all!' Isak exclaimed, cutting him off again, 'He's a good guy-' 

'A good guy!?' The brunette shot back, looking at the younger as if he'd sprouted a second head, 'What _the fuck_ is wrong with you!? I mean, I don't know if good men exist out there but if they do, Isak, they certainly aren't the fucking ones that _hire prostitutes!_ ' 

'I don't know...' Isak said weakly, jerking back from Chris' scorn, 'Maybe he's lonely or something...' He shrugged, realizing suddenly he'd never really given Even's reasoning much thought, 'It'd probably get boring, being an heir...' 

'An heir!?' Chris shouted, his distress only deepening. 'Shit, man. I don't have a good feeling about this, Iss. I don't know if it's the OxyContin withdrawals but I'm feeling really fucking paranoid-' 

Isak was about to interrupt the other when he heard the calling of his name. The two young men turned towards the elevator doors where Even, dressed in a roughly buttoned-up white shirt and a pair of black jeans, staggered into the foyer. His face was flushed and laced with a bewildered, inexplicably pained expression. 

'Isak!' Even exclaimed, glaring at Chris, then the boy and then back at Chris. 

'Oh fuck.' Isak muttered out involuntarily as Even neared them, a million questions flitting across his elegant features. 

'Is that him?' Chris asked in a somewhat aggressive murmur. 

'Yes,' Isak answered frantically, keeping his voice at a whisper. 'It is, just, shh-' 

'Fucking giraffe looking motherfucker-' Chris mumbled to himself, so quietly that Isak wasn't sure if Even heard it. 

Regardless, _Even wasn't happy._

He came to a stand in front of them, staring daggers at the scowling brunette. 

'What's going on, Isak?' He questioned in a somewhat demanding tone, pointing sharply at Chis, 'What is _this_?' 

Isak shuffled on his feet. Chris stared at Even's extended finger like he wanted to rip it from it's socket. 

_Oh fuck._

'Uh- Even, th-this is Chris,' Isak stammered out, gesturing benignly between the two. 'Chris... Even.' 

'Did he _seriously_ just fucking point at me?' The brunette asked Isak in an infuriated growl, the macho persona that Chris often switched to during his drug dealing pursuits becoming fully realized. 

He began to close in on Even, who stoically stood his ground. Even though the heir was a good foot taller than Chris, Isak knew that would barely save him. 

Chris could probably take down _Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson_ if he was riled-up enough, his anger management issues just one of the many ramifications of a life on the streets. 

'You think you're tough because you can take advantage of underage boy prostitutes from the street?' Chris taunted furiously, 'Huh? You think you can get away with that?' 

Isak leapt forward and grabbed a hold of Chris' arm. He knew very well that the brunette wouldn't physically retaliate, not against him at least. 

'Jesus fucking Christ!' He shouted, yanking him back, 'He's not taking advantage of me! 

Chris could've easily broken the hold, but he didn't. The young man was probably aware that he needed to be restrained, that hitting Even would be a _big mistake_. 

'You think you're tough?' He went on, sounding like he was from _fucking Narcos,_ 'Well, I'll tell you something,' He jeered, 'If anything happens to him, anything at all, you are as good as fucking dead. Capiché?' 

'Chris!' Isak chastised, pulling him back from Even who just stared at the brunette with cold, calculative indifference. 

The heir's gaze caught on Isak's hand as it clutched at Chris' forearm, blazing with something that vaguely resembled jealousy. 

'Don't think your daddy's money will save you, because it won't,' Chris threatened, infuriated even further by Even's calm disregard, 'I will shuck your balls like they're fucking oysters-' 

'Chris, stop it!' Isak all but grunted, moving in front of the brunette and shoving him back as he continued to make a string of almost incomprehensible taunts. When Isak turned to Even, the heir's expression was one of subdued malice, 'I am _so sorry_ about him,' Isak apologized fitfully, causing Even's glare to falter, 'He doesn't mean it, it's just uh, it's his job to be protective-' 

'Like hell I don't mean it!' Chris interposed, about to lunge for Even before Isak elbowed him back. 

Isak was _not_ going to let Chris hit Even, not while he still had a warrant for the breaking and entering charges he had acquired the year earlier. 

'Isak,' Even said calmly, keeping his icy blue eyes on Chris with a look of indifferent superiority, 'I think you're going to have to ask your friend to leave, or I will have no choice but to call security-' 

'There's really no need for that,' Isak said quickly, turning to look at Chris with a sharp glare, 'He's leaving.' 

'I swear to god no one will even recognize your fucking remains after I'm done with you-' Chris began in one last, deflated threat as Isak scowled at him. 

'Do you have any idea who you are speaking to?' Even asked suddenly, his tone even and his expression indicative of the power he knew he had. 

The entitlement of it infuriated even Isak. 

'I'm going to fucking kill him, Iss, I swear-' Chris said to the younger blonde jolted forward, only to be met with another purposeful shove as Isak held him back. 

'Okay okay,' Isak said flatly, huffing as he gave Chris a pleading expression, 'No one is killing anyone.' He turned to Even, holding his hands up in apology, 'I'm so sorry about this, Even. Really, I am,' The heir just looked at him blankly, his jaw set and his lips pursed, 'Can we please just have a minute?' 

Even exhaled sharply before giving a rigid nod and stalking away. The heir leaned against the wall near the elevator, his lightless blue eyes never leaving Chris, his teeth gritted. 

Isak took a deep breath and turned back to the brunette. The older boy seemed to have calmed significantly now that Even wasn't in punching range, his posture relaxed. 

'Everything's fine, Chris,' Isak said exasperatedly, letting out a strained huff, 'Seriously, he's very nice to me. I'm fine.' He raked a hand through his hair, 'You need to leave.' 

'I don't fucking like him,' He said immediately, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

'You don't like anyone-' Isak said with another sigh before getting cut short. 

'No, it's not like that,' Chris said, eyes narrowing in on Even from a distance, 'There's just something about him that isn't right. The way he looks at you, it's like... like you belong to him or something,' His voice was even, earnest, 'It's too fucking personal, Isak.' 

'What?' Isak spat back quietly, in complete and utter denial, 'Fucking hell, there's nothing personal about this-' 

'I don't fucking know what's up with him, but it's fucked,' Chris muttered back, 'You can't trust him-' 

'I don't-' 

'Well it seems like you do,' The brunette affirmed and Isak _hated_ him for pointing it out, 'And you _can't,_ ' He said carefully, like he wanted the younger to take in every word, 'He's just a rich, bored asshole looking for some entertainment. All he wants is cheap thrills and he's only going to use you up and _spit you out_.' 

Isak fumed at this, the harsh truths of the situation searing his skin. The brunette's words afflicted the teenager, made his heart falter and sink within his chest. 

_It hurt._

It really _shouldn't have._

'Well that's perfectly fine, Chris,' Isak said simply, choking down the infernal emotion and affixing himself with a stony expression, 'I'm using him right _fucking back._ This is a business exchange. Once Friday comes around I'll have the 134,000 krone and then I'll be gone. It doesn't matter if he wants entertainment, hey, as long as he respects my rules, _I'll entertain_ ,' He winced as he continued, hating himself, tired and numb and _so full of shit_ , 'I'm not questioning anything as long I'm getting paid,' He shuddered in on himself, 'I'm up for sale, Chris, that's me. And you have no right to say _shit_ when you always make a profit-' 

Chris flinched, withdrawing. The older brunette was always like this, always crushed with guilt whenever he was forced to acknowledged how he used and capitalized on the misfortune of his friends. 

Even so, it wasn't as if he ever tried to change. 

Isak tried not to hold it against him; he knew in their world there was no hope for anything, let alone change. Morality was something that only the privileged could afford, people like himself and Chris left with no other choice but to behave like the animals they'd been treated as. No other choice but to find refuge in corruption. 

'This is different, Isak,' Chris muttered weakly, giving the boy a despairing look, 'He thinks he owns the whole world just because he's got money,' He sighed, 'You sell blowjobs, Isak, not your fucking life.' 

'It's only a week,' Isak said softly, realizing how upset the other was and wanting to ease it. 

_It wasn't right_ , seeing Chris upset. He was typically so hedonistically cheerful. 

'I just worry about you, Iss,' The brunette murmured quietly, 'You're like my little brother.' 

And Isak knew it was true, although he often questioned Chris' capacity for love. The older boy did care for him; the best he could given the circumstances. 

'You don't need to worry about me,' Isak lied smoothly, 'I'm in control- 

'I just know these rich kid types,' Chris said with another pointed glare behind Isak, 'And I know they're fucking trouble-' 

' _I'm_ fucking trouble. And so is Eva. And so are you,' Isak pointed out with a irate shrug, 'There's nothing for me to be afraid of anymore, especially not some nineteen-year-old. Now please-' 

'Fine, Isak. Fine, I'll leave,' The young man muttered, raising his hands in surrender, 'But just know that if he forces you into anything, I _will_ find him and I _will_ make it look like suicide-' 

'Alright, alright, fuck,' Isak muttered with a light laugh, albeit strained, 'I've got it. Thank you, now please. Go.' 

'I'm gone,' Chris murmured back, beginning to step away, 'Just please be smart.' 

Isak nodded stiffly, relieved and surprised that he was actually leaving. 

_Sure, now everyone in the hotel knew he was a prostitute, but that was something Isak had gotten used to long ago._

'I will.' 

Chris bowed his head slightly, eyes weary as he extended a hand to give Isak's curls a quick, fond ruffle. 

'Take care of you, goldilocks.' 

Isak sighed, offering the brunette a reassuring smirk. 

'You too, Chris,' He whispered plainly, watching the other walk away, shooting Even one final look of warning as he exited the hotel's electronic doors. 

The heir rushed over to Isak as soon as Chris was gone. He stood a few feet away from the other, his face lit with a passive hostility. The younger boy hoped that he could talk himself out of this; that Even wouldn't be mad. 

He gulped. _Even looked mad._

'Shit, Even, I'm _so sorry_ -' 

Even cut him off, face blank. 

'Who is Chris and why did he show up here?' 

Isak stalled. The older teenager was austere, unnervingly collected. He had never seen Even so emotionless before, not even when he was talking to the _asshole sales woman._

'Uh-' The boy began shakily, 'I let my friend Eva know where I was and she must've told him when she was drunk-' 

Even sighed through his nose, swallowing audibly. He looked at the ground for a long moment before dragging his piercing, fire-blue eyes to Isak. The smaller boy squirmed, shuffling under the scrutiny. 

_Fuck._

'I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me,' Even said carefully, quiet but crystal clear. 

'What?' Isak asked timidly, flinching back at the unusually cold treatment. 

Even's face became pained when he spoke again, but he remained resolute, his irises boring into Isak's very innards. 

'Is Chris your boyfriend?' 

Isak blinked, beginning to grin a bit at the insecurity in the other's tone before his smile turned into full fledged laughter. 

'What!?' He exclaimed with a chuckle, watching Even visibly soften, 'What the fuck!? No!' 

The older boy wasn't entirely abated, his posture still rigid as he questioned on. 

'Why would he come here and _threaten_ me then?' He asked plainly, his voice warmer, pleading, almost, 'He called you _Iss_. Who the fuck is he?' 

Isak shrugged a little, still giggling slightly from the _boyfriend_ comment. 

'He's...' The younger teenager started, trying to find the right words, 'Well, he's sort of like my... I don't know, I guess you could call him a... pimp.' 

Even blinked, his shoulders dropping as he tilted his head in wry fascination. 

'A pimp?' 

'Yeah,' Isak affirmed with a nod, 'He's protection. In case someone tries to take advantage,' He looked to his feet. 'He's like family to me, really. He just gets so worried and paranoid-' The boy cut himself off, speaking a little quieter, 'I'm really fucking sorry. He doesn't know how to control himself when he's- well, he's on a lot of drugs-' 

Even's statuesque stance faltered completely at that, his pretty face becoming laced with sympathy. He sighed again; a sigh of resignation. 

'It's okay, Isak,' He murmured in understanding, closing the distance between them in a few easy steps. 

'I'm sorry,' The younger boy apologized again, 'He shouldn't have spoken to you that way-' 

Even shook his head, leaning in to thumb at the younger adolescent's paled cheek. His blue eyes had melted down now, soft and fluid in the way that Isak only ever wanted to see them. 

'That's not your fault,' He said tenderly, tucking back one of the boy's honey-coloured curls, 'Don't apologize. It must be hard for you to see someone you're so close to battling with addiction like that-' 

Isak gave a feeble shrug. 

'I'm used to it.' 

Even hummed in displeasure, pulling Isak in softly by the waist. The younger boy found instant relief in the other's touch, comforted and crumbling into Even listlessly, uselessly. Chris' words of warning rang through his brain as he felt the older male's arms encircle his torso, as he felt gentle fingers smooth back his hair. He ignored them. 

'You shouldn't be used to that sort of thing, baby,' Even cooed soothingly, leaning back a little to press his warm lips to Isak's forehead. 

'You aren't mad?' Isak asked in a murmur, blinking up at the other as their lips joined for a soft, chaste kiss that fried Isak's nervous system. 

'Not at you. Never at you,' Even said with a gentle smile, 'Now let's go smoke up before we start getting ready.' 

Isak frowned, drawing back. 

'Ready for what?' 

'I'm taking you out tonight,' Even murmured with a casual smirk, 'Remember?' 

'Oh yeah,' Isak muttered in realization, _the suit_ , 'Shit, I forgot about that. Where are we going?' 

Even just smiled, bright and illuminating and all teeth. 

'You'll see.' 

' _I'll see_?' Isak questioned with a playful groan, 'Is there really a need for mystery? Why can't you just tell me?' 

The older boy grinned wider, taking Isak's hand in his and turning to press the buttons of the elevator. 

'Surprise is the zest of life, Isak.' 

The younger boy glowered at him. 

'All the surprises I've ever gotten in life have been completely unpleasant and probably traumatizing,' The boy muttered dryly, laughing coolly. 

Even just looked at him with sobered concern. 

'Well this is a surprise you'll like,' He said tentatively, running a thumb over Isak's knuckles, 'I hope, at least.' 

The boy just shrugged again, walking into the elevator. 

'Whatever you say.' 

*** 

What Even had planned was _not_ a surprise that Isak Valtersen liked, that much was certain. Sure, it wasn't as unpleasant as parental abandonment, but it still wasn't something the boy was particularly enjoying. 

The two young men were both dressed in elegant finery, Isak in the dark red, suede tuxedo and Even in a fitted black suit and a borderline ridiculous black bow tie that he still looked _wonderful_ in. The older teenager's fingers entwined with Isak's as they sat in a private, balcony-level viewing box in the main theater of The Oslo _fucking_ Opera House. 

Isak shuddered in on himself, tiredly leaning back in his cushioned seat and stifling a yawn. 

_The fucking opera._

It was one of the single most tedious things Isak had ever been subjected to, the teenager having had to feign excitement when he realized where Even was taking him, plastering on a smile and pretending that the entire ordeal didn't make him want to fling himself off the balcony. 

Isak had continued on in this vain for twenty minutes now, the show already immensely unbearable. He watched disinterestedly as the performers danced around the large stage wearing rich, extravagantly frilly provincial Italian attire, shouting and singing unpleasantly in a language that Isak didn't understand a word of. He had absolutely no idea _what the fuck was going on._

_This was worse than that one time Eva made him watch Les Misérables,_ Isak thought glumly, remembering how he had pretended he was watching the film when in really he had spent the entire time sneakily looking at memes on his phone. Unfortunately for Isak, that wasn't an option in this scenario; Even having informed the other that all electronic devices must be put away and switched off. 

And so there he was, gulping back a glass of the foul-tasting, expensive champagne that Even had ordered them, trying to get drunk enough that he might actually enjoy it. 

He glared tiredly at Even, his angular feature's lit up pleasantly by the soft glow of the stage lights. The nineteen-year-old seemed far more interested in the performance than Isak was, blank-faced but nodding a little in appreciation. Isak frowned, simmering with resentment as he continued to sip at his alcohol. 

Sure, there was nothing to really resent Even for; he thought this was fun, _for whatever fucking reason_ and was only trying to show Isak a good time. 

Still, the smaller adolescent couldn't help but wonder what was _wrong_ with the other and why he thought it was a good idea to take a _prostitute_ to the opera in the first place. 

Isak rubbed his eyes, unable to stop himself as a yawn finally tore it's way past his lips. The involuntary expression of boredom immediately sparked Even's attention. 

Even frowned and leaned in close, his warm breath tickling the boy's neck. 

'You hate it,' He murmured softly, 'Don't you?' 

_Fuck._

Isak had never been good at hiding his emotions, especially when tipsy. 

He offered a half-hearted smile. 

'No.' 

Isak was lying. He did hate it, he _really fucking hated_ it. 

'Really?' Even prompted, keeping his voice low. 

Isak took another sip of his champagne. He figured was going to need it, since he'd probably be sitting through another two hours of _this shit._

'It's... Interesting,' Isak muttered, trying to sound convincing as he gave another smile, hoping that it hadn't come across as a grimace. 

Even sighed. 

'Don't lie to me, Isak,' The older boy murmured, his blue eyes vaguely wounded, 'You hate it...' 

_Oh no. He'd hurt Even's feelings._

Instead of feeling remotely remorseful about this, Isak just decided to tell the truth. 

'It's... not my thing,' The boy admitted with a shrug, 'They're just... bellowing in Italian, Even.' 

Even's frown only became more distinct, the glimmer of hurt in his irises more pronounced. 

Isak back-tracked. 

'I mean, I appreciate you bringing me here but like...' The teenager sighed, 'You can't blame me if I'm not into it. My idea of entertainment is like, Star Wars-' 

Even smirked at this, unexpectedly so, his eyes shimmering yet again with their usual joviality. 

'The original series, the prequels or the sequels?' The heir asked suddenly, looking at Isak with an expectant grin. 

'The originals, man,' Isak replied almost instantaneously, somewhat relieved, 'What do you take me for?' 

'Oh thank god,' Even murmured, relaxing a little in his chair, 'You have a taste for the classics.' 

Isak scoffed. 

'That shit was my childhood,' _Well, that and a whole lot of physical and emotional trauma,_ is what Isak didn't say, 'You know, I had the biggest crush on Han Solo,' The younger boy paused, considering this with a nostalgic grin, 'I guess I've always had a thing for over-confident assholes.' 

''Hey!' Even exclaimed in a whisper, 'I'm not an asshole-' 

Isak giggled, putting his hand over his mouth as he earned a perforating glare from a few of the opera-goers seated across from them. 

'Who the fuck said I was talking about you?' He whispered to Even with a cocky smile, 'Step in line, buddy, I have a whole lot of over-confident assholes who want a piece of this-' 

Isak was about to go on before he was silenced by a random, nearby elderly woman. 

'Shhh!' 

The boys' chuckled, beaming at one another in a way that made the younger teenager's heart plummet. 

'To be completely honest, I kind of hate it too,' Even murmured after a short moment, ducking closer to Isak and causing the boy to shiver, 'I don't think I've realized that until this exact moment. They really _are_ just bellowing in Italian,' He frowned, laughing low, 'It's awful. I don't know who brainwashed me into thinking this was fun.' 

Isak looked at the other's dissatisfied expression, overcome with a sense of appreciation for Even that he hadn't yet felt. He swallowed it down. 

'Well, we're here now,' Isak muttered, wry and non-committal, 'Might as well pretend to enjoy it.' 

Even contemplated this for a long second before perking up, reaching out to take Isak by the chin. His fingers were gentle and warm, they _always were._

'Do you wanna ditch?' He asked with a grin, excitement glinting in his crystalline eyes. 

'But you spent so much money-' 

Even scoffed, entirely nonchalant. 

'Why would I care about the money?' He asked rhetorically, and Isak wondered how it would feel, to have such a distinct level of disregard for finances, 'Let's go somewhere else-' 

Isak's brow furrowed, jerking out of Even's hold. 

'But-' 

'Seriously, Isak-' 

'Where will we go?' The boy asked with a sigh, giving in like he always did. 

'Anywhere.' 

*** 

'So, where are we going?' Even asked Isak as they strolled hand in hand out of the Opera House and into the brisk night air. 

The younger boy frowned as the heir yanked him forward, giving Isak a sudden spin. 

'What do you mean?' Isak asked in a fluster, losing his footing. 

The older teenager chuckled, grasping him by the waist and dipping the boy a little in his arms. 

Even was so _weird_. 

'Well,' He began in explanation, beginning to tug Isak towards the car, 'The night is still young, and since I fucked up _phenomenally_ with my idea, I was thinking maybe you should choose.' 

Isak startled. 

'I- I mean- I don't know.' 

'Whatever you want to do, baby,' Even told him as they stood in front of the parked Rolls Royce. Isak noticed that the driver tapped impatiently at the wheel, partially obscured by the lower half of the rolled-down, black-tinted window, 'We have the finances to do absolutely anything.' 

Isak hummed in thought. 

'We could go watch a Shakespearean burlesque show or go get sushi from this five star Japanese restaurant that you would _just love,_ ' He paused in his ramblings, taking a hold of Isak's shoulders in excited realization, 'Hey! We could probably even just go to Japan and get sushi there, I have a private jet-' 

The younger boy was barely listening to him, inwardly offended by Even's limitless wealth. 

'I think I want to get kebab,' Isak said decisively, watching the heir's face fall. 

'... Kebab?' Even repeated slowly, like the word insulted him. 

'Yeah,' Isak muttered with a nod, finding amusement in the older teenager's snobbish confusion, 'Like, it's my favorite food,' He tilted his head condescendingly, 'You've never had kebab?' 

Even grimaced. 

'No...' The nineteen-year-old murmured sheepishly, 'I haven't.' 

Isak laughed. 

'Perfect!' He exclaimed cruelly, dragging Even by the hand, 'New experiences for everyone.' 

He led them away from the car, green eyes scouring the open street before them. Only a few cars on the road, not many people. It was the usual atmosphere of a quiet Sunday night. 

'Now,' Isak said, pointing out a tram stop across the pavement, 'If we just get on that tram-' 

Even turned to him with a start. 

'A _tram?_ ' He asked with another look of bewilderment, like the concept was entirely foreign to him. 

'Yeah,' Isak affirmed smugly, 'What, you've never been on a tram before?' 

His question was met by an uncharacteristically meek shrug and resounding silence. 

'Oh my god,' Isak exclaimed, rolling his eyes, 'Why am I not surprised by that? Shit, Even, you are so _sheltered_.' 

And that is how the two teenager's ended up on the 8:45 tram, wearing designer tuxedos and headed to Isak's favorite inner-city kebab shop. Even took in his surroundings with curious, dazed eyes, looking incredibly _cute_ as he sat awkwardly beside Isak on the hard, velour-sheathed tram seat. 

He was seemingly uncomfortable at first, rigid and slightly restless, leaning in closely to Isak and fiddling with the younger boy's fingers, apprehensive. 

Isak just watched him with a smug grin, wryly amused by the boy who looked so comically out of place. 

'It smells kind of funny in here,' The heir muttered in a worrisome tone, staring at Isak with a look of naive distress. 

The younger adolescent tried not to cackle. 

'Don't be a princess, Even,' He scolded him with a tut, 'That is the smell of the working middle class. They are the driving force behind this economy and without them you wouldn't be able to afford Gucci pants, hookers and private jet planes.' 

Even relaxed at that, laughing light, tightening his finger's around Isak's and looking at him with an indescribably adoring expression. 

'Who _are_ you?' Even whispered in wonder, leaning in to capture Isak's lips in his. 

The smaller boy was startled by the kiss, his cheeks burning and his heart thrumming as he was dragged into the other. A few murmurs and whispers emanated from the surrounding passengers, but neither Isak nor Even had any _fucks to give_. The older male deepened the kiss, and Isak began to giggle at their blatant display of public affection. When the heir pulled back, he gazed at Isak with a look of dreamy euphoria, a look that Isak wanted to fall and disappear into. 

'It's not so bad,' Even murmured soft, nuzzling his nose into Isak's, intimate and warm, 'I'm with you.' 

Isak felt a flurry of warmth spread through his chest at the words, desperately attributing the sudden surge of heat to the two glasses of champagne he had practically inhaled. 

'Just shut up and look out the window,' Isak mumbled dryly. 

Even just chuckled, giving Isak another sweet kiss on the cheek, before humming and doing as he was told. 

*** 

'This is the best thing I've ever eaten,' Even mumbled with a mouth full of kebab, moaning a little in approval as the two young men sat in the grass of the park adjacent to the kebab place. 

The chill of night sunk into Isak's bones, the darkened stretch of land lit sparsely by the soft illumination of streetlights and storefronts. Yellow light glimmered in the grass and in the trees and in Even's eyes, sparkling eyes darkened to a midnight blue in the encompassing gloom. 

Isak smiled, feeling ridiculously giddy. 

'I know,' He said with a nod, 'It's like the perfect combination of potato, meat and sauces. That place sells the best ones because the lamb is pulled and not like, shaved from sausage, and the chips are cooked so that they're soft, which is what you want, you know, so they soak up all the toppings,' He paused his exposition, frowning in thought before moving on to his next point, 'And they put a lot of gravy. And chilli. Chilli is always a must.' 

Even just beamed at him, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head, continuing to passionately shovel the food into his mouth. 

'You're quite the kebab expert,' He commented, chewing, 'Aren't you?' 

The younger boy nodded proudly. 

'I've probably eaten from every kebab place in Oslo. Like, this is my _shit_ at two in the morning.' 

And it was. Isak was unable to even begin to count the amount of times he stumbled into kebab stores with Chris and Eva or sometimes alone, deflated and tired after a session of work, reviving himself with a heavy serving of carbohydrates doused in gravy and garlic aioli. 

'Well I'm glad I'm in learned hands. I wouldn't have wanted to lose my kebab virginity to anyone else or in any other way,' Even said, voice brimmed with mock-sentiment. 

Isak chuckled, the two eating in comfortable silence for a drawn out moment, both respectively too wrapped up in the utter divinity of the Halal Snack Pack to make comprehensive conversation. 

When they were finished, Even took a sip of his Coca-Cola, stretching his long limbs out in an elegant fashion before looking at Isak inquisitively. 

'Let's lie down,' He asserted suddenly, patting the patch of lawn beside him as he let himself lay back, 'On the grass.' 

Isak squirmed, Chris' earlier warnings, so harsh and faraway in that moment, beginning to flicker through his thought processes. 

_He will use you up and spit you out._

Isak shuddered. 

'Uh...' He murmured helplessly, shifting to lie down beside the older teenager. He figured it was in his job description to do as the other says, 'Alright...' 

Even smiled at the compliance, siding up next to Isak who lay on his back. The heir reached out a hand to play with the boy's hair, twirling a curl between his fingers. 

Isak tried desperately to numb himself as he stared up at the stars; the scattered, exploding points of light that sparked across the black. 

'This is... Ah... Very romantic...' Isak muttered after an extended moment. 

He felt his resolve slip as Even rubbed softly at his scalp, eliciting a small, involuntary sigh of pleasure from the smaller boy. 

'It is, isn't it?' The older teenager cooed dreamily, his voice strangely inebriated, breathy and soft. 

'No, I mean like...' Isak began, his tone coming our flat and harsh, 'It's fucking weird. You're paying me. This isn't meant to be romantic.' 

Even stiffened a little before continuing in his ministrations with a terse laugh. 'What? Do you have like, special rules against romance or something?' He questioned mockingly with a wag of his eyebrows. 

'I do, actually.' 

Even let out a sigh. 

'Well you're going to have to make an exception just this one time because I am indeed paying you and _this_ is what I want.' 

'But...' Isak protested, becoming stagnant at the dominant undertone to Even's statement, 'Why _do_ you want this? With me? You could like, find a normal, functioning member of society to take out, someone that would really appreciate this kind of shit,' Even draped his arm over the other's hips, squeezing Isak in, 'I can't. I just don't get it.' 

Even nosed innocently at the smaller teenager's neck, seemingly to have chosen to ignore Isak's worries. 'What is it that you don't get?' Even murmured impatiently, exhaling in grievance. 

'All of it,' Isak snapped back immediately, irritated and vaguely aroused as Even began to nip and kiss at his throat, 'W-why you would pick me up - a _random_ hooker - and just, I don't know, buy me clothes and take me to the opera and make me lay in the grass with you?' Even didn't seem to pay him much mind, pecking along Isak's jaw, 'I'm going to be gone by next Friday, I mean, isn't all this romantic bullshit just a waste of time?' 

'You could never be a waste of time-' The heir said suddenly, pausing his affections with a firm scowl. 

'See?' Isak exclaimed in fretful irritation, 'It's statements like that, they're just...' He scrambled, lost for words. His mind looped, his thoughts a discombobulation of anxiety and fear and self-protection, 'I don't know what to think. I mean, you barely know me.' 

'I... I find you very enrapturing, Isak,' Even whispered solemnly. 

He tilted the boy's face towards his and kissing at his forehead, cheeks and lips; feather-soft and chaste and making Isak dizzy. 

' _Enr-rapturing?_ ' Isak stammered out in dazzlement, 'What?' 

Even sat up slightly on his elbow, his dark blue eyes serene. He brushed his thumb across Isak's cheekbone, talking calm and quiet, although slightly frustrated. 

'I want you to have a nice time with me.' The heir murmured, 'Just because I'm paying doesn't mean we can't have a nice time. Why do you even need to question it? Why won't you just let me romance you?' 

Isak let out a noise of faux dissatisfaction. 

'Because that's not what this is about-' 

'But it could be,' Even said quietly, interrupting him with another quick kiss. His words were so hushed that Isak wasn't sure he had heard him correctly. 

'...What?' Isak murmured dazedly, his chest twanging, wide-eyes blinking. 

'Nothing,' Was all Even said, laying back down and taking a hold of Isak's hand, playing with it, 'Just... Shhh. You're ruining the moment.' 

'It's not a moment-' Isak attempted pathetically. 

'Shhh.' 

They lay like that, side by side until their breathing calmed. Isak, despite his mistrust and rightful paranoia and immense hesitations, was unable to prevent himself from enjoying it. 

It was so cliche, _so fucking contrived and sappy_ , but gazing up at the numberless, glimmering stars with Even's body warm and close to his, the boy felt strangely at one with infinity. The tranquilizing, hushed moment, was one of the nicest experiences to ever have graced Isak's short, depraved existence. 

He tried not to dwell on it. 

'Do you ever look at the stars and just-' Even started to ask. 

Isak flinched, pulled from his momentary peacefulness and cutting the other off with a freshened severity. 

'Stop right there, Bech Næsheim,' He ordered sharply, 'I mean it. I will hit you.' 

'What?' The other questioned, taken aback, 'Why?' 

'I am not about to sit here and listen to you wax poetic to me about the stars like we're in some lame fucking romantic comedy,' Isak informed him coldly, giving him a hard look, 'Don't even try it.' 

Even recoiled as if struck. 

'Jesus Christ.' He muttered quietly, the hurt in his register making Isak feel unnervingly guilty. 'I was just making conversation. No need to tear out my heart.' 

Isak grimaced, internally conflicted. Even's hand slackened around him, the older boy's chest dropping in discouragement. 

The younger teenager felt the sudden intense desire to take it all back and kiss away his frown. The thought _sickened_ him. 

'Okay, okay, fine,' Isak muttered, sighing after a suffocating minute of silence, 'Tell me about the stars.' 

Even livened up instantaneously, turning to Isak with a smug grin. 

'You're only asking now because you feel bad.' 

'No I'm not,' Isak mumbled back, exasperated, 'Come on, Even, tell me.' 

The older boy smirked. 

'Say it,' He ordered plainly, eyes alight. 

Isak blinked. 

'What?' 

'Say explicitly that you _want_ to hear what I have to say about the stars,' He requested, stifling a laugh, 'And also that my dick is magic.' 

Isak rolled his eyes. 

'I am not going to tell you that your dick is magic, Even.' 

'Fine,' Even relented, 'Just the first bit, then.' 

Isak sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. 

'I really _really_ want to hear what you have to say about the stars,' The boy muttered flatly, 'Please.' 

Even chuckled. 

'Well, it could've used a bit more feeling but I will oblige regardless,' He said happily, kissing warmly at Isak's cheek while the younger boy glowered at him. 

'What I was going to say is that I've never really liked to look at the stars,' Even murmured simplistically, 'Not usually anyway.' 

Isak stopped himself from rolling his eyes and instead humored the other. 

'And why is that?' 

'Because,' Even started, fumbling absently with Isak's ring finger as his voice went low, 'They make me feel insignificant, like, they're just tiny specks, and we're all just specks, but even fucking tinier. It really upsets me.' 

Isak scoffed. 

'You really need to chill on the drug use, man.' 

'No!' Even retorted with a laugh, 'I'm serious! It makes me feel like I'm of no significance in the universe. Like, my life means nothing at all,' His face became ashen, fearful, 'It terrifies me.' 

'That's because you're a narcissist,' Isak muttered back in a challenge, smirking. 

Even's lips formed a disgruntled pout. 

'I'm pouring out my deepest fears to you, Isak,' He said slowly, his eyes disbelieving, 'And you take it as another opportunity to wound me?' 

The younger boy just shrugged. 

'Truth hurts.' 

'What?' Even questioned suddenly, 'It doesn't make you feel lonely? The meaninglessness of everything?' 

Isak barely considered this. He had thought the subject over and over in the early hours of many mornings, shuffling along rain-slicked curbs and standing under deserted street lamps. 

'Not at all,' The younger replied quietly, 'It's actually kind of comforting.' 

' _Comforting_?' 

'Yeah,' Isak affirmed with a nod, his eyes trailing the distant, twinkling constellations. He felt Even's gaze on him, 'I mean, if I'm insignificant - if I mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, that means that no matter how bad things are or how much trouble I get into, it really doesn't matter,' He exhaled softly, realizing with a pang in his abdomen that he'd never really vocalized any of this, not even to Eva, 'It's absolutely fine that I'm a fuck up,' He muttered plainly. 'The world isn't going to end just because I'm a loser. Sure, maybe my life is shit and I'm unhappy, but it's just my tiny little fucking life,' He shrugged, 'And it'll all be over quicker than it began.' 

He glanced at Even, who had been staring at him intently, face grave. 

'Fuck.' The heir murmured, low and breathless. 

_Fuck indeed._

'I guess I like the idea of being a speck,' Isak said tiredly, letting himself snuggle into Even, 'It keeps me sane.' 

The older boy was speechless for several seconds, continuing to fiddle with Isak's hand, stroking along his fingers and caressing his knuckles. 

'You're not a loser, Isak,' Was all he said when he finally spoke, his tone sincere, adoring. 

'I'm a prostitute,' The boy mumbled lowly, feeling inexplicable tears begin to prick at his eyes. 

_What the fuck was wrong with him?_

'I think you're an incredibly smart, incredibly beautiful young man with a lot of potential,' The heir said soberly, lifting Isak's hand to his lips, kissing at his palm. 

Isak laughed blackly. 

'Wow, Even,' He said in a pained, sarcastic voice, pretending exaggeratedly to wipe away tears that were actually there, 'That means so much.' 

But it did. _It did_. 

'Why can't you take a compliment, huh?' Even complained, turning to Isak and brushing back his fringe with a mournful expression, 'That needs to be corrected.' He sighed, his baby blue eyes sparkling with sombreness, devotion. 'And if it's any consolation, Isak, my life is shit and I'm unhappy too.' 

And with that, Isak kissed the older boy, open-mouthed and foolish, letting the other intoxicate him. 

They kissed in the grass like two lame teenagers from a cheesy coming-of-age movie about kids with cancer. They kissed passionately and slow, tongues melding and teeth grazing and lips catching. Their breaths became synchronized, their hearts beating as one, their fingers knotted in each other's hair. The younger boy felt like he couldn't get close enough, like Even was a drug and he was an addict who could never truly get his fix. 

It was in that exact moment that Isak knew he was a goner, that he realized everything Chris had told him, albeit it the truth, didn't really matter when the heir was holding him so close, kissing him like _this_. It was at that exact moment that the boy knew that his life as he had known it before was over, that Even Bech Næsheim was going to be the absolute death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Crowded Places - Banks
> 
> Hello readers,
> 
> Just to clear up any concurrent confusion, 135,000 krone is equivalent to around $16k in US dollars, so although it's a nice sum of money it isn't like Even is giving Isak enough to put a down-payment on a house or anything. I just thought I'd explain that because currency conversion confuses my stoner brain and I worry that it might confuse you too. 
> 
> Probably not. It's probably just me.
> 
> Anyway, thank you to those of you who have supported me and left kudos, if you're enjoying this opulent shit-show then let me know, because every (nice or helpful) comment warms my black heart and encourages me to write on. 
> 
> Platonic kisses. ❤️


	6. Glycerine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Please scroll to the end notes to avoid spoilers.
> 
> I'd just like to thank everyone for the overwhelming love and support in the last chapter's comment section, seriously, you're all making a tough bitch's heart go all soft. I hope you enjoy this 12k update and have a wonderful day you celestial beings. ❤️

As the next day flitted by, soft and languid like summer rain, Isak Valtersen felt as if he was stuck in the midst of a waking dream. 

The boy was at a loss; wrapped up and ensnared so completely by the older heir that he was unable to maintain a steady grasp on reality; unable to prepare himself for his inevitable awakening. 

It was insufferable; Even's hands on him always, holding him or willing him to pleasure. Even's lips, ceaseless in kissing him or smiling at him or whispering sweet nothings; careless, thoughtless words that would be forever seared into the soft tissue of the younger boy's brain. Even's body, so strong and accommodating and warm; a constant presence in the large bed that the teenagers shared. The togetherness was a prospect Isak feared he had gotten painfully used to, even if only after five nights. 

The boy knew now how greatly he would shatter when he had to leave, and he wondered wryly if he'd ever recover, if he'd ever again take comfort in sleeping alone. 

The sudden loss of independence _scared the shit_ out of Isak, so like all things too unpleasant to deal with, he steadfastly ignored it. He shoved the prospect deep into the farthest corners of his mind, figuring that if he was going to get his heart broken, he might as well try enjoying himself in the process. 

And it was an easy task, enjoying himself. It was easy because, as much as Isak hated to admit it, the boy had come to _adore_ Even Bech Næsheim with every aching fibre of his being. 

Still, he had no plans of letting the older teenager _ever_ know that. 

If Isak was going to be loved and then discarded, _used up and spat out,_ then so be it. But there was no way in any existing universe that the boy would let _anyone_ , especially not Even himself, know how entirely breakable he really was, how foolish he had become under affectionate fingers and honeyed rhetoric and the inexorable warmth of the other. 

Sure, Even's gentle touch would leave jagged scars upon his probable soul, but Isak had learned that even the deepest scars begin to fade, given time. The adolescent's heartbreak would simply become fused with all the other multitudinous hardships that Isak had lived through; the hurt a mere microcosm of pain within his entire _fucked up_ existence. 

Isak let this thought ease him as he sat on the counter of the penthouse' vast, polished-white kitchen, trying to keep a hold on his perpetually spiraling thoughts. Even was swaying and humming along to some terrible pop song, slicing vegetables for some complicated pasta dish he had insisted on making. 

It was Tuesday afternoon and the two young men had just gotten back from an outing. Even had woken the younger boy up in the early hours of the morning, emphatically insisting that he wanted them to eat something other than the food on the hotel's room service menu and thusly dragging Isak to some bourgeois farmer's market where everything was ridiculously overpriced and all the cheeses had strange names. 

Even had told him that due to the steady influence of a native Italian nanny, the heir had acquired an authentic Venetian culinary skill set that he had every intention of demonstrating to Isak. He would do this, he declared, by making some pasta. 

So there Isak was, watching the taut muscles of Even's back shift and roll through the fabric of his thin white t-shirt, singing soft as he prepared the ingredients, stopping here and there to feed Isak a small pieces of gourmet parmesan or prosciutto or whatever the fuck ingredient he insisted on making the younger boy try, giving Isak no choice but to eat straight from the older teenager's fingers. Under any other circumstance, Isak might have found the gesture sweet or romantic, but in this context, he told himself, it was nothing but demeaning. 

When Even turned to him again, beaming wide and bright, Isak plastered on a queasy smile. 

'I'm throwing a party.' The heir announced suddenly, the exclamation seeming to be entirely at random as he shifted in between Isak's legs, lifting his hand to place a stuffed olive to the younger teenager's lips which Isak parted obediently, eating and swallowing the salted fruit in an instance. 

'Oh yeah.' Isak muttered as he chewed, feeling the whispers of a grimace grace his countenance, and not due to the tartness of the olive, either. 

_A party?_

'What? You don't like garlic castelvetrano olives?' Even asked quizzically, cocking his head as he pressed further into Isak, letting their noses touch, nuzzling slightly as he awaited reply. 

'It tasted alright.' Isak mumbled with a shrug, breath hitching as the older boy placed a fleeting, chaste kiss to his lips, eyes sparkling and lashes fluttering to a close. 

_Jesus Christ._

'But you're making _that_ face.' Even pushed on, pulling back, fingertips tracing the indents of Isak's frown, his mouth quirking. 

The boy's grimace only deepened. 

'What face?' 

Even smirked. 

'You're _judgy_ face.' 

'What?' Isak questioned, jerking back with an impervious expression. 'I don't have a _judgy face_ , what the fuck?' 

'You do!' Even retorted petulantly, pouting. 'Why are you making it?' 

'I just...' Isak stammered, eyes darting to the white marble flooring. 'You said you were throwing a party and I just thought, you know, like,' He smirked, somewhat cruelly. 'Don't you need _friends_ for that?' 

'What is that supposed to mean?' Even asked with a tilt of his head, his features, despite his mock-offence, becoming shaded with insecurity. 'I have friends.' 

Isak couldn't help the raising of his brow, couldn't stop himself from giving the other a mean, doubtful look. 

'Really?' 

The flicker of hurt on the older boy's face made him instantly regret it. 

Isak suddenly wanted to wrap his arms around Even and tell him that even if he didn't think he had a single friend in the world, he had Isak, Even had _him_. 

But instead, Isak did nothing, letting Even draw back, letting the nineteen-year-old's embrace evade him as he turned to add the olives he'd been slicing to the pot of steaming sauce he'd left simmering on the stove. 

_Fuck him._

'Yes, I have friends.' Even said flatly, if not a little snappily. 'Why is that so hard for you to believe?' 

'Dude...' Isak started, softening his tone as he noticed Even's shoulders go rigid. 'You're literally paying me to hang out with you.' 

The statement was a reminder, strained and careful, the boy wondering absently if he was really just trying to remind himself. 

Isak could see how his words inflicted Even, how the older teenager flinched microscopically, recoiling from every syllable. 

'So?' Even asked sharply, back turned, giving the sauce a stir. 'That doesn't mean I don't have friends. I just like _you._ ' 

Isak gulped, not really knowing _why_ he was pushing it. 

'Do you like _them_?' 

Even shrugged. 

'I don't know, I mean, we're not very close but we hang out, so yeah, I guess.' He paused, sighing. 'A lot of them are the children of my father's business partners.' 

'Hmm.' Isak murmured with a nod, letting it go. 

Even was evidentially quite grateful for this as he turned back to the other, all rigidity dropping from his posture as he cradled a spoon in his hand, blowing on it softly before extending it to Isak, gesturing for him to taste it's contents. 

The younger teenager didn't protest as Even's eyes twinkled soft blue in anticipation, a smile on his lips as Isak let him feed him the sauce, which was rich and savory, slightly sweet with tomatoes and just a little bit spicy but in the best way possible. 

_Shit. He wasn't lying when he said he could cook._

'Mmm.' Isak hummed involuntarily, blushing deeply at the embarrassing sound and the resulting, bone-melting smile it elicited from Even. 

'Good?' He asked, his irises lit with pride, beaming so brightly that it glared Isak's vision. 

Isak liked it better this way, liked seeing Even happy, wanted to drink in his smiles forever, dazzling and heartbreaking and just for him. 

He nodded, flushing and hating how delighted he was at Even's consequential joy. 

'Yeah.' Isak murmured soft, his blush deepening as the older teenager's fingers trailed his lower lip, wiping off a smear of sauce that dribbled from the corner of Isak's mouth, chuckling low, looking at the younger boy in that way that he shouldn't, like Isak was the moon, the _sun._

'What?' Isak asked bashfully, self-conscious and afraid, _so afraid._

'Nothing.' Even murmured faintly, leaning in close, lips whisper-soft and warm when he kissed the other boy, Isak unable to stop himself from winding his arms around the heir, Even's hands moving to clasp his thighs as they embraced, Isak reeling at the intimacy, becoming breathless, thoughtless. 

'I'm just really happy that you're here.' Even said tenderly as he drew back, resting his forehead against the others and smiling at him sweetly, perforating his insides. 

Isak gazed back, heavy lidded and drunk, voice coming out as a whisper as he have a dazed and dumfounded reply. 

'Okay.' 

Even hummed at that, gifting Isak with another quick peck before turning back to his cooking, checking the pasta noodles he had made from scratch and leaving the younger feeling painfully incomplete. 

'So...' Even murmured after a while as he set out plates and cutlery for their dinner. 'You're coming to my party, right?' 

Isak frowned as Even fussed over the table settings, adjusting the candelabra and inspecting the wine glasses, the heir's features infectiously focused, his eyes going squinty in concentration. 

The younger teenager huffed. 

He was _so fucking adorable._

'What do you mean?' Isak asked in absent confusion. 'I leave Friday morning.' 

'It's tomorrow.' Even said casually, pulling back a chair for Isak and gesturing for him to sit. 

'On a Wednesday?' Isak questioned in bewilderment as he stumbled over to take a seat, looking up at Even as he gave a light, carefree laugh. 

'We're rich, Isak.' He said, and the younger boy was almost off-turned by the haughty self-entitlement of the statement. 'We don't wait for the weekend to have a party.' 

*** 

In a matter of a day, the entire penthouse had been transformed, Isak forced to watch idly as Even ordered around a team of bored hotel staff, all of which seemed to posses underlying homocidal feelings for the heir, and rightly so, the workers grim-faced and functioning like the counterparts of a well-oiled machine as they hung up spangled bowers and plugged in speakers and set up a downright superfluous conglomerate of party lights. 

The younger teenager found it all ridiculous, and was unafraid to say so as he trailed behind Even, spouting taunt after taunt as the older boy paced around the suite, his blue eyes pensive as he checked that everything was exactly as he wanted it, only stopping to bark orders at staff or silence Isak with a ruffle of the hair or a quick, chaste kiss on the lips. 

Isak glowered at him. 

'You're being a megalomaniac.' He snapped after Even asked one of the room service people to readjust the fairy lights on the balcony, which he had described as a little "askew". 'Why would that even matter?' 

'Of course it matters, Isak.' Even muttered, sighing in a way that suggested that his reasoning behind the pedantic lighting adjustment should have been obvious. 'Everything needs to be perfect.' 

'Why the fuck does it matter whether or not the fairy lights on the balcony are _askew_ when everyone's just going to get drunk and forget everything anyway.' Isak muttered in irritation. 'The decorations don't matter. I've partied in tiny commission flats with fold out chairs instead of couches and had a great fucking time.' 

Even pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to Isak with a softened expression. 

'Yeah, but you're nothing like my friends.' Even explained with another sigh, reaching out to cup at Isak's cheek, the gesture affirming that the statement was intended as a compliment. 'They don't appreciate anything unless it's expensive.' 

Isak grimaced. 

'They sound like a bunch of fucking assholes.' He muttered back flatly, to which Even hummed inexplicably, mussing Isak's curls before turning back to the hotel employees and resuming his rampant tyrannical redecorating. 

Isak had not been wrong at all, Even's friends _were_ a bunch of _fucking assholes_ , the boy coming to know this explicitly that very night, after Even left him with several of them, sitting on the sofas in the centre of the decked-out penthouse, the party in full swing, a good hundred teenagers filtering through by the elevator doors, all dressed in comically formal attire, glasses clanking and pop music blaring; the hotel room cast with a haze of blue; the encompassing darkness slivered erratically by flashing neon lights and lending to the profound ambiance of melancholia; heavy despite the synchronic, empty exclamations of inebriated joy that rang loud and strangled throughout the entire apartment. 

Even had deserted the boy on the premise that he would return shortly, Isak left to squirm uncomfortably as he sat with the older male's insufferable "friends", each adolescent more vapid and uninteresting than the next, all seeming to be dreary, blank-faced carbon copies of one another, their teeth gleaming and their eyes lightless and their words frivolous and suffocatingly dull. 

The boy wanted death as he sipped at his beer, mourning the immense mass of neurones he was losing at merely being witness to their conversations. 

'I'm going to Paris next weekend, but honestly, I'm not even sure if I want to anymore.' Said a nondescript girl who had been introduced as Sigrid, leaning into a worm-faced, snub-nosed young man that Even had called Nicolai. 'The past few visits have just gotten so boring.' 

'I know.' Hummed the brunette that sat next to Isak, barely looking at the other female as she scrolled through her phone, her bored features made to look almost menacing by the pale light that emanated from the screen. 'There's only so many times you can visit The Louvre before it just gets tiresome.' 

'What about you, Isak? What do you think of France?' Asked the first girl, leaning over Nikolai to give the younger teenager an almost interrogating glare, the boy taken aback by the absolute lifelessness he saw in her dull blue eyes. 

'Uh... I've never been.' He muttered noncommittally, shrugging into his designer blazer. 

Although Isak was dressed exactly like the rest of them, he couldn't have felt more misplaced amongst the crowd, the boy harboring a distinct, bone-deep distinction to the extensively wealthy teenagers, an alienation that he had never quite felt with _Even._

Sure, he and the heir saw the world differently due to their vastly contrasting life experiences and sure, Even often said and did things that irritated Isak profoundly, but there was a seamless harmony between them nonetheless, a mutual sense of human understanding that surpassed class and social standing and everything that threatened to dash them apart. 

Not here. Here the division couldn't have felt more tangible, Isak feeling as if he were from a different species entirely. Whether that species was of lesser or higher in significance than Even's peers, the boy had no idea, but he was happy to be different regardless. 

He hated them all. 

'Oh, you haven't?' Questioned Sigrid, her voice trilling with condescendence. 'You really should, Isak, the shopping districts are _to die for_.' 

'I thought you said it was boring.' Isak muttered back flatly, watching with amusement as Sigrid's nauseatingly fake smile faltered. 

There was a short outstretch of silence before the two girls let out a small stream of uncomfortable, contemptuous laughter, Nikolai raising an eyebrow and looking at Isak in an unsettling leer. 

The tension was punctured as the boy heard his name being called, turning to his left to see Even; the younger teenager so caught up in the warm, encapsulating beauty of the older male that he didn't even notice the figure beside him. 

'Isak!' Even exclaimed, and adolescent found himself wanting to run into the heir's arms and demand that he be taken away from the infernal group of people at once. 'I have someone I want you to meet.' The older teenager explained with an illuminating smile, gesturing to his left. 'This is my dealer and friend, the true marijuana connoisseur, the only one who really knows the meaning of the term _blazed_ -' 

Isak blinked, eyes straining and mind going bleary as he looked at the boy beside Even, his equilibrium becoming splayed and his breath becoming hitched. 

_It couldn't be._

Isak let out a shallow, involuntary gasp. 

'...Jonas?' Isak heard himself murmur, his eyelids fluttering almost fanatically as he gazed upon the starkly familiar face of his childhood best friend. 

_Jonas._

The brunette stood there, a good foot taller than Isak had remembered him but barely having changed at all, his shoulders just a little broader, his jaw sharper, his smooth, olive complexion a few shades deeper. 

His face was one that Isak could never have forgotten, so etched was it within his mind, the features, frame by frame, having haunted the vast majority of Isak's younger adolescence. 

Isak stared dazedly at Jonas, at the same prominently bristled eyebrows and hard-lined nose and soft, oceanic green eyes, so careful and soothing in comparison to the harsh dimensions of the boy's visage. He took in his black hoodie and scuffed Nike shoes, the same, dark grey beanie that Jonas had been wearing since he was thirteen, pulled over his mass of thick, dark brown curls that spouted out in soft ringlets from under the hat, falling over his temples. 

Jonas' stare was one of a man who had _seen some shit_ , an underlying severity prevalent in his every facial attribute. Isak had the same perpetual look embedded into his own features, but it was softened by a vulnerability, a doe-eyed innocence. Jonas' countenance was softened too, but instead of _weakness_ , it was eased with an air of wisdom and soulfulness that Isak had always flocked to. 

It was the face of a brother, a comrade, and albeit unrequited, Isak's first love. 

Jonas' green eyes widened, his jaw jutting open in what seemed to be abject shock, Isak only vaguely aware that he himself had come to a stand, Even's confused, blue-eyed gaze flickering rampantly between them. 

'Isak _fucking_ Valtersen.' Jonas let out in a low drawl, his severe countenance becoming lit with a joyful smile, Isak unable to form any kind of response before he was being jostled and pulled into a warm, slightly rough-handed bear-hug. 

It had been over four years since the two boys had seen each other, but with the way Jonas embraced him, anyone would have assumed it had been much longer. 

If Isak wasn't so dazed he would have registered that it _kind of hurt_. 

'Dude...' Jonas remarked as he let go and stepped back from him, giving Isak's shoulder a friendly shake, his smile soft and wide. 'Shit! It's really you! What the fuck are you doing here!?' 

'Jonas.' Isak repeated hazily, unable to think, his mind buzzing in horror as he realised that he was at the heir's party, more or less _with_ Even, a fact he was sure the older teenager already had or would make articulately known. 

Jonas had never learned of Isak's true sexual orientation, he had been sent to live with his father in the south of Colombia before the blonde had even come to terms with his sexuality himself. Even now, Isak was still not entirely comfortable with liking men, as bizarre as that seemed given his job description. 

But he didn't have to necessarily _like_ what he did for money, and often he didn't, Isak taking a strange comfort in this, like it affirmed something, like only ever expressing or experiencing his homosexuality in a sleazy, emotionally-uninvolved manner lessened his distinct self-hatred, the solely loveless sexual encounters a unique kind of self-inflicted punishment. 

Of course, Even had ruined that, had ruined everything, and now, Isak was being outed in front of the last person in existence whose opinion still mattered, _the only person who didn't yet know how truly disgusting he really was._

'You guys know each other?' Even asked suddenly, cutting Isak out of his escalating thoughts, the older blonde's expression slightly annoyed, if not somewhat jealous. 

Jonas let out a warm, deep laugh, pulling Isak in by the shoulder, who was mostly unresponsive, overcome with sudden terror. 

'This dude right here is my brother.' Jonas explained proudly, clapping soft at Isak's back. 'We grew up together.' 

When he turned to the blonde, Isak was pulled momentarily from his trepidation, eased by the familiarly calm, emerald-green waters of Jonas' irises. 

'Listen Isak, I'm carrying some _good shit_.' The brunette announced with a gesture to his pockets. ' _Loud Dream_ , man, the fucking best. We need to smoke right now.' He pointed to his own chest. 'On me.' 

'Uh-' Isak stammered as Jonas started for the elevator doors, gesturing for the other to follow him outside. 

The smaller blonde hated that he couldn't go freely, hated that he had to turn to Even who stood behind them with a furrowed brow, Isak looking at him with a silently pleading expression. 

'Go, Isak.' Even said immediately, waving his hand and smiling with what seemed like a bit of difficultly. 'Catch up with your friend. You guys can have the balcony, actually, there's more privacy there.' 

Jonas pivoted to a stop, giving Even an appreciative smirk. 

'Sweet.' 

*** 

Jonas leant over the banister of the extravagantly lit balcony, resting his elbows atop of the marble railing, the immaculately lit fairy-lights that wound in wiry reeds around the crystalline pillars mimicking the distant spark of the illuminated city in front of them, the brunette taking in the view as he rolled a joint, his fingers skilled and deft as the blonde stood next to him, both silent for a moment, quiet in the midst of respective awe. 

'I can't believe it...' Jonas hummed, licking along the edge of the cigarette paper with a shake of his head. 'I agree to come to one of Even's stupid parties and like, here you are.' He gestured at Isak with tranquil but disbelieving eyes. 'You're the last fucking person I expected to find here.' 

Isak felt a cold pang of unease clamber within him, terrified by the curious ring in the other boy's voice, the blonde teenager shrugging, looking at his fingernails. 

'I didn't even know that you came back from Colombia...' He murmured pathetically, watching as Jonas lit the joint, the hollow flick of the lighter seeming to fill the entire balcony, Isak wanting desperately to avoid resulting questions, to divert the subject. 

'Yeah man.' Jonas muttered as he took a drag, his green eyes regretful as swirling ribbons of smoke drifted from his lips, dwindling and disappearing into the cold night air. 'I've been back for almost two years. I've always been meaning to contact you, but I've just lost track of shit...' 

Isak shrugged, he didn't blame the other for their loss of contact, nor did he blame himself. He often reflected on his childhood alongside Jonas in a surrealistic, sentimental kind of way, letting the memories linger in his mind like hazy vignettes, letting the bad parts - his mother's cries and the groping hands and the distinct scrape of tires retreating to the road - slip and fall out of grasp. Jonas was at the center of every happy memory, had always been there to distract Isak from the internal ache, the acrid inflictions from which there was no one to protect him. Sure, Eva was there too, but not in the same way, not like Jonas; the other boy the only one that Isak had ever let in; the only one that knew at least a vague outline of the details. Maybe that's why Isak hadn't tried to keep in touch, maybe Jonas reminded him too much of those times that Isak so desperately wanted to forsake- but the boy wasn't sure. Regardless, life was too messy to indulge in sentimentality, so he let himself forget his best friend. 

He sighed. 

'Don't worry about it, dude.' Isak murmured back softly, taking the joint as it was passed to him. 'It's cool. So much has happened and you know, life just goes fucking on.' He let out a sad laugh. 'It's just good to know you're alive. I thought for the longest time that you'd been shot or something, I mean, considering your line of work...' 

Jonas chuckled back at that, deep and distinct yet baring a trill of desolation. 

'Nah, I went alright.' He muttered with a shrug. 'I had my dad, he got me into the dealing business and set everything up for me. I mean, I've seen some shit but you kind of get used to it.' 

Isak nodded to himself, letting the words sink in, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

'Was it like, some _Narcos_ level shit?' He asked lightly, trying to ease the heavy atmosphere. 

'It was pretty intense.' Jonas said with a shaky laugh. 'And coming back to Norway was a fucking experience.' He gave Isak a queasy, almost embarrassed look, blowing out feathery rings of smoke as he reflected. 'I had to cross airway security with an ounce of cocaine up, like...' He made a gesture with his hand. 'You know.' 

Isak just squinted, drawing back in vague misapprehension. 

'What do you mean?' He asked innocently, to which Jonas laughed louder. 

'There's only one way to smuggle drugs through customs, Isak...' The brunette prompted, raising his brows with a look on his face that suggested that the conclusion should have been more than obvious. 

Isak wasn't sure if it was just the weed compromising his intellect - _joints didn't typically get him anywhere, so that was unlikely_ \- but the blonde wasn't catching on. 

'Wha-' He began to ask, brows knitting as Jonas shook his head in dismay, dark curls bouncing. 

'You don't want to know.' 

Isak grimaced, a moment of quiet extending between them before the blonde let out a giggle, the expression soon morphing into bellowing, unrestrained laughter as realization hit him. 

' _Oh_.' He murmured between a violent procession of chuckles, covering his mouth as Jonas glowered at him, frowning. 'Fuck man... _Wow_.' 

'Dude, it's not funny!' The brunette exclaimed exasperatedly, although he was beginning to laugh along, cheeks pink and eyes narrowed, giving the other a chastising glare. 

'I'm sorry-' Isak emitted breathlessly, struggling to stifle his rampant giggles. 'It just-' He sucked in a harsh breath. 'It kind of is-' 

'No it isn't!' Jonas complained, throwing his hands up in mock-protest and beaming back at Isak who was unashamedly _pissing_ himself. 'I was traumatized by that shit.' Jonas went on, his words eclipsed by Isak's chortling. 'The fucking police dog sniffed me and I almost got strip-searched, Isak! I nearly ended up in Colombian prison!' He paused for emphasis, whimsically enraged. 'Do you understand what Colombian prison would be like for a guy with my bone structure!?' 

Isak laughed even harder at that, clutching his chest and leaning against the balcony's railing for support. 

'What!?' Jonas questioned, wide-eyed and smiling. 'Why is that so funny! Am I that ugly to you?' 

'No it's not that-' Isak wheezed out, trying to catch his breath. 'It's just the fucking situation. That's such fucking gold-' 

'Oh sure,' Jonas huffed with a disgruntled sigh, looking at Isak in a way that facetiously suggested that the blonde should be ashamed of himself. 'Laugh at the guy who had to leave South America with a bag of cocaine up his ass.' Isak sniggered involuntarily and almost stopped breathing. 'It's nice to see you're still a fucking dick, man.' 

'I'm sorry...' The other said raggedly as he tried to calm his breath, swatting away a few laughter-induced tears that gathered in droplets at the corners of his eyes. 'I mean, it would have been horrible at the time, but in hindsight-' 

'In hindsight it's still fucking horrible!' Jonas snapped angrily, chuckling. 'I had to push it out afterwards, like I was giving fucking birth-' 

The two teenagers continued to laugh together in hysterical synchrony, an old euphoria swelled within their chests, the boys giggling emphatically until their lungs began to ache, until they were red-faced and wheezing, until they couldn't anymore, the joviality melting down and fading away into silence; something deeper, the pair smiling soft at each other in the warm kind of way that was neither romantic nor platonic, but simply an expression of mutual love. 

'So...' Jonas began, green eyes glimmering soft under the twinkling lights and pale moon, the syllable hanging definitively as it cut through the quiet. 'You and Even?' 

Isak froze, his heart beat becoming skewed and jagged, the familiar heat of humiliation washing over him in punishing splashes. 

_Fuck._

'Hmm?' Was all he could manage, hushed and thoughtless, wanting to disappear. 

'I mean...' Jonas began carefully, his posture lax and his irises yielding, soft. 'You guys are together, right?' 

The younger teenager wavered, considering for a moment in all seriousness that it might simply have been easier to just climb atop the banister, throw himself off the balcony and call the entire fuck-fest a day. 

But instead he resigned, letting a sliver of the indubitable truth slip past his lips. 

'I-I don't know about _together,_ ' He heard himself admit, his heart hammering and his throat taunted in the kind of panic he thought he hadn't been able to feel anymore. 'But, like, yeah-' 

Jonas didn't let a moment pass before he was smiling, _smiling_ , the brunette extending a hand to give Isak's shoulder a tight squeeze, a smouldering acceptance prevalent within his eyes, the shimmering warmth almost enough to bring Isak to tears. 

'That's great man.' Jonas murmured casually, like it was nothing, seemingly unable to comprehend the figurative weight he had pulled from Isak's shoulders, the agonising shame he had partially lifted. 'But like, seriously-' The brunette went on, looking at the other inquisitively. ' _Even Bech Næsheim_? How'd you even meet him? The guy's a billionaire.' 

Isak stiffened. 

'Oh...' His mind raced, thoughts crashing into one another as he struggled for explanation. 'I mean, we just kind of...' He gulped. 'Bumped into each other...' 

'What?' Jonas questioned innocently. 'Like, at a party?' 

Isak wanted to dissipate into the tile. 

_Why was he asking so many questions?_

'I mean...' He stammered out uneasily. 'I don't know, like around...' 

'Oh, okay.' Jonas murmured without judgement, shrugging his shoulders. 'It's just so fucking random, he's basically a hermit. I didn't even know he went out much apart from throwing these huge parties-' 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

'Yeah well, you know-' Isak found himself start to say, hysteria rising within him. 

'What?' 

Isak sighed. He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to tell Jonas even a semblance of the real, ugly truth. It was probably the last thing he could even comprehend wanting to do, admitting to his best friend, the boy he had always held in an evangelical, faraway light, just how _filthy_ and _depraved_ he really was. 

_But how could he not?_

_How could he sit there and laugh over Jonas' misfortunes and pretend that he hadn't suffered just as greatly, hadn't faced the same kind of degradation, if not worse?_

_How could he stand there in designer clothing and pretend that everything was fine, that he wasn't demoted and damaged deep within, that his life was perfect, so much so that he was now dating billionaires?_

He couldn't. And he owed Jonas honesty; he owed the boy that much. 

With this line of reasoning in mind, Isak gulped dryly and let the truth ring free. 

'I'm just...' He stammered, the words unwilling on his tongue. 'Like, he's kind of paying me...' 

'Paying you?' Jonas asked benignly, seeming to need further clarification. 

'Yeah, I'm like...' Isak murmured soft, his eyes squeezing shut for a long, melodramatic moment, before he let his heart and jaw unclench and just said it. 'I'm a prostitute.' 

Isak flinched, waiting to see the twists of disgust morph within his best friend's features, surprised when all he saw was calm indifference. 

'Oh yeah.' Jonas said indiscriminately, like Isak had just told him that he works in retail. 

The blonde blinked, unable to register such an unaffected response. 

'You... You don't think anything about that?' 

Jonas let out a laugh, the expression red-blooded and warm. 

'No.' He said with a shake of his head as he began to roll another joint, the two having already burnt through the first one. 'I'm a drug dealer, Isak. If you're being smart, I think it's totally chill.' 

'Really?' Isak asked quietly, voice small and faint, the question almost childlike. 

'Really.' 

'I don't know...' Isak said softly after a few quiet seconds. 'I just never thought things would turn out this way.' 

Jonas chuckled bitterly, taking a drawn-out drag before passing the joint to the other with a flick of his brow. 

'Me neither.' 

Isak paused, struggling for words. 

'You know,' He began, shoulders slumped, twirling the dwindling cigarette in his fingers. 'When we were kids I always thought that I'd be like some fucking successful accountant or some shit and you'd be like, a writer...' He laughed, brittle and sarcastic and flatly miserable. 'It's just like, when they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I never fucking said; oh, a sex worker...' 

'No of course not, dude.' Jonas murmured sympathetically, aquamarine irises turning indignant as he let out a broken sigh. 'But at the end of the day it would make no difference whether you were a accountant or a fucking lawyer or whatever. You'd just be a slave to money all the fucking same.' Jonas paused, a resolute anger falling over his countenance, one that Isak recognized immediately, that same blatant sense of injustice prevalent within himself. 'Why go to university and get a piece of paper from an institute of mentally-enslaved conformists just so you can contribute to consumer capitalism and meet society's fucking bullshit standard of success?' He went on, brows knitting and voice rising with a broiling passion. 'There's nothing wrong with being a criminal, we make money just the same as anyone else and we make it the fast and easy way. We weren't given the resources in life to make it the "honest" way so fuck that.' He let out a cold, mirthless laugh. 'The system is fucked, man, so fuck the system.' 

Isak stared at the other blankly for a moment, smoke spiralling thick in the air, dancing amidst the stretch of silence. 

'Shit, Jonas, you got deep.' The blonde said in an awestruck murmur. 'That's some fucking Che Guevara type shit.' 

Jonas laughed. 

'I don't know,' He muttered with a shrug. 'I tend to think Che Guevara was a little too aggressive.' He smirked. 'I'm less into pushing the communist regime and more about living life outside of social rigidity.' He paused, the lines of his face settling into a solemn expression. 'But seriously, don't ever value yourself below Even or any of the other fucking people in that room.' 

He gave Isak a fixed look, the blonde becoming defensive. 

'I don't, it's just-' Isak tried to begin, only to be cut off. 

'They might have money but that doesn't make them better than us.' Jonas said sternly, each word clear and resolute like he wanted the other to remember them. 'So what, they were born into wealth, who gives a shit? We're the ones who deserve respect, we know struggle, we know pain, we live in the real fucking world.' He seemed overwrought with a sobriety, a mournful murmur in his eyes, thin lips pressed into a hard line. 'But we also know joy too. They'll never have a shot at true happiness because they don't know what it means, they live in such numb comfort, pursuing idealism through material possessions - the whole world is fucking expendable to them.' His face and words were harsh, bridled with disgust. 'They're just _hollow_.' 

Isak quailed. He knew what the other meant, he had seen the vapidity, looked into the emptied-out souls of the privileged, blank and imperially bored; their blood blue and cold, their innards scraped out clean. Yet still, despite his all-consuming opulence and haughty disposition, Isak could not think the same of Even, the heir possessing an incomparable tenderness, his chest yielding and warm; his lips and eyes murmuring with gentle emotion that was sometimes like wildfire; a passion so rare, a flame snuffed out by the soulless company with which he was confined. 

'I don't know...' Isak said quietly, blinking slow, hating himself and how far he'd fallen. 'I don't think Even is hollow.' 

And he wasn't. 

The older heir was many things; sickly sweet and spoilt and beautiful, but not _hollow._

Jonas laughed shallowly, giving a tired shrug. 

'Even's a cool dude, sure, but ultimately they're all the fucking same.' He sighed. 'The division between the lower and upper class is something that will always exist, even if we think we can't feel it.' He looked at Isak again, his gaze impenetrable, severe. 'It's always fucking there.' 

'I guess so.' 

And was the end of the conversation for a short while, the two passing the joint back and forth in a lazy cycle, laughing at nothing and muttering over the silence, Jonas' face once again becoming grave as he leaned closer the other, a question in his eyes. 

'But seriously, how's everything? How's your mum?' 

Isak recoiled, feeling the first slips of pain flicker from somewhere deep within the center of him, doing what he always did and swallowing hard, choking it all down. 

'I don't know...' He muttered exhaustedly, lungs knocked clean. 'I haven't seen her in like three years-' 

'What? Why?' 

The blonde winced, his words coming out all bleary and quick, all explanation and no explanation, the boy brushing over the aches, perpetually on the run from all that made him _feel_. 

'I mean, after my dad, like, fucked off, I just kind of... left.' He watched Jonas nod along, the information news to him, the brunette having left before it all fell apart. 'I send her money and shit but I don't really want her to know how I get it.' He laughed blackly, running a shaky hand through coarse curls. 'I get that you don't think it's anything to be ashamed of but... Despite everything she's still my mum. I don't exactly want to tell her I'm a prostitute-' 

Jonas hummed empathetically, reaching out to pat firmly at Isak's back, the gesture somewhat awkward but warm, well-meaning. 

'Yeah, dude, I understand-' 

It was at that point that a figure emerged from the neon-tinged double doors of the balcony, letting in the once muted commotion of the party, two sets of green eyes looking to find Nikolai standing at the doorway, his stare shifting from Jonas to Isak, blank and somewhat shark-like, the dull grey holding a muted unpleasantness. 

For a reason beyond Isak's rational brain, he felt himself shudder. 

'Hey, Isak, is it?' Nicolai began easily enough, his posture menacingly relaxed as he leant against the doorframe. 'Even's asking for you.' 

Isak frowned, his voice coming out rushed and nervous. 

'Oh, but I'm like, talking to Jonas-' 

Jonas waved him off, putting out the butt of the joint with an unobtrusive smile. 

'Dude, it's cool.' He said with a placating laugh. 'I've got another delivery to make anyway. Here, give me your phone, I'll give you my number.' His eyes were liquid-warm, heartfelt. 'Hit me up if you feel like talking. I've really missed you, man.' 

'Of course.' Isak said immediately, taking Jonas' phone and thumbing in his number, his heart clenching and his voice low and aching when he said: 

'Me too, Jonas.' 

*** 

'You wanted me?' Isak called out scornfully, unimpressed as he stood in front of the heir with his arms crossed over his chest, Even's face shining with the light of a thousand suns as he half-walked, half-ran up to Isak, eyes sparkling dark under the trembling luminance of the party, bright fuchsia and acid green dancing in the calm, faceted blue of his irises. 

He looked _so beautiful_ , honey blonde hair soft and dishevelled, cheeks and lips flushed pink from alcohol, the older boy seeming only at the threshold of tipsy as he bounded through the gyrating sea of sweaty, inebriated teenagers, jostling into Isak and pulling him tight into his arms. 

The boy let out a squeak as he was dragged into a hard kiss that made his chest quake and his ribs tremor. 

'Isak.' Even hummed against the boy's lips as he let him breathe, voice obscured but audible despite the grating shrieks of the surrounding party-goers. 'I missed you.' 

The teenager scoffed derisively. 

If he wasn't so bitter and dead inside, Isak might have returned the sentiment. But the younger boy didn't share Even's penchant for grand romanticism, so instead he grimaced, muttering: 

'I've only been outside for like two fucking hours.' 

'Yeah.' Even murmured with a nod, kissing at the corners of Isak's mouth and up across his cheeks, lips smooth and warm, the affection unnecessary and ridiculous, but so _fucking heart wrenching._ 'It's been a _long_ fucking two hours.' The heir raised a brow, cocking his head to the side as his long, careful fingers came to cradle Isak's jaw, blue eyes inquisitive. 'We've set up for beer pong, do you want to be on my team?' 

Isak scowled. 

'Not really...' 

Even pouted like a petulant child, jutting out his bottom lip and melting Isak's bones. 

_Oh for fuck's sake._

'Why not?' Even complained in a disarming whine. 'I've been waiting just for you.' 

Isak rolled his eyes. 

'Don't take this the wrong way, Even, but all of your friends are like the most nauseating people I've ever had to engage with.' He spoke openly, not at all caring if any of the lifeless automatons heard him. 'And I've engaged with a lot of nauseating people.' Isak muttered, watching Even's perfect forehead become creased with a frown. 'It's in the job description.' 

'Do you find _me_ nauseating?' Even asked immediately, insecurity rich in his voice, lower lip trembling. 

_Never_ , Isak wanted to say, _you make my heart fucking ache._

The younger boy just shrugged. 

'No. You're alright.' 

'Alright!?' Even exclaimed, drawing back in offence, mouth agape. 'Only alright?' 

'I tend to think everyone's a piece of shit.' Isak muttered nonchalantly, enjoying his denial. 'So that's a pretty high ranking.' 

Even blinked a few times, full, dark lashes fluttering over faultless cerulean, his pupils wide and dilated, focused only on Isak, only on _him._

'What I wouldn't give, Isak Valtersen, for you to see me as something more than just _alright._ ' 

Isak swore he could feel it in his veins as Even entwined their fingers, face bright with an adoring, miserable smile, swaying Isak a little to the jarring pop music. 

'Would you like to dance instead?' He asked sweetly, bringing Isak's hand, as he had done a thousand times before, to his full pink lips, kissing soft. 

'Not to this shitty pop music.' Isak shot back with a smirk, unable to stop himself from blushing. 

'Here we go again with the anti-pop music supremacy.' Even said with a playful groan. 'And you say that _I'm_ pretentious.' 

'My pretentiousness gives me an unexpected edge.' Isak shot back self-indignantly. 'Yours is just boring and predictable.' 

Even laughed, low and soft and musical. 

'Why are you so mean?' 

Isak shrugged. 

'A lot of reasons.' 

'Come on.' Even pleased suddenly as one terrible pop song bled into another, the older boy trying to drag Isak into the bustling crowd. 'Dance with me!' 

The younger dug in his heels. 

'I don't dance.' 

'Everyone dances, Isak.' Even exclaimed with an exasperated sigh, side stepping goofily and trying to force Isak to join, tugging on his hand. 'What?' He asked with glittering eyes and an earth-shattering smile. 'You've never been in your room listening to _Fuck the Police_ and just like, busted a move?' 

'No I haven't _busted a move_ , Even, what the fuck?' The boy grimaced, cringing and wondering why the fuck he liked this _loser_. 'Who even says that anymore?' 

The apparent judgement didn't seem to faze the heir at all as he jumped a little in his place, in the same way an eight-year-old did when they didn't get something that they wanted. 

'Dance with me!' 

Isak groaned. 

'But it's Gabrielle.' 

'Exactly. And it's 5 Fine Frøkner!' He almost shouted, pulling Isak further into the noisy clutter of bodies, the rancid smell of weed and alcohol and perspiration permeating everything. 'This one's my favorite! Come on!' 

Isak was surprised when he was dragged through and completely out of the suffocatingly irritating crowd, the heir leading them to his bedroom, opening the door and pulling Isak inside. 

'What?' Isak asked with a salacious smirk as Even locked the door and turned to him, blue eyed and red-lipped and _gorgeous,_ the younger teenager's undeniable attraction heightened in the cold, dim lit gloom of the bedroom, illuminated only by the muted yellow glow of the spherical light fixture, which Even turned to it's lowest setting. 'Have you changed your mind?' Isak asked coyly, pressing close to Even and teasing the zipper of the other's slacks with his fingertips, causing the older boy's breath to stutter. 'Do you want me to suck you off?' 

'I always want that, really,' Even said with a deep chuckle, Isak stunned as he was pulled in at the waist, one of Even's hands coming to rest at the small of his back and the other threaded with his own. 'But right now I would like to dance.' Even smiled tenderly, side-stepping the both of them a little further into the room, the waltz-like steps out of time with the up-beat, bubblegum pop song, Isak feeling his inside flutter all the same. 'I just don't think we should have to dance out there with all the _nauseating_ people, when we can dance in here,' he rested his forehead against Isak's, voice a low murmur, breath ragged and warm, 'Just you and me.' 

Isak had no choice but to comply then, melting into Even's arms, letting himself get danced and dipped around the bedroom, out-of-time and awkward, feet tripping and knees giving as he waltzed to Gabrielle with a boy from a completely different universe, Even miming the lyrics obnoxiously, starlight in his eyes, their hearts humming and their bodies close, the younger tingling all over from the imperfect perfection of the moment, wanting to freeze it in time, wanting to hold the _unbelievable_ boy forever. 

'You're almost perfect.' Isak heard himself whisper as the song faded to an end, the smaller teenager having somehow ended up with his back pressed up against the wall, his face in Even's hands, the older thumbing his cheeks and tracing his lips with his own. 'But no, you just have to be a Gabrielle fan.' 

'Perfect?' Even crooned with a blood-warming smile, calm blue eyes starry, love drunk. 'You think I'm perfect?' 

_Yes._

Isak shook his head. 

'I never said that.' 

'Yeah you did.' Even lilted with a self-satisfied laugh, letting their noses graze, giving the younger boy a sappy Eskimo kiss that made Isak flush. 'I think you're perfect too, baby.' 

'Just shut up.' Isak snapped, heart quaking. 'I liked it better when you were lip-syncing. At least you were quiet.' 

Even laughed deep and low, eyes going squinty and canines glinting in the minimal light. 

'You always say exactly what you want, Isak.' He murmured softly, velvet smooth. 'I think that's what I love most about you. You don't edit yourself and you're so fucking quick and so fucking _real._ ' His hands moved to grip Isak's shoulders, squeezing firm, as if to establish that Isak was actually there, the younger boy unable to breathe under the chest-crushing praise, wanting to sink away from it, to run. 'Fucking _real._ ' He let his mouth ghost over Isak's, their fringes co-mingling, their eyes locked, the smaller teenager feeling as if he was going to have an aneurism. 'I just... I want to keep you forever...' 

_Wait... What?_

Isak felt choked, suffocated with a strange euphoria, like his heart had swelled, arteries and muscle filled with something warm and sweet and unfamiliar, his feeble torso no longer large or strong enough to contain it, ribs splintering and chest splitting. 

_Fuck._

'That's unsettling.' Was all he managed, the phrase sardonic but devoid of harshness, whispered and hazy, like a profession of love. 

'But I do.' Even cooed, the silken edges of his words tying ribbons around Isak's figurative heart, knotting and binding and keeping him prisoner. 'I want to keep you safe.' He said softly, his fingers returning to Isak's jaw, tips un-calloused and smooth, the unscathed hands caressing the other's skin, tracing his cheekbones and winding in his hair and bringing him close. 'You're my dream, baby, my fucking dream.' 

Isak was unable and unwilling to do anything but lean into him, the boy left with no choice but to part his lips for the older male, let Even taste his mouth and his heart and his soul, let him consume him and destroy him, annihilate him in the sweetest, softest way possible. 

He couldn't bear it, the way his hands wove instinctively into the soft tresses of Even's hair, how the boy's chest arched into the other's, how their groins ground together; hearts battered, breathing cracked and strained as they kissed. 

When Even pulled back, breathless and starstruck, Isak could hardly look at him, so afraid was the boy that he would get lost in the other's eyes, fall into the bottomless voids of blue and just disappear, float away. 

'I... I uh, need to go to the toilet.' He let out raggedly, needing a moment to collect himself, to splash some water on his face and look himself in the eyes and just _get his fucking shit together._

Even laughed, marvelling at the smaller teenager and tucking a soft, stray curl behind Isak's ear. 

'Come back quickly to me, my love.' He sang ecstatically, kissing both of Isak's cheeks in a way that should have been smothering but felt like heaven to the younger boy's affection-starved senses. 'I'll be counting the seconds.' 

Isak disentangled himself from the other, sucking in a harsh breath and making a point of rolling his eyes, trying to ignore the older boy's casual use of the word _love_ , stumbling out of the room and leaving his guts and heart and soul with Even as he left. 

*** 

Isak didn't recognise his own reflection as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, his cheeks rosy and his eyes glossy, his entire face veiled with an underlying vitality that had never before had been prevalent in his features. 

It was the face of an _idiot_ , an individual who had fallen victim to the idea of _love_ and all of it's deceitful frills, the kind of person Isak hadn't been since he was very young, that deep-down part of him that just wanted to be held, that believed in things like _whirlwind romances_ and _soul mates_ and _prince fucking charming_. 

The part of him that _wanted_ to be saved; the part of him that anticipated rescue; that had subliminally internalised the systematic brainwashing of the mass media; the part that hadn't learnt from his past mistakes, that hadn't shattered under bruising fingers and broken trust. 

He thought that version of himself had died long ago, perished from malnutrition within the stony walls of his heart. But no, Even had cut him open, worked his way inside and uprooted all of his weakness, revived his idiocy with soft kisses and warm touches and pretty lies. 

_It was both the worst and best thing to have ever of happened to him._

Isak's thoughts were severed when he heard the bathroom door crack open, turning on his heels within the vast space, his eyes straining slightly at the hazy silhouette that stood, bordered by the flashing darkness outside of the door. 

'Even?' He asked weakly, a smile feathering at thin lips. 

That smile drooped when he saw that it was Nicolai who stepped into the room, sober and at ease, his gait relaxed, imposing, terrifyingly calm. 

'No, it's not Even.' He said in a bored voice, strolling into the space on gangly legs, a few paces towards Isak. 

There was something in his void-like eyes and arrogant stature that made Isak's stomach sink. 

'Oh. Nikolai.' He muttered casually, laughing uncomfortably as the other approached him with a menacing leer, the expression the ugliest thing Isak had ever seen, wolffish and grotesque. 'Do you need to use the bathroom?' 

Nikolai sniggered at that, the sound lightless and hollow and altogether _wrong._

'No.' 

Isak squirmed awkwardly, trying to step past the other who was standing only a foot away from him, his stare encompassing a blood-chilling tinge; dull and emotionless, vaguely amused. 

_What the fuck did he want?_

'Uh- well, I was just leaving-' He muttered stiffly, shuffling forward, hoping Nikolai was just a weirdo who had been homeschooled or something and didn't know how to act in social situations. 

A small voice in the back of Isak's mind told him that this wasn't the case. 

Isak had seen that look before, the one in Nikolai's dull, grey eyes; that glimmer of empty hunger, a repulsive flicker of lust for power and dominion and bloodshed. 

No warmth, no humanity, just flat, emptied-out terror, promising torment, promising to get his lungs heaving and his heart splintered and his insides blistering. 

Isak had seen it every time he closed his eyes, like a glitch on a broken video tape, playing over and over in a haunting procession, filling his nightmares. 

Isak had seen it a thousand times. 

He felt his veins run with ice-water as Nikolai stepped in front of the door. 

'No.' The other said simply, smiling, the clear, resounding word making Isak's gut clench. 'See, I was thinking we might have a little chat-' 

When Isak moved forward a few more steps, Nikolai stayed rigid, giving the shorter boy a condescending shove. 

'What the fuck, man?' Isak asked shakily, laughing a little out of utter terror. 'Even's waiting for me, get the fuck out of the way-' 

Nikolai rolled his eyes, pushing Isak back a little harder as he continuously struggled for the door. 

'So what?' The other said tiredly, laughing blackly as Isak tripped into the counter behind him. 'Even has to wait an extra fifteen minutes for his whore. He'll live.' 

Isak blinked, unable to string together any kind of response as he shrunk into the cold porcelain of the sink, recoiling. 

_What...?_

'Excuse me?' Isak said through clenched teeth, eyes beginning to rake the room for something to smash into Nikolai's head, the boy's fear twisting into adrenaline as he took in the taller adolescent's sinister countenance. 

The other laughed again. 

'You know, I'm not usually one to pry into affairs that don't concern me,' He smirked at Isak as he began to step towards him again, his ugly face smug, lip curled. 'But I couldn't help overhearing your little balcony conversation earlier.' 

_Oh._ Isak's eyes widened in horror as his mind back-tracked, stinging humiliation flooding him top to toe. _Oh fuck._

Nikolai grinned, so cold and so cruel that it made Isak's breathing go shallow. 

'I have to say,' The older male crooned malevolently, mocking and inhumane. 'That bit about your mother was truly heart-warming.' He chuckled, placing a taunting hand on his chest, Isak feeling the threads of his roughly sewn-up heart pull and unravel, the other boy poking cruelly at the slivered wounds, enjoying it. 'I mean, who doesn't love a hooker with a sob story?' 

Isak quailed as the familiar degradation and embarrassment splatter at his insides, so shocking and jarring now, in the wake of Even's tenderness that the boy felt tears prick at his eyes. 

He baulked up, stepping forward to shove at Nikolai's chest once again, not exercising his full stretch but enough to send the other stumbling back, giving warning. 

'Let me out.' 

Nikolai ignored him, momentarily ruffled but straightening his posture out proudly, snickering on. 

'I mean, Even is a rich, popular guy.' He mused as Isak glared at him, wanting to get out of the bathroom and return to the heir, wanting to escape without making a scene. 'He really doesn't need to be paying scum from the street to suck his dick.' Isak flinched, letting the hurt drip through him, swallowing it down. 'Which has me thinking,' Nikolai sneered, taking a sudden hold of Isak's hips, sweaty handed and groping and objectifying. 'You must be a really nice fuck-' 

Isak felt a strange kind of savagery tear through him, his heart pounding in his chest as Nicolai gripped at his sides, unwanted and repulsive, the boy's mind becoming wired, numb to the touch. 

Maybe it was because he had endured years of systematic degradation or maybe it was just that he was hot-blooded and volatile and just _sick and tired_ of being used, but Isak felt every fibre of his being burn with rage. 

'Get the fuck off me.' He said through clenched teeth, his voice strangely calm as he felt Nikolai's sweltering breath on his face, his bruising hands pulling at the smaller boys hair, making Isak whimper as he tried to drag him to his knees. 

'What?' Nikolai taunted, smiling wide in Isak's face. 'I have money.' He laughed, the sound echoing through Isak's system, sharp and infuriating. 'I heard _sluts_ like you would do anything for a dollar.' 

'I said, _get the fuck off me!_ ' Isak grunted powerfully, pushing easily out of the other's hold and swinging a fist at him, burning anger coursing through his blood-stream, hot and acidic, anger he had harboured his entire life, anger that buzzed and festered under his skin. 

There was a deafening crunch of breaking flesh as Isak's fist intercepted the other's face, the boy feeling a strange tingle of satisfaction shudder through him, his eyes filled with tears, wet and broiling as they dripped and rolled down his face, Isak shaking all over, trembling as he watched Nikolai fall back, a pitiful screech escaping his lips as he tripped into the wall. 

'You fucking little bitch!' Nikolai screamed, holding his nose and just glaring for a frenzied moment before charging at the younger, Isak feeling his breath flee him as he was punched in the face, the taller teenager striking him with merciless velocity, a blunt, spasming pain ringing through his jawbone, shooting in lagging aches to his temple as Isak let out an involuntary cry, unable to do anything but sob, choking on wretched tears as his hair was grasped once more, the boy hearing a crunch as pain stung through his scalp, the teenager letting out strangled keens as he was forced onto the cold, hard tile, a foot at his chest, winding him, kicking him down. 

'You fucking stupid whore!' He heard Nikolai growl as he his eyes squeezed shut, losing track of where he was, wanting comfort, wanting _Even_ , shivering with tears as he slumped under the other, the larger male starting to laugh as Isak heard the sound of an opening zipper. 

The merciless laugh, however, stopped short, both Nikolai and Isak turning as the bathroom door slammed open. 

There stood Even, looking like an angel to Isak in his terrified, disoriented state, troubled blue eyes holding the younger boy's tear-filled gaze for a long, terrorised second before they centred in on Nikolai, Even's beautiful face becoming twisted with a look that Isak could only describe murderous. 

Isak had never seen anyone look so _ferocious._

Nikolai seemed to be seeing the same expression, the offending male letting go of Isak's sweat-dampened curls and stepping back from the boy, laughing nervous and holding his hands up in surrender, the smaller teenager collapsing into the tiled floor, gasping raggedly as he stared at Nikolai and then at Even, who bared his teeth, closing and locking the door behind him. 

Isak could have sworn he heard Nikolai gulp. 

'What _the fuck_ did you do!?' The heir shouted, voice coming out as a deep and blood-thirsty growl as he charged for Nikolai, barely a second passing before Even had the other slammed into the marble wall of the bathroom, Nikolai whimpering as he was jolted forward and then slammed back again, even harder when Even didn't get an answer. 

'Your fucking _slut_ attacked me!' He let out in a blood-curdled scream as Even grunted, a feral look in his pretty blue eyes as he punched Nikolai hard across the face, a sharp crack sounding as cartilage ripped and split, Isak watching as bright splats of blood splayed across the impeccable tile, red and definite as it dripped into grooves. 

'You fucking _piece of shit_.' Even snarled, low and guttural, hitting the other a second time, the brutality of the strike causing Nikolai to wail and stumble to the ground, bone hitting into marble, Even letting out a breathless grunt as he kicked him further into the tile, Nikolai on his back, squirming like an insect as he scrambled to get up only to have Even's foot step down hard on his chest, keeping him floored, Isak's eyes widening as he heard another splintering rupture as Even kicked into the other's ribcage, Nikolai sobbing in pain, breaths labored and tearful as he struggled to suck in air. 

'What the fuck's going on!?' Isak heard someone scream from outside of the bathroom, a loud thumping beginning to sound from the door, all white noise to Even who was practically pulsating with rage, cheeks flushed and irises wild, the veins in his neck bulging thick as he moved to straddle Nikolai, who gurgled pathetically, choking on his own blood, red spit bubbling from his gaping mouth. 

'He's j-just a fucking whore,' Nikolai spat between whimpers, wheezing, his speech cut off by another sharp punch, skin tearing and teeth crunching, thick crimson sputtering against white. 'Jesus fucking...Christ...' Nikolai heaved out feebly. 'Calm down...' 

' _Shut your fucking mouth_.' Even growled, silencing him with another punishing hit, Isak hearing a snap as the heir's fist pummeled into Nikolai's jaw, the other letting out choked, spluttered cries. 'You don't get to speak about him like that! I'm going to _fucking kill you._ ' 

It was at that moment that Isak realized that if someone didn't stop him, Even _was_ going to kill Nikolai. 

It didn't matter how much money the older boy had, there was no guarantee that he was going to be able to _OJ Simpson_ his way out of a murder charge. 

Isak rose to unsteady feet, red-faced and shaken but filled with resolve as he staggered brokenly towards Even, the heir savage and thrumming with primitive violence as he bent over Nikolai, grunting and snarling, his breathing coarse and fractured. 

'Stop!' Isak cried out raggedly, clutching and tugging at the back of the older boy's dress shirt with struggling hands, careful not to further enrage the other as he tugged firmly at Even's agitated form. 'He's not worth ending up in prison, Even! Stop!' 

Even froze, letting out harsh gasps as he allowed Isak to pull him off, his broad frame trembling with fury as the smaller boy dragged him away from Nikolai. 

'He's n-not worth it.' Isak repeated unevenly, gasping soft at the sight of Nikolai's bloodied, _fucked-up_ face, lips split and eyes already purpled with bruises, the young man letting out the long, high-pitched wails of a wounded dog. 

'Get the fuck out!' Even spat, careful to disentangle himself from Isak as he lunged to grasp Nikolai by the collar of his shirt, dragging the other's battered, twitching body to the bathroom door as Isak felt himself deflate against the sink, only half aware that he was crying, shaking. 'Get out!' Even shouted, opening the door and throwing Nikolai into the awaiting crowd that had gathered like ants at the threshold of the bathroom, the drunken teenagers becoming dashed and scattered apart as Even glowered at them, Nikolai wailing as one of the girls helped him to his feet. 'Party's over! Get the fuck out! Everybody out!' 

*** 

'Isak...' Even murmured as he re-entered the bathroom, the heir having left momentarily to turn off the music and switch on the lights, making sure every last inebriated youth left the penthouse, the suite now home to a tranquilized silence, like the expanse of quiet after rain, the calm after a storm. Even's face was drained, unmarked yet changed somehow, his baby blue eyes laced with moisture, his dress shirt rumpled and open wide at the neck, his lips trembling, down-turned and his shaky hands gloved in smears of blood. 

He approached Isak wearily, like he was afraid of accidentally deepening the boy's hurt, the younger male staring back at him with round, bewildered eyes, stunned by the how easily the older male had slipped back into his gentle nature, so closely following nuclear rage. 

'Isak.' Even said again, speaking soft, stepping over to the other in shaken hesitation. 'I'm so-' he stammered, voice breaking, shattering. 'I'm so fucking sorry...' 

Isak just stared back at him, wanting to hold Even but not knowing how to; not sure if he could move his hands from where they gripped the edge of the bathroom countertop, white knuckled and fixed like they had been set in cement. 

He felt his plummeting heart beat out slow, each pulse a hammering boom, in sync with Even's footsteps as he neared the boy, his proximity warming the younger, like the older male was made of fire; a comforting heat that would burn to touch. 

'I'm...' Even tried again, gaze twinkling tender, eyes brimming with so many emotions, emotions that Isak couldn't make sense of. 'Can I... Can I please touch you?' 

Isak nodded stiffly, surprised that he was able to, having considered himself stuck; frozen in place. 

The boy exhaled, sharp and desperate to take in oxygen as Even's fingertips brushed across his stinging jaw, panting soft as if he'd been holding his breath, thinking that maybe he had been the entire time. 

'I'm sorry, Isak.' Even whispered again, pained and weary as he pressed into the other, so gently, bringing his warm arms tentatively around Isak's shivering form and cradling him carefully to his chest, like the boy was made of spun silk, delicate and precious and easy to destroy. 

The younger could hear the shake in Even's breathing, could feel the pounding of a heart under quivering flesh, could sense the unease in the older boy's limbs, bound and strung tight; livid. He realised then that the heir, too, needed to be held, that Even wasn't just a pilar for the younger boy to cling to, but a human, soft and breakable in the same way as Isak. 

'Shhh.' The smaller male hushed the other, unclenching his fingers from the sink on which they clutched with mechanical difficultly, the joints in his hands buckling as he wound his arms around Even's hard-lined body in return, feeling the other pull him tighter at that, impossibly close, breathing him in. 

They stayed like that, paralyzed and grounded in each other's hold for a long moment, atoms fusing and flesh warmed, finding refuge in one another, finding solace. 

'I'm sorry you had to see that.' Even murmured with an exhalation, drawing back to rest his head against Isak, countenance haunted, plagued with guilt. 

'I've seen a lot of things, Even.' Isak mumbled back quietly, his voice void of it's usual dryness, wincing and letting out a sharp hiss as Even ducked to place a soothing kiss to the younger's ruddy cheek, the delicate peck aggravating the stinging, swollen flesh of Isak's injured face. 

'You're hurt.' Even whispered miserably, shuddering as if he himself shared Isak's pain, eyes tearful, as if the very notion of Isak's discomfort cut at his soul. 'Baby...' 

'S'okay.' Isak murmured lowly, playing it down, not wanting the heir to worry. 

'Even pulled away completely, and Isak found himself grasping onto the young man's wrist, letting out a soft, pleading whine, the younger unable to even fathom the prospect of the older boy leaving him. 

_Not now, not soon, not ever._

'I'll be right back.' Even promised him solemnly, reluctant to go himself. 'I just want to get you some ice.' 

Isak believed him and let him go, waiting an agonising moment before Even returned, loose ice bundled in a face-towel to form a make-shift ice pack, careful as he pressed it to Isak's bruised jawbone, his gentle application not at all subtracting from the dull, cold ache that throbbed through the left side of Isak's face. 

'S-stings.' Isak mumbled, eyes squeezing shut and watering at the pointed discomfort. 

'I know.' Even hummed sympathetically, his other hand moving to thread in Isak's curls, massaging his abused scalp in careful rubs, distracting him. 'I'm sorry.' 

'Thank you, Even.' Isak said quietly, jade eyes flitting up at the other and then down at his feet, small and bashful as he added; 'For stopping him.' 

'Of course, my love.' Even cooed, his register both as sweet and as thick as honey, the heir leaning in, sweeping back golden curls and pressing his lips to Isak's hairline, inhaling slow, his words laced with protective venom when he spoke again. 'Nobody is allowed to hurt you.' 

Isak felt gutted, his slowed heart beginning to beat at a frantic pace as it shattered against his ribcage, breaking and crumbling within his tight chest. 

'You can't-' Isak started, his voice partially obstructed, coming out gruff and low, sheepish. 'You can't use the word _love_ like that.' He stifled tears, voice pleading, dropping to a whisper. 'Please don't.' 

Even frowned. 

'Why not?' 

'B-because I'm stupid, Even.' Isak croaked tiredly, leaning back to rub away tears with rough, balled fists, embarrassed. 'I-I'm stupid and a part of me thinks you really mean it.' 

Even omitted a pained sigh and pulled Isak's hands away from his face, careful yet firm, finger's soft as they skimmed the boy's under-eyes, thumbing gently at the moisture; dabbing away tears. 

'I do.' Even said simply, kissing Isak's rose-pink nose and looking at him fondly, cooing. 

'No you don't.' Isak argued, shaking his head and biting his lip, knowing deep within himself that he could never be Even's, that Even could never be his. 'You don't mean it, I'm leaving Friday morning, you can't- 

'Then don't.' Was all the heir said, distinct and resolute, reverberating through Isak's entire body. 

'W-what?' He asked, blinking as Even shifted in closer, his voice and words clearer than the crystalline shores of his light blue eyes. 

'Don't leave. '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains depictions of sexual harassment, attempted sexual assault, graphic violence and allusions to child abuse.
> 
> Song: Glycerine - Bush


	7. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,  
> Thank you so much for reading and following this narrative, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Just a heads up, I have just started my second semester of uni and shit is intense so the updates may be a little slower, however I am passionate about this verse as well as very determined to complete it. Your comments and support are what keep me motivated so if you are enjoying this fic, don't be shy, please let me know. If you have constructive criticism or there is something that offends you in my writings, I am always happy to listen, learn and be educated, but please be kind and mature with your words. I have taken the time to eloquently construct this well-edited fanfic, so if you're going to leave me a hate comment, please ensure that it is at least grammatically sound because I am a professional writing student and I will roast you alive. Again thank you to those who have and continue to show me support and love, this is for you. ❤️

Isak awoke tucked tight under the crook of an arm, a dull pain throbbing in pulsations through his jawline, his aching face pressed into the warm, soft skin of a chest, the boy clutching tighter to the body upon which he lay as he felt the other shift and stir in his sleep, groaning soft. 

Thick lashes skimmed bare flesh as the younger boy's eyes fluttered open, lazily taking in the muted light of Even's bedroom, vast curtains drawn, the older teenager sleeping peacefully, features slumped with rest; an untroubled brow sitting above pale eyelids, black lashes trembling soft against high cheeks, his face a vision of beauty despite being smushed somewhat into a large, downy pillow, blonde hair a twist of stringy, misplaced locks, falling over a relaxed, smoothened forehead. 

The younger adolescent, in all of his love drunk idiocy, felt the sudden, sickening desire to touch Even's sleeping face, to trace the outline of his bright, pouting lips, run a careful finger over the bridge of his perfect nose. 

Isak refrained from doing any of that, however, and instead let himself snuggle further into the older teenager's collarbone, looking away from the other's blissful countenance in an attempt to avoid temptation. 

_Isak was so far gone._

For a long moment, the boy contemplated going back to sleep, soothed by the resounding warmth of Even's unconscious embrace, having already given in, having already slept in the heir's arms for the entirety of the night, cradled to a solid chest and rocked into slumber, left with no choice but to surrender as the older boy attended to his aches and kissed his hair and trailed soft touches down his back, the two mostly undressed, the partial nudity entirely innocent; the skin-to-skin contact making Isak feel closer to the other in a way that was altogether intoxicating. 

Isak knew that Even could never truly heal him, that the scars he bore would be imbedded in his flesh until the day he died, that the nightmares of his youth would eternally haunt his restless subconscious. Yet somehow, the older teenager had managed to ease his pain, had ran tentative fingers through Isak's curls and along the younger's ribcage, thumbing his hips, soothing where Nikolai and so many others had clawed and bruised and hurt. 

And as easily as that, Isak felt the deep chasm within his chest become once again filled. 

_Love._

The boy was in _love._

It was a prospect that terrified the smaller teenager to the core of himself, Isak giving a start as Even let out a sleepy grunt, curling a possessive leg over the younger's own as his eyes drifted open. 

'Isak...' Even mumbled in a tired slur, squeezing the other tighter into his warmth, Isak's skin tingling and his heart giving a sharp stutter as the heir nuzzled the crown of Isak's head, sighing deep into his hair as he fought for wakefulness. 

'Mmm?' Isak hummed back, flushing when Even shifted down to press his sleep-warmed forehead to the other's own, the younger boy assaulted with the watery blue shimmer of Even's eyes as they stared down at him, reading his face and blinking soft. 

'Morning.' The other replied in a quiet murmur, peacefully sombre, carding gentle fingers though the fluffy curls behind Isak's ear. 'How do you feel?' 

Isak gave a small shrug, subconsciously snuggling himself closer to the other young man, voice coming out strained, gruff. 

'Like shit.' 

Even stiffened, his overwhelmingly amorous hold beginning to ease and loosen. 

'What do you need?' He asked with a tinge of worry in his register. 'Ice? Painkillers?' 

'Nothing.' Isak all but whined, his grip tautening on the other's torso when he felt Even begin to retract from his grasp. 'I don't want anything.' He reiterated, sighing and re-situating himself against Even's chest when he felt the heir's posture relax, his cheek once again nestled into the older boy's warm clavicle, strong, bare arms moving to wrap around Isak's waist, cuddling him in. 'Just... stay.' 

'Always.' Even murmured, giving him a grounding squeeze, hands roaming to thread themselves in Isak's hair, twirling soft curls around careful fingers. 

Isak let out a quiet, breathless purr, sedated by the gentle, loving touches, content with the protective envelopment of Even's hold. 

A calm silence fell over the interwoven boys as they soaked in the clarity of the early morning, Isak wanting to melt into the other, wanting to stay in Even's arms and in his bed and in his heart for as long as forever extended, imagining wildly as he often did that he had awoken up in a parallel universe, one in which he _meant_ something; a world in which he _could_ mean something; to anyone, to himself, to _Even._

With the way the heir touched him, it was easy to pretend. 

'You know,' Even murmured suddenly, cutting through the melancholic hum of Isak's thoughts. 'I meant what I said last night.' 

Isak's breath hitched, an inexplicable anxiety washing over him as he remembered Even's words, the boy having thought he'd imagined them completely, strung them together in his subconscious mind, foolishly dreamed them up. 

_Don't leave._

The boy didn't know why, but he felt a strange hysteria build within him. 

'Even...' He mumbled quietly, struggling to find the syllables to form words, his tongue tied, catching. 'I...' 

'I meant it.' Even said firmly, drawing regrettably back and sitting up a little to look at Isak directly, pale blue eyes bottomless, perforating.. 'I don't want you to leave.' 

'That's just ridiculous, Even-' Isak began, knowing it was all too good to be true, knowing how _stupid_ it would be for him to fall victim to the heir's romantic role play. 'You know I can't-' 

'Why not?' Even shot back sharply, hard and petulant. 

'Because.' Isak muttered, reluctantly prying himself from the other's warmth, moving to sit, his mind racing, abuzz and crowded with thoughts, overlapping with Eva's words and Chris' words and Jonas,' all standing in stark opposition with his own feelings, with his own faint-hearted _adoration_ for the older boy. 'I have m-my own shit I need to do,' He stammered out desperately, pathetically. 'I have-' 

Even gave him a look, pointed and fixed and simmering with intensity. 

'I want you to stay.' 

Isak shook his head. He shook his head rampantly because he didn't know what else to do. Because he refused to believe the other, refused to believe that he was wanted, that he could ever be valued for anything more than his mouth or his hands or his corporeal body. Perhaps he was being stupid, perhaps his mind had become so conditioned to systematic self-abhorrence that the prospect of another person, let alone _Even_ , ever wanting him wasn't even fathomable. 

Perhaps he had cut himself off so vehemently from the idea of love that a distinct part of him didn't even want it anymore. 

But the boy did want it. And he wanted it with _Even_. 

_He was just afraid that he didn't deserve it._

'No you don't,' Isak told the other, fresh, stinging tears beginning to prick in his eyes. 'You don't know me, and if you did you wouldn't want me-' 

Even took a sudden hold of the boy's shoulders, the grip, not rough, but domineering, possessively firm, the older male turning Isak to lay on his back, pressed into soft pillows, the heir holding him down and hovering above, oceanic eyes smoldering with waves of emotion, pretty and eroding and boring into Isak's own. 

He looked almost _angry_. 

'I do.' He said sternly, his body flush against the other's, keeping the boy trapped underneath him. 'I do know you, Isak.' He murmured, softer, face lowering and glittering galaxies shining in his irises as his nose dipped and brushed across Isak's, two mouths meeting for a bone-melting kiss, wet and full of tender, sparks of fire sputtering and flying when their lips touched, tongues entwined. 

When he pulled back, his expression was dreamy, voice hushed. 

'I love you.' 

And that's when Isak's world lost it's gravitational pull, the boy stuck in midair, unable to move, unable to shift even an inch under the lock-hold of Even's gaze, wonderstruck and paralysed. 

And he didn't _want_ to move, not in the slightest. He realised then that this was his place, securely tucked under Even's elegant body, the older male's breath on his lips and his hands trailing along his shoulders and his clavicle, Even's eyes burning holes in his skin. 

'W-what?' Isak stammered, eyelashes flitting as he blinked up at the other, big-eyed and shaky-lipped, annihilated. 

'I love you.' Even repeated, so confidently that it made Isak's heart explode, ribs cracking as the pulsating muscle shuddered in his chest, arteries bursting, the heir's words so resolute that the boy felt as if he might _die_. 'And I _have_ to have you.' 

'Wh-' Isak tried, choking on his speech as his lungs became void of air, tightening within him. 'Wh-h-' he stammered out again, to no avail. 'We've only known each other for six days-' 

'This past week we've spent more time together, Isak, than couples who've been dating for months.' Even told him concretely, unblinking, jaw set. 'I've had you by my side almost every minute of every hour and the mere thought of that stopping is almost incomprehensible to me.' He softened, the older boy extending a hand to stroke gently at the other's eyebrow, soft thumb skimming Isak's temple. 'I want you to stay, baby, indefinitely. I want you to live here with me.' 

'Wh- Bu-' Isak mumbled incoherently, asphyxiated by the conflict of his ricochetting thoughts. 'I... I can't.' 

'Why not?' Even asked again, brows knitting as he stared down at Isak expectantly, sighing. 

'I-I can't just leave Eva and Chris.' The younger boy stuttered out sheepishly. 'I have a home with them- They're my friends-' 

Even frowned, bright eyes turning dark. 

'Chris?' He questioned coldly, and Isak recoiled slightly at the venom in his voice. 'That guy _uses_ you, Isak, he makes you stand on the side of the fucking road, leaves you at the mercy of strangers and then takes a cut of your fucking money, baby, that's not a friend-' 

'He doesn't _make_ me do anything.' Isak cut him off, flustered but becoming hot with anger, perhaps because Even had _no right_ , perhaps because the heir spoke the truth. 'He can't- he's just doing the best he can given his fucking circumstances, same as anyone else.' The boy stammered, glaring at the other. 'And what the fuck would _you_ know about friends-' 

'Nothing, Isak, obviously.' Even interposed, flinching in a way that made Isak instantly regret his words, wanting to swallow them back down. 'But I do know that I want what's best for you.' He crooned gently, and Isak hated himself deeper for _ever_ being mean to the older teenager; the _softest_ boy in the world. 'I know what I can give you.' He cupped Isak's swollen jaw, carefully, soft, like he was handling tissue paper, the younger adolescent leaning into the touch, sighing, bleary eyed and pliant and _weak._

'Everything, baby.' Even purred, placing stinging kisses to Isak's forehead, his temple, the hollow of his cheek. 'I want to give you everything.' His words dripped with sugar, with poison, his lips laced with glycerine as they pecked at Isak's own, licking soft, tasting him. 'Fall in love with me, Isak.' Even pleaded against the other's mouth. 'I love you. Please...' 

Before Isak could so much as let out a breath he was being embraced, his face cradled in large, careful hands, tongues sliding together as Even kissed him, open-mouthed and hungry and grotesquely sweet, the boy feeling dizzy and hysterical; drunk on Even's saccharine taste, moaning low as their lips entangled, hearts aching, bursting. 

'You're fucking crazy.' Isak whispered when they separated, dazed and barely audible, brimming with affection. 

'So I've been told.' Even murmured back with a black velvet laugh, grinning down at the other and kissing at his chin, nipping under his jaw and licking stripes along his throat, lips hot, breath warm, making the younger boy shiver. 

'Even...' He sighed, reeling at the feeling of the other's sinful mouth against his blushed flesh. 

'Please, Isak...' Even cooed softly, kissing at the crook of Isak's neck, the other writhing, trembling, teeth grazing tender skin, puffs of breath eliciting chills. 'Please...' 

'I...' He mumbled out, choked, overwhelmed to the point of tears, streams of wet trailing down his red cheeks, blubbering a little. 'Even...' 

The older boy drew away, his face indescribably soft, broiling with adoration as he leant over the other, lips pressing into the delicate skin under Isak's eyes, drinking in his tears, kissing them away. 

Isak whimpered low at the affection, his insides turned to pooling butter, breathing shallow, stomach fluttering. 

_It wasn't fair._

'Please stay...' Even lilted between nursing kisses that scathed and burnt at Isak's skin. 'You're too _precious_ to walk the streets...' He smoothed back the younger boy's hair in that addictive kind of way, hot lips brushing the other's forehead. 'I love you.' A soft kiss was placed to the small space between Isak's eyes. 'Will you stay here?' Even hummed, azure irises staring into his soul. 'Will you let me give you everything?' 

Isak quailed and shuddered, his quivering mouth unable to do anything but yield, only one word slipping past his lips, quiet and fretted on his tongue. 

'Okay.' 

Even smiled at that, so bright and wide, high beam and _beautiful_ , that it made Isak's pestilential fear subside somewhat, made the boy feel less petrified of the notion that he had laid down his armour for the older male, bared his jugular in both the literal and physical sense and left himself entirely at the mercy of Even's gentle hands, his fire-blue eyes, his teeth, his lips. 

As Even kissed him again, slow and heartfelt, his toes curling, their tongues babbling soft as they moved together, drifting into each other as they road the ebb and flow of one another's mouths, the boy wondered if love should have felt like this, like he was giving Even his life, handing the other an arsenal of weapons and trusting him not to hurt him, not to kill him. 

'I'm going to make you so happy.' Even mumbled in a promise, drawing back to suck gently at the younger's lower lip, pupils blown and breath fracturing. 

Isak pulled the other back in, hating the distance, trusting the heir's pretty eyes and honeyed words and kissing him hard, tonguing him open, knowing deep within himself that he didn't care if Even killed him, didn't care if the other carved into him or pulverised his heart or flew him up high into the sky only to someday desert him there, alone with the stars. 

He would risk it all for the boy who had shown him love, shown him tenderness, defended him, protected him. He would let himself trip and fall into an impossible love, stumble and get lost within the vast abyss that was Even Bech Næsheim. 

*** 

The radio played low as Even drove, one hand rested languidly on the steering wheel while the other lay entangled with Isak's, resting in his lap, the younger boy buzzing with nerves and fidgeting a little as they passed a string of multi-cultured storefronts, interposed between tall grey buildings and sparsely flourished trees, children tugging on the hands of grave-faced mothers as they scuttled across the monotone streets, stark lamp posts and patriotic statues gracing the sidewalks; the grey, stony faces of the decomposing monuments just as hard lined and solemn as the rest of Tøyen and all of it's residents. The town was Isak's home, and therefore elicited a strange amalgamation of both familiar warmth and immeasurable dread within the boy, this particular part of Oslo possessing a strange kind of charm, endearing in it's desolation, almost. 

Isak had learnt that all places, whether beaming with opulence or run-down and grayed, held a distinct ring of melancholia; an underlying futility. While Even's world masked all unpleasantries in ribbons and frills, Tøyen was a place that looked exactly as it was. 

It comforted Isak, the resounding depravity of the East End, his chest heavy with a sense of loss as Even pulled up to his block of flats, clutching tighter to the other's fingers, fiddling with the digits in vague distress. 

After a morning of affectionate murmurs and amorous touches, Isak had requested that the heir drive him back to his shoddy little apartment in the roughest street in Oslo, the younger boy wanting to break it to Chris and Eva the right way; to their faces, the teenager having known that was what needed to be done, what they deserved. Now, Isak was not so sure, shuffling a little in his place as Even let the engine die, thinking that perhaps a quick goodbye text with a few love-heart emojis would have easily sufficed. 

The boy let his eyes fall to a close as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

_What the fuck was he doing?_

Even seemed to notice Isak's escalating inner turmoil and let out a sympathetic hum, squeezing his hand a little tighter in his own before leaning close to give the younger boy's temple a grounding kiss. 

'Don't fret, baby.' He murmured carefully, brushing a few curls out of Isak's eyes. 'You're making the right decision.' 

The other teenager just nodded, sighing and melting under Even's soothing fingertips. 

The boy didn't know if he was making the right decision, didn't know anything at all, somehow, his brain entirely at a loss for thoughts, stupefied and turned to a mush of grey matter and scattered neurons the very second the older male touched him. 

All Isak really knew was that he wanted to be with Even. 

He wanted to be forever alongside the phantasmagorical boy and if that meant turning his back on Chris and Eva and the depraved life he had once known, then so be it. 

It wasn't like either of his friends wouldn't do the exact same thing to the younger if they were given a way out or a chance at security, at love. 

Love was all that Isak wanted, really, the adolescent musing that he would've let Even whisk him away regardless of his wealth, Isak knowing that he would have fallen in love with the older boy even if the other was simply a broke film student with nothing more that a single bed and a Netflix subscription to his name. 

It was just the boy, just Even, that Isak was irrevocably infatuated with. All of his money didn't mean _shit_ to the younger adolescent, and somehow, Isak supposed, he would've preferred it if the older male wasn't an inherited billionaire at all. 

He turned his face into Even's open palm and let out a soft exhalation. 

'Will you come in with me?' He asked in a small voice, knowing it was probably a bad idea but wanting the other there, to ground him, to hold his hand. 

'Of course.' Was all Even said, rewarding the other with another skin-tingling kiss to the cheek, Isak blushing, his anxiety somewhat quelled as they left the car. 

*** 

Isak was hyper aware of the thinly-veiled judgement in Even's upper class eyes as they made their way past the dingy, lagging metal doors of the elevator, walking hesitantly to the front door of Isak's even dingier apartment. 

As the younger boy fumbled in the pocket of his Gucci pants for his single, rust-worn house key, the heir stayed close to his side, taking in the isolated, cemented hallway outside of the flat, peering blankly at the dust sheathed floor and the filthied 'Welcome' doormat that Eva had insisted on laying down in order to make the place appear more hospitable to clients. 

At the time, Isak had thought that perhaps Eva had put it there to make the awful little flat feel like even a semblance of a home, but he wasn't entirely sure. 

The boy flustered. 

'It's probably going to be really messy inside.' Isak muttered fretfully as he unlocked the door, a little hesitant, a little embarrassed to show Even - a blue-blooded heir who lived in the penthouse of his father's five star _fucking_ hotel - the decrepit, crowded flat which the boy had called home since he was fifteen years old. 

The apartment, by anyone's standards, was dilapidated, cluttered and crawling with filth. 

Isak could only imagine what Even would think of it, the older boy, despite his endearing charm and grounded disposition, having shown vast amounts of snobbery and haughtiness on multiple occasions. 

Isak gulped dryly as he let the front door swing open. 

If Even was disgusted by what he saw, he hid it well. 

The doorway was acutely narrow, the entire flat probably the same size as Even's bathroom, the two boys assaulted with the characteristic odor of cigarettes and weed and vanilla essence, a bundle of dirty Nike sneakers and platform stilettos sitting in a mountain at the flat's entrance, both adolescents having to step over the clutter as they made their way into the encapsulating dimness of the living room and kitchenette, Even seeming to have a difficult time keeping his wide blue eyes from the stained and dusty, pea-green carpet as he trod after Isak, hand in his. 

The kitchen's counter was laden with a heap of uncleared, dirty plates, sticky with dribbles of microwaveable meals and instant noodles, the light from the windows slivered and cut off by dark curtains that Eva had fashioned out of bed sheets and tacked up onto the wall with a stable gun. The lounge room bore nothing but a grey, threadbare couch and a low, wooden coffee table, the top of which was scraped and worn and cluttered with even more unwashed dishes and a conglomerate of emptied-out bottles and beer cans. Adjacent to the blanket strewn sofa sat a fold-out table that held a large, stolen, flat-screen television, as well as a paint-chipped Ikea desk and an Apple computer - also stolen - the plugin at the wall obscured by a wild tangle of hazardously unorganized electrical wires. In the centre of the room stood a lone, columned space heater, the grey, metal device being the solitary source of warmth within the desolate share house. 

On the back wall above the TV hung a framed and imposing digital print that read, 'Home is where the heart is,' bright pink and sitting in a somewhat comical contrast with it's derelict surroundings, that and the sparse scattering of tacky, scented candles all half-hearted attempts to make the place seem liveable. 

_It really wasn't._

Isak shuddered. 

'So... this is where I live.' The younger boy muttered, making a mockingly presentational gesture with his hand, laughing uneasily. 

'Fuck.' Was all Even managed, his soft blue eyes becoming haunted as he let go of Isak's hand to squeeze the younger boy in at the waist, something in his soft, pitying tone irking Isak deep within. ' _Baby..._ ' 

Isak shrugged him off, walking a few paces to the hallway that lead to the flat's bedrooms. 

'Eva!' He called out sharply as Even trailed behind him. 'Chris! Are you home?' 

As the two boys stood in the crowded, barren hallway, a tired, guttural groan could be heard from the inside of Chris and Eva's bedroom, the expression gruff and muffled but undeniably female. 

_Eva._

'...Isak?' She called out in a croak, her voice tired and low at first, but building with momentum. 'Is that you!?' She crooned, the sharp spring of a mattress sounding as she assumedly clambered out of bed. 'Has my baby come home to me!?' 

'Uh-' Isak tried to begin as Eva muttered on from behind the door, probably dressing, even though by that point the gesture was all but redundant, the younger boy having been scarred by the sight of his best friend's blatant nudity on an almost nightly basis. 

'Thank god...' She mumbled almost incoherently, feet padding across creaky flooring. 'I was getting so fucking bored, Chris has been off fucking Emma, the dumb slut-' 

The door swung open to reveal Eva, the girl holding all the physical attributes of a severe hangover, her auburn hair sitting in a matted array around her color-drained face, her blue eyes heavy with purplish bags and ringed with smeared flecks of residual mascara, her gait slouched and sluggish as she stumbled into the doorway wearing only an oversized, worn-out nirvana t-shirt and what appeared to be a pair of boxers. 

She stalled, blinking dumbly for a few seconds as she took in Isak, who stood queasy-faced and well-dressed in front of her, fidgeting a little as he leaned into Even, her tired eyes blinking as she gaped at the heir, a devilish smirk gracing her chapped lips, brows raising. 

'Oh _hello_.' She crooned brightly, her voice taking on the artificially sugary tone she always used when speaking to clientele, her gaze centred in on Even. 'You should have told me we were having guests, I would have cleaned up a bit.' She simpered soft, leaning a little into the doorframe and extending a hand, tilting her head and willing the older boy to shake it. 'Who is this _lovely_ gentleman?' 

'Uh, hi Eva.' Isak mumbled awkwardly, watching as Even obliged the gesture, taking Eva's hand in his own with a charming, high-wattage grin. 'This is Even.' 

'It's a pleasure to meet you.' Even hummed politely, smoothly withdrawing his hand to resume his grip at Isak's waist, the younger adolescent leaning in greedily to Even as a strong arm coiled around him. 

'Even.' Eva repeated in a daze, seemingly enchanted, mouth agape and lashes fluttering, disarmed by Even as all others were whenever the heir decided to amp up the charm. 'Oh my god... fuck.' She let out in a breath, eyes darting, widening, sparkling with realisation. 'Is this the billionaire!?' 

'Um...' Isak blushed, shrugging a little as Even let out a soft, lulling chuckle. 'Yeah.' 

Awe settled in heavy upon Eva's pallid features, her gawking gaze raking over the older male's gleaming leather shoes and fitted black coat and proudly cavalier stance; the heir possessing an immaculately varnished quality, polished and arrogant and perfectly at ease. 

While Isak squirmed and shuffled awkwardly within the confines of his designer attire, Even stood tall and lax, conceitedly comfortable in the opulent finery, as if the clothing was an intrinsic part of him; a second skin. 

Eva's expression quickly morphed into one of unkempt anger as she let out a gasp. 

'Holy fuck!?' She exclaimed in a shout, laughing mirthlessly at the ridiculous nature of the situation. 'What the hell, Isak!? You brought a billionaire into our home!?' 

Isak backed away from her furious countenance, the girl dragging a hand over her own face before glaring at the other, her stare boring into him as he stammered for a response. 

'Even doesn't mind,' He said quickly, shrugging, inching away from Eva's glower. 'He's a cool guy. 

Even chuckled at that, squeezing Isak tighter and grinning at the younger with glimmering warmth. 

'You think I'm cool?' 

Isak rolled his eyes, Eva ranted on. 

'I can't believe you would bring this level of clientele into our fucking drug den!' She chastised the boy, shooting Even an apologetic look, plastering on a smile. 'I'm so sorry about Isak, he's terrible with business-' She mumbled on fretfully, gesturing wildly, knowing that Even meant _good money_ and offending him would be detrimental to Isak's chances of obtaining the heir as a regular client. 'We don't typically bring people here for sessions-' 

Isak quailed, running shaky fingers though his own hair as he fought for voice. 

'Uh-' He began to mumble, eyes flitting desperately to Even's in search for reassurance, for _something_. 

The older adolescent gave him an encouraging nod, rubbing a warm hand along the younger's ribcage, soothing him. 

'Well... We're actually here to-' Isak tried again, stalling as the girl stared at the two young men with a stifled expression, gaze narrowed in on Even's hands on Isak, on the way the smaller boy leaned comfortably into the other's touch. 'We're here to, well, uh, I wanted to tell you-' 

'Isak's moving out.' Even said flatly, a possessive flare in his voice as he moved to drape his arm around the other's shoulders. 

Eva blinked, seemingly dumbfounded, face going blank. 

' _What_?' 

'He's going to come and live with me.' Even murmured in explanation, tone clear and full of assertion, talking slow, as if he thought Eva was mentally deficient. 'Indefinitely.' 

'Wh- _You're moving out_?' She mumbled dumbly, shooting Isak a panicked, helpless expression that made caustic guilt gnaw and splutter within him. 

_Oh fuck._

'Indefinitely?' She questioned, brows furrowed, eyes darting blearily between the men, wide-mouthed and blinking. 'What the fuck does that even mean-' 

Isak cut her off, huffing exasperatedly and stepping out of Even's hold, hesitantly approaching the girl, palms raised in a halfhearted attempt to placate. 

'Look, Eva, just let me explain-' 

'Explain!?' She all but shouted, smacking down his hands, her aggravation beginning to bubble and broil to full-heat as she let out an accusatory stream of half-shouted questions. 'You're leaving!? W-with him!? You can't- you cant be serious, Isak!? What the fuck-' 

Isak turned back to Even, the older boy simply standing there, vaguely dazed and backing into the cracked, plastered wall of the hallway, the expression he wore something between amusement and alarm. 

'I think you should wait in the car.' Isak told him quietly as Eva stood fuming in the doorway, jittery on her feet, ticking and waiting to explode. 

_Fuck_. 

'As you wish.' Was all the heir said, seemingly conflicted, stalling for a moment before taking a few steps towards Isak to give him a quick, soft kiss on the cheek and one last, grounding look before walking away, the girl staring daggers at Even as he left the apartment, waiting for the muted click of the closing front door before she turned but to Isak, glowering. 

'What _the fuck_ is going on?' Eva asked in a ragged voice, her face twisted with a mixture of worry and indignation. 'You're going to live with _him_?' She asked with a cold laugh, breathy and forced, utterly exasperated. 'Like, what? Is this like a 24/7 BDSM arrangement or something?' 

'No. Nothing like that.' Isak murmured back timidly. 'Look, Eva-' 

'You're not actually _moving out_ , right? Like, how long are we talking? A few weeks? A month?' She bit her lip, insecurity and what appeared to be fear simmering in her irises, her anger momentarily at bay. 'Wh- What did he mean by _indefinitely_?' 

Isak wrung his own hands, looking at the ground as he gave a shaky sigh. 

'It means I'm going to be moving in with him, for good, Eva.' He said quietly, refusing to look at her as he felt her become once again enraged, as if her fury was somehow able to seep from her body and permeate the atmosphere. 'I-I'll continue to pay my part of the rent and everything, you know, until you guys find a replacement-' 

'A replacement!?' Eva shouted, her hands turning to fists as she pinned them to her sides, eyes going all miserable and big and her lower lip jutting out, the vulnerable expression that sometimes sparked across Eva's otherwise self-assured countenance having always been Isak's weakness, ever since they were children. 'What are you even saying-' 

'Please, understand-' 

'Shit, Isak!' 

Eva cut him off, bounding up to the other and taking a sudden hold of his face, her eyes lit with horror as the boy hissed in pain, the girl unintentionally hurting him as she prodded at his swollen jaw. 

'What the fuck happened to your face!?' She screamed out, letting go of his bruised cheek and jumping back from the other and as if she'd touched a hot stove, looking at him in abject terror. 'Is h-he _hitting_ you-' 

'No he isn't hitting me!' Isak exclaimed emphatically, groaning with frustration. 'It wasn't even him! It happened at a party and it would've been much worse if he didn't stop the guy-' He stopped himself short, shaking his head in recollection. 'Fuck, Eva, you wouldn't believe who was there, fucking _Jonas_ is back-' 

Eva became paralyzed for the longest second, exhaling shallow and blinking soft, jerking back as if electrocuted by the name, a reflective warmth gracing her frazzled visage at the familiar coupling of syllables. 

'..Jonas?' She muttered out quietly, looking altogether lost for moment, faraway, blue eyes squeezing shut as she seemed to remember herself. 'Fucking hell, this isn't about Jonas!' She exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air, her register climbing to a frenzied shout. 'Y-you're moving out!? With _him_? All of a-fucking-sudden!? After _six_ days-' 

'I didn't plan this, okay? I didn't expect-' Isak tried to argue back, wanting to say so many things at once but not knowing how to form words, how to articulately communicate to his best friend how Even had stolen away his heart and eclipsed all else. 

'You're leaving me.' She said plainly, watery-eyed and humming with hurt aggression, full of restraint as she shoved past Isak and stalked heatedly into the shared area of the flat. 'Go then.' 

'That's not-' Isak attempted to say, chest aching as he trailed after her. 'Jesus- Don't be like that. I'm not- I'm not leaving you-' 

'That's funny, Isak,' Eva snapped, walking bare-footed into the kitchenette, her face solemn as she flicked the switch of the kettle, slamming open the overhead cabinet and taking out a cup which she banged down onto the linoleum surface of the counter, her movement's harsh and loud, her frame trembling, bellicose. 'Because it sounds like you fucking are-' 

'That's not fair.' Isak shot back feebly, wavering on his feet. 

And it wasn't fair. Eva had ignored and neglected Isak time and time again in favor of chasing men, chasing Chris. 

_She had no right to guilt Isak, to scream abandonment the second he wanted out._

_But then why did he feel like a terrible person?_

'No!' The girl shouted, her composure slipping as she turned back to Isak, red-faced and worked up, tears catching on black mascara and lulling down her cheeks, leaving glistening trails of grey as she stared at the other, lips puffy and brow knotted-up tight, forehead scrunched in a way that looked almost painful, like she was truly _angry_ at Isak, like she was angry at the world. 

The sight of Eva in such a state caused the boy's heart to squeeze, guts wrenching. 

'It _is_ fair.' She said in a tear-strained exclamation. 'It's perfectly _fucking fair_. We have a home together, Isak, you don't get to just walk out.' She leant into the counter, cursing to herself as she wiped at her eyes, leaving thick smudges of black across her wet cheeks. 'You can keep the billionaire as a regular, let him buy you more expensive clothes and pay our bills and what the fuck ever.' She shook her head, letting out a black, bemused laugh. 'But what? You're letting him just buy you? Your life, your body, all of your fucking time? You're going to stay in his penthouse like some kind of fucking plaything-' 

Isak felt his skin prick with irritation. 

_Why didn't she just understand?_

'Even loves me.' He told her plainly, and Eva just stared at him for a long moment before _laughing harder_. 

'What?' She said, a cruel smile gracing her tear-stained face. 'Are you serious?' 

'He loves me, Eva.' Isak said weakly, voice-breaking as he tried to convince himself, playing with his own hands and looking down, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks, fingers trembling. 'And I... I love him.' 

'You fucking what?' She exclaimed incredulously, her face shifting from menacing to vastly concerned. 'You fucking _love_ him!? What the fuck, Isak!? Are you completely _out of your fucking mind _!?'__

__Isak shrugged, fumbling, blinking back tears as his chest sunk, body hollowed._ _

__'We both...' He fought for words, ignoring the aching that the girl had elicited; the black plume of corroding doubt. 'We just _have_ to be together.' _ _

__'You _have to be together_?' Eva shouted back, utterly bewildered, looking at Isak as if he'd just told her that he'd inherited the family schizophrenia and was now hearing voices. 'You _love_ him !? Who the fuck are you!? Do you hear yourself!?' She caught a breath, chest heaving as she continued to scream at him. 'You sound like the fucking idiots we make fun of!' _ _

__'What!?' Isak shouted back, tears of his own begging to trickle from his eyes, hot and wet and damning. 'I don't get to fall in love!?' His heart twisted, veins pinching, sinking. 'Just because I've been a prostitute I'm not fucking allowed to love anyone!?' His breaths came out in puffs, haggard and strained and he found himself wanting comfort, wanting _Even._ 'Is that what y-you're saying!?' _ _

__'No, Iss, that's not what I'm saying.' Eva exclaimed, gaze softening as Isak crumpled before her. 'Just, fall in love with someone from your own fucking lane.' She flailed an arm. 'Like that dealer, Hans, he's nice and apparently he swings both ways-'_ _

__'I don't want to be with fucking Hans, Eva!' Isak groaned back, infuriated. 'For fucks sake, I am in love with Even-'_ _

__'You're being stupid, Isak and we all told you not to be stupid.' She said harshly, crossing her arms over her chest, the two standing six feet apart, a mutual resentment beginning to fester in the air between them. 'We love you, we're your family.' The girl said plainly, but her voice was harsh and cutting, contrasting with her benign rhetoric. 'Even doesn't care about you and he never will. His kindness means nothing, okay?' She gestured to Isak's attire with a condescending laugh. 'The clothes and shit - It's all just fucking money.'_ _

__Isak felt as if he was going to combust._ _

__'This has nothing to do with his money!' The boy yelled, feeling silenced and belittled and misunderstood._ _

__He could understand Eva's concerns. He could admit to himself that if the girl ever came to him with such an announcement, Isak would, too, become immediately wearisome; angered, suspicious._ _

__Eva, however, didn't know _anything_ about what Isak had found with Even. She didn't know about the velveteen touches or the midnight laughter or soft whispers, silken expressions of love and all that went unsaid. She didn't know about Even's protective arms and resounding tenderness, about how he kissed the boy and cared for him and made Isak feel _loved_. _ _

__Love was the only thing that Isak had ever really wanted. It was the only thing that anyone wanted._ _

__And Isak had found it, he had found it in a fucked-up, unlikely situation, but he had found it all the same._ _

__And Eva was trying to take it all away, trying _cheapen_ it. _ _

___How dare she._ _ _

__'Just because you've given up on the idea of love, Eva, doesn't mean that I fucking have to.' Isak snapped coldly, watching at the girl's face fell, lip shaking, jolting back like the boy had slapped her. He went on. 'This was never a _family_. What the fuck do you mean?' _ _

__'Isa-'_ _

__He cut her off._ _

__'We've all been so fucking alone from the fucking start. And maybe I don't fucking want that anymore.' He gulped, watching her wounded countenance fade once again into aggravation as the final sentence passed his teeth. 'Maybe I don't want to be alone.'_ _

__'How the fuck can you say that to me?' Eva said in a strained snarl, beginning to sob, choking on rage. 'You- you fucking ungrateful little _asshole_! You fucking- I'm not alone, I have-' _ _

__'What?' Isak questioned meanly, numb to her desolation, from her tears, numb from everything. 'Chris?' He let out laughter, just as cruel and mocking as hers. 'Stop kidding yourself, man, if you had Chris he would be here with you now instead off sticking his fucking dick into everything with a pulse.' He didn't even bother to look at her, he couldn't, somehow, eyes glued to the window, looking away, faraway. 'He doesn't love you, Eva.' He muttered stiffly. 'And he never fucking will. If any one of us is being stupid, it's you.'_ _

__'Get out.' Was all the girl seemed to be able to manage, her voice low and breathless, rising to a scream as Isak stood there, unfeeling, motionless. 'Get the fuck out, Isak!' She shouted, lunging forward and shoving him roughly, the boy stumbling back, wide eyed and winded and _really_ looking at her. _ _

__There was anger in her pretty face but no real hatred. Just pain. Pitch-black pain._ _

__'Go fucking run away with your prince fucking charming like Cinder-fucking-rella!' She growled, laughing mockingly, crying as she stepped away from him, back turned to Isak as he paced slowly for the door, heart heavy and weighted in his feet. 'Walk out on us just like you walked out on your mentally ill fucking mother.'_ _

__He paused at that, half way out of the entry way, sucking in a sharp breath and deflating a little into the doorframe, stomach curling, crouching down as if he'd been shot, holding his middle._ _

__'Fuck you.' He whispered back numbly, unaware that he was crying as he straightened out and left the apartment, walking fast and deciding then that he was never looking back._ _

__***_ _

__'Isak-' The heir let out in a breath, his beautiful face becoming plagued with worry as the other stumbled into the passenger side of the car, futile tears having escalated to a heaving sob, the boy sniffling hard, cheeks red-raw and insides like lead._ _

__'You're crying?' Even asked in bewilderment, reaching immediately for the younger adolescent, blue eyes soft and tranquillising and willing Isak forward as he crawled over the gearbox of the Rolls Royce, letting himself sink into the older male's awaiting chest, burying his tear-slick face into the crisp white fabric of Even's dress shirt, crying pathetically as he felt warm arms wind around him, solid and comforting, Isak inhaling soft and cuddling into Even, intoxicating himself with the other's scent, making himself forget._ _

__'What happened?' Even asked when Isak drew back, the taller boy thumbing at Isak's wet cheeks, gentle and soothing, brow furrowed and pale eyes shimmering with apprehension, with guilt._ _

__'Just drive.' Isak croaked out, withdrawing reluctantly from the other's embrace and settling back into the car seat, breathing shaky and fingers trembling as he adjusted his belt. 'Please.'_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Blue Pt. II - Waxahatchee


	8. Affection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me lord for I have sinned.

'Are you going to tell me what happened?' Even asked in a strained, careful voice when they stepped out of the elevator and into the penthouse. 

Isak staggered past him, droplets of moisture stuck heavy in his lashes. There was an ache in chest; old wounds left reopened. There was an emptiness within the boy that felt as if it would never go away. 

He had cried silently for the entire car ride back to the hotel. He cried while Even held his hand and brushed a soothing thumb across his knuckles, whisper-soft, calming him. Even had let Isak cry, let him fall apart; quiet and watchful as the seventeen-year-old sniffled and heaved. When Isak's throat caught on tears, Even held the boy's hand just a little tighter, blue eyes weary, face plagued. 

The water-clear irises held the same expression now, blinking helplessly as they stared at Isak. The younger adolescent inched away from the disconcerted gaze, fitfully wiping the last remnants of wet from his sticky, pink cheeks. Eva's words echoed in his mind, venom-sheathed truths that ate and ripped at his core, truths that Isak had spent his entire life running from. 

He wanted to hate Eva for what she had said; wished that he had the vindication necessary to properly forget her, to expel her forever from his heart and brain. 

But he couldn't. Despite his hardened, weather-worn exterior, Isak Valtersen remained perpetually faint of heart. He was delicate and crushable and incapable of hatred. He was twisted and blackened by the relentless gusts of hardship that stormed through his existence, but soft inside, soft to the bone. 

Isak knew very well that Eva was much the same. The initial spark of anger he had felt at her words faded easily into numbness; a numbness that sunk heavy within him, so vast in it's nothingness that it weighted him down. 

'I-I don't want to talk about it,' Isak stammered quietly, giving in to the pull as he clambered onto the nearest velvet-upholstered sofa. 

He kicked off his leather shoes and let himself drop back, laying down and shifting his legs to allow room for the other. Even sat down next to him with a dejected sigh, pulling Isak's calves into to his lap, rubbing gently at the younger's ankle and giving him a fixed look. 

'I can't stand to see you upset like this, Isak,' He said in a saddened murmur, long fingers stroking socked feet, massaging soft from heel to toe. 

Isak sighed. 

It felt _good_ , Even's hands on him, soothing him. 

The older boy always made Isak feel so _good._

'I'm like, always upset. In some way or another,' Isak replied solemnly, shrugging his shoulders. 

Even's touch was the only thing distracting him from his desolation, from the acid-splashed sting that simmered his innards. 

'Don't say that,' Even hummed miserably, and Isak wished that Even could distract him for a lifetime, for all of eternity. 

'It's the truth.' 

'What about me?' The heir asked in a quiet voice, gaze cast down. He sighed again as he caressed along the side of Isak's foot, fingertips catching cotton, thumbing across an intricate web of sinew and bone, 'Don't I make you happy?' 

The younger blinked, wet-eyed and slow. 

'Yeah,' Isak said honestly, the confession a whisper, terse and hushed but definite amidst the silence, 'But there's always like, I don't know. I just -' He stopped himself, stammering, stumbling on his tongue, 'Look, Even, I have a lot of issues.' 

'Me too,' The older boy responded softly, eyes broiling; pill-blue and blazing. 

'No you don't,' Isak whispered, voice trailing. A frown became embedded in Even's smooth forehead, lips pressed into a tight pout, 'Not like me, I'm- I'm fucked up-' 

But his words were cut off, the heir moving suddenly to press himself over the younger, legs enlacing, chest to chest, large hands clasping Isak's wrists and pinning them beside his head. The grip was strong and secure; keeping him down. Cerulean irises glinted dark with wildfire, pupils blown, enraged and flaring. 

'Even-' Isak protested reluctantly, squirming a little under his hold. His breath hitched, eyes wide and mouth gaping as the older boy ducked to press a kiss to each of Isak's rose-red cheeks. The tenderness of the gesture contrasted with the hard roll of Even's hips as he ground against the other, causing the boy to gasp and swelter with a sudden heat. 

The heat oozed and smoldered from the base of his groin, flames flickering to his gut and licking at his insides. 

Isak groaned at the contact. 

_Fuck._

'Don't say that about yourself,' Even ordered flatly, his words cold and hard-edged, causing Isak to flinch, 'I'm going to make you so happy that you'll forget all the bad shit,' His register dropped to a whisper, soft and coaxing as he trailed wet, loving kisses along Isak's cheekbone. Lips grazed Isak's ear, teeth nibbling and making the smaller boy shiver, 'You're going to think of nothing but me, _only me_.' 

Isak shuddered at the ring of possessiveness in the proclamation, stifling a moan as Even began to peck down his throat, tongue flicking at his neck, sucking and nipping; slick and hot and feeling like fire. 

'Y-you think you could do that?' Isak asked feebly, panting. Even bit down gently at his jawbone, black lashes fluttering against Isak's cheek, the teenager feeling woozy; overheated and drunk, 'Make me forget?' 

'Yes,' Was all the heir said before he captured Isak's lips in his own, jaws open and tongues entangling, the young men thrumming with titillation as tastebuds grazed and nerve-endings became wired; scattered and shot as they kissed each other breathless, senseless. 

'Make me forget, then,' Isak whispered in a pant when Even pulled back to let them breathe, red-faced and hiccuping on air, 'Make me...' He begged, small and faint, 'P-please.' 

Even gave the other a molten smile, eyes twinkling and teeth bared, a hunger in his gaze that made Isak tremble, made his cock throb with painful yearning. Even resumed his ministrations, peppering the boy's collarbones and upper chest with feather-light pecks and shallow bites, unbuttoning Isak's dress shirt with deft fingers and yanking it open. A sweltering mouth left licks and kisses all the way down the pale flesh of Isak's torso; pallid skin pulled tight over lean muscle that tensed and tautened whenever Even's parted lips made contact. 

'Beautiful...' Even cooed softly, letting up a little to trace a gentle hand over the smooth rivets and hard planes of Isak's chest. 

Fingertips brushed over sensitive nipples, stroking down his stomach, mapping the sculpted surface with a reverent fixation; marking the boy as his own. Hands shifted to grasp Isak at the waist, thumbs digging, claiming; hard enough to leave indentations. 

'E-Even...' Isak wailed soft, heart pounding within him, leaping to his throat. The boy thought for an abstract moment that he might choke on it, his heart; become asphyxiated by the pulsating, stammering muscle that threatened to swell against his esophagus. 

Even's tongue skimmed along the flushed skin at the waistband of Isak's slacks, searing hot and causing the other to whimper. Fingers worked open a zipper, sliding pants off of shuddering hipbones. 

Isak keened, finding himself practically rutting into Even's face, reduced to nothing and overcome with a feverish eagerness that caused the heir to chuckle. Even gripped at Isak's raised hips, hands shifting to grasp and knead at the fullness of the other teenager's ass as he breathed intoxicating warmth into Isak's groin, plush lips ghosting over the adolescent's cotton-sheathed erection. Isak moaned, hot all over; writhing and wanton. 

' _Even_ ,' Isak panted out from between bitten lips, shivering, legs quaking and stomach clenching, trembling in a starved kind of hysteria. 

Even just smiled, continuing to tease him, kissing down Isak's throbbing length through the fabric of his underwear, slow and sensual, painful, expelling little puffs of breath along the engorged shaft, breaths that filled Isak's entire body with a tingling heat. 

'Just lie back, baby,' Even hummed softly against the other's hardness, grinning. He angled Isak's hips up further off the couch in order to allow himself better access, forcing Isak's upper back flat against the sofa, lips brushing over a straining bulge, 'All you need to do is breathe and focus on my mouth.' 

Isak let out a shallow gasp, skilled fingers hooking at the elasticated band of his boxers and wrenching them down. The older male hummed in appreciation as Isak's flushed, hardened cock sprung free. Even's eyes went black as the younger blushed, bashful even though they had done this many times before. He always shy, always left flustered and choked-up under the heir's tantalizing affections; broken-down by his words and his touch and his debilitating warmth. 

'Relax,' Even soothed, rubbing gentle circles into Isak's stuttering hipbones. 

The adolescent's eyes squeezed shut and his hands turned to tight, white-knuckled fists. The older boy ducked to lick a whisper-soft stripe over the length of Isak's cock, tongue scalding and wet and smooth as silk. 

'Can you do that for me?' The heir asked firmly, laughing low when Isak ground involuntarily against his lips, letting out a whine. 

He was desperate for it, all but wailing. 

'Yeah-ah-' Isak mumbled out in a gasp, voice catching when Even stopped with his toying and took Isak abruptly in his mouth. 

It was harsh and deep and all of a sudden. Even sucked tight and flattened out his tongue, head bobbing and fingers clawing possessively at Isak's sides as he ensnared the boy in prickling, wet heat, heat that rolled in crashing waves through Isak's entire form. Red lips sparked as they pleasured the other adolescent, consuming him. 

All Isak could do was writhe and whimper and fall apart, heaving out pants and expelling breathless, strangled moans. His fingers knotting in Even's honey colored hair and he felt himself slipping away, maddened by pleasure, thighs trembling, face flushed red with coursing blood. 

'Feel good?' Even asked innocently, pulling off of Isak's dick with an obnoxious pop and blinking up at him. 

Isak, despite his irrational embarrassment and unfathomable shame, was left with no other choice but to stare back, dazed and panting and blushing hard as he peered sheepishly at the beautiful boy between his legs. 

Even's dark blonde hair was disheveled and mussed, his lips wet with saliva and pre-cum. His eyes were lightless, lashes fluttering as he smirked and pressed forward to place a soft kiss to the younger's lower stomach. He hummed low before making his way back down, baby blue eyes boring into Isak's as he took the swollen head between his lips, licking solidly at the tip and letting out a groan. 

_Fuck._

Isak had never seen anything more _heavenly_ in his entire life. 

'Fuck...' He cried out softly as he was once again wrapped up in delicious, wet heat, almost sobbing as the older boy took him deep into his throat, 'Even... Fuck...' 

The heir moaned around his cock, drawing back to lick and kiss at his balls, palming him as he did so. His tongue flicked across Isak's perineum, swiping experimentally soft at the younger adolescent's entrance, licking between supple cheeks and causing the boy to keen, startled. 

'Ah-' Isak wailed at the electric caress, legs shaking and mind reeling, feeling as if he was going to explode. 

'Is this okay?' Even asked in a lust-strained murmur, breath hot against Isak's rim. 

The sensation was enough to get the boy parting his thighs even wider and arching into Even's tongue, silently begging. 

'Y-yes...' He moaned out, heart pulsing in rickety beats. 

Even licked lightly at the puckered entrance, soft and gentle as first, tentative, like he was testing the waters, testing the taste. 

'Mmmm...' Even let out in a low grunt, hands moving to spread Isak's cheeks wide apart, nails digging into milky-soft skin. 

His tongue became harsh, rough and wet as it swirled over the sensitive ring of muscle, eliciting shocks and causing Isak's blood to run radioactive. His bones ached, whimpering at the sinful ecstasy as Even licked into him, tongue dipping into the hole, flicking and grazing at Isak's clenching insides. 

'E-Even...' Isak moaned, panting, ruined, 'Holy fuck- fuck-' 

No one had ever done anything like this for him, loved him like this, held him down and smothered him in pleasure. No one had ever cared for his pleasure at all, not before Even. 

He wanted to give Even everything. He wanted to give the heir every part of his shuddering body, his every thought, his every smile, every sliver of his soul. 

'Ah... Even...' Isak wailed, mind buzzing with nothing but _Even, Even, Even_ , cut off from oxygen and floating in an abyss of gratifying heat, 'F-Fuck me.' 

The older male's blistering tongue stopped in it's ministrations. He drew back, dark blue eyes flitting up at Isak, depthless and filling the younger adolescent's entire vision. They encompassed the scene, filtering everything in shades of blue; pale blue and deep blue, like it was the only existing color. 

'What?' 

'I want you, Even,' Isak breathed out, voice pleading, boiling-hot blood rushing to his face, to his cock, 'I want you to fuck me.' 

Even blinked, biting his reddened lip, lustful expression going soft around the edges. He climbed up Isak's body so that the two young men were face to face, heartbeat to heartbeat. 

'But your rule...' 

'The rules don't apply to you,' Isak murmured, hands clawing at Even's shoulder blades, grasping, pulling him in, 'They never did. Do whatever you want to me. Please...' 

They kissed once more, fingers knotting in each other's hair, breaths stuttering. Even's mouth was softer than before, possessing a careful hesitation as Isak bit at his lip, tonguing him open. 

'Wh- why aren't you kissing me back?' Isak asked in quiet whisper as he drew away. 

His eyes were wide and wet with insecurity, feeling small, aching and hot and neglected. 

'It's not-' Even tried to mutter, pupils dilated, his clothed dick hard, imposing and jutting into Isak's thigh, 'I'm just-' He sighed, speech careful, slow, 'Are you offering me this because you want it, or because you feel like you have to?' 

Isak's heart plummeted deep within him, burrowing in his guts, getting caught up in the tangle of his intestines. 

'I-' He stammered out, hurt that Even didn't get it, that he didn't understand, 'I want this, Even. I want you to-' 

The older boy sighed again, shaking his head. 

'Isak- You-' 

'I've always wanted this,' Isak reiterated firmly, his speech encompassing a ring of affliction, 'From the moment you first touched me, Even, I knew that you were the only one that I've ever wanted to-' He choked on his words, sucking in air, 'That I'll ever want to-' He shut his eyes tightly, arms going limp around Even's shoulders, visibly deflating, 'Please- I- Please...' 

Isak needed the older male to validate his desires, to recognize that the adolescent wanted this with every fibre of his aching body, that he was _allowed_ to want it. That despite everything that had happened to the boy, he still wanted Even, wanted all of him. 

Isak wanted Even to take him, to claim him, to own him forever. He wanted Even to chase away all the pitch black nightmares and fill up all the emptiness, he wanted him to silence that self-loathing voice that sniggered and hissed in the back of Isak's mind. The voice that told him he was _filthy_ and that he _didn't deserve this_ , didn't _deserve_ to feel good. 

Most of all, Isak was human, an aching, bleeding human who craved all the things that anyone else did; touch, love, skin-to-skin intimacy. 

He had been denying himself these things for too long, for his entire existence. 

'P-please,' Isak begged, wanting nothing more than for Even to encompass him completely, to tear him to pieces and sew him back together. 

He wanted nothing more than for the older boy to fix Isak so that he wasn't broken anymore, so that he was exactly how Even saw him. 

Isak wanted to _feel_ , to hurt and scream and convulse with euphoria - to feel _anything_ at all; anything but listless hollow, anything that was vivid and tangible and _real._

'Please, Even., He begged breathlessly, hand moving to stroke across the older boy's cheek, fingers flitting across velveteen skin. 

_Make me feel real. Make me feel like a real person._

'Isak...' 

Somehow, something in Isak's sad green eyes and half-strangled rhetoric seemed to resonate with the older boy. The heir suddenly unbuttoned and flung off his own shirt, hastily stripping the compliant male beneath him before stepping off the couch. Isak blinked for a bewildered moment before he was slung up into solid arms and lifted bridal style. He clutched at Even's broad shoulders as he was carried out of the living area and walked towards the bedroom. 

'Eve-' Isak started in a cry, cut off as he was taken to the edge of Even's massive bed and thrown down with a passionate kind of reckless abandon. 

He hit the soft mattress in a flurry of naked limbs, feeling cold and isolated for the slightest moment before Even was climbing over him, covering him. The heir was shirtless and wild-eyed and delectably ravenous, hands moving to immediately capture Isak's length in a death-grip, stroking him dry and rough and resuming his heart-thawing kisses at Isak's neck, his throat. 

Isak let out a wounded keen. 

'I'm going make you feel so fucking good, baby,' The older male groaned into the other's jugular, breath stinging, voice lilting, 'I'm going to make _love_ to you...' 

Something in the very recesses of Isak's stomach tightened and clasped, something primitive and deep. His bare knees tightened around Even's clothed hips, fingers moving fretfully to unbutton the older boy's pants. Isak reached for his large, blood-rushed cock, the rock-hard extremity hot and smooth in his palm. Even shuffled and kicked off his trousers, grunting as Isak began to pump him, wrist skilled and languid. The younger boy's heart fluttered as he watched Even go breathless, eyes rolling back, plush lower lip gnawed between two rows of gleaming white teeth. 

'Shit, baby... Fuck...' Even all but growled, thrusting a little in Isak's hand. 

Pricks of energy ran up the smaller boy's arm, from wrist to shoulder. 

It was an all-over-body kind of thrill that Even sent hammering through him, surging through his soul. Every inch of Isak's form was buzzing with a carnal static, with desire, with need. He could feel his hunger for the older boy everywhere, in his fingernails, his scalp, his teeth. 

'Fuck, Even...' He let out in a libidinous sob, whining when the older boy drew away. Even kissed the adolescent's forehead before retreating from Isak's hand, robbing the younger of his comforting warmth and stepping off the bed, cock erect and breathtakingly naked. Isak was left watching him, stunned, gawking. 

' _Even_ -' 

'We need a few things, love,' The older murmured with a humor-lit voice. 

He staggered to a varnished mahogany dresser at the far corner of the room, opening a drawer and rummaging around in it for a short moment. Isak felt feverish and deserted as he lay panting and shivering in the center of the mattress, impatient and needy. 

'Condoms, lube.' 

'Oh...' Isak muttered incoherently, sighing in relief when Even returned. 

He tossed a small bottle of clear lubricant and a gold-foiled condom down on the bed next to Isak, before settling himself once again between the boy's parted thighs, cooing. 

'Spread yourself, baby,' Even directed him in a low order, kissing sweetly at the pallid skin where Isak's legs met his loins. His warm nose skimmed across quivering flesh, inhaling soft, breathing Isak in, 'We need to prepare you.' 

'D-don't worry about that-' Isak said in a strained mumble, wanting Even to skip formalities, to ravage him, destroy him, have all of him completely, 'Just- just fuck me-' 

Even frowned, recoiling, royal blue eyes glinting with something that looked like a strange amalgamation of both fervid enragement and paled desolation. 

'No, Isak,' Said Even, voice both gentle and firm, smooth as satin but as hard and indisputable as solid iron, 'I don't want you to be in pain.' 

Isak shivered, mouth snapping open to give a half-whined, half-whispered retort. 

'It doesn't matter, Ev, I can handle it-' 

'I said no, Isak,' The heir asserted plainly, brows knitting. His tone was so authoritative and resolute that it left Isak sinking back into the downy pillows, softened and liquified, becoming pliant. He was ready to follow every demand, every utterance that came from Even's _perfect_ mouth, 'Now spread yourself.' 

Isak did so, parting his cheeks with his own shaky fingers as the heir purred out an approving hum at the instantaneous obedience. He rewarded Isak with a kiss to the knee and shifted to pop open the bottle of lubricant, emptying a generous squeeze into the palm of his hand. He rubbed a little warmth into the translucent gel before massaging it over the tender tissue of Isak's entrance, fingertips catching in the tautened opening, making the adolescent gasp. 

'Just relax,' Even soothed softly, breaching the hole with a single, lube slicked finger, curved into a gentle hook as it entered the shivering boy. 

Isak's chest gave inebriated spasms, huffing breaths; sharp, open-mouthed exhalations. 

'Fuck... Even-' Isak groaned, as the older pressed into him, stretching him a little, slow and measured. 

Even fingered him open, causing Isak to wheeze out fracturing sighs, heels digging into the mattress as fingertips grazed over a swollen prostate. 

Isak gasped, whimpering soft. Even lilted, kissing the boy's cheeks and his nose and his lips; kisses that dripped with syrup, with arsenic. The younger male wailed in bliss as Even added another digit, hands clasping at the back of the heir's neck, legs wrapping around thin hips. Isak was determined to have the other as close to him as possible, wanting more, always more. 

'You're perfect, Isak,' Even breathed against the other boy's gasping mouth. 

His fingers became rougher, harder, almost calculative in the way that they hit Isak's sweet spot, dead-on and with torturous repetition, leaving a twitching mess of strangled sobs and glistening limbs. The heir used his free hand to brush away a few of Isak's sweat-dampened curls, giving him another light, cherishing kiss to the forehead. Blue eyes sparkled, dark and maddened but full of tender. 

'Look at you,' Even purred, smoothing back Isak's hair while fucking him on his fingers, 'My sweet angel.' 

Isak couldn't handle the hysteria, the all-encompassing heat. He felt like he was completely afire with yearning, with lust, with Even. Everything seemed to be cast with a hazy smoke, the only thing graspable being the boy on top of him; his skin, his hips, his fingers. 

'Please...' Isak moaned, rutting forward so that Even's thrusting digits sunk deeper within him, his words slurred and shaky, interposed with blood-curdling moans, 'Please, Even... More, I w-want more...' His lashes fluttered up, eyes begging, pleading, 'Fill me up...' 

Even let out a growl at the request, his stare unhinged, burning savage. He pulled out his wet-slicked fingers, causing Isak to whine and shudder at the loss. Isak felt painfully empty, blood boiling in anticipation of what would soon come. 

He didn't have to anticipate for very long, however, before Even was reaching for the condom. He tore off the golden foil wrapper with his teeth and slid it on before lining up his thick, hard cock with Isak's overstimulated rim. One hand slipped under the younger boy's rigidly arched back, drawing him in so that their abdomens were touching. The other hand settled behind Isak's head, cradling his skull. Even's hold was close and protective, drawing the younger into a soul-shattering kiss, hearts and bodies ablaze with the flames of lust and love; blue flames, flickering and unbidden. 

'Baby...' Even murmured in the softest of voices, breathless. 

He nuzzled Isak's nose with his own, the younger boy reeling, thighs shuddering against Even's waist, panting out staccato breaths, vision bleary. 

'Come on, Even...' Isak gasped impatiently when the other didn't immediately push inside of him, stalling and gazing down at Isak with a dreamy, wet-lashed kind of look in his eyes, like he wanted to savor every detail of the moment; the heat, the closeness, the smell of skin. 

'P-please...' Isak sputtered, tapping Even's cheek, snapping him out of his faraway state, out of the soft melancholia that drifted over his beautiful features. 

At that, Even tautened his hold on Isak, the two boys pressing up tight against each other, locked and entwined, fusing together, forehead to forehead as Even pushed in slow. 

Isak mewled out at the sensation, fingers clawing at Even's back, green eyes trapped by blue, hips quaking as Even splintered him open. The heir let out a guttural grunt, harsh and breathless, the expression fading into a moan as he thrusted in, becoming fully sheathed. 

' _Even,_ ' Isak wailed as plumes of ecstasy began to smoke and ripple through him. Even's length was pressed deep within his body but the boy needed more, needed friction, 'Move.' 

'Fuck...' Even moaned as he pulled out, only to plunge back in with a hard roll of his hips. The younger let out a stifled scream, convulsing around Even as the heir's cock dragged across his prostate. It only just tickled the carnal ache, not nearly enough, never enough, 'You feel like _heaven_.' 

'Even... Shit... Ah,' Isak let out between clenched teeth, biting the sides of his tongue. 

The older boy fucked into him, sensual and slow at first, arms strong and protective around Isak's quivering body. He stopped between thrusts to kiss Isak's temple, his jaw, licking into his mouth, parting stressed, bitten lips. 

'My precious love,' Even cooed. 

He began to quicken the pace, his dragging thrusts escalating to hard slams, raw and unbridled, hitting Isak exactly where he needed. It sent thrills of bubbling electricity up Isak's spine, pulsing through his veins. The boy chokedback a scream as rapturous chills tore through his gut. 

'Be as loud as you want, Isak,' Even grunted, letting out sex-strained groans of his own. His blue eyes were focused, intense, boring into Isak's as he pounded hard and deep within his pulsating body, locking the younger in smoldering heat and making him whimper, heaving out ear-splitting screams 

'That's it,' Even hummed approvingly, slamming into Isak's prostate with a blissful brutality, rewarding him, 'We're on the top floor. Scream for me, no one else can hear you.' 

'Even... Shit... Fuck... _Even_.' 

'I have so much to give you, baby,' Even grunted with a sharp thrust, his breath stuttering. The hand behind Isak's head tautened to a fist, pulling on curls and wrenching back Isak's head when he tried to bury his face in the crook of Even's neck, 'I want to give you the world,' Even's stare was both captivating but hard to look at, stinging like the sun, 'Would you like that? The world?' 

'No...' Isak whimpered, nails dug in Even's shoulder blades, dazed and confronted as he was forced to look into Even's midnight blue eyes; devoted and adoring and bridled with dominance, 'I just want...' Isak gasped, 'I just want you... Fuck...' 

Isak let his eyes slip closed as he was fucked into the mattress. He let everything become eaten up by rapture and darkness, his body going limp, stunned and intoxicated. The only thing keeping him tethered to reality was Even's grunts and his thrusts and his cock. Both boys' let out a cacophony of pants and moans, the hard slap of skin against skin reverberating over everything, filling the bedroom. 

'No one will ever touch you again,' Even growled, pumping into the other with savage velocity, hitting into his prostate over and over in a unforgiving rhythm, 'No one except me.' 

Isak could feel himself slipping over, sparks and pulsations ripping up his torso. His stomach clenched, a building hysteria broiling and sputtering within him, threatening to boil over. 

'Is that clear?' Even asked the other between guttural groans, holding Isak's head in place, trapping the younger within a hot-blue stare, 'You're mine.' 

'Yes... Yours... All yours,' Isak whimpered, hips rising to meet Even's thrusts. 

He baulked, abdominal muscles tautened, quaking. His heart beat loud in his ears, as he succumbed entirely to the trickling, transcendent pleasure; pleasure that dripped heavy within his innards, sweet and thick like honey, liquid-hot and spluttering from his groin right to his bruising throat. 

'Shit, Even... I'm going to... Fuck-' 

Even's pounding quickened, his rhythm hard and volatile and _perfect,_ willing Isak to release, willing the sickening tension that had built within Isak's gut to boil over. The younger let out breath-stolen mewls as the purest ecstasy he had ever known washed over his disorientated, writhing form. 

'Look at me, Isak,' Even ordered as his hand went to clasp Isak's raging erection, pumping him almost aggressively in beat with his thrusts, wrapping Isak in dry friction as he fucked him to climax, 'Look only at me.' 

So Isak looked at him, looked into the violent blue eyes of the boy he adored, looked at his red-raw lips and pink-flushed cheeks. He took in how devastatingly _perfect_ Even was ; savagely beautiful as he too became close, unhinged and passionate, claiming what was his. 

And Isak was happy to be his, to belong to Even, happy to be underneath him. 

He had never felt happier or more cared for in the entirety of his existence. 

He didn't want it to end, scared that when it did he would wake up in the cold comfort of his single bed in Tøyen, alone again and without Even, without his lover; finding that it had all been an elaborate wandering of the unconscious mind, a dream. 

He clutched the older male tightly as he came, hard enough to give the other bruises, hard enough to prove to himself that Even was there, that Even was real. His head snapped back as Even ground into him, sending him high, a burning jolt of pure, hedonistic bliss washing over his entire form. It tingled in the base of his stomach and shot through his circulatory system, an incoherent scream tearing from his trembling lips. His body glowed red, incandescent and convulsing as Even continued to fuck at his hypersensitive insides. The heir reached orgasm only moments later, eyes squeezing shut, the younger boy's name on his perfect tongue. The vision was something Isak swore he would never forget, not even if he lived for one-hundred years. 

'Fuck... _Isak_.' 

The older male collapsed onto Isak in a careful heap, spent and sated and huffing out soft breaths, their heartbeats syncopating. They lay there in the wake of passion, Even shifting lazily to brush at Isak's curls, smiling warmly at the other, blue eyes twinkling. He stroked at Isak's eyebrow, trailed sleepy kisses along his cheeks, pecked him on the lips. 

Even was still very much inside him but neither of them seemed to care. Isak keened as Even took his face in both of his hands, cradling him soft and looking into his very soul, bottomless irises calm and adoring. He pressed their foreheads together and sighed, nuzzling light and fluttering his lashes. 

'I love you,' He murmured with a soft peck to Isak's forehead, stroking back matted curls, 'I'm so happy that you have decided to let me keep you baby, you won't regret it,' He shifted a little to kiss Isak's nose, his drooping eyelids, cooing faint, 'I swear, Isak Valtersen, I will cherish and protect every single part of you.' 

Isak couldn't even roll his eyes at the sugar-doused words, couldn't even manage a half-breath scoff. He was incoherent, broken down by Even's heady romanticism, charmed by it, warmed by it. His blackened heart beat red, unable to say anything at all. 

Even kissed at the other's temple once more before drawing back, carefully dislodging himself from Isak's overstimulated form. The loss was almost painful as Even slid off the condom and wrapped it in a tissue, tossing it haphazardly on the marble ground. He took another tissue and dabbed at the semen that littered Isak's form, cleaning him carefully and tentatively, like he was a treasure, fragile and more valuable than anything else that Even owned. 

_No one had ever looked after Isak like that. Not a single person, not ever._

' _Baby_ ,' Even murmured, brows knitting, expression becoming almost horrified as his fingertips swept across Isak's cheeks, catching on teardrops, 'You're crying.' 

'Oh,' Isak muttered, snapped out of his post-orgasmic daze, hands rushing to rub at wetness that he hadn't known was there. He shuddered in humiliation as Even leaned over him, face wearisome, concerned, 'Fuck... I-I'm sorry... I-' The younger boy sniffled, hurriedly wiping the mortifying moisture away, 'Th-that's embarrassing.' 

'Baby...' Even repeated softly, wrapping his arms around the delicate boy and pulling him into the warmth of his chest, squeezing Isak tightly, kissing his hair, 'Don't _ever_ apologize for crying,' Even stroked down Isak's back, drawing lazy lines across his rib cage, his spine, gentle and comforting, 'Is it-' The heir's voice caught, strained with something akin to dread, 'Are you hurt?' 

'No,' Isak said quickly, shaking his head and snuggling into the other, savoring the intimacy, 'No, that was- that felt amazing,' He muttered out sheepishly, laughing nervously as he felt a few more tears trickle down his cheeks, 'I just- I've never...' 

_I've never felt more loved_. 

Isak cleared his throat, speaking into Even's clavicle, hiding from the big blue eyes that looked right through him. It was like he was made of clear glass, transparent. 

'I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed.' 

Even sighed at that, pressing his lips to the crown of Isak's head and murmuring soft, encasing him in acceptance, in love. 

'It's okay, Isak. I've got you, I'm here,' Isak gripped at Even tighter, having needed to hear that, having needed to hear from the other boy himself that Even was real, that he wasn't going to slip away, drift out of Isak's life like everyone else the boy had ever trusted in completely. 

'I'm not going anywhere, okay?' Even hummed, and Isak could have happily died, enclosed tight in his lover's embrace, at home, 'I'm here.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Affection - Cigarettes After Sex


	9. Liability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: For specifics, please scroll down to the end notes.
> 
> Hello,
> 
> I would just like to preface this chapter by saying thank you to those who continuously spread love and support in the comment section of this verse and so many other fics; it is very important that we stand resilient despite the hatred that has began to permeate the Ao3 Skamily. Criticism should only ever be given in order to help build someone's writing and skill-set. It should be constructive, not deconstructive. Personally, I have received very little hatred while existing on this website, but it depresses me to see so many fanfics end due to bullying and hate comments. The following content is extremely controversial, and I almost wasn't going to write it because I feared people would misinterpret and unfairly criticize my artistic reasoning. Then I realized that no artist (and I use the term artist very loosely, lol) should ever be apologetic about their art and never hold back on what they feel needs to be said or shown or expressed. I suppose this has all been broiling under the surface for most of my life, so omitting it and transforming it to fiction was, for me, an odd form of catharsis. 
> 
> Please read on at your own discretion. Peace, love and hippy hugs to all. ❤️✌️
> 
> (That was very lame and very white but you know, I tried.)

There was a resounding quiet within the bedroom as Isak awoke, finding himself alone in the peaceful hush of encompassing darkness. He was light-headed and heavy-bodied, warm and tucked thickly within a swaddle of blankets. The boy blinked a few times in his half-woken daze, loosening his limbs in languid stretches, searching for Even amidst the twisted sheets and fluffed pillows of the king-sized bed. His chest sparked with a childlike anxiety when he came up empty, wrenching himself up from the soft heat of the bedding and peering drowsily into the blackness of the room. 

'Even?' He called in a soft murmur. 

When no one replied he hobbled out of the bed, bare feet hitting cold marble. The boy dragged a cashmere sheet off of the mattress and draped it around his naked body in a crude, make-shift cloak, acutely aware of the dull pain that throbbed at his entrance. He padded blindly for the door, reaching out and grappling at a cold metal knob, whispers of panic beginning to sound within in his gut as he entered the main annex of the penthouse. 

'Even?' He called out again, clambering sleepily into the gloomy living room. 

The only light was that of the distant moon, frosty-blue and faint as it filtered through the front windows. The boy shivered a little despite the warmth of the hotel suite, filled with an irrational sense of dread. 

'Even?' Isak's voice was low and breathless. 

He felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. 

_Had the other left him?_

A flick of a switch had the younger boy turning on his heels; a rose-hued lamp lighting at far end of the hotel suite. Isak stumbled in a circle, turning to see his lover sat twenty or so feet away from him, reclined serenely in a suede-upholstered armchair. Even smiled softly at the other, features cast in a dusty-pink haze, cavalier and completely undressed as he leaned back languidly and lit a joint. The smaller adolescent watched in paralyzed awe as Even placed the cigarette between full, red-stained lips, taking a drag. He exhaled slow, a cascading swirl of pink-lit smoke seeping out from a perfect mouth. 

'Even,' Isak repeated dreamily, shoulders dropping in relief at the sight of the smirking older male, 'I- I thought you-' 

The boy cut himself short. 

_I thought you left me._

'And where would I go?' Even asked with a quizzical, warm-lipped smile, as if he could read Isak's thoughts. Sea-blue eyes glittered in the dimness, careful and reassuring as he patted his own knee, 'Come here.' 

Isak shuffled forward almost immediately at the request, pulling the billowy white sheet loosely around him. Even dragged Isak onto his naked lap, squeezing him in and bundling him tight in the thin fabric. The boy let out a sigh of contentment; head nestled against Even's chest, legs dangling over the padded arm of the chair. 

He reveled in his lover's warmth; breathing in his scent, his presence. 

Even passed Isak the joint. 

'I'm sorry I left you alone,' The heir apologized softly, carding gentle fingers through Isak's hair as he took a drag, 'I just couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you.' Even let out a low, musical chuckle, ducking to kiss at a red-blushed cheek, 'You looked so cute.' 

'Fuck off,' Isak muttered flatly, puffing out mutilated plumes of smoke, heart fluttering, 'Don't call me cute.' 

'You are,' Even retorted with another soft laugh. 

He took back the half-burnt joint and placed it carefully in the ashtray as the windowsill, shifting the younger a little in his hold. 

Isak let out an embarrassing squeak as Even's large hand came to cup at the underside of his chin, tilting the smaller boy's head towards his own. Even hummed; letting their noses skim, letting their lips met, letting them meld together. 

The kiss was wet and abrupt and slightly bitter with the acrid taste of tobacco and weed. Isak found himself melting into the other regardless, heart thrumming, blood warmed. He moaned low, fingers knotting with dark blonde hair as he drank Even in. Isak needed to feel Even's affection, wanted all of it. 

'You're so fucking cute,' Even murmured in a whisper when he drew back, tucking a few curls behind Isak's ears and kissing at his flushed nose, his cheeks, 'You need to get over your masculinity complex and just accept the facts.' 

'I don't have a masculinity complex,' Isak retorted in a pant, dazzled but trying to keep his voice dignified, 'The word _cute_ is just like, fucking condescending.' 

Even frowned. 

'Well, fine. Come to think of it, I think _beautiful_ is a better word for what you are,' He said with a blinding smile, canines glinting in the dusky light as he pecked at the other boy's forehead, ' _My_ beautiful.' 

'Shut up, Even,' Isak scowled feebly, lashes flitting, cheeks red, 'You can't just keep getting away with saying lame-ass shit like that.' 

'I get away with everything, Isak,' Even murmured smugly, long fingers stroking along Isak's clavicle, his shoulder, 'Haven't you met me?' 

'Unfortunately, yes.' 

'Hey, don't be mean,' Even laughed with a frown. Isak rolled his eyes and the heir only held him tighter, forehead nuzzling into the other's temple, 'You know, you can stop pretending to hate me,' His hand massaged over the younger boy's bare hip and up his ribs, tingling and burning at Isak's heat-stroked skin, 'This isn't a business arrangement anymore, baby. We're lovers.' 

'Lovers?' Isak asked in a daze, shivering all over, purring like a cat under Even's gentle touches. 

' _Lovers._ ' Even repeated in a lilt. 

They sat there simply for what could have been a few minutes or twenty or even an hour, soaking each other in and sharing warmth. They stole silent kisses and exchanged touches; bones melding, seeping into each other's skin. They burned through another joint, saying nothing, breathing as one. 

'I kind of want to fuck again but I'm a bit sore,' Isak said after a long while, the bluntness of the statement causing Even to chuckle. 

'I don't mind,' He murmured into Isak's hair, kissing his curls, 'This is nice.' 

Isak let out a hum of agreement, sighing raggedly. A thought crossed his mind, a haunting, pitch-black thought that caused him to shudder. Even's fingers danced along his shoulder blades, melting him down, breaking his walls, splitting and shattering the careful self-protection he had built up around him since he was far too young. Without that protection Isak was vulnerable; clinging to Even like a child, a baby. 

'You know...' Isak began, voice thick and strained as he burrowed into the older boy's firm pectoral muscle, chest aching, conflicted, 'A-as like, weird as it might sound... I... um,' He stammered on his words, eyes squeezing shut. He wondered why he was speaking at all, flinching sharply at the black-painted memories that splashed like acid at his heart and brain, 'I've only ever had, I don't know, _actual_ sex like, once before this.' 

Even's hands rubbed at the nape of Isak's neck, releasing a small huff of something akin to annoyance. 

He sighed. 

'You don't need to prove anything to me, love,' He chastised gently, running fingers through fluffy golden locks, scratching soft at the boy's scalp, 'I don't care about who you've slept with. You're mine now.' 

Isak blinked, arms bruising around Even, recoiling. He quivered, thinking that maybe he could just let the subject drop and tumble away, leave it all in. He didn't want to do this, not now. He didn't want to regurgitate the memories, let the filth-soaked truths dirty Even's perfect, upper-echelon skin. 

But his mouth jutted open as if by default, words tumbling out before he could bite them back. 

'I mean, I just- I don't know if the first time really counts,' He said quickly, too quickly, voice quiet and frenzied, words stumbling onto one another, 'I don't think I really wanted it and I- like, I was just really young...' 

Isak baulked when he felt Even's entire form stiffen. The younger boy quailed, hiding his face in the dip of Even's collarbone, breath dissonant, frame shaking. 

_What the fuck am I doing?_

'How young?' Even choked out after a caustically tense moment, sounding as if he'd just been punched in the throat. 

Isak grasped Even's body tight, so tight he was worried that he might break him. The younger boy was unable to breath, asphyxiated and drenched in a cold, dense terror. His eyes pricked with moisture and his mouth threatened to tear open with treacherous sobs; the cries feeling like gravel as they stuck thick in his esophagus, cutting off his air supply. 

'Isak?' Even asked gravely, all mirth gone from his voice. 

A careful hand came to press at Isak's lower back. The touch was the only thing that kept him grounded, the only thing that stopped him from falling to pieces. 

_Don't say it, don't say it, don't ever fucking say it._

Isak heaved, clenching his eyes shut so vehemently that it hurt. His heart pounded loud like a death knell in his chest and in his veins and in his ears, deafening. He shuddered into his lover's body, finding comfort in Even's skin in the same way an infant finds comfort in a blanket. He let himself crumple down in the other's hold, let the blackest secret he had ever kept grind out from in between gritted teeth. 

'Twelve.' 

Isak wasn't sure if he heard Even let out a strangled gasp, wasn't sure of anything at all as his brain became soaked in sludge, thick and pugnacious and ensnaring him in horror. Acid-sheathed fears gurgled and spluttered from beneath his skin, torn from the deepest recesses of his being, putrid and encompassing; making his blood run cold. 

' _Isak_ -' 

m

Isak kept his face concealed in Even's shoulder, mind reeling. He felt himself let out a black laugh. 

'No it's- it's not like that, I mean, it's honestly fine,' He said in a nervous mumble, trying to back-track, to play it down, 'It only happened once and I barely even remember it.' He laughed again, the sound mirthless and ear-splitting and drenched in pain, 'You know, I actually find it kind of funny- I'm like a walking cliche,' He shrugged too hard, too mechanical, trying to be nonchalant. He avoided Even's tortured eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that could see into his soul, 'I got raped a child and I grew up to be a hooker. That's fucking textbook shit, right-' 

Even just sat there as he spoke, all color drained from his pretty face. He looked at Isak with the expression of a man who had been impaled; no pity in his eyes, no belittling flare of sympathy. Just torment, ice-cold and blaring. His lower lip quivered as he fought for speech, for something to say. 

Isak had never seen Even look so serious, not once. 

'What the fuck...' Even whispered suddenly, the words enough to make Isak flinch. 

The younger boy was terrified of judgement, of being seen as filthy and used and broken beyond repair, of being discarded. 

'That's not funny,' The older boy's voice splintered, pale eyes glistening wet as his arms tautened around Isak, drawing him close. It wasn't the usual, hungry kind of embrace, but careful, tentative. An embrace that slowed Isak's heart. 'That's not fucking funny at all.' 

_And it wasn't. It wasn't funny, there was nothing funny about it._

Isak let himself sink into Even's hold, keeping his eyes tightly shut. He felt the older boy's chest shudder beneath him, felt his fingers shake as he carded them through Isak's curls, almost as if to calm himself. 

'Fuck, Isak,' He muttered soberly, physically broiling, trembling, 'H-how could anyone hurt you like that?' He exhaled hard and Isak took his hand in his, entwining their fingers, holding tight. Even held back, tighter. 'How did it- Who-' 

'It was just some old guy that was staying with us at the time,' Isak mumbled, looking down. He had never said this to anyone, not to Eva, not to Jonas. Even his mother didn't know, 'Like, some fucking random drug addict who was renting the spare room,' He paused, feeling empty, gutted, only speaking again when Even gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, 'My mother didn't know anything about him but she took him in anyway; she needed the money. I-I remember thinking he was kind of strange.' 

He gulped, not wanting to remember it, the face that haunted his every nightmare, morphed and mutilated with passing time. The face itself was forgotten now, broken down to only sickening remnants. Thin lips and sullen cheeks, smile-lines and thick skin; a set of detached, flat eyes. Merciless eyes that glinted with blood-lust. Too-big hands that wanted to rip and tear and destroy. 

'He'd always stare at me with this look in his eyes like he wanted to fucking devour me,' Isak choked out, shivering at the memory, stark and definite amidst the fog of his childhood, 'I-It started with just touching at first, I'd like, find him loitering around the bathroom while I had a shower and sometimes he'd sneak into my room. Shit like that...' He trailed off, having forgotten for a moment were he was, having forgotten the warmth of Even's yielding body. 

He was transported back to those cold times; the times of constant fear, the times of sweaty palms and stomach pains and vomit. The times in which he developed a morbidity that he never quite shook, not even well into adolescence. 

'It's okay, Isak,' Even murmured softly, a gentle hand sweeping across his shoulders, catching on muscle, 'You can tell me.' 

Isak let out a sheepish laugh, wincing, wishing he'd never opened his mouth in the first place. He felt more undressed than he was literally, as if Even could see past his skin and into his bloodied insides; his bones and his organs and his unprotected heart. 

'I don't know, i-it just really fucked me up,' He sighed raggedly, lungs quaking. Since he was telling Even the truth, he figured he might as well tell him the _whole_ truth, as ugly and brutal as the truth was, 'I-I just feel I'm this- this perverted freak because, I guess, well, I think a part of me sort of liked the attention. In a sick, fucked up kind of way-' he shut his eyes, letting humiliation wash over him. 

He was suffocated by disgust, by thick self-loathing and sickening shame. He knew that Even wouldn't want him anymore - wouldn't love him anymore. 

_Who could love someone like him?_

In that moment, however, Isak didn't have it in to care about consequences. He had to say it, had to let the ugliness out. He had to let the truth have air, let it lose it's weight, let it drift away. It felt good, somehow, saying it out loud. It felt like a pressure had been lifted from his chest, like he'd been choking and he could suddenly breathe a little easier. 

'I-I never wanted _that_ to happen,' He mumbled quietly, inching away from his lover, the only boy he'd ever let inside, 'I n-never fucking wanted any of it. I just, I can't help thinking that it was all my fault-' 

He prepared himself for abandonment, for goodbye. 

'You were a child, Isak,' Even spat suddenly, almost accusingly, 'None of it was your fucking fault.' 

'No,' Isak countered, big-eyed and on the threshold of tears as he looked up at the boy who only held him tighter, 'You should have seen how I acted-' 

'Are you fucking serious!?' Even exclaimed harshly, causing Isak to quail in his arms. The heir softened immediately, lowering his voice, 'H-how can you blame yourself for any of it?' 

'I-I just-' Isak stammered, mind looping, unable to see reason, to let go of the deep-ingrained self-hatred he had always clung to, slept with, lived on, 'I used to be really friendly- I-I think I led him on-' 

'Isak,' Even huffed out sorrowfully, holding Isak so that his head was in his chest, holding Isak in such a way that suggested he didn't have any plans of ever letting go, ' _Isak_.' 

'I'm sorry, Ev,' Isak apologized fretfully, sniffling hard, 'I shouldn't have said anything, I- I'm fine-' 

'Don't apologize to me, baby,' Even begged miserably, voice plagued, shoulders straining, 'Jesus, Isak, you have nothing to apologize for. H-how could anyone let that happen to you?' 

Isak gave a feeble shrug; deflated, numbed. 

'Where were your parents?' Even questioned carefully, causing Isak to blanch, 'Who was looking after you, love?' 

'No one,' The younger boy replied in a terse whisper, focusing on the rise and fall of Even's upper torso, 'My mum was too busy getting lost in her own fucking head. A-and my father was a piece of shit from the start.' 

He let his voice fade away, sitting up a little and taking the half-smoked joint from the ashtray. Even lit it for him in a deft movement, smoothing back Isak's curls and nodding soft, encouraging the younger boy to continue, to talk. 

'Go on, Isak,' He murmured gently, so as not to scare the boy into silence, 'I want to know. I want to know everything about you.' 

Isak gulped, taking a drag. 

'He would just leave for months at a time, my dad,' Isak began, straight to the point and without emotion. He watched the smoke leave his lungs, tinted pink under the rosy light of the living room, twisting in tresses and drifting to nothing, 'He'd fuck off for ages and just come back like nothing was wrong; smiling and giving us money and always making a big fucking deal about it,' He sighed, passing the joint to Even with a non-committal shrug, 'I loved him back then, wanted to be like him. When I was really little my mum would tell me that he was a space traveler, that he had been ordered by the government to leave, to like, complete intergalactic missions and shit,' He laughed bitterly, grimacing at the memory. It was one of the nicer memories, pleasant in comparison to the rest, 'Sometimes I think maybe she actually believed that herself.' 

'What happened to him?' Even asked carefully, giving Isak's shoulder a soft squeeze. 

'He stayed true to his ways right to the very end,' the boy answered flatly, blankly, 'In the end he left completely, abandoned me and my mother with so much drug debt that we almost became fucking homeless,' Isak huffed out another darkened laugh, eyes cold, heart switched-off, 'I think he might be dead now, but I'm not sure...' 

'So,' Even said carefully, expression tender and concerned, plush lips wavering, 'Is that why you turned to-' 

'I just couldn't-' Isak choked out, speaking fast, swallowing hard, 'I couldn't think of any other way out. I was fifteen, you know, I didn't have any options. We were on government benefits, which isn't a completely fucking substantial income in the first place, let alone with my mother spending most of it on cut-off narcotics.' 

He cleared his throat, chest heavy with an old anxiety. He hated the feeling; the desperation, the hopelessness, the futile isolation. He wanted to expel it all from his being forever. 

'There were just so many bills that just weren't getting paid and so many fucking debt collectors that were getting more and more hostile with every fucking day,' Isak went on apathetically, slumping his shoulders, 'We got a brick thrown in our window at one point, the front window, right next to the door,' He let out a dark-lit chuckle, 'We were so fucking broke that we couldn't even get the fucking window fixed. We just left it.' 

Even's mouth pressed into a thin line. He hugged Isak closer, kissing along his shoulders, his neck and jaw. There was a murmuring reverence in his pale blue eyes; a heartfelt respect. 

'I used to sleep every night with my fucking lights on, thinking someone was going to just walk into my house and like, rape and murder me,' He laughed out hoarsely, cold and sardonic, 'I needed to get out of there. I needed to get the fuck out.' 

His voice broke on the last sentence, catching and crumbling, eliciting a hum from the older male. Even leaned in, pressing warm lips to Isak's temple, his cheek. 

'It's okay, Isak. It's okay.' 

'Eva was beginning to get mixed up in the wrong kind of shit.' The younger continued, sighing, 'You know, Jonas had gone off to another country and I think- I think his absence really fucked with her. Jonas was the only stability she had ever known and once he left, she kind of just, fell apart,' Isak sighed, heavy-hearted, decomposing into Even's kisses, 'He was the same thing for me, in a way.' 

'She'd started giving hand-jobs and blow-jobs for money. She was only fifteen so she made good fucking money, enough to move out of home and start living with Chris, paying adult fucking bills and only like, working three nights a week.' He shrugged despondently, numbly, 'It just got to the point where I wasn't getting any work, you know. I mean, you can't really get a job in Tøyen, especially if you're a fucking welfare kid. So when Eva told me about what she'd been doing, it seemed like the perfect solution. And I've always been able to numb myself easily, just like, switch off,' He let out a shaky exhalation, twiddling the joint in his fingers. He watched as little flecks of ash fell and fizzled out, leaving spots of grey on the white sheet that wrapped around him, wrapped around Even, 'So I got my mother's window fixed and then I moved out.' 

'You haven't seen her since?' The older boy questioned softly, voice heavy with sobriety. 

'I transfer money into her account almost every fortnight. Like I, I try hard not to be like my father, not to fuck off on her completely,' He sighed, tears stinging his eyes as he gave into the desolation, let it have him, let it build and dribble from his body, 'She's never even bothered to reach out to me, not once in two years - she just takes the fucking money and doesn't give a fuck where I got it,' He slumped back into Even, numb and emptied out, unfeeling of the moisture that trickled down his cheeks, 'For the longest time I tried to figure her out. Like, she raised me, you know, so I was always under the childlike impression that she did everything for a reason, for my best. But there were never any reasons,' He shivered under Even's tentative hands, recoiling in on himself as the older boy's fingers came in to catch his falling tears, as warm lips kissed and drank them away, 'Sh-she just- she let me get hurt.' 

' _Baby_ ,' Even soothed, pecking at his tear-slicked cheeks, at his chin, at his forehead, at the place between his eyes. His mouth felt like silk, like safety, 'It's okay. Let it out.' 

'I- I-' Isak spluttered out, breath stuttering, sobbing into Even's hands, falling apart in his palms, his fingertips, 'I w-was so alone. I-' 

'Isak... Shhh...' Even cooed, rocking the weeping boy against his bare chest, rubbing comforting circles into the soft of his back, 'Look at me, Isak,' Even murmured, taking Isak's tear-dusted cheeks in both of his large hands, the way he often did, forcing Isak to look up up him, 'You are the strongest person I have ever fucking met. To have lived through all of that and-' His eyes squeezed shut, thumbs grazing against the smaller boy's cheekbones, exhaling through his nose, 'You're still here,' He kissed Isak soft on the lips, chaste and warm and blistering Isak's soul, 'And you're so fucking beautiful, love. So fucking brave,' He kissed each corner of Isak's mouth, and then each eyebrow, his nose, 'Don't worry, baby, you'll never have to fear anything ever again. I've got you now. I'll keep you safe.' 

'You don't-' Isak mumbled through tears, doubt and insecurity tearing at his chest, almost unbelieving of the love, 'You don't think I'm disgusting?' 

The older boy made a wounded noise, as if Isak had hurt him. 

'There is nothing even remotely disgusting about you, my love,' He said simply, tracing the side of Isak's face with his fingertips, snuggling him close, 'When I look at you, all I see is fucking light, like you're- like you're the fucking stars, the sun.' 

Even might as well have sliced open Isak's chest, cut through his sternum and taken a crushing hold of his still-beating heart, squeezing it to mush in his beautiful hands. Isak felt like he was going to combust, like he was going to _die._

'Even-' 

'It's the truth,' The older boy said resolutely, voice as thin as satin, liquid-warm and over-spilling with adoration, 'You're too bright for this world, Isak. You're the light of my life.' 

'Jesus Christ, Even,' Isak murmured back quietly, blinking away tears. He felt faint and somber yet euphoric and high, all at once and smashed together. His emotions were too big for his human body, too _fucking_ big, 'You sound like a fucking white girl.' 

Even laughed at that, the sound as clear and easy as a summer breeze. 

'There you go,' The older boy chimed, mussing Isak's curls, 'That's my boy.' 

After the last of Even's weed was rolled and smoked in gold-papered joints, the heir scooped Isak up in his arms and carried him to the bedroom that had now become theirs. He tucked them both into the warm, king-sized bed, Isak's back to Even's chest and Even's arms wrapped firmly around Isak's waist. Even kissed his neck and breathed warmth into his hair, holding Isak tighter than he ever had before. It was almost as if Even wanted to reassure Isak, to let him know that he was there, _always_ there, even as their minds drifted into unconsciousness. 

*** 

'Even,' Isak asked quietly when he awoke half-light of morning, nudging soft at the form beside him. 

He turned in the bed sheets to face the other, taking in Even's fluffy hair and heavy eyelids and soft-lipped smile. 

'Yeah?' The other answered quietly, voice hoarse with sleep. 

Even reached out to trace a bed-warmed finger along Isak's lower lip, a gentle smile on his pretty mouth. He looked at Isak like he was ecstatic to be waking up next to him, like Isak was the only one Even ever wanted to wake up with. 

'Do you- do you still want to, uh, have sex with me? After what I've told you?' Isak asked him in a flurry of anxiety-laced words, sinking back into the pillows, 'Or-or do you see me differently? Like, I don't know, l-like I'm a victim.' 

Even's starry-eyed gaze faded into one of sobriety. He smoothed back Isak's sleep-mussed curls, frowning as if he was hurt by the question, offended. 

'Isak,' He huffed out, tapping at Isak's temple, irises hard and perforating, 'It is an honor and a privilege that you have let me inside of your perfect body, and I swear to you, darling, that as long as you so desire it, I will _always_ be here to get you hot all over and screaming for more,' His expression softened, giving the younger a playful wink. 

Despite everything, Isak giggled; light and trilling and cutting through his anxieties. 

'And you're not a victim, love,' He said firmly, eyes as big as the moon, large and imposing but pale, soft, 'You're nobody's victim,' He smiled at Isak, soft and warm and adoring. Isak noted that he'd happily spend the rest of his existence hanging off those smiles, off those perfect lips, 'You're a fucking survivor.' 

Isak just stared at the other, blinking back tears, pulled deeper and deeper into Even's magnetism with every passing minute, every second. 

'Thank you,' He replied in a hushed whisper, letting Even tuck the blankets around his neck, letting him shroud him in warmth. 

He realized then that he not only loved the older boy, but he trusted him. 

He trusted Even to keep his promises, to patch-up his soul, to fix his heart. He trusted Even to catch him as he fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: This chapter contains graphic references to child abuse and pedophilia. 
> 
> Song: Liability - Lorde


	10. Too Much Is Never Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delayed update, I have been mercilessly goaded with uni assignments and group projects and oral presentations and all of the horrible shit they make you do in Australian higher education. That along with trying to string together even a semblance of a social life has left me with very little time to write this fic. That being said, I am really loving your comments and I will continue to write this as long as people want it. That's why, if you like this, it is important that you let me know, because it is your responses and critique that is invaluable to me as a developing writer. This experience allows me to practice and exercise my writing and your comments help me adjust ideas and learn how to create specifically for an audience. I hope you enjoy this caffeine fueled fuck-fest, peace and love and hippy hugs to everyone. ❤️

'You okay?' Even asked in a breathless voice as he collapsed onto Isak, pressing a dusting of drowsy kisses along the other boy's collarbones and shoulders, chest heaving. 

'Y-yeah...' Isak wheezed out, voice fractured and strained as he panted and slumped under Even. His mind drifted, spiraling; disassociating from reality as the last soul-shattering sparks of orgasm left him. 

The heir smiled down at the other, smoothing back golden curls and continuing to plant soft pecks to Isak's hairline and temples and eyebrows, bringing him back to life with blood-warm affection. 

'You sure, baby?' Even hummed with a simper, nuzzling soft into Isak's neck, keeping the boy trapped beneath him like a pinned butterfly. 

'Yeah,' Isak repeated in a sated sigh, trembling fingers reaching to thread in Even's sweat-dampened hair. 

There was nothing more beautiful, Isak thought, than Even after sex. He was so _soft_ , his cerulean eyes sleepy and glowing with the embers of passion. His body warm and yielding, muscles going lax as he enclosed Isak in a lazy embrace, eyelids slipping closed as he rested his chin in the younger boy's curls. 

They were hot-bodied and sticky; both men sheathed in glimmering perspiration and streaks of semen. It was a little uncomfortable, the closeness, the sweat, but Isak didn't care. He savored the warmth, snuggling close into his lover's chest and humming contentedly. 

Isak shifted himself up, straining to peck at the corners of Even's perfect, smiling mouth before drawing back a little to trace a finger along the full lower lip; blood-stained and plush and smooth to the touch. Even let out a soft purr, sighing tiredly as Isak explored the dimensions of his sculpted face, thumbing gently at the hard lines of Even's jaw and stroking along razor-sharp cheekbones, caressing soft at the purple-bruised rings that weighted his eyes. 

'Beautiful,' Isak whispered involuntarily, heart thrumming as Even blushed soft, leaning into the younger boy's hand with a flutter of lashes. 

'You're so _sweet_ ,' He hummed dreamily, pressing his lips into Isak's palm, gifting the younger with a gentle kiss, 'My sweetheart.' 

'Fuck off,' Isak said in a choked, half-hearted murmur. He flushed deep as Even took a hold of his wrist, mouthing gently at Isak's pulse, kissing the blue-veined flesh. 

'You act all mean and tough but I'm onto you,' He murmured with a self-satisfied smile, irises twinkling, cool and deep; an otherworldly blue, 'I know who you really are.' 

Isak frowned, pouting facetiously. Even's grin only broadened, the older male ducking to peck at the other's reddened cheeks, obnoxious and overbearing as he plastered kisses all over Isak's face, making him giggle and squirm. 

'See?' Even laughed, kissing the tip of Isak's nose while the younger tried to swat him away, 'The _sweetest_.' 

'You're so _annoying_ ,' Isak muttered with a flustered sigh, rolling his eyes and pretending he didn't _love_ it. 

Even just chuckled, beaming down at the other with a taunting smirk. 

'When will you stop being mean?' He asked with a devilish grin, nibbling at Isak's earlobe, nosing at his throat. 

'Probably never.' Isak murmured breathlessly as Even kissed up his neck, shifting suddenly to unite their mouths. Lips and tongues melded together, interlocking in the perfect fit. 

'Mmm,' Even hummed, licking along the seam of Isak's cupid's bow, causing the boy's heart to shake, to stutter, 'You know, I just can't get enough of you,' He let out a groan, biting down hard on Isak's lip; tasting him, _consuming_ him, 'Like, I just want to- I can't-' 

Isak let out a bewildered laugh, breathing ragged and chest hammering. Even grunted, low and gruff, shifting them suddenly so that Isak was laying on top of him, the two men chest against chest. Strong arms pulled Isak closer, squeezing him in tight, - too tight - yet never tight enough. 

'W-what do you mean?' 

'It's just-' Even sighed, hands gripping at the globes of Isak's ass, massaging gently over love-bitten flesh. Isak had been littered with pinkish marks and patches of red, the heir having left not even an inch of Isak's skin untouched, unclaimed, 'It's just, no matter how many times I touch you or kiss you or fuck you, I never get my fix.' Even's fingertips dug into Isak's shoulder blades, rubbing soft at the nape of his neck, sucking a bruise into his sensitive throat, 'Every part of you is just so fucking _addictive_. I just want more and more and more.' 

Isak laughed mirthlessly, overwhelmed and blushing deep. Even drew back to gaze at the other, pale eyes glittering with devotion as he cupped Isak's face, caressing softly at his crimson-flushed cheeks. 

' _A-addictive?_ ' Isak stammered, brow knotting, heart fluttering under the attention, 'What the fuck-' 

Even hushed him with another kiss, warmed and slick, tongue dipping deep between Isak's parted lips, licking across teeth. 

'You're everything, Isak. You're running through my fucking veins.' 

Isak let out a strangled moan, clinging to Even as the heir flipped them again, his entire body throbbing with the pounding of his heart. Even pressed him once again into the silken sheets of the bed, craning over the younger boy and pecking at his forehead, his eyelids, his lips. 

'I love you, I love you, I love you,' Even lilted softly between nerve-damaging kisses, purring. 

The boy was unable to string together any kind of cohesive reply, stuttering on his breath, heart inflating, painfully swollen. 

Isak wanted to return the sentiment, to take away the echo of sadness in Even's pretty blue eyes, to tell him the truth, to tell him he loved him too. 

He wanted to, he couldn't, he didn't. 

'Even-' 

'Yes baby?' Even husked faintly, dragging his lips down the younger boy's shuddering torso. His tongue was hot; licking scalding stripes along Isak's abs, sucking hickeys into his stuttering hipbones. 

'Not yet, Evy-' Isak whined, as the older adolescent palmed his bare groin, body seizing up with over-stimulation, 'I-I just came. I-I'm still sensitive.' 

Even immediately relented, lips going pouty, shoulders dropping. 

'Fine,' He muttered childishly, crawling up Isak's body to snuggle him instead, wrapping the boy once again in heat; a heat that should have felt suffocating and smothering, but instead felt like _heaven_ to the touch-starved young man. 

'I just need a rest,' Isak chuckled softly, nestling happily into Even's chest and kissing at the older boy's firm pectoral muscle, 'How are you not tired? Like... Fuck.' 

The heir hadn't left him alone for the entire day, had fucked him again and again with a feverish urgency, the pair only stopping ten or so minutes in between to eat or drink or use the bathroom. 

_He was insatiable_ , the older male, buzzing with a ravenous, lust-driven hysteria while Isak struggled to keep up, seeing nothing but white as Even pounded him to climax, over and over, holding him together with large hands and sweet kisses and deep thrusts. 

It was everything Isak had ever wanted; Even owning him, sating him, taking away the pain and keeping him numb and full and loved. But still, Isak was human and even pleasure could become exhausting, his body threatening to break under the relentless activity. 

'I'm sorry, sweetheart.' Even cooed softly, eyes weary as he kissed the boy's fringe. 'Rest, baby. I'm sorry.' 

'Don't apologise.' Isak mumbled sleepily into Even's clavicle, heavy-lidded and yawning. 'You- you make me feel s'good.' He let out a soft exhalation as Even moved to the boy's side, spooning him close and petting his hair. 'Mm just tired.' 

As Isak slumped against the other, he could feel Even's body thrumming with energy, the older male shuffling a little as he played with Isak's hair, limbs twitching, agitated. 

'Don't you think life is exactly like a movie?' Even asked after a long moment, head rested on Isak's chest, hand trailing up and down the defined muscle of the younger's abdomen. 

'What do you mean?' Isak asked drowsily, lulled into tranquility by Even's touch. 

Even blinked. 

'Like, sometimes I think we all manifest our own reality, you know? Like we can direct our lives- our futures.' His register quickened, possessing a strange trill of intensity as he went on. 'I can do anything, have anything, think anything into existence. Like, I'm in complete control.' 

'I don't know about that, man.' Isak mumbled drearily, frowning slightly at Even's misguided world view but far too blissful to correct or educate him. 

_Life was not like a fucking movie. Life was shit and full of pain._

Even laughed, light and carefree. Isak wondered what that felt like, to laugh like that; to experience joy and feel deserving of it. 

'I knew you'd say that.' The heir muttered with another chuckle, pecking Isak's shoulder. 'But like, I don't know. I wanted you, and now I have you.' He grinned, repositioning himself over the smaller boy to beam down at him, his elated expression melting Isak like butter; warm blue eyes shining with joy. 'I've gotten everything I've ever wanted because I've willed it to happen.' 

Isak said nothing, unwilling and unable to fracture the happiness on Even's face, the sparkle in his irises, his smile, his _heartbreaking_ smile. 

'And _you_ , Isak,' Even whispered, kissing Isak's forehead, his cheek and then his lips. 'You're the most precious _thing_ I've ever _owned_.' 

Hearts ached as their lips entangled; pulses heavy, lungs tight, bodies seeping into each other as they embraced, as Even's hands slid up Isak's torso, as Isak's fingers knotted in Even's hair. 

It was perfect, the heir's love; his addictive touches, his mouth, his warmth. 

It would have been perfect, that is, if Isak wasn't _terrified_ , if a part of him wasn't weighted with fear, vaguely disturbed by the look in Even's eyes, the ring of possessiveness in his velveteen voice. 

*** 

The next morning, Isak woke up alone. It was the third morning in a row that that had happened, the boy waking to an empty bed. Typically, he staggered out of the bedroom to find Even cooking, or drawing or smoking a joint. Today, as Isak stretched out his sleep-heavy limbs and sat up from the warmth of the duvet, he could hear a sharp and distinct barking of orders coming from the living area of the penthouse. 

Knowing Even, this couldn't mean anything good. 

Even so, when Isak stumbled out into the main annex of the suite wearing nothing but a pair of underwear and a bewildered expression, he hadn't at all been expecting what he found. 

'What... the fuck... is going on?' He muttered tiredly, rubbing the dust from his dried-out eyes as he took in the scene before him, squinting. 

The air was heavy with the smell of roses and paint. A team of five hotel staff worked about the suite, slack-jawed and dead in the eyes, shuffling around each other obediently; moving couches, doing as they were told. Furniture had been rearranged and pushed out of the way, the entire central space cleared, apart from a vintage tufted sofa that Isak had never seen before, which had been draped with golden silk sheets and scattered with flower petals. An absurd amount of floral arrangements had been brought in, placed artfully around the seat; large vases heaped with hoards of white roses and yellow carnations and crisp-green ferns. Isak frowned in abject confusion as his gaze drifted to Even, who stood proudly behind what looked to be a canvas and easel, the heir as equally undressed as Isak but having no qualms about it at all, bouncing on his toes and complaining erratically about the symmetry of the bouquets. 

'Wh-' Isak tried again before Even noticed him, turning and running suddenly to the startled boy, unnecessarily boisterous as he pulled Isak into a tight hug, the younger letting out a disconcerted yelp as he was lifted at the waist and spun in a circle, all while Even beamed and giggled like an ecstatic child. 

'Isak!' He chimed merrily, setting the boy down and kissing both of his cheeks, grinning at Isak so wide it made his chest ache. 'Sleeping beauty has awoken!' Even smothered his face with more kisses, so many that it felt almost overbearing, asphyxiating. 'Hurry now and eat your breakfast-' The heir ordered, walking Isak to the dining table and pulling out a chair for him, forcefully seating the boy in front of a huge stack of chocolate chip pancakes and patting him brusquely at the crown of his head. 'We have a lot of work to do-' 

Isak ducked and frowned down at the pancakes, ignoring the faint rumble in his gut as he blinked up at Even, still unable to decipher what _the fuck_ was happening. 

'Wh-what-' 

The heir just laughed in an airy, thoughtless kind of way and spun on his heels, the muscles in his back giving a delicate roll as he pointed sharply to one of the hotel staff who stood tiredly beside the set, slouched and awaiting further instruction. 

'You! I want the couch up a little bit.' Even barked out cooly. 'No, not like that! On an angle!' 

Despite hunger, Isak didn't touch his food, riddled with befuddlement as he watched Even prance about the room, devastatingly beautiful in his stark white underwear but increasingly irate, giving orders and complaining like a spoilt prince, the heir moving much too fast for the world around him, blue eyes cold with focus and fixation. 

'What the fuck, Ev-' Isak began to exclaim, too exhausted and bewildered to make sense of any of it. 

'Oh, right!' Even all but shouted, turning back to Isak with a happy smile, teeth glinting, filling the younger with an oozing warmth. 'I haven't told you.' He bounded over to the dining table, leaning over the glassy surface and craning a little to kiss the younger boy abruptly on the lips, licking into his mouth and tasting like coffee and cigarettes and honey. 'I've decided that I want to get back into oil painting.' 

Isak let out a breathless sigh, brows knitting as the older boy pulled back, petting softly at Isak's cheek before moving to stand about a foot away from the table, fidgeting in his place. 

'O-oil painting?' 

'Yes!' Even said with a nod, voice high and excited. 

Isak blinked. 

'Wait...' He shook his head. 'You paint?' 

Even let out a thunderous laugh, and Isak realized for the first time that something about the heir didn't seem _right_ ; that something about Even's movements and his laughter and his excitement was a little off-centre, a little more than just harmless eccentricity. 

Isak could feel his throat tighten with the whispers of an emotion he had long forsaken. 

He swallowed it down. 

_It was fine. Even had always been an unusual guy. That's why Isak loved him._

'Of course I paint!' Even chirped brightly, cutting the boy from thought. 'I've been trained professionally!' 

'Really? That's-' 

'I'm doing a huge portrait, Isak.' He announced with a grin. 'It's going to be wonderful-' Even cut himself short and turned to glare at the staff, who had been drearily adjusting the silks over Even's little set-up, the heir letting out a groan as his voice rose. 'No, no! The sheets need to be draped over the couch. _Draped_ , not hung-' 

Isak grimaced as he felt his shoulders drop. He hated it when Even acted like that; bossy, entitled. 

'Eve-' 

The older boy turned his attention back to the younger, his irritated expression morphing into one of joy as he looked at Isak, sweet and faraway as he gave him a smile. 

'Oh, and I've decided to make _you_ the subject.' He said merrily, staggering over to a coffee table that had been pushed against one of the far walls and bending to retrieve something. 

'The subject?' Isak asked with narrowed eyes. 

'Mmm-hmmm.' Even hummed as he skipped back to Isak, holding what looked to be a gaudy, gold-leafed _flower crown_. 'I'm going to paint you laying in the centre of the scene like a mystical nymph.' He gestured to the garland. 'Wearing nothing but this.' 

'What the-' Isak mumbled out, his hands flying automatically to cover his own chest as he glowered pointedly at the other. 'I'm _not_ doing that- 

'What!? Of course you are!' Even threw his arms in the air and pouted; the babyish, adorable kind of pout that warmed Isak's innards. 'Come on, Isak! I've set everything up!' 

Isak huffed. He was acting like a toddler. 

'I'm not posing naked for a fucking painting- This- this isn't fucking Titanic-' 

'Please!' Even _whined_ , running over to Isak's chair and dropping to his knees beside the younger, eyes going watery as they shone up at Isak, big and blue and pleading. 'Please, please, please, please, please-' 

'No!' Isak shouted with an annoyed groan. 'You're being ridiculous!' 

Isak felt his resolve slip as Even dragged his chair out from the table in a rough pull, jostling the smaller boy who sat atop it. Even smirked and knelt between Isak's parted knees with a mask of pure and utter reverence, taking the Isak's hands and littering them with full-lipped kisses, pecking soft at each finger, humming, begging. 

'Please Isak.' He murmured huskily, voice deep and enticing; seductive, smooth. 'Please?' 

Even knew Isak couldn't resist him, couldn't refuse him. Even knew that the boy would do anything he wanted and he was happy about it, more than fine with the _blatant extortion._

Isak hated him, hated the way the heir smiled, the way he grinned between his legs as if he'd already won. 

'Fine.' Isak grumbled, giving in far too quickly and trying to ignore the judgmental gazes of the surrounding hotel staff. 'But I'm not wearing the fucking crown.' 

*** 

Isak ended up wearing the _fucking_ crown. After a good ten minutes of relentless goading and flat out emotional manipulation, the boy found himself sprawled on his side, starkly naked and reluctantly posing, staring daggers at Even as the heir adjusted the sheets over the boy's crotch, smiling smugly; the grin brighter than the fire, brighter than the sun. 

Isak groaned, flushing pink despite the fact that it was only Even in the room now, deeply embarrassed by the ridiculous theatrics and the fact that he looked like a _goddamn_ fairy. 

'You look beautiful, baby.' Even cooed reassuringly, leaning in to kiss Isak's lightly blushed cheek, smirking. 'I knew you'd come around.' 

'I hate you.' Isak grumbled, squinting a little from the _fucking industrial lighting_ that Even had gotten set up, eliciting a laugh from the older male. 

'Perfect.' Even hummed when the he had the silk exactly how he wanted it, smiling lovingly at the younger and tapping his nose. 'You need to be a good boy while I paint, okay?' He jumped up, gallivanting cheerily over to the easel, all sparkly-eyed and smiling. 'Don't move a muscle.' 

'Get fucked.' Isak muttered flatly. 'What if I get itchy or something?' 

'Tell me where it itches and I'll scratch it.' 

Even chuckled, setting out brushes and paints, unnervingly pensive as he began mixing a few shades of ivory with a translucent gel. 

'And what if I need to go to the toilet? 

The heir gave a shrug. 

'Hold it.' 

'What the fuck?' Isak exclaimed, eyes widening as he fought with the urge to flail in protest. 'What is this? Auschwitz!?' 

Even just laughed harder. 

'Don't make holocaust jokes, baby. It's tasteless.' 

Isak watched blank-faced as Even began to sketch, observing Isak's form with a hawk-like stare before taking note of what he saw, scribbling across the canvas with a pleated brow. 

After a long moment of silence, Isak started to feel anxious. 

'Are you seriously going to deprive me of my basic human rights!?' 

Even sighed, shoulders going lax as he gazed down at Isak, his expression becoming yielding despite a flare of irritation. 

'Fine.' He muttered suddenly. 'If you need to go to the toilet, then you can. But only if you _really_ need to, okay? It's important you stay relatively situated.' 

Isak let out an annoyed grunt. 

'You owe me like, twenty blow jobs for this.' 

A warm smile lit Even's features, his head tilting as he chuckled low. 

'I'm always happy to suck you off, love.' He said with a wink. 'You know that.' 

Isak rolled his eyes, impatient and annoyed but unable to prevent his face and his groin from becoming flushed with blood. 

_Fuck him_. 

*** 

Seven hours and around five negotiated toilet breaks later, Isak's pose had morphed into a non-committal slump, the boy vaguely dehydrated and in need of a nap, his entire left side having lost sensation. 

'My arm is getting tired.' He whined sullenly; the hundredth complaint he had made in the past forty-five minutes alone. ' _Even_.' 

'Shhh.' Even hushed softly, the older boy wearing a frantic expression, heavy-eyed and painting quick, hands and arms covered in smears of ochre and ivory and pink. 

'Don't _shhh_ me.' Isak sulked with a pout. 'Ev.' He pleaded when he was met with nothing but silence. 'Even... I'm _hungry_... Don't ignore me- _Evy_.' 

Even put down his brush with a sudden slam. 

'Jesus, Isak.' 

Isak flinched slightly at the aggressive undertone in Even's voice. 

The heir had never spoken to him like that before. 

'You've been painting me for like eight hours.' Isak huffed out with acid, oddly feeling as if he might cry. 'My left side is fucking numb.' 

Even frowned, the tension in his countenance faltering as he took in Isak's stung expression. For a moment he looked like he was going to rebuke the younger boy but then his face and posture relaxed, the heir letting out a terse sigh. 

'Fine. I'm sorry.' He said through tight lips, smiling stiffly to try to cover up his obvious annoyance. 'Why don't we finish for today?' He set down his tools and ran a hand through his hair. 

Isak didn't miss how Even's fingers trembled. 

'I'll order some food and then we can take a nice bath.' He walked over to Isak, crouching beside him where he sat on the sofa, the hardened lines of his face softening with his proximity to the younger, the ironed-in creases of his forehead becoming smooth. 'You _have_ been very good for me.' 

He carded a gentle hand through Isak's hair as the smaller boy shakily deflated onto the couch, his back hitting the cool of the silken sheets. 

Isak sighed contentedly as the older teenager ducked to kiss him chastely on the lips, rubbing soothingly at his strained shoulder. 

'My good boy.' Even crooned, crawling suddenly onto the couch and stroking over Isak's curls. 

'Wait.' Isak muttered abstractedly, arms winding around Even and breathing in his scent of vanilla and sandalwood and paint. 'W-what do you mean _finish for today_?' His register shook with dread. 'Don't tell me-' 

Even let out a musical giggle, pressing his lips to Isak's forehead. 

'The base colors are all down, but we'll have to do the light shades tomorrow.' 

Isak groaned out a noise that seemed almost pained. 

'Tomorrow!?' 

Even continued in his apathetic laughter. 

'Yes, love. Oil painting is a process.' 

'Fuck my life.' Isak flattened out against the sofa, lower-lip jutting out. 'I don't like you when you paint. You're a dick.' 

'Whatever.' Even dismissed with a smile, giving Isak one last kiss, warm and wet and quick, before jumping to his feet and strolling languidly over to the phone. 'You want the mini burgers, baby?' 

Isak scowled. 

'I guess.' 

*** 

The young men had been waiting for their food for just over an hour, and Isak could tell that Even was becoming increasingly impatient, the teenagers sitting on the couch and watching an episode of Seinfeld which Isak had put on to pass the time. Neither of the pair were paying attention, Even's azure gaze irate and affixed on the elevator doors, Isak looking up, his head in the heir's lap, watching the other with anxious eyes. 

'What's wrong, Ev?' Isak asked carefully, lifting a finger to prod playfully at the older boy's chin. 'You seem tense.' 

'I don't know why room service is taking so long.' Even muttered harshly, causing the younger boy's heart to drop. 

'It's only been an hour-' Isak muttered in a small voice, not understanding why Even was being like this; distant, cold. 

He had always been so affectionate and warm. The shift in temperature felt like a slap across the face. 

'I don't care.' He spat stiffly. 'I should be the first priority. I practically fucking own this hotel.' 

Isak frowned, his chest giving a pained squeeze. 

'Don't be like that Even.' He said, rising from Even's lap and sitting to face him. 'Don't be a fucking brat.' 

Even grimaced, the ugly expression looking beautiful on the heir's face, as everything did. Still, Isak didn't like it. Not at all. 

'What the fuck, Isak?' Even jeered out, jawbone clenching. 'Who's side are you on?' 

'Wh-' Isak stammered. 'That's- This is not about sides. That doesn't even make any sense. Fuck, Even. I just don't get it.' 

'What don't you get?' 

Even was shaking, fuming with an agitation that _scared_ Isak, the younger boy paralysed under his ice-blue stare, baulking. 

Both jumped a little in their place when they heard the ring of the elevator doors. 

'Room service.' Said a hotel employee as she wheeled in a cart, stacked heavy with the multitudinous dishes of food that Even had ordered, heels clicking against the marble floor. 

'It took you fucking long enough.' Even jeered sharply, and Isak was astounded by the venom in his voice. 

The woman recoiled, fiddling nervously with the hem of her dress-shirt and stalling for a moment before plastering on an apologetic smile. 

'Oh- I- ah.' She murmured, shrinking back under Even's hawkish gaze. 'I'm sorry Mr. Bech Næsheim. There was a delay in the kitchen-' 

He cut her off, stone-faced and dismissive as he waved a hand. 'I don't want to hear it. Put the food on the table and get out.' 

The girl looked as if she had been struck, moving hurriedly like a scared animal, scuttling and weary of an impending predator. 

'Even!' Isak exclaimed in a chastising shout, wide-eyed and void of breath, the heir shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes. 

'What?' Even asked haughtily after the staff member left as quickly as she came, stumbling a little in trepidation. 

'What the fuck, Even! It's not her fault that the kitchen was behind!' Isak all but yelled, a strange hysteria rising in his chest as he realised Even had been like this all among, rude to everyone that was economically lower than him, everyone except Isak. 'You can't just treat people like that! She's just trying to-' 

'Oh whatever.' Even said nonchalantly, leaving the couch and meandering over to the food on the table, retrieving a mini burger and taking a unconcerned bite. 'It's her job.' 

'What the fuck is up with you?' Isak asked quietly, hating the fact that his eyes began to water, looking at his own lap as he sat on the sofa, thoughts racing, overlapping each other, trying to ignore the vacancy in Even's stare; his behaviours and actions that didn't match up. 

_Isak had seen that vacancy before._

'What do you mean?' Even asked in a rigid voice, leaning against the table and crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at Isak with a calm indifference. 

'Why are you being like this?' 

Even flinched. 

'Like what?' 

'Mean.' Isak mumbled quietly, wringing his hands, keeping his head down as he felt a single tear drip from his eye; hot and stinging and embarrassing. 'You're being mean.' 

Even's entire physicality seemed to change, body slumping, eyes melting down, hard-set face blurring at the edges, going soft. 

The older boy let out a stifled exhalation, as if he'd been shot, wounded. 

'Shit.' He murmured weakly, rushing immediately back to the sofa to pull Isak into his arms, the hold warm and gentle and feeling like a gust of ocean air. 'D-don't cry.' 

Isak sniffled pathetically, rubbing at his eyes as he flopped into Even's hold, unable to resist the familiar tenderness, even in his state of doubt and fear and confusion. 

'I'm n-not crying.' 

Even stroked soothingly along his spine, fingers dancing over aching ribs, lips spilling kisses on the boy's hair and forehead and cheeks and eyes, trying as he often did to kiss away the tears. 

'I- I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby.' Even chirred in a gentle mantra, moving Isak onto his lap, positioning the younger to straddle him. 'I- I love you- you know? I love everything about you-' 

They were chest to chest, Even's hands on Isak's waist as he kissed his neck, broiling and slick, gripped the younger closer, drawing back to nuzzle their noses, hands slipping to grasp Isak softly by the hips. 

Isak squeaked. He felt dizzy. 

'Yeah but, Even-' 

'I love your face.' Even mumbled, kissing along his jaw, licking up the tears that dribbled and caught there. 'And your lips and the freckle above your belly-button. I love-' 

Isak pulled back, taking Even's face in both his hands and looking at him- really looking at him. 

It was only then that Isak realised how truly _sad_ Even's eyes were, how a hazy melancholia haunted the blue. 

Isak realised that he'd do anything to take that away, to make Even happy, to draw out his joy and his smiles and his laughs- his real laughs, not the tense, artificially sugary ones he'd been forcing out all afternoon. 

Isak's heart ached, the boy trembling helplessly as he felt it crack and crumble in his weighted chest. 

'Even, a-are you okay?' Isak asked gently, carefully, smoothing a finger over the side of Even's face, trying to placate him. 

'I'm fine.' Even growled, pulling Isak in for a deep kiss and grasping his curls and biting his lips, licking and sucking on the younger boy's tongue. 'I'm just- I'm fine.' 

'What is it?' Isak whispered against his mouth, eyes welling with water. 'What's bothering you?' 

'Nothing.' Even shot back, continuing to kiss and peck at Isak's wet cheeks, massaging at the younger boy's ribcage, trying to pacify him. 'I just get so many thoughts. So many fucking thoughts, you know?' 

'N-no-' Isak mumbled, breath stolen from his body as he was dragged into another kiss. 'I- I don't.' 

'It's okay.' Even mumbled, pushing Isak down onto the couch and beginning to nibble and peck at his chest, his collarbones, his lower-stomach. 'I get it if you don't understand. I love you anyway.' Isak let out a strangled moan, his entire form erupting with chills as Even ghosted his mouth over Isak's underwear-clad cock, licking a stripe along the boy's waistband and making him shiver with need, hips bucking. 'I don't even care that you won't tell me that you love me back.' He stripped the boy in swift movement, nails digging into Isak's legs and he dragged down his underwear, kissing up the boy's thigh, his mouth hot and blistering on Isak's length, tongue flicking across the sensitive tip. 'It's okay. I- It's okay.' 

'Even.' Isak all but moaned, losing every last shred of fight as Even engulfed him in scorching heat, taking him deep to the back of his throat. 

'Shhh, baby.' He hummed, pulling back and looking up at Isak with a manic hunger. 'Let me make you feel good. Shhh.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too Much Is Never Enough - Florence and the Machine


	11. Meds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: please scroll to end notes for specifics.

'Even?' Isak said softly as he sat upright on the velvet couch, speaking low, so as not to startle the pensive older boy. 

The living area was scattered with boxes; cardboard boxes and shopping bags and unknown objects sheathed in bubble wrap. The packages were left untouched for the most part as Even meandered around them, his eyes heavy with purplish rings as he ordered about the delivery staff while more and more purchases where dragged and carried into the penthouse. He was a little softer with the employees today, less tyrannical, but Isak noticed that Even's entire form shook as he paced from box to box, tearing one open every so often and briefly regarding it's contents, before tossing it aside with a look of childish boredom. Archery gear, glassware, personalized tennis balls; everything he unboxed became increasingly nonsensical. Isak watched in wide-eyed fear. 

'Uh, Even. Do you really need all of-' Isak attempted, only to be cut off. 

'What?' Even asked suddenly, looking up from a pair of ice skates he had unwrapped, his features twisted in vague offense, 'It's just a little shopping.' 

It was the first time the heir had spoken to him all day; comprehensively, at least. Even had stopped in his frantic pacing every so often to coddle Isak; kissing him and shushing him and getting him off. But he hadn't _spoken_ to Isak, except to tell him he was beautiful or that he was perfect or that he loved him. The affectionate words, once so soft and sweet to Isak, had began to taste sickeningly sugary, like a mouth-full of sticky syrup; choking him, silencing him, making Isak ill. 

It didn't feel _right_ anymore, like Even was slipping away, like he didn't mean it. Every time the heir told Isak he loved him it felt insincere, and it stung like a punch. 

'H-have you slept, Even?' Isak asked carefully, baulking a little as the older boy glared at him, 'Y-you look tired and you didn't come to bed at all last night-' 

'No time for sleep, Isak!' Even snapped decisively, waving Isak off. 'Sleep is the cousin of death, you know?' 

'Uh- But-' 

'Oh!' Even exclaimed suddenly, cold-blue eyes becoming warm as he took in Isak's alarmed expression, 'I almost forgot! I got you a present!' 

'What-' Isak watched as Even bounded over to one of the glossy, black shopping bags, retrieving what looked to be a large, flat, blue-velvet gift box. The kind of box that usually held jewelry. 

Even rushed over to Isak and fell to his knees, lifting the lid with a sharp snap. 

Isak blinked. 

'Do you like it!?' Even asked in a high voice, beaming as Isak's mouth fell open, jaw-slack; gaping in confusion. 

The inside of the gift box was lined with fine, wine-red silk, atop of which sat one of the most opulent pieces of finery that Isak had ever seen. The necklace was comprised of a thick, glittering band, from which hung two rows of teardrop diamonds, strung together in perfect formation and interspersed with smaller, granular stones, immaculately cut and sparkling in the afternoon light. It was like a strip of spider's web; glistening soft as if wet with dew, dripping with wealth, with money. 

'It's- it's a necklace.' Isak stammered out dumbly, looking at Even in vast bewilderment. 

'Ha!' The heir grinned, shining brighter than the diamonds, glinting, all teeth, 'You're observational skills are as sharp as ever, baby,' He reached out a hand and ruffled Isak's curls, causing the younger to flinch. Even didn't notice, 'But isn't it beautiful?' He purred, stroking a finger over the glimmering stones, 'It's all diamonds, set in platinum-' 

Isak frowned. 

'Even-' he began, keeping his voice low, as if he was talking to an overly-sensitive child, 'Why would I need diamonds? I-I'm a fucking guy-' 

Even rolled his eyes in an overly dramatic, exasperated way, letting out a hard, cutting laugh. 

'So!?' He all but shouted. 'Don't be so fucking closed minded, Isak. Men can wear jewelry.' 

'Yeah, but-' 

Even's face morphed into a look of hurt, lip-jutted and brow-knitted, scowling. 

'You don't like my present!?' 

Isak recoiled, sinking back into the downy sofa, backtracking. 

'No- it's not- I- I just-' 

'Try it on!' Even, demanded, rising from his knees with a sudden velocity and freeing the priceless diamonds from their confines in an unceremonious yank. 'Please? It would look so pretty around your neck- Please-' 

'Uh-' 

Even didn't even wait for Isak to respond before he was pushing himself onto the younger boy's lap, straddling him, making Isak very much aware or the fact that both young men were in only their underwear, the heir rocking his hips into the other as he attacked Isak's throat, chest close as he affixed the necklace with gentle, deft fingers. 

The diamonds felt heavy and rough around Isak's neck; asphyxiating, even. 

He shuddered. 

'Perfect.' Even hummed, pulling back to gaze at Isak with adoring, sparkling eyes. 

Isak couldn't help himself from letting out a keen as the older boy ground into him, leaning into Even, lips parted, dazed. 

'Fuck, baby.' The heir murmured, ducking to kiss him, slow and wet, soft-tongued and warm. 'You're so fucking _delicious_.' 

Isak let out a fractured sigh as he was shoved down flat against the sofa for the fourth time that day, moaning as lips kissed along his diamond-draped throat, over his nipples, a hot tongue licking up his ribs, teeth-biting. 

' _Even_.' Isak panted, gripping the older boy's shoulder blades as dark-pink bruises were sucked into his flesh, as hands gripped his sides; hard, squeezing. 

'I just want to fill you, baby, over and over,' Even growled, nipping his throat, right below his jaw, marking him. 'I want to keep you screaming and moaning and coming for me- only me,' he palmed Isak's half-hardened length through his satin boxers, rough and heavy-handed, making Isak mewl. 'I want you to live in a world of constant pleasure. I want to make you scream so loud that everyone in this fucking hotel knows that you're mine. You're mine, Isak, mine forever.' 

And it was what Isak wanted to hear, what he _had_ wanted. He had wanted to be owned by Even, to be the sole source of the older male's pleasure, to be deserving of his affections, his love. But something felt wrong; different, somehow. Even's hands were too rough, grasping him tight, way too tight. Even's eyes were glazed over, distant, as if he were looking through him, as if he were somewhere else. The jewels around Isak's neck were like a vice, suffocating him, cutting off his air-supply, too tight; strangling him. 

He fought for words, a strange hysteria rising in his chest as Even craned over him, kissing and biting and doing what he wanted. 

'E-Even-' Isak heaved out, trying to edge back, writhing. 

But the older boy didn't understand, he took it as encouragement. 

'I love you-' Even lilted, kissing both of Isak's cheeks, smothering him. 'I-' 

Isak shoved at Even's chest, hard, trying to scramble away from him, trying to calm himself; calm the feeling of suffocation, the choking, the fear. 

'S-Stop, Even-' 

Even stopped immediately, as if electrocuted, drawing back completely, giving Isak air. 

He looked at Isak almost blankly for a moment, at the younger boy's terrified expression, his shuddering chest. 

Even's face went pale, bloodless, drained. He looked as if he'd just gotten a limb sawed off without anesthetic. 

Isak felt overcome with shame. 

'Isak-' Even choked out, blinking, kneeling back from Isak on the couch as the younger collected himself, carefully unclasping the necklace and sitting up. 'I-' 

Even looked positively _haunted_ , his eyes following Isak's hand as the younger boy placed the necklace on the nearby coffee table, gazing mournfully at the heap of glittering diamonds. 

Isak could see it; the heir's racing mind, his slumped shoulders, his baby-blue irises becoming flecked with crystalline moisture. 

Even gazed at Isak with guilt-ridden eyes, and Isak knew what he was thinking, he knew. 

_He thought he'd hurt Isak, triggered him, re-opened the wounds left by Isak's abuser; abused him._

And Isak _hated_ himself, hated himself for being damaged goods, for being weak, for making Even think he was something he wasn't. 

Even wasn't _him._ Even would never be anything like _him_. 

Isak _wanted_ Even, had always wanted him, had always felt so good when Even touched him or kissed him or fucked him. 

Isak was just scared, scared of what it all meant; Even's behavior, his vacant eyes, his erratic movements. 

But he wasn't scared _of_ Even. Even was the softest, most pure-hearted boy that Isak had ever met. 

Isak wanted to take it all away, the hurt on Even's pretty face. He wanted that hurt to leave him, leave the boy forever. 

'Even-' Isak murmured softly, shifting close to Even, touching his cheek. 'I'm sorry, I just-' 

Even baulked. 

'Don't apologize, Isak,' He said through clenched teeth, Even's voice catching as the older boy stood from the couch, hands pressed tight over his own face, fingers dragging down blanched cheeks, so hard that it left lines of red, 'I hurt you. I fucking hurt you. I hurt you-' 

'No, no-' Isak said in a plea, standing and stumbling over to the other, pulling at the heir's cemented arms, trying to wrench Even's hands away, 'You didn't, Ev. I'm just- I panicked.' 

'I-' Even coughed through building tears, thick and streaming through the slits between his white-knuckled fingers, shivering as Isak kept his hands around the older boy's wrists, rubbing soft, trying to placate him, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I-' Even sobbed, voice strained and stifled, 'I- I hurt you! _My baby_ -' The heir dropped his hands, his face wet and blotchy, lips red and engorged, his eyes bloodshot. He still looked beautiful though, always, even now. Even was always so beautiful. 

Isak's heart sunk. He wanted to cry too, he wanted to cry. 

'You know I would never-' Even pulled Isak into a sudden hug, careful and loose-limbed, like he was scared of crushing Isak, of breaking him further, 'I'm supposed to protect you, save you- I wanted to save you-' 

Isak drew back and took Even's tear-slicked face in his shaky hands. It was both gut-wrenching and strange to see Even so vulnerable, so broken-down. The older male was always so jovial and cocky and careless. 

Isak was suddenly reminded of how young Even really was; nineteen years old, only two years older than Isak, only a child. And he looked like a child, blinking at Isak through streaming tears, cheeks pink and big-eyed and sniffling. He looked like a _petrified_ child. 

'Listen to me, Even,' Isak said carefully, stroking soothingly at the curl of dark blonde hair that swept across Even's temple, the older boy shuddering, wet-lashes fluttering, 'You didn't hurt me. You didn't,' Even opened his mouth to protest but Isak went on, voice becoming breathless, 'I just- I just want to know what's wrong. Wh-why're you buying things all the time a-and- and never answering any of my questions-' 

'I'm sorry,' Even murmured, drawing Isak closer, big arms wrapping around the smaller boy's waist and dragging Isak flush against him, his tear-soaked face pressing hard into the crook of the younger's neck, 'I- I don't want to lose you. I don't- I can't lose you- Fuck, Isak.' 

Isak ran careful fingers through Even's feather-soft hair, hushing him gently. 

'Ev-' 

'I can't-' Even cried out, clutching Isak's torso like he was worried that the other was going to run away, like he was going to disappear, 'I can't- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I'm not- I would never hurt you-' 

Isak hummed, ignoring the fear and the confusion and his murky, spiraling thoughts. 

'I know, Even, I know that-' 

'Isak- I-' Even winced, 'Please don't leave me. I'll give you everything, baby. I won't fuck up, not again, I won't-' 

'I'm not leaving. Shhh,' Isak murmured faintly, rocking Even a little in his arms. He was reminded of all the countless times that Even had held him, wiped away Isak's tears, kissed him to sleep, 'I won't leave you,' Isak shut his eyes as he let a hand drift up and down his lover's back, stroking over smooth, hard muscle, over bone, 'I love you, Even,' He whispered low, chest aching, lungs tight. It was true, painfully true; It was the truest thing that Isak had ever said. 'I love you.' 

And just like that Even seemed to stop crying, the older boy drawing back with a breathy gasp and looking at Isak with wide, moon-like eyes that glittered in reverence; warm like bath water, warm like the summer-sea. 

'You do?' Even whispered through crimson, blood-plumped lips. 

Isak swallowed dry, only just realizing that it was the first time he'd ever said it out loud. 

'Yes.' 

Even smiled, wide and bright despite the tears that still rolled down his ruddy cheeks, catching in dimples, dripping down his chin. 

Isak's heart fluttered, despite it all. 

'You love me!' Even exclaimed in a trilling purr, and Isak let out a startled yelp as he was lifted at the waist and spun in a circle, his mind reeling at the sudden velocity and the rampant behavioral swing. 'Oh baby, this is the happiest day of my life!' Even kissed his forehead and his nose and his eyes, blinding him, making him dizzy. 'I could just- I could just fucking _die_!' He set Isak down, the grip on his shoulders being the only thing stopping Isak from losing balance and toppling to the ground. 

'Eve-' Isak stammered out, swaying a little with his lack of equilibrium, off-centre and entirely dumbfounded. 

'This is wonderful! This is-' Even's frenzied gaze bored into Isak, his tired, violet-bruised eyes broadening in sudden realization. 'Now we can get married! We can-' 

Isak's heart almost stopped. 

He frowned. ' _Married_?' He asked, voice trembling in terror. 

But Even only smiled wider, all sadness sucked clean from his face despite his still-drying tears, expression gleaming. 

Isak felt a chill crawl up his spine as everything seemed to click into place, as his deepest fears began to realize. 

'Yes, Isak! Married!' Even shouted, prancing away from Isak with too much energy, bouncing on his feet. 'And we'll have a huge fucking wedding, and there'll be ice sculptures and dancers and- and we'll invite Jonas and your friend Eva.' He was speaking fast, so fast that Isak could barely understand him, trailing after the older boy like a lost dog. 'Not Chris though. I hate that guy-' 

Isak didn't want to think about what was happening, didn't want to comprehend a thing; to understand. But he did, he did understand. He understood it all perfectly now, he'd seen it a million times before. 

'Where should we have it?' Even asked with a grin, cutting through Isak's numbed hysteria, dashing over to the double glass doors of the balcony and throwing them open, arms wide, back to Isak. 'Italy? The Palace of Versailles?' 

Isak began to shake with fear, fumbling with his own hands as Even strolled outside, crisp morning air whipping against Isak's face, making him cold, ice cold. 

'We're teenagers, Even,' Isak mumbled meekly, taking a few steps towards him. 'And I'm not even sure if I believe in marriage-' 

'What!?' The heir shrieked, spinning around, almost in a blur, his hand on his heart and his eyes wild and his golden hair like a halo, lit by the sun. 'But _baby_! We're soulmates, Isak! We love each other, we just- we _have_ to get married!' 

And then Even turned away from Isak and skidded against the tiled floor, leaning haphazardly over the balcony railing and hoisting himself up with effortless grace. 

Isak felt the blood freeze within his veins. 

'Even!' The younger boy screamed as Even came to a stand on the marble railing, chuckling as he did so, smiling at Isak all carefree and easy, like nothing in the world was wrong, 'Even- don't-' 

Even wavered in his steps as he walked along the barrier, as if it was a tight-rope, almost comical in his movements. The stone was thin and glossed with dew, thin enough that if Even made even one wrong move he would no doubt fall to a bloody death. 

This reality was almost too much for Isak to bear, the boy's vision going to static, his senses cut, his breaths coming out hard and short as he stumbled forward, towards Even. 

He was six again. He was six years old, sitting in his mother's car without a seat-belt as she drove them out of Oslo to a road by the sea, shivering in his place as the radio blared and his mother laughed as she nearly drove the two of them off a bridge. She'd stopped at the last minute because she got distracted by the idea of swimming. She killed the engine and dragged him out to the waves, and all he could feel was her hand around his and the stinging spray of the frenzied sea. It was winter then and he nearly died; nearly died from the cold. Isak could still remember the cold, could still hear the deafening flow and crush of the tide. He could still taste the saltwater, the tears. 

'No! Please- No!' He screamed, barely registering that he was crying, shaking, 'Even!' 

'It's all so fucking clear in my head, it's all so-' Even muttered as he paced the rail, one-hundred feet high, seemingly unable to hear Isak at all, unable to hear his cries, 'I'll be standing there at the alter and you'll- you'll come walking in wearing nothing but diamonds- an-and a crown. Like a prince, baby, my little prince.' 

'Even- _Even_! Fuck! Get down- Even! Please! Even! Please- please! You need to listen to me- you need to- D-don't- Even!' 

'And me- I'll be dressed as God,' He laughed; he actually laughed as Isak fell to his knees, crumbling into the white marble ground, his hands over his own ears, retching out sobs, 'And everyone will laugh and you'll- you'll look so beautiful,' Even smiled, as if in thought, 'You always look so beautiful, Isak.' 

Isak sucked in a sharp breath as his knees coiled to his own chest, head pressed into them; disassociating completely. He could hardly breathe through the relentless tears, choking and hiccuping on streaming brine. He felt like he was going to vomit, so ensnared by fear that he couldn't even see Even anymore, he couldn't see anything. 

_There was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could do. There was never anything he ever could have done._

He stayed like that, rocking and heaving for a long minute, his body curled up so tight he felt like he might break. 

He was stirred from hysteria by a gentle hand on his quivering shoulder. 

'Isak?' Even's voice drifted through his sentences, calm and smooth, soft like silk. 

Isak's entire form flooded with relief, his constricted lungs becoming eased as he felt the heir pulling at his clenched-up limbs, undoing the knots, drawing him close. 

The boy was far too disorientated to properly react to Even's sudden closeness, letting out a ragged huff and slumping into the broad chest in front of him, listless, half-dead. 

_Even was safe. Even had gotten down. He wasn't going to die, he wasn't going to die. He was safe. He was here._

'Even... Even...' 

' _Baby,_ ' Even cooed, carding a hand through Isak's hair as the younger boy clutched at him, 'Don't cry- Please don't cry- I hate it when you cry,' He laughed low; a sad laugh, 'I was only playing around! I wasn't going to jump or anything, I-' 

'E-even-' Isak managed, words strangled as he fought to come to his senses, as he struggled to push through the cloud of panic that fogged-up everything, misting his thoughts, 'What is... Are you on drugs? Are you-' 

A part of him hoped it was drugs. Drugs were bad, but better than _that_. Anything but _that_. 

'No, not drugs,' Even said quietly, haggard and sober, strangely so. 

Isak felt like he'd been stabbed. 

'Are you-' 

'I don't know, Isak,' He murmured, his body swaying back and forth, back and forth as he rocked the smaller boy in his arms, 'I don't know why I get like this- I-' He sighed sharply, voice quickening, coming out rushed and anxious, 'My- my head feels so full, you know? So fucking full I can barely stand it.' 

It was then that Isak knew he had to be brave, he had to be strong for himself, for Even. 

He had to keep Even from potential harm, keep the older boy on solid ground, make sure that he didn't give in to hysteria. He had to keep him anchored, keep him safe. 

Even was spiraling, that much was clear. Isak knew, he had seen it before. And although he wanted to cry and mourn and shatter, he knew he couldn't. 

Even now, he still loved Even. He still felt safe in the older male's arms, his heart still quickened; it still broke. If anything, he released for the first time just how _much_ he loved the other boy, for all of his flaws, his scars, his illness. He loved Even and he'd sooner die than let him get hurt. 

He sat up. 

'Listen, Even,' Isak tried to say as clearly as he could as he took Even's face in both his hands, jostling him a little to get his attention, 'You need to try to think clearly for a moment, okay? Can you do that, for me?' 

Even blinked, brows knotting as he tried to concentrate, biting down hard on a plush, quivering lower lip. 

'I-I'll try,' He stammered, voice breaking, 'I'll- Anything for you, Isak. Anything.' 

Isak took a deep breath, all focus, trying to remember what he did when his mum got really bad, in the later years, before he left. 

'Ah- When you get like this, Even, is there a specialized medical team that you usually call?' He asked carefully, stroking softly against Even's rosy cheek, 'Like a crisis team?' 

Even swallowed audibly, shaking his knee. 

'I-I- I don't remember-' 

Isak sighed. 

'Do you have a number for them? A number I can call so we can get you the right help- s-so we can-' 

Even shook his head, hard and rampant as fresh tears began to sprout at his eyes. 

'N-no- no. I don't have a number-' 

Isak took Even's hands in his own, threading their fingers, holding tight, looking at the other with as much intensity as he could muster. 

_I'll never leave you. I'll never leave you. You have my heart, I'll never leave._

'P-please, Even,' Isak begged softly, 'Please tell me. If not I-I'm going to have to call the ambulance- I-' Even flinched, but his finger's tautened around Isak's, his pale blue eyes wide and trusting, 'I'm s-scared, Even- I'm-' 

'I- I think there might be a number o-on the side of the mini fridge- I-' Even murmured, all-tears, shaking, 'I- I can't-' 

'Okay,' Isak nodded sharply, letting Even go and standing up, 'Mini fridge. Okay,' He extended a hand to pull Even with him, 'Come with me.' 

Even took the hand but stayed paralyzed, cross-legged and trembling on the tile. 

'Isak- I-,' he sniffled, looking scared and broken and lost, 'I don't want to go to the hospital- I don't- I- I want to stay with you-' 

'It's okay, Ev,' Isak murmured calmly, wrenching the older boy to his feet, pulling soft, 'We're going to be alright,' He wasn't sure if he was talking to Even or trying to reassure himself, 'I won't let go of your hand, okay? I won't ever leave you.' 

Even nodded, slow and hesitant before letting Isak lead him back into the penthouse, hands entwined. 

'Okay.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: depiction of psychosis, references to childhood trauma. 
> 
> Song: Meds - Placebo 
> 
> As someone who has grown up around a close family member who suffers from bouts of mania as well as psychosis, this depiction is simply drawn my own experience with manic episodes and how I have watched them play out. It may be not be exactly the same as what other people have experienced or what is written is psychology textbooks, but the thing that people have to understand is that every mental illness is different. Bipolar is simply an umbrella term put in place by mental health professionals to help them categorise people, and try to discern how to properly treat their respective illnesses. Truthfully, there is no single 'right' way to treat or ease the effects of Bipolar, because the illness manifests differently from person to person. So if anything about this depiction bothers you, please be respectful and try to understand that it is actually very non-progressive to only ever regard Bipolar in one typified, single-minded way. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is always so lovely. I don't always know how to respond to comments without giving away plot points, but just know that I read every single message and each one encourages me to keep writing and makes my gay heart flutter. I love your feedback and am often influenced by it, so please, let me know what you think!
> 
> Love and rainbows to all, we are officially in angst territory. ❤️


	12. No Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter for me, but I just wanted to get something out to you guys in a timely fashion. The chapters from now on will be longer and more in depth, so please bear with me. I was also a little discouraged because there wasn't much response on the last chapter, and it's difficult for me to gain motivation when I'm not sure if you guys are enjoying this. I don't know if it's because this has become angsty, or if it is simply the gradual decline in the Skam fandom, but I need to know if my audience is engaged, otherwise continuing this seems redundant. I'm happy to finish the fic, but I have a lot of other projects in my life, so it's not going to be a top priority unless I receive genuine interest and feedback. I hope you enjoy the chapter. ❤️

_'You're going to be alright, we're going to be alright.'_ Isak said, and kept saying; over and over again, until the crisis team came. 

Even was becoming increasingly unintelligible by the minute, eyes darting and body trembling, gripping Isak's hand. His palm was slick with sweat, his fingers were shaking. Even wouldn't stop shaking, not even when Isak took him to the bedroom and dressed the other in some comfortable clothes. Even fidgeted and shook as Isak pulled a hoodie over the older boy's head, shoving his arms through the sleeves and smoothing the fabric down his front. It was Isak's own hoodie, the grey one that he had worn on the night he first met Even. It was the only thing Isak had left from his old life, the only thing that hadn't been given to him by the older male. It still smelt like the streets; like cheap soap and cigarettes and the cold night air. It still smelt like _Isak._

Now Isak smelt like Even. Everything smelt like Even. 

'There,' Isak said softly as he helped Even into some pants, 'Are you comfortable?' 

'Yes,' Even said with a detached smile, hugging Isak's hoodie to himself and inhaling deeply, 'I love you, Iss, I love you, I love-' 

*** 

The medical health center was cleaner than any hospital that Isak had ever seen: the walls a stark, impeccable white, the fluorescent lighting almost blinding him. He sat, choking down his own heartbeat on a hard, cold, waiting room chair. 

They had taken Even, the doctors, they had taken him away. The older boy had resisted at first; kicking and screaming for Isak. They tried to reason with him but he wouldn't listen, not to any of them. Isak had taken the older boy's face in both of his hands and tried to be strong, to keep it together. 

_'Go with them.'_ Isak had told him, _'They just want to ask you some questions and give you something to calm down. I'll be right outside and I won't leave you.'_

Even had listened and let a doctor take him into a sterile, white-walled room. Even only ever listened to Isak. 

_'Are you family?'_ A doctor had asked him, plastering on a tailored smile. 

_'No,'_ Isak had answered, _'I'm his... Uh... Boyfriend.'_

_'I see,'_ The doctor had said, _'And do you know about Even's history, in terms of his mental health?'_

Isak had shaken his head. 

_'No.'_

*** 

_Bipolar,_ the doctor had said, Even was _Bipolar._

Isak knew, he had known for a week, in a way. Even so, hearing it like that, out-loud and in words; it shattered something deep within him, something that hadn't yet been destroyed by everything else, something Isak thought had been unable to be shattered. 

_His heart, his figurative heart. The knowledge had broken the very last substantial shard of his heart._

He felt stinging moisture began to prick at his eyes; cringing back from the truth, the ugly, heartbreaking truth. 

He should have known all along, really. 

_What kind of person picks up a prostitute off the literal side of the road and then proceeds to shower them in gifts and love and affection?_

Isak shrunk back into his seat, hands gripping the sides of his chair, so hard that his fingers went numb. Burning tears began to drip down his face; thick and hot and seeping into the corners of his mouth. 

He tasted salt and he wanted to vomit. 

_A crazy person,_ Isak thought, _that's the only kind of person that could fall in love with someone like him._

_Even probably didn't even love him in the first place._

'Excuse me?' A tired voice asked, severing Isak's ricocheting thoughts. 

The boy looked up, bleary-eyed and sniffling as he was met with the uncomfortable gaze of Even's doctor. 

'Isak, is it?' The old man asked. 

Isak rubbed fretfully at his tear-stained eyes, giving a sheepish nod. 

'Uh- Um- yeah.' 

'You may go in and see him now,' Said the doctor in a careful voice, his face smoothed-over with a look of concern, 'Right this way.' 

Isak gave another nod, trailing after the grey-haired man down a starkly-lit hallway. The smell of antiseptic hung thick in the air, the chemical scent only exacerbating Isak's overall sense of dread and nausea. 

It had been several hours since he'd parted with Even an despite everything, Isak was anxious to see him again. 

He still cared for Even, even now. He still loved him, even though his gleaming exterior had fallen, even though the illusion was dead. 

And it was devastating, the realization, the disillusionment. Up until that day, Isak had seen Even as some sort of superhuman; as if he were invincible, a boy from a whole other plane of existence. Even had always made him feel so protected, so warm, so safe. And Isak wanted to be saved, had wanted to be saved from the start. 

But that was a misguided desire, Isak had learned. Even was human, made of skin and bone and blood. Human; the same as him. 

Even needed saving too. 

And as imperfect and breakable and _human_ as the older boy really was, Isak still _adored_ him, still felt his heartbeat accelerate as he neared the bleach-white door to the hospital room. 

Isak loved Even. He probably always would. 

The doctor left him as soon as they got to the door, giving the boy a hard nod before stalking away, disappearing down the seemingly endless hallway. 

Isak entered the room in slow, tentative steps, trepidatious in his movements, shuffling on his feet. He didn't quite know what to do or say, suddenly felt as if he didn't quite remember how to speak at all. Still, he wanted to make sure the older boy was being taken care of, wanted Even to know that he hadn't given up on him. 

Even was still his, still otherworldly and kind and beautiful and _his_. Nothing would ever change that. 

The room was cold; clinically cold and lit only by a small, bedside lamp that filled the room with a dim, arctic-blue glow. Even sat on the hospital bed, paler now than he had been only hours earlier, no longer wearing Isak's hoodie. A thin, white hospital gown sat loose around his broad shoulders as he slumped against the headboard, and he seemed thinner, fragile somehow. His eyes were lightless and there wasn't even a hint of his usual smile on his chapped, bloodless lips. He looked at Isak in a half-dead kind of way; the look of a man who had lost everything. 

Isak wanted to kiss it all away, wanted to kiss him until he smiled again. 

_He'd make Even smile again. Even if it took the rest of his life._

'Ev-' Isak began, walking slow, approaching Even's bed, chest heavy. 

He fumbled for words. 

'I'm sorry,' Even muttered, cutting Isak off, his lips barely moving as the words left him. 

Isak shook his head, his nausea subsiding. He moved closer to the other, taking a seat at the edge of Even's bed. He wanted to take one of the older boy's hands and hold it, to kiss his palm. And he would have, but Even had his arms crossed tightly over his own chest, his posture rigid and uninviting. 

Even looked _tired_ , like he hadn't slept for a week. He probably hadn't, Isak realized wryly, thinking back to the week of relentless activity, how they'd fuck and Even would lay with Isak only until the younger boy fell asleep, how Isak would always wake to a cold, empty bed. 

'It's not your fault,' Isak murmured carefully, trying to manage a small, reassuring smile, leaning forward to stroke at Even's pallid cheek. 

The older boy flinched back, his red-raw eyes blinking, recoiling from Isak's touch. 

Isak's throat tightened. Even had _never_ rejected his touch. 

'I should've told you,' Even muttered with a heavy sigh. 'I'm-' 

'It doesn't matter,' Isak said gently, letting his hand drop to his lap, 'You're safe now. You're getting help.' 

Even scoffed. The sound was hard and pained. 

'They've put me on a fuckload of mood stabilizers,' He said, running a hand through his stringy, unkempt blonde hair, 'I can't believe I let this shit happen again,' He let out a short laugh, but there was no mirth in it, 'Fuck. My parents are going to be so fucking pissed.' 

He sighed, wincing, a flicker of anguish lighting his features before his sunken face grew cold. 

When the heir spoke again, his eyes were downcast. 

'You should go,' Even said in a broken voice, swallowing audibly. 

Isak blinked. 

'No,' The younger boy protested, his tone still soft but brimming with assertion, green eyes flecked with moisture, 'I'm not going to leave you now, Ev. I want to stay with you. I love you, I-' 

Even flinched again, hard, his face falling in his own hands, his frame beginning to shake. He inhaled sharply. 

'No, Isak-' His voice was pleading, 'Don't- It's not-' 

Isak's heart began to beat at an almost painful rate, blood pumping fast, his pulse echoing throughout his entire body. 

'What?' He asked quietly, his register choked. 

Even looked at his own hands. 

'I don't want you to stay.' 

Isak felt his entire body go cold, as cold as the room and as cold Even's eyes, ice-water filling his veins and numbing his limbs. 

'W-what do you mean-' 

'I don't want-' Even cut himself short, refusing to even look at Isak, 'This isn't going to work.' 

'Wh-what?' Isak's voice came out in a strangled whisper, the younger boy's world beginning to blur around him, becoming nothing but a painful haze of blue, cold-blue. 

Without being completely aware of his bodily movements, he found himself rising to a stand. 

_I don't want you_ , that's what Even was going to say. 

_I don't want you._

'I've enjoyed every moment we've spent together,' Even said, softer now, his face becoming plagued with torment, 'I- I want you to know that.' 

_Guilt._

Even was looking at him with an expression of _guilt_. 

_Even didn't want him, didn't love him. He had used Isak up, he had fucked him and ruined him and made him fall in love and now he was spitting him out._

Isak felt every cell of his being become alight with a sudden rage. 

_Chris was right. Chris had been right the whole time._

Isak's hands turned to fists, his blue-filled haze turning red, blood-red. 

It was easier, somehow, to be angry. Anger had always been easier. 

'Are you _fucking_ serious?' 

Even baulked, cerulean eyes blinking, withdrawing from Isak's unexpected venom. 

'I'm sorry,' Even said in a measured, restrained voice, 'I'm sorry you had to get caught up in this, that I let you think that it- that _we_ could work out.' 

Isak's eyes narrowed, black-anger eating up the harrowing ache that wracked at his insides; enough to make him double over in agony, enough to make him want to throw up. 

He kept his posture straight. He could fall apart later. 

'I'm sorry Isak, I never wanted to-' 

Isak cut him off. 

_How_ dare _he._

'You were the one who _made_ me think that this would work- I never- I never thought-' Isak felt a sob begin to tear at his throat but he choked it back, 'You're the one who- You told me you loved me- You-' 

Isak sounded _stupid_ , he felt _stupid_ and it was Even's fault. But he didn't hate Even, he couldn't bring himself to, not even then. Hating Even would have felt good. But he couldn't. Isak only _hated_ himself. 

'I know what I said, Isak,' Even said in a smooth register that Isak didn't recognize, his blue-eyed gaze to the window, 'This whole thing has been just a huge indiscretion.' 

Isak thought of the time they had spent together; the soft touches under cool sheets, the blood-warmed kisses in dew-dampened grass, the 2am joints and the stupid jokes and the sleepy conversations, the way their heartbeats seemed to thrum as one when they held each other, the way Even had looked at him, so warm, so faraway now. 

_An indiscretion._

'It's not like- I'm not just-' Even continued, looking at the lamp, at the ceiling, anywhere but Isak, 'Look, I'm going to make sure that you never have to go back to the streets. I'll give you as much money as you need and I'll- I'll set you up with a nice apartment,' He paused in thought, 'Somewhere pretty, far from here. Maybe the beach...' 

Isak blinked. 

'An apartment?' 

Even sighed raggedly. 

'You deserve a good life, Isak.' 

'I-I-' Isak's words were shaken by fury, 'I can't actually fucking believe it. You-' His skin tingled, blood-broiling, stinging with humiliation and anger and hurt, 'Who _the fuck_ do you think you are?' 

Even's mouth jutted open, body hunched, letting out a shallow gasp. 

'I-' 

'No!' Isak shouted, throwing his arms in the air, heaving out pained breaths, 'No, fuck you! You can't even look at me you fucking coward!' 

Even sunk back in his hospital bed, and Isak involuntarily softened, melted-down. _Fuck him._

'I never wanted to hurt you-' Even sounded as if he was going to cry, lower lip trembling, black lashes skimming high cheeks. 

_Beautiful. He was always so beautiful._

'I'll make it up to you- You'll have everything you need-' Even pleaded, clutching at the clean-white sheets, 'I'll-' 

'No!' Isak sobbed, a few tears escaping from his eyes, traitorous and trailing down his cheeks, searing his skin, 'I'm a person! You can't just use people and fuck with their emotions and then pay them off when you get bored- you can't-' 

Even shuddered, white-knuckled, shattering. 

He looked weak, _so weak_. 

'Isak-' 

For a brief moment Isak couldn't feel anything; not his arms or his legs, just his aching, bleeding chest. 

'Your money means nothing to me,' Isak said curtly, no longer yelling, numbed to the core, broken, 'You can take your fucking charity and you can shove it up your fucking ass.' 

That was the last thing Isak said before turning on his heels and leaving the hospital room, letting the door slam shut behind him. The noise seemed to resound throughout the entire building, like a death knell, like an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: No Care - Daughter


	13. Something In The Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response on last chapter was overwhelming. I had no idea how many of you were actually enjoying this, and it is still quite unfeasible to me that anyone cares about my coffee-fueled ramblings. I haven't had time to respond to the comments (exams), but I just want you to know that every single message makes me smile/blush/pathetically cry. Your encouragement is very valuable to me and I love hearing what you have to say! So thank you to everyone who has supported this and continues to support this, I promise not to break you all completely with the angst. Enjoy. ❤️

It wasn't long before Isak realized that he didn't have anywhere or anyone to go to. He was cold again, colder now than he'd been on the night that he first met the heir, cold to the bone. He shivered violently as he rushed through the frigid night air, back on the streets, frozen-veined and entirely numb. Everything - his legs, his mind, his figurative heart - was numb. 

He didn't remember when, but at one point he'd started crying. He was numb to the tears as well, let them roll and drip down his frost-bitten cheeks, watched them fall in icy splats to the rain-wet concrete. A few people looked at him as they walked by; frowning in quiet concern as he stumbled past them. One woman even stopped to approach him, but he hurried his steps and waved her off. 

No one had ever looked at Isak like that before; like they were worried about him. Not in all the endless nights he'd spent alone on the streets. Not when he'd wait for Chris on the front steps of some pervert's apartment, crying and fretting at four in the morning. Not when he stepped out of strange cars with disheveled hair and bloodied lips. 

No one had ever approached him. No one had ever cared how young he was or how wasted he looked or what happened to him. 

_It was the clothes,_ Isak thought, his arms wound tight across his chest, _the fucking clothes._

The clothes, _Even's_ clothes, hung heavy around his shivering form; black fitted pants and a spotless, ivory sweater, a pair of gleaming black leather shoes. 

He didn't look how he'd used to. He didn't look like himself. 

He was still the same person though, still that same neglected degenerate in faded jeans and worn-out Nikes. He still had the same tired eyes and the same slumped shoulders and the same fucked-up past. 

It was only the clothes that had changed. The clothes; they made it seem like he had money, like somebody had cared for him. 

And someone had cared for him, momentarily. But that, like every other comfort Isak had ever known, was over now. Gone. 

As soon as he got the chance, Isak swore to himself that he was going to get rid of Even's expensive clothes. He was going to burn them. 

Isak wondered idly if perhaps he could one day burn the memories too. He wondered if he could wipe Even clean from the tissue of his brain, if he could make his skin forget the other's touch. 

Isak's skin no longer felt like his own, not anymore. Every inch of his flesh seemed to sting with the echo of Even's fingertips, as if he'd been scarred all over, blistered by soft-lipped kisses and gentle caresses and sickly-sweet, sugar-dusted lies. 

Every word the heir had ever said to him had been a _lie._

And Isak, so desperate for attention, for touch, for love, had believed everything. He had let himself get caught within a spider's web of grandiose delusion, had let himself become weak and vulnerable and _stupid_. 

_He was stupid, so so stupid._

He'd given up everything for Even, let the older male eradicate his old life and build him a new one. He'd given up his freedom and his home and his friends. He'd turned his back on Chris and Eva; the only family he'd ever known. He'd abandoned Eva, shattered her, broken her heart. He'd broken his own heart too, that day. 

He'd done it all for Even. 

And now he was alone again, alone in the cold of night, alone with no money and no phone and nowhere to go. 

He couldn't call Chris, not anymore. Chris who he'd never even said goodbye to, Chris who hadn't tried to contact Isak since, not even once. 

_'Fuck him.' He could imagine Chris saying to Eva, once she'd told him that Isak was gone. 'Let him go. He'll learn.'_

Isak shuddered. 

_Chris had been right. Chris had been right from the start._

The tears only grew thicker, blurring his vision and soaking his cheeks, running down his neck and seeping into the collar of his sweater, feeling like ice-water in the arctic chill. Still, Isak kept walking, on and on across roads and pavements, through unknown streets, endlessly running from the hospital, running from _Even._

He couldn't see; couldn't see anything through his bleary-eyed tears. He could have been walking for a few minutes or maybe even for a few hours. He wasn't sure. He walked in the cold until he couldn't feel it anymore, until he couldn't feel the ache in his chest or the drag of legs or his streaming tears. He walked until he felt even emptier than he had in the first place, until he was nothing but a shell, a soulless automaton. 

It was only when he felt his knees begin to give in that he realised that above all else, he needed money. 

He stopped in his place and looked around, looked numbly at the storefronts and the streetlights and the passing cars. It was a street he'd never been in before, yet a familiar scene. Every street looked the same to Isak; dark-grey and lit with filth, filled with empty people nursing empty hearts, chasing empty objectives. Every city, every street, every sidewalk looked the same. Soulless. Void. 

Isak rubbed the wet from his eyes and straightened his posture, making his way to a deserted lamppost, the overhead light flickering listlessly, as if to beckon him forward. 

He gulped. 

If there was anything Isak knew how to do, it was to make money. 

_Quick, easy, dirty money._

*** 

Isak had only been waiting an hour before a car pulled up to the curb, sluggish tires screeching across the wet-slick road as it came to a halt. 

A dark blue car, Isak noted absently, nearly black. 

The boy made an effort to drop his hip a little, as he always had, leaning back against the lamppost and trying to stop himself from shivering, trying to look sexy. It was even more humiliating now; the charade, the performance. He'd thought for a moment that he'd never have to do it again, that he'd never go back to standing at street corners at absurd hours of the night, unprotected, in the cold. 

The cold was everywhere now, inescapable. It permeated his every cell. 

He jolted in his place when the vehicle crawled nearer, losing his footing over the edge of the pavement. 

He took a few, uneasy steps towards the car, trying to ignore the way his chest sunk, the way his smashed-up heart weighted at his feet. 

_Don't think about him. Don't think about anything._

He swallowed hard as the window rolled down, shuffling closer to the car and leaning in. He even went so far as to plaster on a small, fake smile, resting his arms against the window's ledge. 

He was nothing now; nothing but a mouth. Nothing but a set of hands. Nothing but an instrument of cheap and empty pleasure. 

Isak didn't even bother to look the driver in the eyes, just kept on smiling. He was a typical client, the man, middle-aged and balding and smelling of chewing tobacco. He had a rough, empty face; so unlike the face that Isak had come to expect, the face that Isak had wanted to see. 

_Don't think about him. Don't. Don't think._

Isak cleared his throat. 

'Uh... hey sexy,' he said mechanically, trying not to vomit, not to give into the nausea, 'Want to have some fun?' 

_Don't think, don't think, don't think._

The man grunted, looking Isak up and down like he was a piece of medium-rare steak. 

'How much?' he asked, his voice almost bored. 

Isak looked at his feet. 

'600 kroner,' he answered flatly, 'I don't do penetration.' 

Another grunt. 

'You do blow jobs?' 

Isak nodded, quick and rigid. 

_Just smile. Don't think about him. Keep smiling._

'Yes,' he said, forcing a grin. 

'Alright then,' the man said, unlocking the car door with a sharp click, 'Get in.' 

**** 

The man didn't look at Isak as he drove, only at the road. There was no music playing, no sound, nothing but the client's heavy breathing, loud and constant, filling the car. 

Isak wondered idly if the man was asthmatic. 

He let himself sink back into the uncomfortable car-seat, flinching stiffly as he caught a glimpse his own face, staring back numbly from the murky reflection in the wing-view mirror. The face he saw was pale, ghostly; purplish lips down-turned and eyes stained with residual tears, glassy and blood-shot. 

He was still crying a little, even now, tiny remnants of moisture thick in his lashes, dusting his cheeks. 

The client hadn't seemed to notice; he'd barely even looked at the younger boy. 

_And why would he? Isak was nothing but a hole to him, a mouth. The man didn't care if Isak was crying. It made no difference._

Isak's heart seared with pain. 

_Even had cared, always. Even had always kissed the tears away._

The man drove into the back-alley parking lot of what looked to be a nightclub, coming to a sudden stop and causing the younger to jolt. In the distance, Isak could see the muted flashing of lights, neon and reflected in the rear-view mirror. He could hear people laughing; drunk and high and stumbling through the night. He could hear the pulsing of music. 

The client grunted again, killing the engine and turning to Isak with an expectant expression. 

Isak swallowed. He could see that the man was already hard. 

'I'd like to be paid first,' He said in the most confident voice he could muster, trying not to throw up. 

'Huh?' The man said, looking at his own clothed erection and then back up at Isak. 

'You need to pay me first,' Isak said bluntly, trying to ignore the ache in his chest, the squeeze of his gut, the sting in his eyes, 'Its 600 kroner.' 

_Don't think about him, don't._

The man sighed. He muttered something unintelligible to himself before rummaging through the pockets of his dark grey slacks and pulling out a brown-leather wallet. He counted the money, note by note, heaving out another irritated sigh. Without so much as a word, he tossed the bills at the younger boy. 

Isak flinched, watching the money fall into his lap. 

'Thanks,' Isak murmured in a small voice. 

He was disgusted, disgusted by the man, disgusted by himself, disgusted by who he'd become, who he'd always been. 

'Go on then,' The man said, taking a sudden hold of Isak's wrist. 

His hand was unpleasantly hot and slicked with sweat, his breath was loud and foul-smelling, heaving; the sound of it thrumming in Isak's ears. 

_He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to. Not now. Not anymore. Not after Even._

The man forced Isak's hand onto his fabric-sheathed length, running it over his clammy erection, roughly, grotesquely, wrenching Isak forward. 

'What are you waiting for? Get to work,' The man grunted when Isak didn't move, the teenager becoming paralyzed under his grasp, trying to pull away, 'I've fucking paid you.' 

'Uh- I'm sorry- I can't- I-' Isak choked out, edging back from the man, his free hand clutching at the door handle of the car, his insides feeling like solid iron, hard and heavy. 

_He couldn't do this, not anymore. He couldn't move. He couldn't-_

'What do you mean, you fucking whore?' The man barked, snapping, yanking at Isak's wrist and dragging him forward, his grip like a manacle; strong and bruising, 'You need to do your job, I fucking paid you-' 

Isak wasn't sure why but his vision went white, his body pumped with adrenaline-fueled rage. It ran thick in his veins, night-black and burning through him. He kicked out against the hand on his wrist, hitting the man square in the gut. 

'What the- Fucking hell, I paid you!' The man screamed, groaning in pain when Isak kicked him again, hard and deliberate, before scrambling free. 

Isak's blood pulsed fast in his veins, his breathing strained as he shoved open the car door, finding refuge in the icy air. 

'Get back here- You have my money- You owe me-' 

As soon as Isak's feet hit the ground he started running, slipping a little on the rain-sheathed gravel, strangely exhilarated, his deadened lungs heaving and his body moving all on it's own. 

_Running, always running._

He wished he could run forever; that he could never look back, that he could just run and run until he disappeared. 

Isak could still hear the man shouting in the distance as he rounded the corner, back under streetlights. His pace slowed to a walk as he became lost in the crowd of club-goers and night-roamers, lost forever to the shouting old man. 

If Isak wasn't so broken he might have laughed, he might have found it funny. But he couldn't laugh anymore, he couldn't find it funny. 

He just kept walking, anxious and paranoid, checking his pockets for the money; making sure he hadn't lost it in the midst of his escape. 

He didn't want to think, didn't want to think about _him,_ or about his face or the way he laughed or his saccharine words. Words that had meant everything to Isak, words that had lost all meaning now, that had fallen apart, letter by letter. Words that had crumbled to nothing. 

He needed to get lost, lose his mind and his thoughts and his heartache. 

Isak needed to disappear. 

*** 

It was hot in the club, hot and humid and smelling of sweat. Isak couldn't see in front of him; couldn't make out a single face within the writhing, inebriated crowd. Everyone seemed to be fused together, like a pulsating mass of human parts that pushed and ground against him, sweating and screaming and thrumming as one. 

Isak didn't dance, didn't even move. He just stood there, drunk and numb and out of his mind. 

He let himself be shoved and jostled by the faceless crowd, his vision filled with darkness and the flashing of light; white light that almost blinded him as it cut and flickered through the endless gloom. 

The lights flashed in time with the synthesized music, music that boomed in Isak's eardrums, disjointed and chaotic, quickening his blood-flow. A popular song was playing, a song Isak was sure he had heard before but couldn't quite place. The lyrics and melody were lost in the hysteria of the nightclub, sounding like nothing but noise, loud, calamitous noise that clouded Isak's brain. 

The lights flashed, and he was reminded of _him_ , of Even's face lit by fluorescence, lips turned into a smile, voice deep and clear and calling his name. The music changed to something faster, something more upbeat, and Isak was reminded of Even's hand at the small of his back, so strong and so sure, keeping him grounded as they danced clumsily, chest to chest, hearts entwined. 

He wanted to see Even, wanted to see his smiling face appear amidst the dark. He could imagine it, Even's face, like the signal of a lighthouse to a sailor lost at sea, his smile like a promise of safety, of warmth, of all those impossible things that Isak wanted but would never have. 

But Even wasn't there, not with Isak, not in the club. 

Even had never been there, not really. 

Isak's gut started to twist, his chest heaving, throat constricting, palms damp with perspiration, head spinning. His saliva tasted purely of vodka and he was overcome with the sense that he was going to die. 

His mind raced, trying to recall how many shots he'd taken, trying to remember whether or not he'd said yes to that pill that one of the club-goers had offered him. 

He wasn't sure, but his heart was beating fast, just as fast as the music, so fast that it hurt his chest. 

_I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die._

He fell to his knees, his legs giving in completely. He would have fallen onto his own face if he hadn't caught himself, his hands pressed flat against the sticky dance floor, slick with spilt drinks and footprints and probably other bodily fluids that Isak didn't want to think about. 

Nobody noticed him, nobody helped him. People just stepped around him, laughing and dancing, just as drunk as he was, just as intoxicated. 

Isak realized that people were just like insects, moving and stumbling and crashing into each other, falling in love and trying to find meaning, trying to find pleasure. 

But all pleasure was ephemeral, hollow, and there was no meaning at all to be found. 

Isak knew this now, had known it all along. 

Even wasn't going to save him and he wasn't going to save Even. Isak had been fooling himself, thinking he could be happy, that there was more to life than chronic, dull pain. 

And now, he was sure, he was going to die. He was having a heart-attack and he was going to die, right there on the dance floor of some dingy gay nightclub while a remixed version of 'Problem' by Ariana Grande blasted the speakers. 

He vomited all over himself, all over the ground and his own hands and all over his clothing, Even's clothes. Everything was covered in pungent grayish, sludge; the sweater, the pants, even the shoes. 

He almost laughed at that, almost smiled. 

But the anger had gone now, had left his body with the tears and the sweat and the vomit. It hurt now, to think of Even, to resent him, to hate him. Isak could never hate Even, not truthfully. 

Even, after all, had taught him how to love again. 

_You taught me how to love._

Somewhere in the distance he could a worried voice, the speech fast and fretted, asking him questions. 

He felt hands at his arms, warm hands, trying to pull him from the surface of the dance floor that had become his deathbed, trying to rouse him. 

'Are you okay? Are you- Can you hear me-' 

Isak squinted up at the figure, at the hazy outline that he couldn't quite make out, blurred by the darkness and his tear-filled vision. 

The silhouette of a young man. 

Isak shuddered, croaking out a guttural moan. 

'Are you okay? Are you-' The man asked again, low and urgent. 

'No,' Isak slurred out, choking a little on his own vomit, 'I th-think... I think I'm going to die...' 

The man said something after that but Isak didn't quite catch the end of it before his eyes fell closed and everything went black. 

*** 

The first thing Isak heard was the muttering of voices, hushed and low and willing him to consciousness. Limb by aching limb, his body awoke, the boy feeling physically devastated; as if been hit by a car. His brain throbbed within his skull and his mouth tasted foul; like something had died and was now decaying in the back of his throat. 

Worst of all was the pain in his chest, a constant, intangible pain that he thought might never leave him, might never go away. The pain had followed Isak into his dreams, haunting his aching mind with memories of _him_ , flashes of his skin and his hands and his eyes. The pain was so dense that it overpowered everything, so heavy within him that Isak barely realized that he, above all else, had awoken on a unfamiliar couch in an unfamiliar setting to the sound of unfamiliar voices. 

His mind reeled as he kept his eyes sewn shut, hoping to fall back to sleep, hoping to never wake up. 

_Where the fuck am I?_

'So... You brought this guy to our apartment and you don't even know his fucking name?' Said a female voice in a harsh whisper, the sound almost causing Isak to startle. 

'He was passed out,' The other answered, distinctly male but effeminately lisped, 'What else was I supposed to do...?' 

A sigh. 

'I could literally think of a million things that you could've chosen to do, other than bring a fucking passed out teenager into our home.' 

'He was seriously messed-up, Linn! He thought he was going to die-' The male retorted, voice rising, 'I think he might've been kicked out of his home or something, he seems so-' 

The female cut him off. 

'You only brought him here because you think he's attractive-' 

'No I didn't-' 

Another sigh. 

'Is he... Is he wearing your top?' 

There was a moments pause. 

'Yeah, why-' 

'Jesus fucking Christ!' The girl exclaimed, 'You can't just go around undressing strangers while they're unconscious-' 

The male gave an exasperated groan. 

'It wasn't like that, Linn. He was covered in vomit, I couldn't just let him sleep in it-' 

'Still.' 

Another moment of silence passed, accompanied by the soft murmur of a boiling kettle. 

'He is kind of cute though, am I right?' The male said. 

'Oh for fuck's sake, Eskild-' 

Isak's eyelids fluttered open, his thoughts still fogged with the haze of sleep, his eyes dry and raw, straining against the yellow light of the living room. 

It was a small living room - plain and nondescript but possessing an inexplicable air of warmth. A simple apartment with white walls and wooden floorboards, scattered with sparse, unmatched furniture. 

Adjacent to Isak was another couch upon which sat both the male and the female speakers, shoulder to shoulder and staring at him with pensive, gaping expressions. 

The girl was a grim-faced redhead wearing pajamas' and drinking coffee from a Star Wars mug. The male had cropped auburn hair and kind grey eyes that blinked at the boy in careful apprehension. Both were equally unassuming and young - not very much older than Isak. 

The girl cleared her throat. 

'Shit,' she muttered, nudging the other, 'I think he's awake.' 

Isak rolled onto his side, sitting up a little and rubbing his eyes, tender and tear-stained from the night of crying. 

'Uh...' Isak croaked out in a hungover daze, 'Who the fuck-' 

The male perked up a little at that, smiling, the expression warm and friendly and lighting up his eyes. 

_Kind eyes._

Isak didn't know why, but he felt immediately obliged to trust him. 

'I'm Eskild!' He announced cheerily, pointing to his own chest before gesturing limply to his side, 'And this is Linn,' His voice went flat, 'Sorry about her appearance, she's not very used to guests.' 

Linn scowled. 

'Fuck off, Eskild.' 

'Oh, stop taking everything so seriously-' 

Isak cleared his throat, flinching a little as his brain gave a painful squeeze. 

'Um...' He tried to start, wracking his mind for words, 'Wh- How'd I end up here?' 

'You passed out last night at Sorry Grandma,' Said Eskild, dodging Linn's poorly aimed slap. 

Isak frowned in vague confusion. 

'Uh- What?' 

'It's the nightclub I manage,' Eskild explained, 'You were laying on the floor and like crying and vomiting and rolling around.' 

Isak ran a shaky hand through his stringy, sleep-messed hair. He didn't remember that at all. 

'Fuck,' He said, far too heartbroken to feel distinctly embarrassed but relatively ashamed, regardless. 

'I usually see all kinds of types on a Saturday night, so at first I wasn't worried,' Eskild said with a shrug, and Isak noticed how the older boy's cheek sparkled in the light, shimmering with the residual flecks of what looked to be facial glitter, 'But then you blacked-out and you didn't seem to have any friends around to look after you. I took you behind the bar and tried to give you water but you just weren't coming to,' he sighed, 'And then closing hour came and I, well I couldn't just leave you out in the cold, all passed-out and covered in your own vomit. So I brought you here.' 

'Fuck,' Isak repeated, overcome with a sudden gratitude. 

His gaze dropped to his feet, the boy barely noticing that the socks he was wearing were not his own. 

'You woke up for like a minute at one point,' said Linn, 'but all you did was cry and ask for some dude named Even.' 

Isak's posture went rigid at that, the boy stifling a sob as he kept his gaze glued to the floorboards. 

_Of course,_ Isak thought, _of course he'd been calling for Even._

He was so _pitiful_ , so _weak_. 

'Bad break up?' Eskild offered gently, cocking his head when the boy stayed silent. 

Isak's gaze remained plastered to the ground. 

'It's okay man,' Linn muttered after a long moment of uncomfortable silence, 'I mean, we've all been there. You know, gone to the club with a broken heart, done too much ketamine and ended up giving the bartender a lap dance, woken up the next morning in a pool of someone else's vomit.' 

Eskild nodded along with a sympathetic smile. 

'Totally,' he said, 'it's nothing to be ashamed of.' 

Isak began to shuffle in his place, dragging himself to his feet. 

_He had to get out of there, had to go back to the streets and get his shit sorted out._

He figured he could survive out there for a few days before he had to start seriously looking for a place to live. He knew a lot of dealers in Tøyen that might take him in, in exchange for work. Perhaps he could even try to get in contact with Jonas. 

'Uh, well, thank you... uh, for helping me-' Isak murmured, green eyes scanning the room for an exit. 

'No problem, baby Jesus!' Eskild sang merrily and Isak grimaced at the unusual term of endearment, 'Would you like something to eat? You're probably starving considering you threw up like, ten litres last night- 

'Uh- no it's okay. I should probably just go-' Isak murmured politely, smoothing back his fringe, 'You've already done so much for me-' 

'Are you sure?' Eskild asked with a frown, already on his feet and bounding to the fridge, 'We have leftover pizza-' 

'Well, uh, that's my pizza-' Linn muttered quietly, almost under her voice. 

Eskild turned to her with an overly-dramatic gasp. 

'Linn!' He chastised, shooting the girl an accusatory glance, 'This poor boy has just had a really, _really_ rough night and you can't even spare him a slice of pizza! How can you be so fucking selfish!? 

Linn rolled her eyes. 

'Fine,' she grumbled dolefully, 'Whatever, he can have some.' 

Isak stepped towards the door. 

'Look, it's fine, I don't even really want the pizza. I've got to get going anyway-' he paused, cognitively realizing that he was no longer wearing Even's sweater, 'Wait, who's clothes are these-' 

'Well, they were mine but you can just keep them,' said Eskild with a wave of his hand, 'That top is way too hetero for me anyway and there's really no saving the clothes you were wearing before. It's a shame too, that was an Armani sweater-' 

Isak gave a sharp, decisive nod. 

_It was going to be okay, it was going to be okay, it was going to be okay-_

'Thanks...' He murmured quietly, looking at Eskild and then at Linn, who seemed somewhat relieved that no one was going to be eating any of her pizza, 'Thanks for everything,' Isak's heart felt heavy, 'I guess I'll go catch the tram-' 

_Isak was kidding himself._

_Nothing at all was going to be okay. He didn't have Jonas' number anymore, he didn't even have a phone. He couldn't go back to Tøyen, he couldn't face Chris and Eva, he couldn't-_

'Do you want a lift to the station?' Asked Eskild with a smile, cutting through Isak's hysteria. 

'I, um-' 

Truthfully, Isak didn't want to leave at all. The apartment was clean and warm and Eskild seemed nice. Even Linn seemed nice, in her own way. 

But he couldn't stay, not there, not with them. Eskild and Linn were nice, normal people living nice normal lives. They weren't like Isak; a criminal, a degenerate. Isak could never be like them, Isak could never be _normal._

And that's all he'd ever wanted really; a stable, normal life. He didn't want to live out in the depravity of the streets and he didn't want to be spoiled and locked away in a penthouse either. Isak Valtersen just wanted to be _normal._

'Dude, you should probably shower,' said Linn, scrunching her nose and throwing Isak a playful grin. 

'Uh- I mean,' Isak stammered, 'I'm okay-' 

'You kind of smell like vodka...' Eskild said with a nod, 'And vomit,' he made a face, 'Well, mostly just the vomit, really. At the very least you should probably splash some water on your face and put on some deodorant.' 

Isak supposed a few more minutes wouldn't hurt. 

'Uh, okay,' he murmured reluctantly, 'I guess.' 

Eskild gave a friendly smile. 

'The bathroom is just down the hall.' 

*** 

As soon as Isak was alone in the bathroom he couldn't help but let a few tears loose. They trickled hotly down his weathered face, silent but painful as they rolled down his chin. 

_Pathetic,_ he thought to himself, _always crying._

That's what his father had always told him, that he was a _baby_ , that he was _weak_. 

His father had been wrong about many things but he was correct about that; Isak _was_ weak, pathetically so. 

He felt sick. If he had anything left in him he would have thrown up, but he had nothing now - he was both literally and figuratively hollow. 

Isak sat down on the edge of sink, staring numbly at the obnoxious, Britney Spears printed shower curtain and wheezing out quiet sobs, his face in his hands, trembling. 

_What the fuck was he going to do?_

A careful knock at the bathroom door caused Isak to jump, hands gripping the edge of the vanity as Eskild's voice rang soft and low. 

'Is everything okay?' The older boy asked in a cautious tone, the door slitting open, 'I couldn't help but hear you-' 

Isak wiped away the tears fretfully fast, heaving, trying to straighten his posture. 

'I'm fine,' He mumbled, but Eskild barged in anyway, his face painted with worry, gazing at Isak like the boy was a homeless, three-legged kitten, 'Honestly, I'm fine,' Isak reiterated, although his voice broke, 'I'm just like, I have a really bad headache-' 

Eskild sighed, a motherly sigh, his voice quiet when he spoke again. 

'Did anything bad happen last night-' 

The boy shook his head. 

_Yes, my entire world fell in ruins around me._

'No,' Isak muttered, 'I- I just-' 

Eskild leaned against the door frame, omitting another soft sigh. 

'Do you maybe want to talk about i-' 

'No, I-' Isak pinched the bridge of his nose, overcome with a sudden frustration, 'Why are you being so nice?' He snapped, his voice coming out hard and cold and full of pain, 'What do you want? You don't even know me-' 

Eskild flinched. He looked hurt. 

Guilt coiled within Isak's gut. 

'I... I don't want anything,' Eskild said quietly, features downcast, 'I guess I don't like seeing other people suffer,' He shrugged, 'But you're right, you know. I don't know you, I'm sorry. It's not my place.' 

Isak nearly broke down again at that, at Eskild's face, how he looked genuinely concerned for Isak, like he cared about him. 

Isak wanted someone to care; anyone, anyone at all. 

'Everything just... It's just turned to shit,' Isak croaked out slowly, tears spilling from the corner of his eyes, endless tears that he thought might never run out, 'Everyone leaves, they always leave and I- I don't...' A sob tore from his throat, scraping his esophagus, rough and painful, 'I just don't know if I'm going to be okay this time, I don't-' 

Isak was so far gone that he barely registered the fact that he was being pulled in a hug - a warm, careful hug that felt so unlike anything the boy was used to. Almost every embrace that Isak had known had existed within a sexual context, and even Eva only hugged him when she was intoxicated. 

This embrace asked for nothing in return, like the hug of a parent, tentative and warm. Eskild patted his back and let him cry, and Isak, for the first time in almost twenty-four hours, felt like he might just be okay. 

'Shhh,' Eskild hushed soothingly, 'It's okay, just go home, watch some films and get some rest. I know it hurts now, but-' 

Isak heart shattered all over again, the ragged, hard-edged pieces like shards of glass stuck heavy within him. 

'I don't-' he choked on a sob, hiccuping dryly as he fought for speech, 'I don't have anywhere to go- I don't, I don't have anyone-' 

'You don't have a home?' Eskild asked softly. 

'N-no-' Isak sobbed, still clutching onto the other, as childish and embarrassing as it was, 'I don't, I- Not anymore.' 

Eskild pulled back for a moment to look Isak in the eyes, his grey-blue irises filled with an unexpected empathy - a human warmth. 

'Look...' Eskild began, speaking soft, 'I know we just met, but we've been looking for a housemate for ages because our friend Noora just moved out with her stupid boyfriend. What I'm saying is that, well, we have a vacated room and I'd be happy to rent it to you-' 

Isak didn't know what to say. He didn't have any money to pay rent but he supposed he could always get a job. A real job, maybe, as he had found that he no longer had it in him to sell himself. 

His mouth jutted open. 

'I-' 

'You don't have to agree just yet,' Eskild reassured him, giving the boy's shoulder a friendly squeeze, 'You can even just stay here a for a week or so just to think about it. You really wouldn't be a hassle to either of us, and you know, playing Cards Against Humanity with only two people isn't very fun-' 

'Thank you,' Isak said again, looking down at his own hands, his breathing ragged, his skin tight with drying tears. 

'It'll pass, baby Jesus, whatever it is,' Eskild said in a gentle murmur, 'It'll pass.' 

Isak wanted more than anything to believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Something In The Way - Nirvana
> 
> I was never going to write an au without including Eskild.


	14. Lonely Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while since I've uploaded and for that I am sorry. I'm still very much in the thick of university work, and while I'd much rather be writing sugardaddy-angst-fanfic over essays about contemporary imperialism, unfortunately real life is important. I've also started waitressing again so I have very little free time. Not going to lie, I wrote some of this chapter in the notes app on my phone during my break. Anyways, I'm determined to finish this and there's not a lot left to go, so please let me know if you're still invested. Thank you so much to all the lovely people who support this fic, I promise I will work hard to give you guys the ending you deserve. Peace and love. ❤️

Isak ended up staying with Eskild and Linn for much longer than originally planned. Every morning he told himself he would leave; eat breakfast with them and then head back to Tøyen, back to the life he had known. But somehow, no matter how hard he tried to find an exit, he ended up staying _just one more night_.

He'd watch Netflix with Linn and make dinner with Eskild and then go to sleep, telling himself that he'd leave the next day. But days dragged on and bled into weeks, and it wasn't long before Isak had been living with Eskild and Linn for just under a month. Without even realising it, the boy had more or less moved in.

And he was happy living with the pair, despite the circumstances. He slept in a makeshift bed that Eskild had fashioned out of stacked pillows and spare linen, and he shivered all night because it was the heart of winter and the room was cold. Eskild offered to get a space heater for him but Isak just smiled, and said he didn't mind.

And he didn't. The cold - as piercing and unbearable as it once had seemed - barely touched the boy anymore.

It was around week three that Eskild offered Isak a job; a way for him to earn some money and start paying rent. A simple, minimum wage bar-tending job at the nightclub Eskild managed. Isak accepted the offer without hesitation, paid off his rent and began living with Eskild and Linn idenfinatly.

He bought himself a second-hand, single mattress and littered his walls with taped-up memes and hip-hop posters and stupid little cut-outs from Eskild's magazines. He collected things; a lava lamp with dark blue oil, science books, video games to play with Linn.

The room was plain and small and sparsely decorated, but despite it all, it was his. His room.

It was only when all was still, when the world was hushed and the lights were out and everything was shrouded in a silent haze, that Isak thought of _him_ , of the boy that broke him; of Even.

He didn't speak or even allow himself to think about the heir most days. It was only at night that he'd let himself remember, that he'd let his mind wander to the boy with the bright blue eyes; the boy that had burned down his walls and torn away his guard, only to crush and devastate what lay beneath.

It was only in the dark that Isak let himself _feel_ , that he let the pain and the heartache pour from his tired body, that he let himself cry. Isak cried quietly until he fell asleep, every night. Isak cried until it became a custom; a miserably expected part of life.

He cried for Chris, he cried for Eva, he cried for _Even._

It wasn't until a full month had passed that Isak decided to do something about it.

He sat in his bedroom, phone in hand. His fingers trembled as he punched in a number and he almost hung up before he pressed the mobile to his cheek, recoiling in on himself. The phone rang out, shrill and matching the boom of his heart. On the fourth ring, the line went silent.

'E-Eva?' Isak asked wearily, fidgeting a little in his place, words catching.

The response was loud and instantaneous.

'Isak!?' Eva exclaimed in a shrill, alarmed voice, leaving the boy blinking in confusion, 'What the fuck Isak!? Where in the fuck are you-

Isak frowned. It was not the reception he had been expecting.

'What?'

'That billionaire guy!' Eva explained, causing Isak to flinch, 'He keeps coming to our fucking apartment and asking where you are.'

Isak froze, not quite sure to what to do with the sudden information.

'Wh-' he began, his heart rate accelerating to an even faster speed, his face becoming hot and his chest becoming heavy with the mention of _Even_.

'Like, he's convinced that you've come back to live with us and he'll just, like, wait outside,' Eva went on, huffing in irritation, 'And he's fucking persistent,' She laughed, 'Chris even threatened to shank him this one time, but he wouldn't leave-'

'R-really?' Isak heard himself ask in a small, hushed voice, his head beginning to feel light as he was thrust anew into a state of vast emotional wreckage.

 _Maybe,_ Isak found himself thinking, giving into the weaker, more vulnerable side of himself, _Maybe he does care._

 _No._ Isak stopped before he could indulge any further, remembering the look on Even's face when he left him at the hospital, the guilt, painted thick on Even's beautiful features, sharp and distinct.

_Guilt._

_That's all it was._

'Did you steal from him or something and then make a run for it?' Asked Eva fretfully, cutting through Isak's crippling inner turmoil, 'Is that why-'

Isak stalled.

'What the fuck, Eva? No, I wouldn't do that-'

Eva cleared her throat.

'I mean, I would-' She stopped herself short, 'Shit Isak! Stealing from those kind of people is like such a stupid move, that guy can get you locked up for the rest of your li-

Isak heaved out an exasperated sigh.

'It's not like that!' He exclaimed, before his voice settled to a sober murmur, 'I didn't steal anything from him.' 

He looked at his lap, eyes welling with moisture, vision blurred as he gazed numbly at the blue and white print of his worn-out duvet.

When he spoke again, it was barely a whisper.

'Me and Even just didn't work out.'

'Oh.' Said Eva, tone strained. There was a short expanse of silence before she cleared her throat. 'I'm sorry, Isak.'

Isak felt a dull sting roll through his body at the sound of her sympathy.

'No,' he said quietly, swallowing dry, 'It's okay,' A few tears broke loose and rolled down his cheeks, as thick as blood, 'It was never going to work with him anyway-'

'No,' Eva said softly, 'I mean, _I'm sorry_. For everything I said, for-'

Isak gulped, thinking to the last time he and Eva had spoken.

It was all forgotten now, their fight, the acid-sheathed words. Isak thought it was funny; how they shattered apart and then fell right back into place, how he had no anger left for her and how she seemed to have no anger left for him.

In the past, no matter how many arguments they had or how many low-blows they threw at each other, they'd always work it out. One would always go to the other, head-down and sighing, reluctantly asking for forgiveness. And then they'd eat instant mi goreng and watch terrible movies together.

Isak wasn't sure why he had thought that this time would be any different.

'Don't worry about that now, Eva,' He said weakly, 'It doesn't matter now.'

It was _Even_ , he thought, Even had fogged his senses, he had made the boy see nothing but him, nothing but the heir.

Isak felt a piercing stab of regret, deep in his gut.

_Stupid._

'But it does matter,' Eva said stubbornly, 'I didn't mean that bullshit, not any of it, okay? You've been through a lot and you're so fucking strong, I-' her voice caught, 'You're a good person, Isak. You should never feel any guilt for your mother or for anything, you-'

'Look, Eva-' Isak interrupted her, wincing, 'What I said to you was pretty fucked-up-'

'It was the truth,' Eva said, hard and decisive, laughing mirthlessly, 'Truth hurts, I guess.'

Isak swallowed down a sob.

'Yeah.'

'So...' Eva said after a moment of silence, 'I take it that you've probably found a new place to live?'

'Well... Yeah,' Isak said hesitantly, 'I'm flatting with this guy named Eskild and his friend Linn. They're, well... they're really nice,' he gulped, not wanting to hurt Eva, to make her feel as if she's been left behind, 'Eskild even got me a job bar tending, so I'm not, you know-'

'That's great, Isak,' Eva said simply, sombre, 'You deserve a normal life. That's all I've ever wanted for you, for any of us-'

Isak cleared his throat.

'How about you? How's everything-'

'Well...' She started out, a small smile on her voice, 'I don't know if now's the right time to tell you this but I've...' She paused, 'Well I've actually gotten back in touch with Jonas.'

Isak blinked, his grip on the phone slipping.

'Wait... really?'

'Yeah, and we're, I don't know-' she fought for words, 'We're kind of seeing each other-'

Isak felt a small grin tug at his lips. Years ago, this knowledge would have stung the boy, would have made him broil and simmer with jealousy. Now, the notion made his heart give a twinge of happiness.

'Wow. That's so-' he laughed low, 'I'm happy for you Eva. You, eh, finally ditched Chris.'

Eva chuckled.

'Well it's only a matter of time before Chris knocks up Emma or ends up in prison,' She sighed, 'We're better off as friends.'

'Is Chris pissed though?' Isak asked curiously, 'Like, how's he dealing with Jonas being around?'

'Well, they got into a few, eh... _physical altercations_ at first but now they're quite-' she stammered, 'well, I wouldn't say they're friends but they're civil.'

They both laughed at that, soft and airy, falling back into a calm silence.

'I- I miss you, Iss.' Eva said, breaking through the quiet, 'We all miss you.'

Isak looked at his hands. 'What...?' He asked quietly, 'Even Chris?'

Eva gave a gentle scoff.

'Yes, Isak. Of course Chris misses you,' she said carefully, 'Sure, he was mad at first, but that guy is so coked-out that half the time he can hardly stay pissed at anyone for more than, like, ten minutes,' She laughed, 'Especially not at you.'

A pause.

'Well,' Isak said with a sigh of relief, 'I miss you guys too,' his throat tightened, 'A lot.'

'Hey,' Eva said suddenly, voice resolute, 'You think if we all came to your bar one night you could shout us some free vodka shots?'

Isak let out a small laugh.

'I'm sure that could be arranged.'

'I mean, I'd mainly be in it for the alcohol, not really for you-'

Isak scoffed. 'Oh fuck you, Eva,' he said with a giggle.

'You know I love you Iss, and I always will-' she crooned obnoxiously, dragging out her words.

'Yeah, yeah.'

'It's the truth,' she affirmed pointedly, her voice playful but brimming with an underlying sincerity, 'I love you, Isak. You're my brother for life.'

Isak smiled, his broken heart flooding with a momentary warmth.

'I love you too.'

***

It was a typical Saturday night when Eva, Jonas and Chris came to visit Isak at the club. Eva was already drunk and dancing animatedly in the distance, her cheeks flushed with a rosy glow, yanking at Jonas' arm, forcing him to cooperate with her half-stumbled dance routine to 'Toxic' by Britney Spears. Isak's chest sunk as he worked behind the bar, and he couldn't help but feel a little hollow as he watched the way they danced; how their eyes never left each other's as moved together in the buzzing crowd, humming with a lovesick giddiness that Isak had long forsaken.

He looked down at the beer glass that he was drying, heavy-eyed and numb, placing it on the rack with a deflated sigh.

_Don't think about him._

'It's been one hell of a fucking month, let me tell you that.' Said Chris, who was sitting at the bar wearing his usual fuckboy attire and sipping contentedly at a vodka and Red Bull that he, much to his own delight, had gotten for free.

'What'd you do this time, Chris?' Isak said, plastering on a small smile as he picked up another glass and began toweling it dry.

'Well, I've got a warrant against me for one,' Chris muttered with an irritated scoff, 'People get really fucking sensitive when you steal their cars.'

Isak just chuckled.

'Jesus Christ.'

The seventeen-year-old had been relieved to find that his reunion with Chris had been much less tense than what he'd originally anticipated. He found himself slipping back into regular conversation with the older boy in no time at all, and it was almost as if nothing ever happened.

Isak liked to pretend sometimes, pretend he hadn't met _him_ , pretend that everything had just been one big, fucked-up dream.

And it might as well of been, for all traces of Even were gone from his life, and it was easy to pretend that the heir had never even existed at all.

But Isak still had the memories, the bittersweet memories that weighed heavy in his brain and tasted like burnt sugar on his tongue.

Bittersweet; they were both the most beautiful and painful memories he had.

'Isaaak!' Eskild crooned, making his way behind the bar, high heels clopping against the laminate floor as he bounded over to Isak.

On Saturday nights Eskild sometimes liked to "amp things up" in terms of aesthetic, which usually meant drag. He had on a light pink wig and a tight, black tube dress that looked admittedly good on his masculine figure. The make-up thing he was still figuring out, but it was striking enough that he looked somewhat beautiful under the dull, flashing lights. Whenever he moved, the highpoints of his face sparkled with iridescent glitter.

He had coerced Isak to do the same, and although the boy refused to do drag, he begrudgingly allowed Eskild to smear his cheeks with glittering streaks of hot pink face-paint. In fact, Isak's entire outfit was dreadful; the teenager having been practically forced to wear faux leather pants and a holographic mesh shirt that was correspondingly itchy and uncomfortably garish.

'You didn't tell me your friends were so attractive!' Eskild exclaimed with a wide grin, ruffling Isak's curls before extending a hand to Chris with a flutter of false lashes, 'I'm Eskild!'

Chris took his hand with a gentlemanly smile.

'Chris.'

Eskild's grin widened at that, giving a bashful simper, before lining up a few glasses to start making what looked to be mojitos.

'Isak, be a cherub and get me some mint from the bar fridge,' he asked in a soft trill, patting Isak's shoulder.

'Yep,' Isak said in a detached voice, retrieving a few stalks and shutting the mini fridge with a slight slam.

He handed the mint to Eskild with a roll of his eyes.

'He's a criminal,' Isak muttered irritably, amazed by the way that Eskild tried to hit on every single decent looking young man in sight.

'So what?' Eskild said unashamedly, winking at Chris, 'I love a bad boy.'

'He's also straight.'

Eskild sighed, shaking his head at Chris in a slow, dejected kind of way, flicking a strand of his synthetic hair with a devastated huff.

'What a waste.'

Chris laughed, happily accepting the free mojito Eskild handed him before he sauntered off to the other side of the bar to take cocktail orders.

Isak's job was mainly general cleaning and pouring shots. Complex mixology confused him.

'Hey, I'm not a criminal,' Chris said to Isak with a defensive frown, leaning back a little on the barstool, 'I like to think of myself as a lawless bohemian.'

Isak grimaced.

'You're wearing a nike tracksuit.'

'Yeah, and?' Chris retorted with a snort, 'I look hot,' he gazed for a second into the mirrored wall behind the bar, raising a brow at himself and causing the younger boy to once again roll his eyes.

'Anyway, so yeah,' Chris said when he was done admiring his own face, 'I've been keeping a low profile, you know? Just incase someone spots me. It's fucked man, the police station have my picture,' he gave a sweeping look at his surroundings, hazel eyes overridden with suspicion, 'I get really fucking paranoid, goldilocks. Like apparently there are a lot of plain clothed officers these days and like, it could be anyone. That guy for example,' he squinted, pointing at the small lounging area at the far end of the club, where a middle-aged man sat drinking a margarita and staring at Chris in a salacious leer, 'Suspicious looking motherfucker.'

'Oh, don't worry about him,' Eskild said flatly, popping up from behind Isak and reaching for a tub of mini-umbrellas, 'That's just Peter. He's only staring at you cause he's really into twinks.'

Chris made a confused face.

'Wait... What?'

Both Isak and Eskild laughed.

'He's so straight it's cute,' Eskild hummed with another wink to Chris, giving Isak's shoulder a small squeeze, 'I'm going to need two whiskey shots, one screwdriver and a raspberry vodka,' he said, handing Isak a list, 'Your handsome friend is going to have to stop distracting you because it's just hit one o'clock and this bar is about to become a warzone.'

Isak nodded with a small chuckle, 'Got it.'

He turned away from Chris and towards the back shelf of the bar, grabbing a bottle of vodka and then ducking to retrieve orange juice from the fridge. A screwdriver was easy; Eskild only gave him the simple drinks to make.

He had just realised that the ice tub was empty when he suddenly felt his whole body freeze.

'Excuse me,' asked a deep, careful, voice, speaking loud over the calamitous pop music. The voice reverberated through Isak's entire soul. 'Could I please order a drink?'

Isak's heart squeezed in his chest, beating hard and wrenching within him, as if it were held in a crushing vice; roughly sewn wounds tearing open. It beat so hard that he could hear it over the abysmal music. It beat so hard that it _hurt_.

He didn't turn around, he didn't want to. He didn't want to see _his_ face, he didn't want to see him. It would _kill_ Isak to see him now, to see the guilt imbedded in those perfect features, blood-red guilt that made Isak feel small and weak and pitiful and _unloved_.

_He never loved you, he never loved you._

Isak dropped the uncapped orange juice all over the back counter of the bar, the bottle slipping right out of his shaky hands, splashing his pants and his feet with sweet-smelling liquid that made him feel sick.

_He never loved you, he never-_

Isak choked back a cry, closing his eyes and balling his fists, trembling all over; breaths heaving.

'Wait? Don't I fucking know you?' He heard Chris ask in a vaguely aggressive voice, but the question seemed distant somehow, as if Isak were underwater.

Everything was drowned out by the boy's heartbeat; clouded-over, faraway.

For some reason, Isak Valtersen made himself turn around.

_He never loved you, he never loved you, he never loved you-_

And yet, there he was.

_Even._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Lonely Universe - Angel Olsen


	15. Until We Bleed

There he was, like something out of a dream, a nightmare. The boy who Isak had tried to forget, the boy who haunted the deepest recesses of Isak's mind. 

_Even._

He stood at the bar, his blue eyes calm and clear, burning holes into Isak's heart and his brain and his soul. Every feature was the same as they appeared in Isak's memories, yet heightened somehow, luminescent. Full lips, pale skin, perforating eyes. 

It hurt to see those eyes again, the same way it hurt to look at the sun. Even so, Isak couldn't look away. 

Isak could _never_ look away. 

Pain beat heavy in his chest, pumping though his blood-stream. He stood stock-still, pants and shoes covered in orange juice, heart jumping to his throat, palms sweating. 

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't ever let him see you cry._

The most devastating thing was that Even had never looked more beautiful. His skin was flushed and faultless and his under-eyes void of purplish bags, his honey-colored hair soft and tousled, natural. He wore a simple white t-shirt and faded blue jeans, the outfit like nothing the boy had ever seen him in. He looked grounded somehow, well-rested. 

_Even hadn't lost any sleep._

The notion made Isak's figurative heart falter and ache deep within his chest. 

_I've lost so much sleep over you._

His head swam, trying to grapple with reality, trying to make sense of the situation. Even was there, right there, beautiful and close enough to touch. Even, who had been dashed and swept up clean out of his life, was standing in front of him with an unsure look in those bottomless blue eyes that Isak still loved, a look that made his chest tighten. 

_Why? How?_

Isak couldn't breathe. 

He didn't even have a chance to say anything before Chris had jumped up from his barstool and charged for the boy that had broken Isak's soul. 

'You're the fucking billionaire asshole right?' He jeered at him, and everything was moving too rapidly for Isak, too fast. 

Somewhere in the background, Isak heard Eskild shriek. 

Chris had Even by the collar of his shirt, hazel eyes bulging with bloodlust as he jostled the heir forward in an aggressive yank. Even didn't even flinch, just raised his eyebrow as if to say; _go right ahead._

He was so _cool_ , so unconcerned, unruffled. 

It was the same cool indifference Even had always had, before the breakdown, before the wreckage, before everything burst at the seams. Even had always been _so cool_ , so calm and removed, hidden behind sunglasses and designer clothes and charming rhetoric. 

Isak was the only one who had seen that composure slip, who had seen that armor fall. 

He wanted to see it again now, wanted to see Even _shatter_ like him, and _hurt_ like him, and _break_ like him. 

He wanted to Even to _love_ like him, wanted Even to love him. 

But Even didn't love him. _He never had._

Isak couldn't speak, couldn't even move as Chris' hand came to clasp at Even's throat, not yet choking him but giving warning. 

It was almost as if Isak was suffocating himself, hands grasping the laminate edge of the bar, breathless, head spinning. 

_Why did you come here, why did you come here, why-_

His head snapped up when he heard Chris speak. 

'Isak doesn't owe you fucking anything,' the brunette spat, right in Even's face, knuckles going white as he gripped at the other's shirt, 'I don't know what you're playing by coming to his work like this but if you don't get the fuck out of here right now, I promise you I will break every bone in your fucking body-' He shoved Even into the counter, causing the heir to stumble a little into a nearby barstool. 

He kept his hold on the other's neck, the veins tensing at Even's blood-flushed throat. 

Even didn't fight back, even though Isak knew very well that he was capable. He just looked at Chris with calm, deadly eyes. 

_Beautiful eyes._

Those same eyes flitted to Isak, filling his senses with warmth and pain and blue; spotless blue. 

'I'm not here to fight,' Even said, taking a sudden hold of Chris' hands and wrenching them off of himself with a hard shove. He didn't go any further than that but Chris looked ready for the kill, 'I just want to talk to Isak- 

'Well he doesn't want to talk to you!' Chris growled, charging at him, fist in the air, 'Do you think I'm playing? I hate people like you, over privileged cunts that think they can just fuck around with us because we have less fucking money-' 

A crowd of people had began to gather around the bar, drunkenly hooting and tripping into each other. Isak took no notice of any of them, couldn't see anything anymore. All he could see were _his eyes_ , soft and unwavering as they bore into him. 

'Chris! Step the fuck away from him!' 

The small cluster of onlookers parted as Eva came barging through, snarling, lunging for Chris, pushing him back before he could so much as lay another finger on Even. Jonas came clambering after her, a look of guilt heavy in his features. 

Isak couldn't even begin to register why. 

'Chris! Calm the fuck down!' Eva screamed as she dragged the brunette by the scruff of the neck, as if he were a dog, harsh and purposeful, 'You have a fucking warrant against you, you are in no place to be fucking starting shit!' 

Chris grunted, blinking a few times as if starting to see sense. Even took a few steps back, still looking only at Isak. 

_Don't look at me, don't look at me. It hurts when you look at me._

'Don't be stupid, okay!?' Eva went on, slapping Chris pointedly on the side of the head. 

He quailed in the same way an eight-year-old might after getting struck by their mother. 

'Let's go out the front and have a smoke,' She said in a ragged but softer register, nodding to Jonas who helped drag Chris back, 'He's not worth it.' 

She threw Even a final scowl before both her and Jonas ushered Chris out of the nightclub. Her gaze wavered on Isak for a short moment but the look of concern was lost on him. 

Isak couldn't focus on anything but the boy who stood wearily in front of him, on the impossible boy who kept looking at him like _that_ , who kept fucking with his head. 

_Don't look at me like_ that, _you have no right to look at me like_ that. 

'What... The fuck... Just happened...?' Said Eskild suddenly, voice cutting through the haze, barely audible over the blaring pop music. 

'Bad break-up,' Was all Isak said, quiet and between clenched teeth. 

Even flinched, but stayed where he was, saying nothing, making _everything_ hurt. 

'Oh,' Was the only reply he got, followed by a warm hand on his left shoulder, 'Do you want me to kick him out of the club?' 

Isak didn't look at Eskild, kept his eyes on Even. Even who was still standing there, cool and collected and devastatingly handsome, looking like _James fucking Dean_ and breaking Isak all over again. 

_Why are you here? Why won't you let me go? You never loved me, let me go._

'No,' Isak said quietly, overcome with an arctic chill, a coldness that fell over his entire body, 'I'll deal with it.' 

Eskild nodded sympathetically, giving Isak's shoulder a soft squeeze before skipping off to the other side of the bar to avert the attention of the inebriated crowd. 

If Isak wasn't so intercepted with rage he might have felt warmed by Eskild's boundless kindness, but everything was cold now. Everything was as cold as Even had been the night he left him, as cold as the blue of the older boy's eyes. 

'Okay everyone, drama's over!' Sang Eskild, clopping on his high-heels, beckoning the club-goers away from Isak, from Even, 'It's officially happy hour! Wet Pussies are half price!' 

The music grew louder and everyone scrambled and scattered apart, continuing on with their dancing and their drinking and their mindless pursuits of bliss, leaving Isak alone with Even and his eyes, toxic-blue. 

His lips were parted as he leaned over the countertop, and Isak swore he heard his breath hitch ever so slightly. 

He didn't know what Even wanted. Forgiveness, maybe. He had always acted so dignified, always maintained a moral high ground. Maybe he wanted Isak to tell him it was okay, to alleviate the _guilt._. Maybe he just wanted to play a little more with the ruins of Isak's heart. Maybe a part of Even missed Isak back, maybe he wanted one last fuck. 

Every possibility hurt more than the other, filling his mind until all Isak could feel was the ice-water in his bloodstream and in his lungs and in his brain. Numbing him, choking him, leaving him speechless. 

_I won't cry, not now, not in front of you._

'Isak,' the name left Even's perfect lips, clear and resolute but soft amidst the music, the euphoric screams, the chaos of the club. 

The name sounded so careful on that fretted tongue, possessing a pain that bled into Even's features, flickering in his eyes. 

_Fuck you._

Isak didn't know why, but he was overridden with a sudden apathy, a sudden strength. The ice melted down from his oesophagus and settled around his heart, keeping the muscle numb and protected, protected from Even and his honey-drenched voice, protected from his _lies._

'What drink would you like?' Isak said cooly, plastering on a poker face. 

Even blinked at him and the cool was gone. He looked lost and confused and caught off guard, recoiling back from the glacial flare that came off of Isak's every word. 

_Good._

'Isak, I-' Even stammered, and Isak felt like he was having an out of body experience. 

He thought of all the times that Even had made him nervous, made him stammer, made him stumble, made him cry, made him ache, made him moan, made him cling to the heir like a child, like a baby. 

He thought of the control Even had always had over him, from the moment he pulled over to his godforsaken sidewalk on that godforsaken day at four in the morning. The way Even had intimidated him, coddled him, loved him, pulled at his strings and dropped him midair, let him tumble to the ground like a marionette, like a broken toy. 

That's all he'd been. A toy. And it made no difference that Even had his reasons, it made no difference that Even had been out of his mind. Even could lose his mind all he wanted, Isak didn't care. But he never had any right to drag Isak into it, to play with Isak, to make Isak so codependent on him, to use Isak to fuel his sick, hopeless fantasies and to break him to pieces when he was done. He never had any right to tell Isak he loved him and he didn't have any right to take it back. He didn't have any right to be standing here, now, when Isak had just begun to find a life of his own. 

He looked nervous, Even, and Isak felt his frost-bitten heart swell with pride. 

_This time, I stand up for myself. This time, I pull your strings._

'You said you wanted to order a drink,' he jeered at Even, speaking in a flat, emotionless voice, 'I've always given you exactly what you wanted,' he leaned in closer, watching Even blink and squirm, 'So what drink would you fucking like?' 

'Uh- I-' 

Isak rolled his eyes as Even grappled for words. He rolled his eyes because if he didn't he thought he might cry. He rolled his eyes and balled his fists because anger was easier, anger had always been easier. 

Ice-blue anger pulsed through him, filling him top to toe with fury, dull-black fury with an aftertaste of pain. 

'It's happy hour, Even,' Isak ironized, and it hurt to say his name, 'People are waiting.' 

'Okay-' Even flinched, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

Isak wanted to laugh in his face. He wanted to laugh in his face and declare that he had won. He wanted to kiss him. To kiss him and fuck him and mess him up until he was as broken as Isak. 

'Fine-,' Even murmured in defeat, left with no other choice but to acquiesce, 'I- I'll have a gin and tonic.' 

Isak smirked but there was no happiness behind it. Only heartache, pitch-black heartache that stuck thick to Isak's insides like liquid-tar. 

'Sure thing,' he said curtly and turned around to make Even his drink. 

He took a glass and slammed it down in front of him, he poured the tonic water, measured the gin and even tossed in a wedge of lime. Every movement was harsh and severe and accented by pain. Pain, not hatred. Even now, Isak couldn't hate Even. 

_I want to hate you. I want to hate you but I only end up hating myself. I hate myself because I can't, I can't hate you._

'Isak...' Even said in a wounded voice when the younger boy turned back around, drink in hand, 'Can you please let me talk to you, I've been so-' he looked tortured now, pretty blue eyes flecked with moisture, the cool all drained from his lovely features, replaced by torment, 'Why are you being like this?' 

_Because you have no right,_ he wanted to say to him. _You had no right to crash into my life and destroy everything and make me love you so much that I can't sleep without you. You had no right to make me weak and smash down my walls and use me and love me and then ask me to leave. You promised me you'd keep me safe, you promised you'd cherish me, you promised so many things that you had no right to promise._

But he didn't say any of that, his heart and his lungs and his stomach on fire, his eyes laced with wet, his soul shattered and all over the place. He was all over the place and he didn't know what to think or what to feel or how to breathe. 

Even looked like he was going to cry. 

_Don't cry. I love you so much even though you've hurt me, broke me. I hate it when you cry._

'Why are you doing this?' Even said in a ragged, broken voice that made Isak become reinvigorated with rage. 

All he could see was blood-red rage as he reeled back, splashing the gin and tonic in Even's face. He soaked the front of Even's perfect white shirt and his hair and his beautiful face. He let the emptied-out glass slam down on the counter and then he ran out from behind the bar like a stupid child, like a baby. He ran from Even for the second time, from the boy who broke him, from the single love of his lightless life. 

*** 

Isak ran out into the cold night air, out in the back alley behind the club where there was only darkness, darkness and rubbish bins and burnt-out cigarette butts. Everything smelt like filth, like garbage and tobacco, soaked in grime. His lungs heaved, flustering within him as he gripped at the sides of his head and tried not to break down. 

He wanted to be strong but all he ever did was run away. All he ever did was break down. 

_Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him._

Isak hoped Even got the message and went back to the penthouse where he belonged. He hoped that the small part of him that wanted Even to chase him outside would just get over it. 

It was all too much, too soon. He'd only just began healing, he'd only just began to sew together the worn-out fragments of his still-broken heart. And Even had to appear out of nowhere and ruin it, had to barge in and rip and tear at the carefully tied bandages, leave the injuries bleeding and fresh and searing with pain. 

Isak found himself slumping against the cold, hard cement outer wall of the nightclub, mind blearing, gasping for air. He thought idly that he might be having a panic attack. His heart beat so fast that he thought he might just die, but he wasn't sure. Isak wasn't sure about anything anymore. 

The door to the back exit of the club banged open, loud enough to make Isak jump. The heavy pounding of a Shakira song goaded his eardrums for a long second before the door slammed shut again, footsteps sounding against the wet cement. Isak recognised the footsteps but didn't look up. He didn't want to see him. 

_Stop following me. You follow me everywhere, even into my dreams._

He kept his eyes on the ground, let his hands slip to cover his own face and tried not to sob. 

He heard Even let out a sigh of exasperation. 

'Fucking hell, Isak...' He panted, breath short from running after the other, 'I can't believe you threw a drink in my face...' He let out a black, frustrated laugh, moving closer to Isak, infernally close, 'Gin fucking stings...' 

'Just fuck off Even!' Isak screamed, recoiling from the arm that reached out to touch him, from one of the very same hands he had let himself fall apart under. 

He looked at Even then, looked at the young man that he still adored. His skin seemed grey in the murky light, his lips purple. His t-shirt stuck to him even more than before, drenched in alcohol. His face glistened wet with gin and tonic and dripping tears. 

_Don't cry._

'Isak,' Even begged, blue eyes seeming black in the dimness, yet hurting Isak all the same, 'Please listen to me-' 

'No!' He exclaimed, his voice guttural and rough, like the cry of a wounded animal. He stepped back along the wall, further away, seething with mistrust, 'How did you even find me, how the fuck-' 

'Jonas told me where you worked,' Even said plainly, 'I needed to see you, I-' 

'Jonas,' Isak spat, cursing his childhood friend. _Of course_ , 'Fucking hell.' 

Even took a step towards him and Isak gave him a warning glare. 

'I didn't know where you were, Isak,' he said carefully, pained, 'And the way you left, I thought you could've been-' Isak watched Even wince, watched him swallow harshly, 'I was so worried, I-' 

He reached out again to touch Isak's face but the younger boy shoved him away with both hands, pushing hard at his chest and making Even stumble backwards. 

'Don't touch me,' Isak all but snarled, blazing with hurt. He missed Even's touches and all hurt, everywhere and all at once too much, 'You don't get to touch me anymore.' 

His words were flat and finite and _full of shit._

_All I want is to be touched by you._

'Isak-' 

'Shut up!' Isak yelled back at him, 'Just shut up and fuck off-' 

Even looked as if he'd been burnt with a hot iron, shuddering, deflated. 

'But, Baby-' 

'Don't _baby_ me!' Isak growled, watching Even's eyes widen, watching his mouth fall open, his beautiful, poisonous mouth, 'I'm not your fucking baby!' Isak let all the anger in his veins sputter through his skin, let all the acid at the tip of his tongue have air, 'You wanted me to stay, I did. You wanted to fuck me, we fucked. You wanted me gone, I left. I gave you everything, Even,' his vision was blurred and his throat caught, 'And all I want from you now is for you fuck off out of my life, and you can't even give me that...' 

Isak hoped he wasn't crying. He couldn't tell, couldn't _feel_ anything. All the emotions were interwoven, so fused together that Isak couldn't distinguish one from the next. Pain felt like love and love felt like hatred and hatred felt like numbness. Isak could only feel exhausted now, drained and decayed. 

'I-' Even tried to start, choked. 

'What are you even doing here? Do you feel guilty?' 

Isak's question was met with a hollow silence. Even looked at the ground. 

'You don't need to feel guilty, Even,' Isak said suddenly, cruelly, 'Not because of someone like me. I'm just a fucking prostitute to you, after all.' 

Even dragged his gaze up to Isak, eyes blazing, glimmering black in the gloom. There was only a few feet between then but it felt like miles. 

'I never treated you like a prostitute.' 

'Yes you did,' Isak said plainly, painfully, 'No one has ever made me feel as cheap as you did.' 

Even just glared at him, face full of hurt, lip quivering. Isak noticed that his hands were shaking. 

'Somehow, Isak, I find that hard to believe.' 

Isak lunged forward at that, blood pumping black, heart cracking. He shoved Even again, hard. So hard that he the heir let out a shallow gasp. 

'Fuck you!' 

Even didn't retaliate, just stumbled on his feet, careful not to fall to the ground. 

'No, Isak-,' Even said fretfully, stepping towards him again, close again, overstepping his boundaries, 'I didn't mean it like that-' 

Isak shoved him again, harder. 

'This was all just sick entertainment to you, wasn't it?' He spat, words sheathed is arsenic, 'Is that what you do for fun? Go off your meds and fuck with people's emotions?' 

'No, I-' 

'I get it,' Isak said, hard and ice-cold, 'It must get pretty fucking boring wasting away in daddy's penthouse, buying stupid shit and throwing parties for people that couldn't give a fuck about anything but your money. I guess I was a nice distraction.' 

'Please-' Even's composure had fallen completely, his hair mussed and his face drained and his shirt ruined and his beautiful eyes pricking with tears. 

'An indiscretion,' Isak repeated the words, the painful words that haunted his nightmares and negated every word that had been said before, 'That's what you called it.' 

'Isak, you know I didn't mean th-' 

'No!' Isak screamed, not wanting to hear it, the lies, the hope, the pointless, useless, false hope, 'Shut up!' 

Even took a sudden hold of Isak's face and Isak let him. His hands burnt against his cheeks. Gentle large, hands. Hands that had left him scarred all over without ever having inflicted physical injury. 

No, those hands had scarred Isak with their tenderness alone. They had ruined every inch of his skin, ruined him for everyone else. They had laid waste to his body, his mind, his heart. His soul. Isak wasn't sure if he believed in souls but if he did have one he was sure it was blistered and bruised and smashed to bits. He was sure it belonged to Even. 

'I didn't, I- Do you really think- Jesus Isak, do you-' 

It was all too much, too painful. It took all the strength Isak had to wrench Even's warm hands from his cold face and push them away, push Even away. 

'Fuck off! Don't touch me-' His face was wet and his throat constricted and he was sure he was crying now, thick streams of saltwater pouring from his eyes and pooling to the corners of his mouth, the collar of his stupid mesh, holographic shirt, 'You- you promised me- you made me love you and then y-you threw me away, you made me-' The anger and the resentment left him, the self-protection, the flimsy-built walls, it all came crashing down. Even had touched him and made him weak again, Even always made him so _weak,_ 'I was strong before this, I was-' He sobbed while Even watched him with big blue eyes. He hated himself for letting him see, for letting Even know just how badly he'd ruined him, 'And now, now I can't even sleep without feeling like I can't breathe, I can't- I can't breathe-' 

He choked on his tears, mind-numbing and unrelenting, coughing up brine and spit and pain. 

Even stepped forward and took him in his strong, warm arms, held him to his broad chest, wrapped him up in soft heat and affection and lies. He squeezed him in tight at the waist and Isak let him. He smoothed back his curls and Isak let him. His lips touched the very top of the younger boy's head, and Isak let him do it. 

_You can do anything to me, just don't let me go._

Isak felt _pathetic_. 

'I know y-you probably didn't mean it,' he sniffled and heaved into Even's white t-shirt, damp with gin and tonic and now Isak's tears, 'I kn-know you're just unwell and you, and- but I can't take it. I can't take it, I-' 

He let Even rock him, let Even rub broad, gentle strokes up and down his back. He drank up the affection and inhaled Even's scent, expensive cologne and a strange warmth, like the sun, like summer. Even's skin always smelled like he'd been sitting out in the sun, soft and warmed and indescribably comforting. It was comforting to be held by him, the man that he loved and that didn't love him back. He let his face bury in the crook of Even's neck, thinking that he may as well use the heir back, take comfort in his touch and his smell and his warmth. 

He may as well let himself get _fucked-up_ properly. 

_Just fuck me up. Fuck me up until I'm so far gone that I can't feel anymore. I don't want to feel._

Even's voice was strained and tentative. He ducked to kiss at Isak's temple and it felt like a burn, like a brand. 

'Isak.' 

'I was always fucked-up,' Isak wailed quietly, clutching onto Even and letting his gentle heat soak through sinew and muscle and bone, liquifying him, 'I was always- and you, you broke me so bad- you-' he gasped for air and Even only held him tighter, so tight that their ribcages seemed to graft together, so tight that Isak thought they might never be able to ever let go, even if they wanted to, 'I thought you loved me, I thought-' 

Even let out a pained hum and kissed Isak's cheek, the corner of his eye, his forehead. The kisses were so adoring, so _soft_ , that Isak thought they might kill him. 

_He never loved you, he never loved you, He never loved you, He never loved you, He never loved you, He never loved you, he never-_

Even held him tighter and Isak felt like he could breathe again. Even kissed his face and his eyebrows and his jawbone; everywhere but never his lips. 

'Of course I love you, Isak.' 

The words rang smooth and clear in Isak's ears, murmured softly against a flushed cheek. 

Isak only cried harder, choking, hiding his face in Even's throat and letting the agony have him. 

'Don't say that. Don't say that just to-' he coughed and sputtered and tasted nothing but saltwater, 'Don't- I can't- I can't breathe.' 

Even squeezed him close and ran fingers through his curls, hushing him like he was a child, a baby. He held Isak in such a way that it felt like their hearts were seeping together, all the warmth and the tenderness in Even's body pouring into Isak's own bent and broken one, soothing him in a way that hurt more than anything. 

It hurt because it would soon be over. It hurt because it wasn't real. 

Nothing had been real, not back then, and not now. It felt real to Isak, at least. To him, it was the realest thing he would ever know. 

'Shhh. It's okay,' Even cooed gently, his voice cracked with tears of his own, 'I'm here, I-' 

'I- I can't breathe,' was all Isak said, brokenly, pathetically, letting Even's body warmth flood his senses, drunk on dopamine, on love, on pain. Intoxicated. 

'I never threw you away,' said Even, quiet and solemn and agonized, 'I never wanted you to go,' Isak felt Even's chest tremble beneath him and he clasped him closer, so close, unbelievably close, 'I just- I just couldn't stop thinking about the look on your face, how you broke down when we were on the balcony-' the words were all a blur to Isak, indistinct yet cutting through the soft fibre of his brain, 'You looked so scared, Isak, so fucking scared. I _hurt_ you... You've been hurt so much in your life and I didn't want to- I realized that... That loving me would only bring you more pain.' 

Isak was glad he couldn't see Even's face. His words words weren't adding up, weren't making any sense. Soft-spoken, tear-strained words, words that only messed Isak up further, words that only wore him down. 

Isak shuddered, heart-splintering. He didn't want to believe Even, didn't want to believe him again, to trust again, to get broken again. 

He didn't want to believe Even but a part of him did. A part of Isak believed every godforsaken thing that he had ever said. 

'What are you saying?' his voice was small and pained, whimpered. 

'At the start, I wanted to keep you all to myself. I wanted you to love only me. I wanted to own you, Isak and I'm sorry for that,' Even spoke as if he was repenting a sin; a confession, 'I treated you like a possession and I manipulated you and I-' he stifled a sob, 'I just let everything get way out of control.' 

All Isak could do was shatter in his arms. 

'Fuck you...' He whimpered, but it sounded like a profession of love, 'Fuck...' 

'In the end, I realised I loved you too much to keep you around for my own selfish happiness,' Even said soberly, kissing Isak's hair, breathing warmth into his scalp, 'I wanted you to have a chance at happiness on your own.' 

Isak sobbed, winching, melting into Even. 

'You can't, Even, you can't hurt me like this, you can't-' 

'You're the only one who's never given up on me,' said the heir, hands on Isak's shoulder blades, running along his waist and his spine, drawing gentle patterns into the tensed muscle, speaking into Isak's curls, 'You're the only one who's ever- who's ever made me feel like _I'm_ enough. Without everything, without the money. Even with my fucked-up mind. You didn't care about any of it, you just loved me,-' he wrenched Isak back and held his face in his big, warm hands; his big, blue eyes appearing incandescent in the darkness, glimmering fire-blue. 

Isak wanted to fall into his eyes and into his lips and into his heart, he wanted to fall and disappear forever. 

'I'd die for you, Isak,' said Even calmly, irises smoldering, 'I'd do anything for you.' 

Isak just looked up at him, tears in his eyes, face cradled, chest torn open. 

'Get out of my head then,' he whispered, but it was feeble and soft, 'Get out of my fucking head.' 

'I love you,' the heir said warmly, one hand pressed firm into Isak's midsection, the other tucking a curl behind the smaller boy's ear in that same way he always had, 'I came back because I wanted you to know. You have to know-' 

Even's face was only inches away from his own, breath hot on his mouth, lips parted. Isak didn't know why he did it but he let himself press forward, arms looping around Even's neck and pulling him into a hard, tearful kiss; a kiss that sparked fire in his veins, in his bones. Isak was rough and pained and urgent, biting Even's lower lip, tongue demanding entry. Even hummed in surprise, hands remaining careful around Isak's face, opening his mouth and kissing him back, soft and gentle, sucking on his tongue. He thumbed along Isak's jaw and mellowed him down, his mouth as sweet and addictive and perfect as it had always been, reducing Isak to nothing, poisoning him with tenderness. Fingers knotted in each other's hair and they kissed until they couldn't anymore, until they needed oxygen. 

When they pulled away, they were both panting and Isak's heart was pounding in his chest and in his brain and in his ears. When they pulled away, Even's lips glittered wet and his pupils were engorged and his fingers were tight in Isak's hair, keeping him in place. 

A wave of heat rolled through him, stinging, broiling heat that splashed and seared at his insides. 

_Destroy me._

Even ducked close to kiss Isak's lips again; a small, heartfelt kiss, like a promise, like a prayer. 

'Baby...' Even panted, and Isak let him because it felt _good_ to be called baby, it felt _good_ to pretend that they could love each other here, now, in this universe. 

'Let's get out of here,' Isak said in a strangled murmur as they caught their breaths, forehead to forehead, noses grazing. 

Even's eyes lit up, brighter than the full moon that was hidden somewhere behind the clouds, brighter than all the city lights in all the streets that Isak had ever wandered. His eyes lit up and Isak wanted to believe in him, to believe that Even loved him, to believe all of those impossible, unbelievable things. 

'Your place?' He asked, hands on Isak's face, hooks in Isak's heart. 

'My place.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all,
> 
> So, I'm not sure if you guys noticed, but I decided to add an extra chapter to this fuckfest because I realised there were a few things I wanted to go into with more depth than I had planned originally. Honestly, you are all so lovely. Your enthusiasm is deeply appreciated and is my biggest motivator to keep writing. If I could give you each a big, platonic bear-hug, I would. Unfortunately, there are a lot of factors that prevent that from ever being an actuality, but I hope the sentiment is there.  
> The plot is not over yet, so brace yourselves for a little more emotional fuckery. I hope you liked the update, it was very satisfying for me to write.
> 
> Peace ❤️
> 
> Song: Until We Bleed - Kleerup feat. Lykke Li


	16. Nobody, Not Even The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated this in so long that a lot of you probably thought it'd been abandoned. The truth is, I've just completed all my exams and have been entirely drained of motivation to write. It's like, when I have no time to do anything I get all of these ideas but as soon as the hysteria of uni is over, I get a bout of soul-crushing writer's block and become unable to do anything but get stoned and watch That 70's Show. I'm sorry for making you guys wait, but here is 8k of angst and porn and all the good stuff. Thank you for your ongoing support. Only one chapter left but I also plan to do an epilogue so look forward to that. As always, comment if you enjoyed this and have a wonderful day/night/whatever.
> 
> Also, Australia just voted YES for gay marriage legalisation, so fuck yeah.
> 
> ❤️
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Contains coarse ableist language.

Isak's fingers trembled around his house keys as he unlocked the front door of the flat, his body flooded with an inexplicable warmth. His other hand was held tightly in Even's, who stayed close behind him, radiating a gentle heat that seeped into Isak's bones and his soul. He tried not to think, letting the front door swing open with a definitive slam, not even bothering to turn on a light. He led Even almost blindly through the pitch-black apartment, walking them quickly to his bedroom. 

_What am I doing? What am I doing?_

Everything felt clouded-over, heady; like a lucid dream. Even's soft fingers and his lingering warmth - it was all so intoxicating, fogging Isak's senses. He didn't want to think about yesterday or tomorrow or all the aching within his obliterated heart; all he wanted was _this_ , right now. He wanted Even's touches and Even's kisses and Even's empty brand of love; love that was so addictive, love that tasted like sugar and pain and fleeting pleasure. He wanted to drink it all in, every last poison-laced drop. He wanted Even Bech Næsheim to fuck him up worse than he'd ever been fucked-up in all of his existence. 

_Destroy me._

Isak's breath hitched when the door to his bedroom closed with a soft tap. A second passed in complete silence, eerily quiet, like the moment of calm before a blast of thunder. Their fingers stayed entwined, Isak's heart beating heavy in his throat, his chest tight. He opened his mouth to say something but let it fall shut. Unsaid words hung between them, vanquished by the tension, choked-off. He could barely see Even in the sparse light of the small bedroom, only parts of him; his silhouette, his eyes, the outline of his lips lit up by the soft glow of the distant full moon. He could barely see the older boy but he could feel him all around, like he was everywhere, polluting the air. 

Isak was about to try to speak again when suddenly he was being backed up against the bedroom door, large, warm hands gripping tight at his hips. His head spun as Even's face pressed close to his, their noses touching, their mouths only millimetres apart. The heir's breath was hot on his lips, the feeling of it caustic and inebriating. 

They both knew this was going to happen, the moment they stepped out of the alley and into Even's awaiting Rolls Royce. Isak had wanted it then and he wanted it now, wanted Even's hands on him, his lips on him. 

Still, he was unprepared for the assault on his nervous system, for the flush of sickening heat to his chest, to his groin. He was unprepared for the way his stomach curled, sharp and painfully pleasant; the way his hips canted in Even's hold. 

It was almost as if nothing had happened, as if all that had come before was lost and forgotten. It was like the very first time Even had touched him, the first time he had kissed Isak on the bearskin rug on the floor of the penthouse while Romeo + Juliet played-out to a tragic end. 

Isak had been high then; his mind floating, his lips stinging, his skin buzzing as he was kissed like he never had been before; like he was _precious_. 

The boy had been fooling himself, thinking that he stood a chance against Even, against the boy who opened up his chest and kissed him right where it hurt the most. He had been nothing but a fool from the start. 

He whimpered into the embrace, letting Even cage him between the back of the door and his broad, heaving chest. 

Isak wasn't high this time, but he felt like it. His head swam and his blood stung and his veins sparked with soft electricity. He felt dazed, drunk; consumed by Even and his addictive touches. 

Even pressed their lips together and Isak let him, let warm hands cup at the globes of his ass, let Even wrench him up against the back of the door. His thighs parted and Even slid between them, never once breaking the gentle kiss. Isak wrapped his legs around Even's hips and pulled him in closer, arms wound tight around the heir's neck. When they were close like this, the younger boy could almost forget about the endless distance between them. He could almost forget that they were worlds apart. 

Even's tongue pried him open, sweet and urgent, teeth catching at his lower lip. It was a kiss that melted through Isak's skin, a kiss that knocked every last dribble of oxygen clean from his lungs. 

Isak wasn't high this time, but he felt like he would've floated away if it wasn't for Even holding him there, tight against the door, kissing him breathless. Isak wasn't high this time but he was falling in love all over again, clinging to Even while the heir cradled his face and ran gentle fingers through his curls. 

Isak wasn't high this time but Even made him feel like he might be losing his _goddamn mind._

_Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me._

When Even drew back Isak's chest was heavy and his cock was hard and his resolve was shattered. When Even's lips trailed the corner of his mouth and explored the sensitive skin of Isak's throat, he felt as if he might implode. He could feel Even's heartbeat through his thin white t-shirt, could feel Even's erection graze against his own through the fabric of their pants. 

Even sucked gently at the juncture between Isak's neck and shoulder, tongue scalding, like it was laced in acid. Isak keened at the sensation and felt himself go limp, hands threading in Even's soft hair, hips bucking into the hard bulge in Even's jeans. 

'Isak...' Even crooned softly into the younger boy's collarbone, 'Isak, I-' 

'Just shut up,' Isak half-wailed, clutching onto Even's shoulders, desperate for the taste of the heir, of his tongue, his lips, 'Kiss me.' 

So Even did kiss him. He kissed him differently this time, open-mouthed and ravenous, making Isak moan. Every line of their bodies was pressed together, and Isak couldn't help but marvel at the way they just fit. Thighs slotted snug over hipbones, arms enlaced, heads tilted. They were wrapped up in each other so completely; interwoven in the perfect harmony of skin and limbs and clothing. Their bodies ached for one another, for the closeness, for a spark of connection in the cold darkness of Isak's bedroom. 

It was a ridiculous thought, the notion that they were somehow made to be together; that his mouth had been made for Even's alone, that his entire form had been built to break under Even's hands. 

It was ridiculous, but it was the only thing that made any sense to Isak's fogged-over mind. And Isak knew he was being stupid and that fucking Even would only stand to hurt him more - but he didn't care. He wanted to be hurt. He wanted to be hurt by Even, he wanted everything that the older boy had to give him, even the pain. And although Even would probably only shatter him all over again, Isak was willing to let him. 

_Every part of me was made for every part of you._

_Break me._

Isak wrenched his lips from Even's, pushing the older boy back a little before falling deftly to his knees. 

'Isak...' Even groaned in a gravelly voice, looking down at the younger boy, eyes darkened with lust. 

Isak didn't look at Even as he unzipped his jeans, dragging rough denim down slender thighs. Isak didn't look up at him as he palmed Even's erection through the thin fabric of his obnoxious Calvin Klein underwear. The muscle was rock hard and hot and begging for attention. The feeling of it under his palm made Isak let out a dry moan. 

_This is what I'm good for._

Isak yanked down the underwear with a frantic kind of desperation, kissing down the hardened length. He heard Even grunt. 

Without hesitation, he took the older boy in his mouth. It was abrupt and hungry and all at once, nearly causing him to choke. 

' _Baby..._ ' Even moaned, heavy lidded, hips rocking, fingers knotting in Isak's curls, 'Fuck... Baby...' 

Isak pulled off Even's dick with a soft pop, stroking him roughly, keeping his eyes down. 

'Shut up,' he breathed raggedly, the words soft and strained, 'Don't talk.' 

Even did as he was told, groaning when Isak flicked out his tongue to lick at the leaking, slitted head, tasting salt. 

_This is what I'm good for. Use me. Fuck into me. Just use me._

He held tight onto Even's hips, lips slipping back around the his cock. He took it all until the tip hit the back of his throat, until he almost gagged. It felt good, somehow, like he was full. Isak wanted to be full of Even, he wanted the older boy to fill up his every hole, even the ones that no one could see; the holes riddled and burnt into his very soul. 

'You're going to- you're going to fucking kill me,' Even grunted, his hands fisting in Isak's hair. 

He pulled Isak off him in a brusque but gentle tug, gripping his curls and bending his neck back so that the younger boy had no choice to look him in the eyes. Even's pupils were pitch-black and blown, wild and ravenous and eroding Isak's heart. He could do nothing but whimper when their lips smashed together again, submitting to the sloppy, passionate kiss, letting Even's tongue and lips and teeth claim possession of his mouth. 

'Fuck...' Isak gasped when Even let him breathe, stars in his eyes all over again, heart bleeding. 

Even was the only person who'd ever kissed him after head. Every time. Even always kissed Isak like he was the most perfect creature to ever grace planet earth, even when he had a mouth full of pre-cum. 

Even hooked careful hands under Isak's arms and pulled him from the floor. He slung the younger boy up around his body, lifting him and kissing him so hard that Isak's lips felt like they were bruising. He threw him down on the springy single mattress, pressing over him, looking at Isak with an expression of something between adoration and savagery. 

'You're so beautiful...' He hummed, forsaking Isak's earlier orders, warm hands sliding under the younger boy's shirt, 'I missed this, I missed you so much.' 

Isak felt like he was going to cry when smooth fingers brushed over his chest, when his shirt was pulled off over his head. 

Even's fingers were not like his own, they weren't calloused by the cold, the fingernails weren't thin and imbedded with dirt, bitten-down. Even's fingers were perfect, manicured; as soft as silk as they glided over the taught flesh of Isak's torso. Even's lips joined his hands, kissing hotly down Isak's pectoral muscles, licking over his raised nipples. Every kiss was one of worship; soft and hungry and adoring. Every kiss felt like a cigarette burn, scaring him irreparably. 

Even mouthed over Isak's navel and down his lower stomach, searingly wet, torturous. Lashes fluttered against Isak's abdomen and hands gripped Isak's sides, so tight it was as if Even was scared that the boy beneath him might just melt away. 

When Even kissed at his waistband, Isak couldn't hold back his cries any longer. He moaned Even's name and clutched Even's hair and let himself lose it; let Even unzip his stupid vinyl pants. He blushed a little when they squeaked coming off, but Even didn't seem to care. His eyes stayed affixed to Isak, Isak who lay propped up against the mattress, panting and looking down at the boy between his legs, his entire body afire. 

He helped Even remove his pants and underwear completely, spreading his thighs, wanting the other's fingers inside of him, his tongue, his cock; any part of the older boy. 

Evens lips pressed reverently at each of his hipbones, kissing down the crook where Isak's leg met his crotch. Isak just groaned, needing contact; needing his dick to be touched and his ass to be eaten and all of the filthy, _perfect_ things that he wanted only Even to do to him. 

But Even was kissing softly at Isak's knees, each of them, slow and ritualistic. Even was peppering Isak's shins and ankles with gentle, heart-thawing pecks, touching the younger boy like he was made of glass, like he might shatter to dust under anything less than perfect tenderness. It _killed_ Isak, the softness, it made him want to cry. 

'D-don't,' Isak panted, his stomach quaking with liquid-heat, 'Don't do that-' 

Even's head snapped up immediately, his forehead imbedded with a frown. He smoothed a gentle hand over Isak's calf. 

'You want to stop?' He asked carefully, voice heavy and full of restraint. 

'No,' Isak shook his head. _Fuck no,_ 'Just don't do all _that_... Hurry up a-and fuck me...' 

Even's frown only deepened, his blue eyes glinting in the murky darkness of the bedroom. 

'But I want to kiss every inch of your skin,' he murmured huskily, lifting Isak's foot and pressing his lips to the sole, so adoringly that Isak flushed and whimpered, 'I want to feel every part of you here.' 

Even kissed his way back up Isak's leg, slow and teasing, drawing it out. He licked solidly at Isak's inner thigh, his tongue venturing down Isak's perineum and flitting across the tender flesh of the younger boy's entrance. 

' _Even_...' Isak moaned breathlessly, shuddering at the unexpected contact. 

His moan turned into a wounded cry when suddenly his hips were being angled off the mattress, deft hands parting his cheeks. 

A hot mouth pressed against his rim, tongue wet and hard, licking inside. 

'Fuck... Fuck, _Even_...' 

Even hummed into him, the sound reverberating through his whole body, through his brain. 

'Even... Fuck... More... More...' 

'I can't believe you're real,' Even murmured softly, drawing back, pressing a finger deep inside the smaller boy, lips roaming Isak's upper leg, 'I've dreamt of you every night since the hospital. We were together just like this but-' his voice was faint and faraway, 'But it never felt real. You'd disappear in my hands. You'd always disappear.' 

'Ngh... Ahh...' 

'Do you have any lube?' Even asked quietly, after a moment of nothing but silence and the sound Isak's moans. 

'Top d-drawer,' Isak stammered unevenly, refusing to even look at him. 

Even's finger left him and it felt like a loss. The heir stood up from the mattress and knelt beside Isak's bedside table, opening it and searching blindly through it's contents. Isak just watched him, wondering how on earth he ended up here, trembling on the mattress, waiting for Even to make love to him. 

_I was supposed to hate you, I tried to hate you, I can't hate you..._

Once he had found what he was looking for, Even laid back down between Isak's thighs. He slicked his fingers with lubricant, warming it up in his hands as he always had, so Isak wouldn't have to feel the cold. 

When Even slid two digits inside of him, Isak bit out a tormented sigh. Even's fingers scissored him open, gentle but full of purpose, curling to graze against his prostate, sending sparks of pleasure rolling up Isak's spine. 

'I can't-' Even murmured, seeming both focused and lost in his own head, all at once, 'I can't lose you to my nightmares again.' 

Although Isak couldn't see the other boy, he could feel Even's gaze on him; could feel the warmth, the intensity. 

Even added a third finger and Isak's eyes rolled to the back of his head, hands gripping the sheets on either side of him. 

'Shit...' He cried, rutting into Even's hand, 'Please- Pl-please Even.' 

'Look at you, angel,' Even whispered in the gentlest of voices, climbing up Isak's body to kiss and nip at his jaw, 'I love it. I love it when you fall apart.' 

Isak was reduced to putty under Even's affection, pliant and malleable and heaving out soft pants. When Even kissed him again, Isak kissed him back just as sweetly, eyes closed, their foreheads pressed together. When Even stroked his cheek, Isak leant into it, sighing. When Even's fingers became fast and hard inside him, Isak convulsed around them, writhing with want. 

_I want to feel all of your love, even if it isn't real. Even if it kills me, I want to feel it all._

'Please, Evy, pl-please-' 

'What would you like, baby?' Even asked in a black voice, lips pressed to the skin below his ear, 'Tell me.' 

'I want you to fuck me,' Isak groaned as Even fingered him wide, 'Do it however you want... Fuck... Break me down until there's nothing left...' 

_What am I saying? What am I saying? What the fuck am I saying?_

'Just fucking destroy me...' 

Even kissed his cheek, and then his nose, and then his lips. He kissed him feather-soft, deadly. 

'I would never hurt you.' 

_You did._

Isak would have laughed if he wasn't too busy getting fucked on Even's fingers. He would have laughed if he wasn't too busy moaning the name of the boy he was supposed to hate. 

'Even... _Even_... Please,' he begged, arms looping around the older boy's neck, kissing drunkenly at Even's throat, messy and desperate, 'Please-' 

When Even's fingers slid out, Isak felt hollow. He let out a broken wail, his despair morphing into stark euphoria as Even thrust his cock into him, sharp and abrupt, making Isak moan. It felt _perfect_ , hard and thick within him, almost painful, splitting him open. 

Isak _loved_ it, he loved the feeling, he loved the gentle, whole-body sting. He loved being so close to the older boy, ensnared by him, heartbeat to heartbeat, breathing as one. 

'Isak...' Even groaned when he became fully sheathed, thumb brushing gently at the younger boy's eyebrow, down his temple, ' _Baby_.' 

Isak held Even tight, fingers digging into his back when he started moving, face buried in the other's throat. 

Even was inside of him as he had been so many times before, but somehow it felt like more than that. It felt like Even was filling his bloodstream. It felt like Even's touch was a drug that was running through his veins, making him stupid, making his heart flutter and making his insides throb with pleasure. 

Even thrusted in and out of him slowly at first, one large hand moving to cradle the back of Isak's head, their hips slapping softly together. Isak's chest ached and his cock ached and his bones ached; his heart in a world of hurt, his corporeal body smouldering with ecstasy. 

'Ahhh... Ngh...' He moaned coarsely, clutching Even tighter when the other's cock dragged against his prostate, 'Fuck, Even...' 

The older boy seemed to take this as encouragement, picking up the speed and angling his thrusts so that he hit Isak's sweet spot every time. He fucked Isak at an almost brutal pace, plummeting into him excruciatingly deep and then retreating, over and over, making Isak's gut clench and his mind blur and his mouth spill with heartfelt obscenities. 

'Fuck... Fuck, shit... Even...' 

Even coiled an arm under Isak, pulling him in at the waist so that there was no space between them. Fingers became tight in Isak's curls, the boy yelping when Even tugged his head back, forcing Isak to stare back into those moonlit eyes. 

Even's expression was strangely soft, considering the velocity of his hips and his cock. He kissed Isak's forehead, nuzzled his nose, murmured faintly against his lips. 

'Let me look at you,' he said gently, hand moving to hold Isak's chin, eyes blazing with a pill-blue fire. 

Everything was becoming too intense, too good. Isak's body was broken out in flames, hips rising to meet Even's pounding, rocking against his lover in gratified agony. 

'Are you going to come?' Even asked in a voice made of silk, looking at Isak like he was the only thing worth looking at in the entire cosmos. 

'Ye- yes... Even...' 

'Me too, baby. Just look at me,' he groaned, taking Isak's neglected cock in his hand and stroking it fast and dry between them, 'Never stop looking at me.' 

Isak's body seized up, his vision filled with the baby blue of Even's eyes, pure-heat pooling in his gut, toes curling. He came before Even, screaming and electrified, clenching around the older boy's iron-hard cock, spraying the both of them in thin ribbons of white. His heart wrenched and his thighs burnt and his head lolled back against the mattress, entirely sated, entirely broken. 

'Ah... Fuck... Even-' 

He whimpered softly as he continued to be fucked through orgasm, his insides raw and sensitive; over-stimulated. 

Even climaxed only seconds later, hands on Isak's face and in his hair, capturing the smaller boy's lips in a hard, wet kiss. 

'Fuck, Isak...' He growled in time with his slow, final thrusts, 'Isak...' 

Isak let himself deflate into the bed, reveling in the feeling of Even's hot cum flooding deep inside of him, the feeling of Even's soft lips on his face. 

They lay there, entangled, their breaths stuttered, their bodies still adjoined, their hearts strung together by invisible ropes. Even kissed along Isak's cheekbone, sticky and sweet, and Isak let himself relax under the tenderness. He shut his eyes and burrowed into the older boy, let himself be needy and co-dependent and all of the things he didn't want to be. He let himself love Even, if only for a moment, knowing full well that soon the older boy would be gone again, that his bed and his heart would be empty, again. 

Even made a soft humming noise, ducking to press another kiss to Isak's lips, a soft kiss; chaste and yielding. 

'I love you,' he murmured breathily against Isak's mouth, blue eyes boring into green. 

Isak felt his body tense up, recoiling from Even in their locked embrace. 

It was as if the entire mood of the room had changed, as if the haze of lust and pleasure had evaporated, dissipated. The warmness fell away, replaced by a coldness that Isak had always known, colder than his mother's eyes and Even's words and the outside streets. Mistrust, heartbreak, fear of intimacy; these were the coldest things of all. It didn't even hurt anymore, giving himself over to all of those ugly, unwavering feelings. Isolation to Isak was like an old pair of worn-in jeans; comfortable and easy to slip back into. 

'Don't say that,' Isak's voice was quiet. 

Even's form went rigid. He pulled out of Isak, propping himself up on his elbows and causing the younger boy to wince. It hurt; not physically but deep within Isak's heart and mind. It was an indistinct pain that told him it was over now. The bout of passion was over, the return to old times was over. Isak couldn't indulge himself in Even's body or his perfect mouth or his false affections. Not anymore. All that was left was the unpalatable now; the heartache, the mistrust, the big, unfixable mess they had gotten themselves into. 

Isak couldn't see Even very well in the dimness, but he knew from his voice that the older boy wore a saddened expression. 

'Why not?' He asked almost sternly, his tone brimming with hurt. 

_Because you don't love me._

Isak shut his eyes tight, trying not to cry. 

'You don't mean it.' 

Even laughed. He laughed but the sound of it was sad; void of joy. 

'Are you serious?' 

He was still craning over Isak. Their abdomens were still pressed together, their legs were still tangled, the warmth of Even's body was still burning into Isak's flesh. 

'Yeah,' Isak said feebly, 'I am.' 

'Jesus Christ, Isak.' 

Even sat up completely and Isak felt cold to the bone. The tiny bed creaked when the heir turned his back to Isak, sitting at the edge of the mattress and reaching blindly for something on the floor in front of him. His clothes. Even was looking for his clothes so he could get dressed. So he could leave. 

He had gotten what he wanted. He had gotten his quick, passionate fuck. He had gotten a little bit of entertainment. He had gotten exactly what he wanted like he always did, and now he was going to leave Isak crying on his single mattress. He was going to go back to his world of perfect parties and sports cars and ugly designer clothing. He was going to retreat back to his empty, excessive wealth, back to his family's old money. 

_All you ever do is use me._

Isak felt like he'd been splattered with liquid dry ice. 

He spoke before Even could make another movement. Isak's voice was faint from moaning and thick with pain. 

'Close the door properly on your way out,' he said raggedly, pressing his face into his own pillow to stifle the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks. 

It smelt like Even, the pillow. Isak's skin smelt like Even too. 

'What?' The heir asked sharply, as if offended. Isak could hear him fumbling with a piece of clothing, then the quiet sound of a carton being opened, 'No baby, I'm not leaving. I was just getting a cigarette from my jeans.' 

Isak watched, face half-buried into the duvet, as the click of a lighter sounded in the bedroom, burning a hole in the darkness. Even was facing away from him, but Isak could see his side profile, the delicate slope of nose and mouth illuminated by the soft glow of the flame, his eyelashes catching on gentle light. He was so beautiful, his face veiled with a fine sweat, his lips puffy and glistening as they sat tiredly around the cigarette, inhaling smoke. The luminance was gone as quickly as it came and then everything was dark again. 

The smell of Even became interspersed with the heavy scent of tobacco and Isak wanted to cough. He felt Even shift closer to him, felt his warmth again as the older boy crawled to sit beside Isak, somewhat awkwardly, half of his body hanging off the side of the single mattress. Even leaned against the wall at the head of the bed, his hip brushing soft against Isak's shoulder. One large hand moved to stroke through the younger boy's curls, scratching soothingly at his scalp, twisting the strands between fingers. Isak felt like purring into the touch. He looked up and watched Even's cigarette burn out slow. He was mesmerized by it's soft orange light, mesmerized by the way the ashes glowed incandescent and then died completely when the heir tapped them into the carton, fading away. 

_What are we doing? What is this?_ Isak wanted to ask, but words seemed impossible in that moment. Everything seemed impossible so he just stayed quiet and tried not to lose himself again under Even's gentle hand. 

Even stroked his cheek with just his fingertips, like Isak was made of spun sugar; delicate and breakable. 

Isak wasn't breakable, not anymore. He was already broken. 

'Do you...' Even's voice was uncharacteristically low and cautious, 'Uh... Do you want me to leave?' 

_Fuck no._

Even had asked the question in such a way that made it clear that he didn't want to leave at all. It was a vulnerable question, as if Even was asking for permission to stay. 

Isak didn't understand it and he didn't answer. 

'I didn't know you smoked.' He said instead, leaning closer to Even's side as if pulled by some unknown gravitational force. 

'I don't,' Even said flatly, a careful hand smoothing across Isak's collarbone and shoulder, skin against skin, 'I just need to get over the stoner withdrawals somehow.' 

A moment of silence extended between them. Even's fingers returned to Isak's hair, twirling around a particular curl at the younger boy's temple. 

'My psychiatrist said that weed only exacerbates the mania,' Even explained dryly, 'I mean, mental health professionals are almost always full of shit, but I can't really argue that she's entirely wrong about that one.' 

Isak contemplated this for a moment, blinking soft. 

'You seem better.' 

It stung Isak to admit that, but it was true. Even did seem better; calmer somehow, less restless. He still had that same intangible extravagance about him, a grandness that seemed to be distinctly _Even._ Even in the dark, Even simply shone brighter than anything or anyone else that Isak had ever seen. 

'I am,' Even said, his hand stilling in Isak's curls, his tone sombre, 'In some ways.' 

He seemed like he was going to say something else but he didn't, the words dying on his tongue. 

Even reached over to side table, sighing hoarsely. Isak heard the flick of a switch as the older boy turned on the lava lamp. 

It's light was a dull, ocean-blue, filling the bedroom with a cerulean haze. The darker oil sat at the bottom of the cylinder; a thick inky sludge that hadn't moved since the boy had first received the lamp. It had been a gift from Eskild, and Isak hadn't even thought of turning it on, not once. It was always easier being in darkness. It numbed him. 

He gazed up at Even who he could see clearly now, for the first time in a long while. Probably for the first time at all, although the thought was abstract. His dewy skin was painted in shades of blue, his hair messed from the sex, his eyes seeming clearer, bluer in the light. He looked down at Isak in a strange, tortured way. 

_Longing_ , it was an expression of _longing_ , chipped and incomplete. 

_What more do you want from me?_ Isak wanted to ask. _You've already taken everything._

Even cleared his throat. 

'So this is your bedroom?' 

'Yeah,' Isak croaked out quietly, overcome with a sudden gust of insecurity, 'I mean, I know it's not what you're used to-' 

Even just smiled, soft and adoring. 

'I like it.' 

'You live at the Grand Hotel, Even, you don't have to li-' 

'No,' Even said pointedly, 'I like it. I mean, it's yours.' 

He sighed, finishing his cigarette. He slid down next to Isak, so that their shoulders touched. All Isak could smell was tobacco and sweat and designer cologne, and all he could feel was Even's flesh against his. Even rested on his side, one arm winding around Isak, pulling him near. Isak let himself be dragged back into an embrace, back into heat. The older boy's lips were down-turned and his eyes were big and sad and unbelievably blue, painfully blue. 

'I know you don't trust me anymore,' the heir said tentatively, his voice like lace, his face mournful, 'I know you resent me and I fucking deserve it. But I want you to know that everything I said at the hospital was bullshit,' His other hand shifted to cup Isak's cheek in that same way that always broke the boy down, 'I will keep telling you that over and over until you believe me. I will wait as long as it takes for you, Isak. I'd wait an eternity-' 

Isak cut him off. 

_I can't give in to you. I can't let down my guard. Not now. Not this time._

'And what if I don't want you to wait for me?' Isak snapped, making Even flinch, 'What if I just want you to fuck off?' 

Even's face flickered with pain and Isak had to stop himself from going soft again and kissing him. 

'Then I'll go,' The heir said in a haunted, thick voice, his arms going limp around the smaller boy, 'But I'll always be somewhere, loving you. Always, Isak-' 

'What a load of shit,' Isak went on harshly, twisting the knife, even though he knew it was pointless. 

Hurting Even didn't make him feel any better. He hated the look on Even's face, the sadness cast over his pretty features, his eyes wide with helplessness. If anything it only made the hollowness more definitive, it only made the pain thicker. 

'Keep being stubborn, then,' Even said curtly, brow knotting, 'I have time.' 

'I'm not being stubborn,' Isak retorted, 'Are you stupid? Don't you understand? You'll forget about me. You will. You'll just have to, Even, because there's no future for us,' The words came out slow and tasted bitter, full of malice. Even recoiled with every syllable, 'You're a fucking heir to a billion dollar empire and I am a bartender who used to be a prostitute. I'm sorry to point out the obvious, but there is no overcoming those differences. The only reason I ever thought this could work out was because I was so starved of love that I was literally willing to be your live-in sex slave for the rest of my life-' 

'Is that how you felt?' Even's voice was low and broken, fearful, like the voice of a child asking his mother about a dying grandparent. He blinked at Isak with a soft, pained look, lashes fluttering, glistening with tears. The sight made younger boy's chest tight and his heart heavy. 

_Don't cry._

'Y-you felt like a sex slave?' 

'That's all this ever really was,' Isak lied, unable to stop himself, drowning in coal-black pain, 'Just sex. That's all _this_ is.' 

Even's arms fell away from Isak's body, the older boy shifting to lay on his back, his face and his gaze turned away from the younger. 

_Good,_ Isak thought, indifferent to the tears that had begun to drop down his own cheeks, indifferent to the cold. 

_This way I can hurt you without having to look at those eyes._

'H-how can you say that,' Even said faintly, numbly, his chest rising and falling in stuttered breaths, 'This isn't about sex. Fuck, Isak, you're being so cruel-' 

'Cruel?' Isak almost snorted, reinvigorated with a sudden rage, 'I'm cruel? You're the one who can't make up your fucking mind. You can't- you can't just waltz back into my life and-' His voice broke and so did his icy facade, his pain and his weakness beginning to seep through the splintered cracks, 'I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to think about you anymore. I've started getting everything together, I have good friends and a job I like and- and I can't sleep at night but I think I will be able to eventually. In time,' he was crying heavily now for what felt like the hundredth time that night, his throat catching, the tears hot and heavy, as thick as wet cement, 'I just- I shouldn't have brought you here. It's just that every time you touch me I get stupid. I get so fucking stupid, I-' 

Isak sat up abruptly, trying to get as much distance as possible between himself and the boy he loved, trying to make everything hurt less. His head fell into his hands and nothing changed. It hurt more than ever. 

'You aren't stupid, Isak,' Even said in a tepid voice, a warm hand resting a the small of Isak's back. 

He felt the weight of the mattress shift before Even was sitting up too. Strong arms wrapped once again around the younger's waist, a smooth chest at Isak's back, a bristled chin resting on his shoulder. 

Isak closed his eyes and just dissolved into the hold, letting Even envelope him. 

'You have so much power over me,' Isak said in a whimpered surrender, sobbing, 'Even now.' 

'Please don't cry,' Even begged softly, kissing along the side of Isak's neck, drinking up the tears that dripped to his clavicle, 'I can't- I can't stand it when you cry,' Even shuddered against him, pained, his mouth pressed to Isak's nape, 'I hate that I hurt you, baby. It kills me. I only ever wanted to save you, to take you away from all the bad shit. I wanted to keep you safe forever.' 

'Why me?' Isak questioned weakly, 'I've asked you so many times but you've never given me a coherent answer. Was it completely arbitrary? Why were you so set on _saving_ me-' 

'You're different, Isak. I knew that from the start,' Even paused for a moment, lost in thought, 'I'd been watching you for a few months before I decided to pick you up. I never told you that.' 

Isak stilled, breath hitching. 

'Wh-what?' 

Even held him tighter, clearing his throat. 

'I've never been able to sleep at night,' he said slowly, carefully, 'I used to just drive around Oslo until the sun came up, turning corners, contemplating. At the time I was only trying to clear my head, but I sort of think I was looking for something. Like, I was always meant to find you.' 

Isak didn't say anything, couldn't say anything. Words evaded him, building in his oesophagus and getting stuck there. It was as if the boy had forgotten how to talk altogether. 

'I fell for you the moment I saw you,' Even went on, sober and reflective, 'I finally understood all the shit Romeo was going on about,' he laughed sadly, and Isak would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't squeezing them shut, recoiling from the soft words that hurt too much, 'It was as if you were lit up by the stars.' 

He sighed wistfully, drawing Isak even closer into his bare chest, into his lap. 

'Your friend, that Eva girl, she was standing next to you outside of the casino, on the street were we first met. She was saying something to you, I think she was complaining about the cold. You didn't say anything back, you just rolled your eyes, took off your jacket and put it around her. It was such a simple gesture but there was so much humanity in it,' Even's voice got even gentler, warmer. Silken hair brushed against Isak's cheek, lips pressed soft to the base of his jaw, 'You had almost nothing but you were still willing to give. I'd never seen anything like that before. In my world, everyone just takes.' 

'There's nothing special about that,' Isak muttered under his breath, trying not to implode, 'I always give Eva my jacket because she bitches to me if I don't-' 

'You're a good person, Isak,' Even whispered into the younger's skin, low and definite, 'Despite everything you've had to go through, despite all the unfairness and mistreatment you've withstood in your life,' Even inhaled sharply, like he was choking back a cry, 'You gave me everything, your love, your trust, your body, even your fucking hoodie-' 

Isak winced. 

'You remember that?' 

'I remember everything,' Even said solemnly, 'I remember every single thing that happened between us.' 

Before Isak could stop himself, he was turning around in Even's arms. Even didn't seem to want to let him go, his hands remaining affixed to Isak's waist as they came face to face. The tears in Even's eyes had thickened and fallen, trickling in crystalline steams and landing in splats between them. 

_Don't cry. I love you so much. Please don't cry._

'It was never about sex to me,' Even said quietly, pleadingly, 'Sure, my initial feelings for you were obsessive and unhealthy. But I don't regret pulling over to your corner and stealing you away,' he swallowed, gaze downcast, wet lashes skimming high cheeks, 'I do regret causing you pain, but I don't regret falling in love with you. My love for you is the only real thing I've ever known.' 

Isak gave a soft whimper as their foreheads pressed together, his heart beating fast and loud, his body crumbling into Even's. The sincerity was there, in the older boy's voice and his hold and his eyes. Even's eyes were two orbs of honest blue, bright and compelling. Isak wanted to believe everything those eyes promised with their gentle, debilitating stare. He wanted to believe every soundless word. 

'I might be crazy, but it was real to me too,' Even whispered, fingers pressed into Isak's skin, lips trembling, 'Just because I have a fucked-up mind doesn't mean I can't love. I can. I love you, Isak. I-' His words broke, distorted by the tears, 'Please believe me. I'm capable of love, same as anyone else. I hurt, I _feel_ , I-,' He looked so delicate, like he might break at any moment, like he might just crack and crumble to nothing, 'I feel so strongly and so deeply for you. P-please.' 

It felt like someone had wrapped a tight fist around Isak's heart, like the muscle was being crushed, pulverised within him. It broke Isak down; the way Even looked at him, begging for acceptance and validation, for love. 

He was searching for all of those ungraspable things that Isak had fought with all of his life. Isak had ran from love, finding refuge in alleyways and toilet stalls and in the backseats of cars. He had told himself that he didn't want comfort or warmth. He had told himself that feelings hurt too much so he was better having none at all. He had become so removed from his own humanity, so numb and so cold, that he didn't even feel human. Before Even, Isak was simply a vessel, a robot. 

But Even, like the literary Pygmalion, had brought Isak to life. He had defrosted Isak's stony heart and revived him with warmth and acceptance and _love_. Even the heartbreak didn't negate any of that. Even had shattered his heart but he had healed it too. 

And now, here he was, soft and breaking, looking at him with beautiful, vulnerable eyes and begging Isak to do the same for him. To validate him, to love him, to make him feel _real_. 

Isak didn't know what to think or how to feel. He wanted to believe Even but there was a part of him that was still wounded, that still recoiled from love with mistrust and malice. There was still a part within him that would never truly be healed, a part that had been damaged irreparably since he was a child. 

He swallowed harshly. 

'I'm scared, Even,' He said honestly, arms clasped tight around the other, voice shaking, 'I want to believe you but I'm just so fucking scared. I won't survive it if you push me away again. I'm fragile, you know, I can't take it...' 

Even blinked, looking lost and tired and beautiful. He leaned in to kiss Isak soft and slow, like an apology, a reassurance. His mouth tasted like saltwater and pain and love. When he pulled away, Isak's lips tingled, wet with saliva and tears. 

'I can't promise to be perfect,' Even murmured in the blue of the bedroom, 'I can't give you the world, as much as I want to. But I love you, Isak, and I won't make the same mistakes again.' 

Even's fingers knotted in Isak's hair, his voice an honest murmur, gentle and half-strained. 

'Before the hospital, I had all these deranged plans for us. I wanted to rescue you, I wanted to be everything to you. I was such an egomaniac, I wanted to be the only person you had,' His cobalt eyes shut in shame, tears slipping from between water-clumped lashes, 'I isolated you and I was possessive and I justified it all by telling myself that I was doing everything in your best interest. But that was bullshit. I just- I've only ever known how to own things.' 

Isak flinched. 

'But you aren't a thing, Isak, you're a person,' Even continued, his words feathering, becoming softer, 'A beautiful, precious person that doesn't deserve a self-obsessed maniac as a boyfriend,' He gulped, 'And after my breakdown I realised that. I thought you were better off without me, but my rejection ended up hurting you more than my illness ever could. I know that now.' 

'So why'd you come back?' Isak asked suddenly, coarsely, 'If you think you don't deserve me, why'd you go looking for me-' 

'Because I've done a lot of thinking,' Even said finitely, a large hand smoothing back Isak's curls, 'That desire for power, that controlling behaviour - that isn't me. That's my father,' His eyes darkened, his tone bitter, quiet but pointed, 'I- I've always resented Anders, I've always sworn to myself that I'd never end up like him. But I think I did, somewhere along the way. I've been so shallow, so megalomanic-' 

'You hate your father,' Isak said, and it wasn't a question. Living with Even for two weeks, Isak had already gathered that. Even's father seemed like this faraway, distant figure that was somehow in charge of everything, yet absent, never seen. Like the Wizard of Oz. Like God. 

'Yes,' Even affirmed, although there was no real anger to it. He sounded tired, more than anything. Listless. 

'But why?' Isak asked quietly, 'He gives you everything-' 

'Everything?' Even repeated, as if the word itself was a joke, 'His money doesn't mean shit. He just throws money at problems he can't fix. I'm his biggest fucking problem.' 

Isak could feel Even's chest tense around him. Subconsciously, the younger boy found himself leaning in closer, his hands softening along the hard muscle of Even's shoulders, attempting to ease the rigid lines. 

'I've only had like, a handful of conversations with him all my life,' The heir said coldly, 'Most of those conversations revolved around the importance of business or him calling me a retard,' He laughed blackly, sadly. Isak hated the sound, 'The doctors thought I had autism when I was a kid, before I was diagnosed with bipolar. He was so disappointed, he couldn't even stand to look at me. _His only heir, a fucking retard_. That's what he used to say.' 

Isak kissed Even's throat, then his jaw, then his cheek. Careful, soft; like he could somehow eradicate the hurt that festered beneath his lover's perfect skin. 

'So both of our fathers are dicks,' The younger boy whispered with a dry smirk. 

The corners of Even's mouth pulled up into a sombre half-smile. It was victory enough for Isak. 

'Pretty much,' Even said faintly, giving Isak a quick, wet peck to the lips. 

'I just... I was turning into him, into this- this monster that I didn't even recognise,' His eyes flit back to Isak, their gazes locked, pained and reverent, ' _You_ saved me from that, Isak. You saved me,' He nuzzled close to Isak's face, his words in whispers against the smaller boy's lips, like a confession for only Isak to hear, 'Loving you and losing you made me realise that _people_ and _love_ \- those things hold the most importance. Not money. Not stuff. All that stuff, that's not going to fill the fucking void, its not going to make me feel validated. It's just material shit and it's only ever going to end up in fucking landfill.' 

Isak felt his muscles come undone at the tender, hushed words, letting Even's sweet voice erode his soul. 

'I don't think I've changed,' The heir went on, 'It's more than that, I guess. I've grown. I understand now who I really want to be,' Isak leant into him like a hopeless fool, breathing in Even's sincerity, his glittering irises, 'I don't want to be a spoilt brat, I don't want to be my father, I don't want to lock myself up in a penthouse and just let my mental health deteriorate around me,' He sighed, a blood-warmed hand lifting to cradle Isak's jaw, his voice thick with tear-fall, 'I want to look after my mind and my heart,' He thumbed along Isak's check, gaze melting, 'I want to be loved by you.' 

Isak remained silent, watchful. 

_I want to trust you, I want to trust again but I don't know how._

'If you can't love me, then I'll respect your wishes,' Even said brokenly, eyes so blue, heart-aching, 'I understand, I-' 

'Don't be stupid,' Isak whispered, ending his silence, placing a hand over Even's where it cupped his jaw, 'You're the only one for me. You're the only one who knows how to break me down, the only one who knows how to make everything hurt less,' Even's lips parted at Isak's words. He blinked, looking just as hopeless and foolish as Isak, constellations sparkling in his moonlit stare, 'But sometimes love just isn't enough,' Isak watched Even's face falter, 'You come from your world and I come from mine. How the fuck is this going to work-' 

'I will do whatever you need to me to do,' Even promised, cutting Isak off, each word sharp and distinct, each word a vow, 'I will do anything to make this work.' 

Isak pressed his lips against Even's, wanting to devour each syllable, wanting so desperately to disappear into the older boy's soft mouth, wanting to be crushed by it. Even sucked his tongue, hungry and desperate and loving, commanding the kiss and clasping Isak's heart. His hot lips slid across Isak's jaw, and the younger boy found his legs sliding open, ensnaring Even's waist, thighs gripping hips. They kissed and ground into each other until they we're melding together, until they were both hard again, gasping and sweating. Isak moaned when Even licked across his nipples, peppering small, wet pecks over his chest before stopping at his heart. Even kissed the skin over the pulsating muscle, looking up at the younger boy in hazy adoration. 

'We have to end up together,' He murmured raggedly, sucking marks into Isak's collarbone, large hands holding him with the utmost of care, 'We just have to.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Nobody, Not Even the Rain - La Dispute


	17. Not an update - yet

Hi everyone,   
I haven’t worked on this fic in almost half a year (my apologies, life interrupts), and for a while I was thinking I’d just abandon it completely. Without going into too much detail, I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health and have had to re-evaluate almost every aspect of my life. That being said, writing this fic has brought me great joy, and has been a very rewarding process. Hearing everything you guys have had to say about it has made me insanely happy, and brought light to my life in some of my darkest times. So I do want to finish it. I’m just not entirely sure if anyone is still interested, since it’s been a very long time since my last update. Would you guys like a very belated final chapter? Let me know in the comments below and I will be sure to write it. Lots of love to all of you, remember to always look after your brains ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. Yes I did just do that.


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